Monday, May 27, 2013

Our Memorial Day Message

During this entire weekend, at least three cable TV networks have been showing war movie marathons for several days, and after watching Audie Murphy, Gary Cooper, and John Wayne winning all those wars single-handed, we wondered if General George S. Patton were alive today and President of these United States, what Old Blood-and-Guts’ Memorial Day Speech might sound like:

My Fellow Americans:

As you all know, defeat of Saddam Hussein’s regime in Iraq was completed a long time ago, Osama bin Laden is dead thanks to Navy SEAL Team Six, Americans are still losing their lives in Obama’s War in Afghanistan every day, and Obama continues to lead from behind around the world.

Meanwhile, the so-called Arab Spring isn’t working out all that well, and thanks to Hillary and John Kerry, Americans still don’t know who our friends are. Meanwhile Obama keeps trying to say he didn’t really mean to side with Hamas when he said our only ally in the Middle East Israel should give up all its land to the terrorists. And since Disgraceful DemocRATS in Congress and their willing accomplices in the press don’t want to spend any more money on any of these wars, our missions in these places must be finished by the earliest possible date.

This morning I gave the order for turning over responsibility for security in these countries to the people in these countries as soon as possible, and now is the time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during all of these conflicts. That list is short.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world’s nations are on that list. My aide will be distributing copies of both lists.

Effective immediately, all foreign aid to nations on List 2 ceases. Money saved would be a small down payment on balancing the Budget.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call the UN or France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to cut taxes and solve some local problems. On that note, here’s a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we’ll hunt you down just like bin Laden and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try North Korea, or maybe China.

I’m ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well and don’t count on another D-day in WWIII. Bon chance, mes amis!

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles of unfriendly nations that are parked in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped for parts, melted down and recycled into military ordinance. I don’t care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, SUVs, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world (I just Love New York) and be returned to you from the muzzle of a tank, the belly of a bomber, or via a laser guided missile while you are taking a crap. And I didn’t forget your Hummers…those will be put into immediate military use, of course.

Here’s a special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since you’re going to be hearing a lot more from us, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Enrique Peña Nieto and his entire corrupt government need a real attitude adjustment. The Mexican government better learn to keep its illegal aliens at home. What if we dug a moat the length of the Mexican border, took the dirt and raised the levees in New Orleans, and put all the Florida alligators in the moat? We have a few extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. They’ll be assigned immediately to border security. One of my advisors had a suggestion for solving our Southern Border problems. He said we should cross the Rio Grande and subdivide Mexico. We could then annex the 51-58 states into the United States. The oil would become ours and the aliens would immediately become citizens. So, Mexico should start doing something with its oil. And, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty–starting now. Hasta la vista, baby!

It’s time for Americans to focus on their own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying damn straight. Nearly a century, since WWI, we have been trying to help folks around the world live a decent life. Those efforts have only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. So, it is time to cut taxes here at home because we will no longer spend our money and resources on other peoples’ problems. We will no longer sacrifice the lives of our armed forces to solve your problems and we will let you Sons of Bitches and your bitches die for your own countries and problems. Do not mistake this as being soft on defense or on terrorism. You Muslims had best take the towels off your heads and cut them up for bandages. Attack us and you will face extinction. I remind you that had it been my way in 1945, Russians would be singing the Star Spangled Banner today. And it is my way now!

A final thought to the nations on List 1- Thanks guys. We owe you. To nations on list 2: Good Luck, guys, you’re going to need it.

God bless America. Happy Memorial Day, and all of you wussies in Congress who want to give amnesty to illegal immigrants and Kneepad Liberals in the Press can just kiss my ass!

