Friday, September 6, 2013
If Kerry’s a “Liar,” What Does Putin Call Obama?
Yesterday, everybody was keeping his fingers crossed, hoping Obama didn’t started World War III at the G 20 Summit in Russia, where Obama is struggling to convince foreign leaders and the public that military action in Syria isn’t about him. That’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Obama’s “I didn’t set a red line,” on Syria. “The world set a red line.” Speaking of “Red,” check out how Obama is being depicted in a popular Egyptian newspaper these days as “Satan.”- Russian President “Bad Vlad” Putin warned Russia could send a missile shield to Syria in response to a US military strike, which escalated concerns that Putin would undermine and potentially challenge any US action, and a Russian Foreign Ministry spokesman warned any military intervention in Syria would create a nuclear disaster. Meanwhile, Putin says Obama’s Clueless Secretary of State John Kerry is “Lying to Congress.” Come to think of it, most Republicans and DemocRATS in Congress are saying much the same thing, especially after Kerry’s hysterical hyperbole, when he stole FDR’s catch phrase, saying: “The U.S. will live in infamy if we don’t bomb Syria.” No wonder the Congressional Black Caucus has been ordered not to criticize Obama on Syria. Military action in Syria would require “Leadership” and “Clear Goals,” neither of which Obama and Kerry will ever be accused of.
Obama just scrapped a planned two-day fund-raising trip to Los Angeles on Monday ahead of a congressional vote on a military strike against Syria. How badly do you think he’s losing in Congress at this point?
Not that any of this matters one bit to all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters.
Our Late Night TV Jokewatcher liked Jay Leno’s “President Obama says the lack of response to Syria so far does not threaten his credibility. And you know something, he’s right. The economy, Benghazi, the spying scandal — that threatens his credibility, but this other stuff, no.”
But in Ann Coulter’s “Community organizer goes to war,” our Conservative Columnist says, “Oh, how I long for the days when liberals wailed that “the rest of the world” hated America, rather than now, when the rest of the world laughs at us.” [READ MORE HERE]
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says security for the G 20 event should be especially tight, since on this date in 1901, President William McKinley was shot shaking hands at the Pan-American Exhibition in Buffalo, and died eight days later.- WHISTLEBLOWER RELIGIOUS EDITOR FIELDING MELLISH says the Ohio Republican Party e-mailed Jewish New Year greetings to all of their friends in the Jewish community. So how come the date said “September 4, 2013,” instead of “Tishri 1, 5774?”
- BUCKEYE BUREAU CHIEF GERRY MANDERS says by hanging himself in jail, Cleveland abductor Ariel Castro saved over-taxed payers of Ohio a fortune. It costs $164.06 a day for a prisoner in Ohio or $59,881.90 per year for prison room and board. His sentence was 100 years, so he saved all of us $5,988,190. The Blower says every person, sentenced to life or death, should be given a rope and the opportunity to hang themselves. They could sign a release saying they were of sound mind and do everyone a favor, We the Over-Taxed Payers!
- ILLEGAL ALIEN UPDATE: Saturday in West Chester, Citizens Rising Against Illegal Immigration are holding a big rally a 2 PM at The Square at Union Centre to help send a message to GOP House Speaker John Boehner, House Leadership, and all House members to reject the Senate’s Amnesty Bill. The Blower predicts they’ll have a larger audience than the five interns who showed up at an August 30 Statehouse pro-Amnesty rally sponsored by Obama’s Organizing for Action.
CH SNITCH AT 1000 MAIN STREET says there are few issues that anger Hamilton County residents more than the Stadium Deal, which has lined Mike Brown’s pockets at the expense of every Hamilton County resident and shopper. Usually it’s Bob Bungalhaus who gets most of the blame.
However, Republicans for Higher Taxes has uncovered evidence showing that Roxanne Qualls was the major force in passing the Bedinghaus Stadium Tax. Foxy Roxy not only supported the tax, she was extensively involved in the campaign, and was the face and voice used in the TV ads to convince voters to support it. It was the Qualls campaign ad that pushed support for the stadiums over 50% and kept it there. If it wasn’t for Foxy Roxy, Hamilton County wouldn’t get to enjoy all the “benefits” the stadiums have brought us.
Bob Bungalhaus may have crafted the stadium plan after “Clean Gene” Ruehlmann told him way to write, but without Roxy he never would have been able to implement it. Now Roxanne promises that the streetcar will be the next great idea. When Roxy tells you the streetcar is an “investment” that will lead Cincinnati to prosperity, remind her she said the same thing about the Bungalhaus/Qualls stadiums.
