Daily Archives: July 2, 2013

Special “Not So Patriotic” E-dition

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

  • Here’s what’s in the Obama Administration’s Scandal Defense Playbook on this Fourth of July. First “Deny,” then “Lie,” then “Commit Perjury,” and if all that fails, you Obama’s Paid Liars can always “Plead the Fifth Amendment.” —Judge Jeanine
  • This Independence Day, TEA Party Patriots should sign the American Legacy PAC’s petition to “Audit the IRS.” —Newt Gingrich
  • Monday’s front-page puff piece defending Obama Supporters at the Cincinnati IRS Office who broke all those laws targeting Conservatives to help get Obama re-elected in 2012 should keep The Fishwrap from being audited for as long as that rag can stay in business. —Whistleblower Rogue IRS Snitch Ferrell Katz
  • Will it be any surprise this year on July Fourth, that after last week’s rulings on same sex marriage, public approval of the Supreme Court has fallen to the lowest level ever recorded in more than nine years of polling? —Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen
  • obama rodneyThis year on Independence Day, Obama Supporters in the Press should not be asking if the lack of respect the president is being shown around the world these days, is proof that Obama has become the Rodney Dangerfield of world leaders. —Obama’s White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard
  • This Fourth of July, we’ll still be berating all those Obama Supporters who missed Sunday’s quarterly donation deadline, so that we had to cut our fund-raising goal in half. —Obama’s Bogus Organizing for Action Campaign
  • We sent in our “suggested $5 donation” after the fifth e-mail reminder on Sunday. Does this mean we’ll still continue to get all our free stuff? —Both Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Free-Stuff Grabbing Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Actually Donated 
  • That’s why we chose Ronald Reagan’s “Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July, but the DemocRATS believe every day is April 15.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
  • snowdenOn this Fourth of July, I’ll probably still be in Russia. —The Blower’s New Cyber-Spy Columnist Edward Snowden
  • Only as long as you don’t actually quite revealing all those US Spy Secrets like I said in that phony press conference I just held. —Vladamir Putin 
  • This Independence Day, we should remember that on today’s date in 1964, President Lyndon B. Johnson signed the historic Civil Rights Act into law in a nationally televised ceremony at the White House. And our Kneepad Liberals in the Press are still making sure Republicans never get a bit of credit for all their hard work and votes. But just to be “fair-and-balanced, all those media whores always neglect to mention that Al Gore’s dad and Dead DemocRAT Dean of the Senate Robert Byrd voted against Civil Rights for Darkies. —Hurley the Historian
  • This Fourth of July, Ohioans should remember that only two short years after we inherited an $8 billion budget shortfall, an 89-cent rainy day fund, one of the nation’s worst job-creation records, and 400,000 Ohioans who needed jobs, Ohio Republican Governor Kasich and the Republican members of the General Assembly delivered a second budget that will help Ohioans get back on their feet and succeed. —Ohio Republicans, Now Claiming to Be Totally United
  • CaptureOn this Fourth of July, please don’t ask why I’m not bragging about my voting record on Cincinnati City Clown-cil, since it looks identical to Foxy Roxy Qualls’. —John “Just Call Me the Beav” Cranley
  • All the City’s problems will be under control on July 4, and we’ll be getting paid to do nothing until after Labor Day. —Our Nine Fine Clowns at the City Hall Circus
  • If we promise to keep paying you after Labor Day, will you promise to keep doing noting? —Over-Taxed Payers of Cincinnati 
  • Isn’t today the one-year anniversary of the date Disgraced Anderson Trustee Kevin “Big Spanky” O’brien was arrested on three counts of “Public Indecency-Exposure” for masturbating in a Wellborn woman’s car? —Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel
  • It only took Angry Andersonians three years to get State Rep tile for $ale Peter $tautberg to introduce legislation to allow them to remove a masturbating trustee like Kevin O’Brien from office, and today not a thing has been done to advance that legislation. —“TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman
  • image008One in four Americans doesn’t even know who their forefathers declared independence from. While 76% correctly said Great Britain, 19% were unsure, and 5% mentioned another country. —Special Report from the Whistleblower Summer Interns
  • There’s no need for Scorn on the Fourth of July, here’s what really makes America great: It’s not baseball, mom, or apple pie. It’s our “diversity.” No kidding! —The Foolish Fishwrappers
  • Fireworks displays during a smog alert are extra healthy for people with emphysema. —Obama’s EPA
  • You’ll have to wait until July 5 at 1:30 AM to DVR “1776” on the Turner Classic Movie station, because usually on the Fourth of July they show “White Christmas” and “The St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.” —Warner Cable
  • Breitbart News and the Next News Network N3 will live-stream 20 hours of coverage and honor the 150th Anniversary of Battle of Gettysburg. [SEE THE SCHEDULE HERE]

