Saturday, September 7, 2013
Obama and Lurch Are Now Trading Places
- Barack Obama, Warrior President is returning from the G 20 Summit in Russia with his tail between his legs so he can make stupid statements about Syria at home, and his Clueless Secretary of State is traveling all the way to Lithuania to spew more of his Syrian silliness overseas. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception has shows us Obama in his “Warrior Outfit.”
Obama says he’ll be making his case for a military strike on Syria in an address to the nation on Tuesday. That’s just what we need another, speech.
On Wednesday, the DemocRAT-Controlled Senate’s vote to end debate and pass a resolution for military action will occur on September 11. Coincidentally, that’ll be just twelve years after Al-Qaeda attacked New York City and Washington, the United States Senate will vote to fight alongside Al-Qaeda. There’s no possible way to guess what time those Iranian Terrorists are scheduled to attack our embassy in Baghdad on the anniversary of the Obama’s and Hillary’s Benghazi Massacre, where four Americans were murdered on last year’s anniversary of 9/11.
If the Senate Resolution doesn’t pass, Obama will probably be beginning another campaign style bus trip across America, this time to convince all those Congressmen in the House of Representatives to help him save what’s left of his credibility. Bad news for Republican House Speaker: the TEA Party is now all in against your support for Obama’s War on Syria. Democrats want Assad to sign a pledge not to use chemical weapons in the future. At least it’ll all be something else for all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters to watch during the next 1,238 more days during Obama’s Second Term.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date 1974 President Gerald Ford pardoned his disgraced predecessor Richard Nixon for any crimes he may have committed or participated in while in office. These days, every time you turn around, more people are waving “Impeach Obama” signs on our overpasses all over America.- MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Joe Biden’s “Waging War without Congressional Approval is an Impeachable Offense.”
- MAYORAL MADNESS: This is the last weekend of all-out campaigning before Tuesday’s meaningless $400,000 Cincinnati Mayoral Primary Election on September 10, when voters who bother showing up will select Disguised DemocRAT John Cranley and Extremely Liberal DemocRAT Foxy Roxy Qualls to campaign for Cincinnati Mayor until the Real Mayor’s Election on November 5, despite all those really useful Robocalls at dinner time from Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP (without a candidate in the race) telling Republicans about that important election on Tuesday and to be sure to vote. WTF! Loony Libertarian Jim Berns is currently working on his concession speech and Sandra Queen Nobel once again says, “You’re all a bunch of Nazi motherfuckers for supporting Cranley and Qualls. Motherfuck the Whistleblower. Don’t print or photos Queen Noble without Queen Noble’s motherfucking permission. i.e.ADVERTISEMENT.”
So why didn’t Foxy Roxy show up with all those other candidates on Channel 12’s “Newsmakers” program (to be aired on Sunday)? Maybe she didn’t want Queen Noble to call her a motherfucker, like she did when she was seated next to John Cranley.
- ATTACK ADS UPDATE: A day after The Blower showed you Foxy Roxy’s nasty little ad showing Cranley leaving City Hall with a wheelbarrow full of money, stealing a dollar from a little kid in a stroller, and having a dog piss on his campaign sign, Cranley slung a little mud of his own with an ad accusing Foxy Roxy of “false ads and bad ideas.” Try harder, Cranley— Foxy Roxy is killing you in the Ad Wars.
- JOHN GILLIGAN IS STILL A “GOOD DEMOCRAT”: Compassionate Conservative Stu Mahlin says, “Another day, Another Gilligan Story in The Fishwrap. The latest was a half-page with a photo of The Sebelius. Good grief! If Feckless Fishwrappers do 4-1/2 pages for a one-term socialist governor, what will you do when a really important American dies? Maybe a 6 point 2-liner?” We’re surprise Stu hasn’t mentioned how many Catholics complain about the high prices at those Gilligan Funeral Homes, which probably explains why his kids just donated the old bastard’s wrinkled carcass to the local medical school, and took a charitable deduction, which sounds like a win-win for them and the rest of us too.
MEANWHILE AT MEDIOCRE AMERICAN BALL PARK: Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says Big Louie and the local bookies made a killing Thursday night when the “MLB Gameday” function on the Cincinnati Reds Web Page (that broadcasts a simulation of the game while it’s being played) was running several minutes ahead of what was being broadcast on Warner Cable in the top of the ninth inning when Aroldis Chapman came into the game. You saw everything that was going to happen on your computer, before it was seen on TV. Pete Rose says, “I wish they had this when I was betting on the Reds games.”
FurBall also says that we used a really old picture of that girl flashing her breasts at the Bungals game in yesterday’s limerick, and if she does it this year, her tits will be sagging all the way down to the green seats on the lower level, or that’s what he tells Mrs. FurBall to believe every time she asks he doesn’t sit in the press box.
IN ANDERSON: Astounded Andersonians still can’t figure out why the township’s so-called community newspaper folks at the Forest Hills Urinal have not seen fit to report even a single word about this year’s Historic Township Trustee Race, except that time they listed the soon-to-be-former masturbating trustee they’ve been enabling during the last four years by the wrong name. But not to worry, there are still eight more editions before Election Day on November 5 for our Urinators to report that Endorsed Republican Trustee Candidates (Josh Gerth and Andrew Pappas) have taken the Whistleblower’s Pledge not to masturbate in your car. Then there’s Kevin O’Brien’s Capital One lawsuit, the lawsuit by the guy who unfortunately bought Kevin’s house, Kevin’s impending bankruptcy, and now, there’s another lawsuit. This one was filed September 4 by his former best friend Greg Delev in Probate Court on behalf of Emily Teeter Wright, accusing Whacky Jackie O’Brien’s Illegitimate Son Kevin of stealing money from her father’s trust fund. [CHECK OUT CASE #2013004107 IN PROBATE COURT HERE]
Now for a joke from Duffy “The Kevin Slayer” Beischel: A thief, a fraudster, a masturbating pervert, and a deadbeat soon-to-be-former trustee walk into Latitudes bar in Anderson Township, and the bartender says, “Whatcha’ drinkin’, Kevin?”
MORE “CRAZY ERIC” BASHING: That Cabal of NoKY Attorneys Still Out to Destroy Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters including lovely Lisa Wells (the attorney who replaced Crazy Eric on WLW Hate Radio) say even though “Crazy Eric” is supposed to be on suspension in Kentucky, he’s still able to comment to Jim Hannah at the NoKY Fishwrap on his clients cases, like when a former part-time volleyball coach with the Pendleton County School District was sentenced to one year in jail on Wednesday for having an improper relationship with a student.
One of our Caballeros says, “Apparently Crazy didn’t even know when his own suspension started because he told everyone it went into effect September 1, when in fact it doesn’t actually start till September 9.”
And speaking of sleazy lawyers, check out our new sponsor below. They come highly recommended by long-time Whistleblower reader William T. Robinson III, who says that entire firm belongs to the American Bar Association where WT3 used to be the president.
- FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about all the confusion Barack Obama, Warrior President is stirring up over his Silly Syrian Strategy. “It’s just what Obama wanted,” Kane explained. “It’ll be weeks until anybody in the press can get back to covering ObamaCare or any of Obama’s other scandals.”
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BARACK OBAMA, WARRIOR PRESIDENT HOT LINE
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WHISTLEBLOWER LINK OF THE DAY
Letterman on Obama’s Red Line For Syria: “The Guy Has Learned How To Bullshit”
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