JOHN GILLIGAN IS STILL A “GOOD DEMOCRAT” Being a good Catholic, was anybody surprised John Gilligan donated his body to UC Medical Center. Maybe he thought they could find out why he deserved to live so long. Wonder if he knew that after they cut you up, they fry the remains and bury you in a “donated body parts crypt” at Spring Grove. That’s close enough to “Burning in Hell” for being a DemocRAT!- MAYBE THAT’S WHY COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATIVE STU MAHLIN WROTE THIS LETTER TO THE EDITOR.
How long ago is it that the sainted-by-the-Enquirer John Gilligan passed on to his taxpayer-paid reward? Reminds me of the lyrics to the Oklahoma State Funeral Tribute, “Poor Jud is Dead,” especially these last few lines:
Poor Jud is dead, a candle lights his head
He’s lookin’ oh so perty and so nice
He looks like he’s asleep
It’s a shame that he won’t keep
But it’s summer an’ we’re runnin’ out of ice.
- ECOLOGICAL ALERT: There might be enough mud for Disguised DemocRAT John Cranley and Extremely Liberal DemocRAT Foxy Roxy Qualls to sling at each other during the next four days until that meaningless $400,000 Cincinnati Mayoral Primary Election on September 10, but we’re not sure there’ll be enough to last for the next two months until the Real Election on November 5.
Take Foxy Roxy’s nasty little ad showing Cranley leaving City Hall with a wheelbarrow full of money, stealing a dollar from a little kid in a stroller, and having a dog piss on his campaign sign.
And if you think it was odd when Senile Senator John McRINO got caught playing video games on his iPhone during the Senate’s Big Syria Hearing this week, we call your attention to Cincinnati Clowncilgay Chris Squealback’s Facebook page, where he posted an endorsement by Foxy Roxy the other day. Not that big of a deal, but if you look at when it was posted 11:01 am (you have to hold the cursor over the “10 hours ago” to get the specific time), that was right after the Council Finance Committee was meeting on the pension issue. Apparently, Our Little Squealer thought posting political advocacy while in a committee meeting was more important than pension reform. Besides, all those great big numbers are so confusing and hurt Chris’ head when he tries to think about them.
OBAMACARE UPDATE: The movement to defund ObamaCare is gaining traction in Washington, even as polls show the law is becoming more and more unpopular with Americans. Now here are the reasons to defund ObamaCare explained in a single infographic:- IN ANDERSON: Our Anderson GOP Snitch (probably not Duffy “The Kevin Slayer” Beischel) says the overly anticipated Pappas/Gerth campaign kickoff rally took place at the over-taxpayer financed Anderson Government Center known as the Taj Mahal. Attendees were warned not to disturb the Anderson Historical Society meeting being held on the lower level when they left, because they wanted their votes too.
Interim Club President Mike Jordan thanked everyone for coming, saying they expected 50 and hit their target. No one asked why they set up chairs for 100 when they only expected 50. Chad Warwick was leading the charge to get good Conservatives to vote early so the candidates could get all of their votes in the bag and then change their positions on the issues late in the race in a desperate effort to win the election. Many would have rather had Chad preparing delicious victuals for the event instead of selling Conservatives short.
Anderson Trustee “In Russ We Trust” Jackson, got up and eviscerated all of the previous challengers to Republican Club homogeny paying particular attention to Jackie O’Brien’s illegitimate son Kevin O’Brien. The Forest Hills Urinal recently changed Kevin’s name to “Keith,” so there could be NO confusion by voters that once gave tax scofflaw Steve Dapper over 4,000 votes.
Endorsed Republican Trustee Candidate Josh Gerth described an eerie event that occurred late at night while he was putting up illegal yard signs in the far reaching parts of the township, one of the signs welcoming folks to Anderson began to speak to him. At first he did not understand and walked closer to the sign, he still did not comprehend what the sign was saying and moved even closer. And when he got right next to it the sign said, “I raised you.” This was a Darth Vader – Luke Skywalker moment that he would never forget. It even brought tears to his eyes. And for some in the audience, their mouths fell open and gasped in disbelief seeming to express one thought. “What in the hell was that all about?”
Endorsed Republican Trustee Candidate Andrew Pappas tried to bring up his talking shirt collar press that makes a sound ever time it presses a shirt “sssssGerth-Pappassssss,” but no one got the joke, or no one was over the previous story of disbelief. But Andy basically said, “Give me votes, give me time, give me money. Me win.”