More Patriotic Prose

On Memorial Day, Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus reports former Vice President Dick Cheney admits our mission is not yet accomplished, Teddy Kennedy is now a “good DemocRAT,” and today when we honor our fallen heroes, we still have that video of John McCain singing our old Beach Boy favorite (“Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran”), as well as and this photograph of a very Disrespectful DemocRAT during the singing of the National Anthem. Maybe that explains Obama’s plans to disarm America that we didn’t hear all that much about during when the Obama Supporters in the Press purposely forgot to vet their candidate during the 2008 presidential campaign.
Meanwhile, former President George W. Bush is hosting a 100-kilometer mountain bike ride this weekend at his Central Texas ranch for troops wounded in Iraq and Afghanistan. This is the third year Bush has hosted the Warrior 100K. And how many times have you seen pictures like this?
Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says as Americans this Memorial Day weekend remember those who have made the ultimate sacrifice for their country, many adults nationwide will be remembering someone they knew personally. A sizable number also personally know someone who is currently serving in Afghanistan. 45% have a close friend or relative who died serving our country.
Everybody’s hoping our current Commander-in-Chief is actually scheduled to show up today for campaign photo-ops at the traditional Memorial Day event at Arlington National Cemetery and the Vietnam Veterans Memorial today. Obama Supporters in the Press call dead soldiers “Political Props.” Meanwhile, we all remember last year when Michelle Antionette jet-setted to Atlantic City, NJ at over-taxed payer expense to see the Beyonce concert. It really filled us with pride to know our teen First Daughters were bopping and singing to “Love on Top.”
Today’s E-dition is being brought to you by the letter “I.” Obama loves to use the word whenever he needs to, shall we say, stroke his own self evaluated success in his efforts to be the second most disliked President since fellow DemocRAT James Earl Carter.

The word I N S O U C I A N C E also has the same number of letters as B A R A C K O B A M A. Coincidence, we think not! Critics say he’s the first Commander-in-Chief to refuse to have the American flag conspicuously displayed during certain press conferences to show his allegiance to the Muslim brotherhood. Hell, he makes the draft-dodging former pants-dropper Bill Clinton look like a patriot, even though the Clinton administration was also openly hostile to the military: specifically the intentional display of loyalty to country displayed by the members of the Joint Chiefs of Staff who always wore their service uniforms proudly. Barack Obama would not have had the cajones to “pull the trigger” to kill a fellow Muslim any more than Bill or Hillary Clinton. See also the definition of the word I N C O M P E T E N T.

How about the word I N S I G N I F I C A N T? That has the same number of letters as M I C H E L L E O B A M A . Again, coincidence? Hardly. This is the FIRST First Lady to actively encourage children to eat better foods while at school while simultaneously encouraging students to also practice safe sex while using a condom in the school yard. Which is the greater risky behavior with the least desirable “outcome” as the libs are prone to say? Only in Obama’s America is eating fatty foods riskier than sexually transmitted disease or teen pregnancy and a life attached to the government teat (WELFARE) on the government plantation (PUBLIC HOUSING/SECTION 8). But at least those students will be reliable DemocRAT voters for the foreseeable future: assuming that they can be bused to the polls (UNION JOBS) and be told who to vote for.

Meanwhile, really patriotic Memorial Day events are being held all over America this weekend, including the Memorial Day Bell Ceremony Monday at noon at the Anderson Center. Now let’s all watch our “We the People” video on Memorial Day.

