Saturday, July 27, 2013
Top Ten List
Today it’s Canada’s Top Ten List of America’s Stupidity, Which Makes Us Look Like Idiots Because We Are:
10) Only in America could politicians talk about the greed of the rich at a $35,000 a plate campaign fund-raising event.
9) Only in America … could people claim that the government still discriminates against black Americans when they have a black President, a black Attorney General and roughly 20% of the federal workforce is black while only 14% of the population is black. 40+ % of all federal entitlements goes to black Americans – 3X the rate that go to whites, 5X the rate that go to Hispanics!
8) Only in America could they have had the two people most responsible for our tax code, Timothy Geithner (the head of the Treasury Department) and Charles Rangel (who once ran the Ways and Means Committee), BOTH turn out to be tax cheats who are in favor of higher taxes.
7) Only in America can they have terrorists kill people in the name of Allah and have the media primarily react by fretting that Muslims might be harmed by the backlash.
6) Only in America would they make people who want to legally become American citizens wait for years in their home countries and pay tens of thousands of dollars for the privilege, while they discuss letting anyone who sneaks into the country illegally just ‘magically’ become American citizens.
5) Only in America could the people who believe in balancing the budget and sticking by the country’s Constitution be thought of as “extremists.”
4) Only in America could you need to present a driver’s license to cash a check or buy alcohol, but not to vote.
3) Only in America could people demand the government investigate whether oil companies are gouging the public because the price of gas went up when the government tax on gasoline is several times the corporate profit on a gallon of gas, and the return on equity invested in a major U.S. oil company (Marathon Oil) is less than half of a company making tennis shoes (Nike).
2) Only in America could the government collect more tax dollars from the people than any nation in recorded history, still spend a Trillion dollars more than it has per year – for total spending of $7 Million PER MINUTE, and complain that it doesn’t have nearly enough money.
…And the Number One Item on Canada’s List of America’s Stupidity, Which Makes Us Look Like Idiots Because We Are is… Only in America could the rich people – who pay 86% of all income taxes – be accused of not paying their “fair share” by people who don’t pay any income taxes at all.
- AND HOW STUPID ARE all those Dumb Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Free-Stuff Grabbing Low-Information Obama Supporters anyway? Check out these students at George Mason University signing a petition on Wednesday demanding lawmakers legalize “fourth trimester” abortions.
- AND HAS JUDGE TRACY HUNTER JUST SOLIDIFIED HER POSITION AS THE STUPIDEST JUDGE IN HAMILTON COUNTY OR WHAT, edging out Cheryl Grant and Nadine Allen! First, Judge Tracy demonstrated that social promotions apply even to law school when she barred The Fishwrap from her courtroom for doing what the press does–report news–in violation of the First Amendment to the Constitution. Obviously she must have slept in during the days her law professors taught those parts. So “Jumping Jack” Greiner sued her sorry ass and the Court of Appeals wrote that long order telling her to let The Fishwrap in her courtroom. But Judge Tracy couldn’t understand that order, and she decided she didn’t need to let the press observe proceedings in her courtroom for those poor misunderstood yoofs who beat that white neighbor senseless because they were “bored,” and now that the white guy has died, “Jaywalking Joe” has some new ideas for those bored yoofs, who since they beat up their neighbor, have beat up some more neighbors and robbed them for good measure. Just beating up people can get to be so boring.
Anyway, “Jumping Jack” tattled on Judge Tracy to the Court of Appeals that she still wouldn’t let The Fishwrap back in her court and asked them to hold her in contempt, which they did in an even longer and more detailed order and told Judge Tracy to issue a written order rescinding her prior illegal orders by Thursday at 4 PM. And what did Judge Tracy do? Why of course, she axed the Court of Appeals to ignore their prior order because it was probably wrong, and she was too stupid to understand what it said, since it would confuse even a person of “average intelligence,” and she certainly couldn’t come up to that high standard. Besides, she said she wants to appeal that order to the Supreme Court and she needs extra time to do that. When a court tells you to do something, it usually isn’t too happy when you come back and say their order is wrong, and you’re not doing what they told you, and you want some more time while you ignore their order to appeal their decision to a higher court. The Blower says the Court of Appeals should grow some balls and throw Judge Tracy’s stupid ass in the hoosegow until she does what they told her to do.