  • How patriotic is our “Freedom Commercial?” —Dodge Challenger
  • How many more days are there until Bastille Day? —Pierre Leach
  • We hope everybody gets home all right after The Blower’s Fourth of July Celebration. — Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane
  • If you want to arrive home safe on the fourth, don’t drink a fifth on the third. —MADD Mothers
  • Who cares how many Cincinnati Reds make the All Star team? Last year on the Fourth of July, Dusty’s boys were in first place. —Typical Reds Rooter Farley Fairweather
  • What RISP (Runners in Scoring Position) Problem. —Reds Manager Dusty Baker, Falling Further Into Third Place
  • image010Screw all those patriotic Fourth of July Parades. — That Defeated, Corrupt, Evicted, Lying, Plagiarizing, Meddling, Overblown, Bought-And-Paid-For, Tax-And-Spend, Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-In-A-Ditch “Mean Jean” Schmidt
  • Please tell all my patriotic constituents in Adams County to attend my hastily-put-together Town Hall meeting at 10:00 AM this morning, when everybody is certain to be at work. —Ohio’s Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup
  • In Spite of those Totally Gay Supreme Court Decisions, God made it rain on our Gay Day Parade in Downtown Cincinnati last weekend. —Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis
  • image012Fourth of July Day Parades would be a whole lot shorter in Northern Kentucky if they banned Pandering Politicians. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
  • You can’t believe what a thrill it is to know that our country’s Independence Day holiday was named for our fair city. —Independence, Kentucky Mayor Chris Moriconi
  • image013On Friday’s date in 1946, French designer Louis Reard unveiled a daring two-piece swimsuit which came to be known as the “bikini,” and guys ogling Miss Vicki on the Fourth of July at the at the Ft. Mitchell Country Club swimming pool will be glad he did. —Hurley the Historian
  • Do you remember when I said “A man will go to war, fight and die for his country, but he won’t get a bikini wax?” — Rita Rudner
  • plummer-cornbreadWe’ll drink to that. —Michael Liquid Plummer and Nathan “Cornbread” Smith
  • We forgot to jack up our prices enough for the Fourth of July. —Northern Kentucky Gas Gougers
  • This year we promise not a single person will escape on Independence Day. —Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl
  • Why doesn’t Y’All Ville have a hot dog eating contest on the Fourth of July? —Weight Gainers Marc Wilson and Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich
  • How come nobody in Northern Kentucky invited me to be in their parade? —Governor Steve Beshear
  • Did everybody get home from the big race last weekend? —Kentucky Speedway
  • Do you want to know why all the guys will be eating so much watermelon at their Fourth of July cookouts? We think it’s because they read all those reports that said watermelon has effects similar to Viagra— so they could keep their Fourth of July fireworks going all night long. That’s why I went out and bought a whole truckload of watermelons. —Blackjack Brian Richmond
  • image016It’s a lie. Watermelons don’t work as well as Viagra, and we ought to know. —Up Tight Bitches in Ft. Mitchell who fake their orgasms
  • Trish “The Dish” wants to know what happened to the Fourth of July weekend this year. —Channel 19 News
  • I quit WXIX-TV to embark on the most ambitious independent journalism project in history and make the Truth in Media project a reality. Can you believe people are actually sending me money so I can practice some fearless investigative grassroots journalism. —Ben Swann

Some of Today’s Conservative Political Cartoons

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— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

The Blower makes fun of phony patriotism to show pandering politicians are not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t the most embarrassing elected official in Southwestern Ohio history (including Jerry Springer).

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This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Portman’s Protégé. So it’s not our fault!

FLAG ETIQUETTE HOT LINE

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Some flag-waving items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally flag-waving subscribers.

Whistleblower Link of the Day

How Liberal Journalists Think

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