Friday, July 5, 2013
Wasn’t Yesterday Really “In-Dependence Day?”
Now that the official Fourth of July holiday is finally over, The Blower can return to its customary eight-days-per-week schedule. Yesterday, when political insiders were sitting around the pool celebrating Independence Day at Charles Foster Kane’s estate so they could, most members of the Conservative Agenda were asking if the other 364 days this year are still being called “Government Dependence Days” for all those Dumb Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Free-Stuff Grabbing Low-Information Obama Supporters, since Dependence on the Government is at an all time high during another summer of our discontent, especially after Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen said even, 70% say Americans are worse off today than before Obama took Office, and 41% didn’t even know the Supreme Court had just ruled on our same sex marriage.
Yesterday, Drew McKissick said we were celebrating less Independence because the land of liberty ain’t what it used to be. On the one hand, we have faceless bureaucRATS becoming more ingrained in our everyday lives, and on the other hand we have judges overturning the will of the voters, whether expressed in referendums or via elected representatives. That’s hardly a cause for a celebration of independence. [READ MORE HERE]- So with everything that’s transpired during the past four-and-a-half years of America’s Dark Ages under the Obama Administration, maybe it’s now time to access the damage he’s has done to America’s future and that of our children and grandchildren. With all of Obama’s incompetence, failures, and scandals, disregard for The Constitution, and America being made a laughingstock around the world, maybe we should now update the 1776 Declaration of Independence and change all those references to King George III to Obama.
Maybe it would start out with Thomas Jefferson’s “When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to change the political rules, direction and leadership of their Nation to preserve the station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to change their Government’s leadership.”
Then we could just change a few references:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. – That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. – That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to terminate the leader’s tenure and to Install a new leader who will institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.
But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. – Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to change the leader of the United States, who arrogantly thinks of, and conducts, himself as a king, rather than as a constitutionally-limited chief executive … His is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.”
Then we could add a few zingers:
- He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good:
- He has erected a multitude of New Offices and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance:
- He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and acknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation.
That’s some really scholarly stuff, wouldn’t you say? If only we hadn’t given Whistleblower Summer Interns Rachel, Bradley, Ashley, and Hunter the day off so they could celebrate Independence Day, The Blower could’ve updated its 2013 Declaration of Independence in no time.
Yesterday, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane spent the morning marching in the Fourth of July Parade in Anderson then cooking for the special guests at The Blower’s Independence Day celebration.
Stories We’re Working On
Politicians send out Fourth of July e-mails- American Flags ripped down the day before Fourth Of July Parade
- Fear of gang violence cancels City’s carnival
- Republicans more proud to be Americans than DemocRATS
- Pro-Abortion Backers tell legislator “I hope your daughter’s raped”
- Man charged with Domestic abuse after confessing on “Dr. Phil”
- Eric Deters claims bimbo client Sarah Jones is not “a greedy nut job”
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said most Apathetic Americans would be spending the Fourth of July holiday:
(A) Celebrating our Nation’s History: 2%
(B) Watching a patriotic parade: 1%
(C) Enjoying Fireworks and family picnics: 1%
(D) Getting another day off with pay: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Some of Today’s Political Cartoons
Fourth of July Heroes
This week, everybody who thinks patriotism is truly passé e-mailed entries to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest. The winner is real war hero Ollie Hackworth, one of the survivors of that “Three-Against-a-Thousand Massacre” saga The Blower described last year.
Ollie wins an autographed picture of Sergeant York, a complete set of Audie Murphy westerns on DVD, and a free dinner on Veterans Day at Dummy’s Restaurant. His winning entry is:
When we celebrate the Fourth of July
Do it with your favorite guy
The Supreme Court did say
It’s all right to be gay
So you can now unzip my fly
John Adams’ Entry
When we celebrate the Fourth of July
With all this heat, we’ll probably fry.
But that heat’s tepid compared to what will stress
George Soros and his slick buttboy P-O-T-U-S,
When they arrive at the gates of hell
After thinking their lives were so swell:
Their “administration” was just one big lie.
John Hancock’s Entry
When we celebrate the Fourth of July
Let’s pause to ask ourselves why
We elected a president
Born a non-US resident,
And his incompetence just makes me cry.
Benjamin Franklin’s Entry
When we celebrate the Fourth of July
It will be very hard not to cry,
The folks we’ve elected
Just can’t be respected
Lions and tigers and skunks, oh my!
Richard Henry Lee’s Entry
When we celebrate the Fourth of July
Remember Jeremiah Wright’s cry,
“God damn America” he said
Barack was in the same bed
He’ll tell you he didn’t hear that, but it’s a lie.
And from the Anderson Laureate (whose multi-stanza limerick says, “Obama’s idea of patriotism just can’t suck enough.)
When we celebrate the Fourth of July
What some people did makes me cry;
They gave up their lives
And our freedom now thrives
Because they were brave enough to die
But we also have plenty of tyrants,
Community organizers and half-breed Hawaiians
All they want is power
And they get more by the hour
I’d like to feed them all to the lions.
Because of real heroes, those phonies survive
Because others have died, they’re still alive
But they don’t give a damn
Their uncle’s not Sam
They know how to shuck and to jive
Because great Americans have died
They can take our country for a ride
The current White House resident
Doesn’t deserve to be president
When he promised good things, he lied.
If a contest were held to select
The most egotistical person to elect
It would be a no-brainer
Because there is no one more vainer
If he wins in November, we’re wrecked.
I get so sick of watching him talk
And the arrogant style of his walk
He’s so full of his ego,
Let’s vote him out, amigo
And listen to the Dumbocrats squawk.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“In Cincinnati, this year’s mayor’s race”
FOURTH OF JULY PICNIC LEFTOVERS HOT LINE
e-mail your holiday hangovers today.
Some hot dog eating items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally hot dog eating subscribers.
Whistleblower Link of the Day
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE | A Soldier’s Pledge
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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