That’s why our Quote of the Day Committee chose Forrest Gump’s “Stupid is as stupid does.”
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1953, an armistice was signed, bringing the Korean War to an end, and Defeatist DemocRATS in Congress began demanding an immediate withdrawal of all American troops from the Korean peninsula. How’d that ever work out anyway? (Figures released by the US Department of Defense show that over 37,000 US soldiers are currently stationed in South Korea.)
- HEY, TRAYVONITES: Wasn’t it great that William and Kate named their first born after George Zimmerman? And if that parole board in Nevada lets OJ Simpson out of jail, shouldn’t the National Association for the Advancement of White People be organizing a protest, too?
ONE OF OUR CONSERVATIVE CARTOONS in Friday’s edition asked why the Brits only blow $50 million on their Royal Twits. And the answer was, “Because they can’t afford what we blow of ours.” How true that is. Our Freeloading Obama Family costs U.S. Over-taxed Payers taxpayers $1.4BILLION per year. (that would be 32 times more expensive than British Royal Family). [READ MORE HERE]- IN COLUMBUS: Red-neck Racists at the Buckeye Firearms Foundations have sent a $12,150.37 check so George Zimmerman can buy a new gun, since Obama’s Attorney General Eric Holder still won’t return the one he used to defend himself against Trayvon Martin. They have some real beauties in the new Gatling Gun catalog these days.
- MEMO TO EXTREMELY LIBERAL U.S. MAGISTRATE JUDGE TIM BLACK, who threw out the state of Ohio’s constitutional amendment when he ordered that a dying gay man could be named another gay man’s wife on the dying gay man’s death certificate, or vice versa: Pedophiles now want same rights as homosexuals. Using the same tactics used by “gay” rights activists, pedophiles have begun to seek similar status arguing their desire for children is a sexual orientation no different than heterosexual or homosexuals. Critics of the homosexual lifestyle have long claimed that once it became acceptable to identify homosexuality as simply an “alternative lifestyle” or sexual orientation, logically nothing would be off limits.
HELP FOR HOOKERS: Thursday, The Fishwrap reported that program for saving hookers will be in trouble if those heartless Hamilton County Commissioners divert $64,000 from women at the Anna Louise Inn. If the program is short of funds, Haywood Jablome wonders if they couldn’t just let the ladies turn a few tricks. Over at City Hall, Councilman Windbag says that reminds him of the time a man called him up on the phone and asked, “Reverend, do you save fallen women?” “Certainly,” Reverend Windbag replied. “Then save me a floozy for tonight,” the caller said. “I’m horny.”
Our Good Friend Bobby Leach remembers the prostitute who asked to borrow some money until she could get back on her back. And Disgraced Former DemocRAT Cincinnati Mayor Jerry Springer might possibly remember every prostitute he ever paid with a check to strap on a dildo and stick up his ass.
THIS WEEKEND AT ANDERSON DAZE, the Anderson Township Republican Club will be introducing Republican Endorsed Anderson Trustee Candidates Josh Gerth and Andrew Pappas, which has been exclusively reported in The Blower for only the past three weeks. Stop by and pick up free yard signs and bumper stickers.
Disgraced Township Dis-Trustee Kevin O’Brien says he needs a ride home after the event, and he promises not to masturbate in your car. Maybe that’s because 57% of Likely Voters are less likely to vote for a candidate caught in a Sex Scandal, which probably would include Whacky Jacky O’Brien’s Illegitimate Son Kevin’s wagging his weenie in a Wellborn woman’s car.
In a related survey, a new Marist poll of the New York City mayor’s race finds support for Anthony Weiner is shrinking, or you might even say “flaccid.” And Friday morning, CH Snitch at 1000 Main Street says our favorite defense attorney James “The Rock” Bogen was in court with a new pervert client whose last name was Johnson. What enquiring minds want to know is if the perv’s first name was Dick, or was it Peter.