The best thing about the entire meeting was it ended promptly at 8:00 so folks could quietly tip toe out of the Taj Mahal and not disturb the voters of the Historical Society. Kevin, errr “Keith” O’Brien was allegedly attending the Historical Meeting downstairs, but he took so many bathroom breaks to sneak a peek into the room where the rally was being held, he either had a loose bladder or he was spying.
- IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says Dysfunctional DemocRATS are demanding Senate Minority Leader Bitch McConnell condemn a National Republican Senatorial Committee spokesman’s characterization of Kentucky Secretary of State Alison Wondergams Grimes as “an empty dress.” Wondergam’s campaign, the leading DemocRAT challenging McConnell in 2014, has decried the remark as “degrading and offensive.” No kidding!
In an email to The Hill on Monday, NRSC Communications Director Brad Dayspring called Wondergams “an empty dress” because of her reluctance to elaborate her position on a number of hot-button issues, at the same time she presses McConnell for details of his own.
Let’s get real. If men can be called “empty suits,” feminine women can be called “empty dresses,” and wouldn’t Horny in Hebron like to see her in one.
Maybe that’s why our good friend Bobby Leach says, “Women should be put up on pedestals, just high enough to see up their dresses.”
- FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what he thought about Foxy Roxy’s nasty little ad showing Cranley leaving City Hall with a wheelbarrow full of money, stealing a dollar from a little kid in a stroller, and having a dog piss on his campaign sign.
“It’s about time somebody really started slinging mud,” Kane explained. In four more days, that meaningless $400,000 Cincinnati Mayoral Primary Election on September 10 will be over and we won’t have Loony Libertarian Jim Berns and Queen Noble to kick motherfucking around anymore.
Berns says he’ll be trying to decide if he’s going to challenge Steve Chabothead for his First District Congressional seat one more time, and Sandra Queen Noble says, “You’re all a bunch of Nazi motherfuckers for supporting Cranley and Qualls. Motherfuck the Whistleblower. Don’t print or photos Queen Noble without Queen Noble’s motherfucking permission. i.e.ADVERTISEMENT.”
Stories We’re Working On
Obama’s Syria Strategy Causing Chaos Among Allies- Kerry Says Arabs Will Pay For Our Invasion
- Obama’s Red Line Remark Shows Lack of Leadership
- Defeat on Syria Likely to Come From Obama’s Closest Allies
- Former Governor John Gilligan Is Still a Good DemocRAT
- Oktoberfest in Mainstrasse is This Weekend
- Reds Still in Third Place, Three-and-a-Half Games Out
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s why Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said some members of Congress would be voting to support our Obama’s Warrior President’s War on Syria:
(A) America’s prestige as a superpower is at stake: 2%
(B) Obama’s credibility is on the line: 2%
(C) Because the world drew a “Red line”: 2%
(D) They’re Black DemocRATS: 94%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
More Conservative Political Cartoons
Just a Few Big Plays Away from Mediocre
This week, everybody who wonders how scalpers can ever make a living at Bungals games, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is the tri-state’s most gullible sports fan, Sidney Sportsucker, who again sold his spleen to buy Bungals tickets this year and hopes he won’t have as much trouble giving away his over-priced tickets to all the bad games as he did last year. Sidney can hardly believe six of the eight CBS Sports NFL analysts picked Cincinnati to pull the upset. At least Sidney didn’t buy UC Bearcat football season tickets too.
Sidney wins a “Wait Till Next Year” T-Shirt, left over from when Defensive Genius Marvin Lewis first came to town; an anatomically correct Mike Brown Bobble-head Doll; choice seats behind the drunken floozie pictured below, and the chance to be the first in line to get beat up in the men’s room at Willie’s still hepatitis-free Sports café by a drunken Bungal who’d just lost another game by fumbling in the end zone. His winning entry is:
When you watch the Bungals this year,
Will their play draw a cheer or a tear?
Will the offense show up and give the “D” a nice rest,
And make Bungals nation start pounding their chest –
While consuming mass quantities of their favorite beer?
And from the Anderson Laureate (who now knows why his poetic license is being revoked):
When you watch the Bungals this year,
Wait a few games ’til you cheer.
They’ll snatch defeat, you’ll see
From the jaws of victory,
Ad you’ll end up crying in your beer.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“What happen on 9/11 this year?”
OBAMA’S SYRIA ATTACK HOT LINE
e-mail your Syrian Strategies today.
Some futile and stupid items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally futile and stupid subscribers.
Whistleblower Link of the Day
“Daily Show” Rips McCain For Playing Poker On His Phone During Syria Hearing
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