And just to show how Anderson’s demographics is really changing (and not necessarily for the better), the winner of this morning’s Greater Anderson Promoting Pandering (GAPP) 5K Race was one of those poor misunderstood yoofs from local Section 8 Housing being chased by a Hamilton County Sheriff’s Deputy, after robbing the nearby Walgreen’s store at the corner of Beechmont and Salem.
- CONSERVATIVE CURMUDGEON STU MAHLIN wrote a letter to The Fishwrap, but in case they don’t publish it, here it is:
RE: “Read, and then write bill,” Enquirer, 7/25/13, p. A8
Today, Enquirer apologists for Common Core started their editorial with, “As early as third grade, under the new Common Core standards … students will be expected to ‘ask and answer questions to demonstrate understanding of a text, referring explicitly to the text as the basis for the answers.'”
Nowhere in the piece do the Enquirer apologists provide examples of the text to which students will be expected to refer. What will Common Core texts teach about the colonization of the New World? About opening the frontiers and the westward expansion to the Pacific Ocean? About the ingenuity and inventiveness of the likes of McCormick, Deere, Singer, duPont, Colt, Edison, Eastman, Ford, Firestone, Carnegie, Rockefeller, Vanderbilt, Morgan, Sloan, Patterson, the Wrights, and thousands of other Americans? About the Declaration of Independence? The Bill of Rights? Rule with the consent of the governed? Liberty? Tyranny?
Give your readers answers to questions like that. It ought to be easy for you to do. Just refer to the text.
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says Campbell County-Bitch McConnell’s new primary opponent Matt “Don’t Call Me Dedden” Bevin showed up at the Campbell County Administration building to give his big announcement. This guy thinks the Louisville TEA Party and the NoKY TEA Party will get him elected. We wonder if he knows that Senator Paul and the national TEA Party will not be on his side of the fence. Sources say there were 30 in attendance and several were wearing McConnell stickers including Senator Katie Stine and, no shock here, Judge Steve “Why Can’t I Find Any Supporters” Spendery. Go figure. Best comment was from the Boondoggle GOP Chair Ricky-Dicky Bruggemeister after he endorsed Bevins. It seems he wasn’t endorsing Bevin, but welcoming him to the primary. Yeah Ricky, that’s what we all think.
To further the TEA Party problems in Campbell, there are rumors floating around that former Campbell TEA King (and buddy of Nutsy, Nolan, and Hermes) “Don’t Call Me Dallas” JR is in more trouble with the legal system. Look for more on this and we will most likely beat The Fishwrap (again) on the details when we have our hands on them.
Meanwhile, New Sheriff Jeff “RINO Killer” Kidwell has just delivered more than $200K back to the schools by reducing (yes, we said reducing) his fees on collecting their tax. Can you say RE-ELECTION IN THE BAG? Schools never get engaged in these races, but then again, nobody ever gave them money back either. This will be fun to watch.
In Kentucky Fourth Congressional District GOP matters, a committee meeting was recently called by Chairman Troy “Don’t Call Me Shelly Darling” Sheldon to elect a member to the state executive committee. Sources say Shelly Darling put up Garth Man from Kenton and the other members recruited Ian Anderson/J-Tull Koffler. Garth Man got his ass handed to him by a vote of 3 to 21. Sources say that is the second defeat for Garth in less than a year, thanks to nominators Sparky the Boondoggle County vice chair and Bruggemeister.
- THE LATEST AND GREATEST e-dition of Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth’s Attorney E Rob Sanders spontaneously combustible e-newsletter is on cyber news stands now! This week’s This Week In Kenton Circuit Court is just overflowing with dozens of scumbags, hoodlums, low lifes, and druggies! Billy Bob the Bluegrass Bailiff says if you ever want to feel better about yourself, just log on to the Robster’s e-rag because there’s always someone who’s mugshot will make you feel pretty, smart, and privileged by comparison. Just take a look at these four and enjoy your weekend!
- FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders asked Charles Foster Kane about Obama’s demand that major Internet companies divulge users’ stored passwords. “When we heard about that, we decided to change our password,” our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher explained, “but we couldn’t decide between ‘ImpeachObama’ and ‘GoFuckYourself.’”
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