A well-known war hero friend of ours thinks it’s still disingenuous and intellectually dishonest for people to claim that they are “for” the troops but “against” the war. Damn it, the troops ARE the war, too. It can’t be compartmentalized, and anybody who says it can is either lying, sadly misinformed, or just plain stupid. Hurley the Historian says, “We’re still in it, one way or the other and we have to finish it, one way or the other.” We just can’t leave and dishonestly claim success like we did in Vietnam. Our national meaning is at stake and people just don’t realize what it does to us when all the tinhorn dictators and long-time tyrants see us pull our punches and fly away. That shows us as so weak, and invites attack against us and our people way more than some realize.
Our Quote for Today Committee is reminded of the opening line from Thomas Paine’s “The Crisis” which was printed in December, 1776: “THESE are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated.”
In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says all over Ohio, pandering politicians will be promoting their own re-elections at Memorial Day Parades this weekend. We’ll really miss seeing “Junketing Jean” Schmidt this year, now that our Defeated, Corrupt, Evicted, Lying, Plagiarizing, Meddling, Overblown, Bought-And-Paid-For, Tax-And-Spend, Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-In-A-Ditch she hasn’t yet announced she’ll be trying to get her old seat back in Congress. Maybe she’s entertaining the troops this Memorial Day.
Metro Mole says usually on the front page of The Fishwrap on the Sunday before Memorial Day, Skaggie Maggie’s minions totally sacrifice Patriotism for Political Correctness, and of course, some advertising. But this year it featured James Pilcher’s big story about the cost of repairing the Roebling Bridge. On the front of the Local section, we saw Krista Ramsey’s story about people who take photographs of disaster relief efforts Alabama. Buried inside the Forum section, there were no stories remembering our fallen heroes, but the lead opinion column by Clown-cilgay Chris Squealback promoted Cincinnati City Clown-cil’s ordinance giving all City work to Unions. What a great place for a guest column it would’ve been for “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup, if only our current war hero Congressman’s re-election campaign manglers weren’t genetically conditioned to wait on orders from Alex T. Mall Cop GOP to put down his beers, put away their golf clubs, and do a little campaign work.
And while everyone is enjoying the MILFS on the first official day of the 2013 beach and pool season, at Sunday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Charles Foster Kane said it’s time to stop and reflect on our reason to take a day off from all that malarkey Obama Supporters in the Press have been oozing forth ever since Obama began standing by watching America’s battles through heavy lenses. Our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher asked Political Insiders if they remembered Obama’s disgraceful reference to “American Arrogance,” and showed slides of some of our “European Arrogances.” We’ll show them to you in alphabetical order.

And Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo wonders if any of you have ever been to a military funeral in which “Taps” was played. Here’s something every American should know: We in the United States have all heard the haunting song, “Taps.” It’s the song that gives us that lump in our throats and usually tears in our eyes. But, do you know the story behind the song? If not, I think you will be interested to find out about the humble beginnings of America’s most famous bugle call performed today by the Taps Buglers at Arlington National Cemetery.

Reportedly, it all began in 1862 during the Civil War, when Union Army Captain Robert Ellicombe was with his men near Harrison’s Landing in Virginia. The Confederate Army was on the other side of the narrow strip of land.

During the night, Captain Ellicombe heard the moans of a soldier who lay severely wounded on the field. Not knowing if it was a Union or Confederate soldier, the Captain decided to risk his life and bring the stricken man back for medical attention. Crawling on his stomach through the gunfire, the Captain reached the stricken soldier and began pulling him toward his encampment.

When the Captain finally reached his own lines, he discovered it was actually a Confederate soldier, but the soldier was dead.

The Captain lit a lantern and, suddenly caught his breath and went numb with shock. In the dim light, he saw the face of the soldier. It was his own son. The boy had been studying music in the South when the war broke out. Without telling his father, the boy had enlisted in the Confederate Army.

The following morning, heartbroken, the father asked permission of his superiors to give his son a full military burial, despite his enemy status. His request was only partially granted.

The Captain had asked if he could have a group of Army band members play a funeral dirge for his son at the funeral, but the request was turned down since the soldier was a Confederate.

But, out of respect for the father, they did say they could give him only one musician. The Captain chose a bugler. He asked the bugler to play a series of musical notes he had found on a piece of paper in the pocket of the dead youth’s uniform.

This wish was granted, and the haunting melody, we now know as “Taps” used at military funerals was born.

NOTE: The guys at Snopes.com say this story is completely false. How unpatriotic is that?

Finally, in the words of our good friend Lt. Colonel Ollie North, “It’s time to thank all those who have worn this country’s uniform and have served in our Armed Forces. We especially pay tribute to those whose lives were lost in defense of this country. Memorial Day is a special time for all of us to remember that America enjoys freedom today because of the soldiers, sailors, airmen, Guardsmen and Marines, who have all sacrificed their lives for the defense of our nation.”

And Whistleblower Presidential Scholar in Residence Patrick Maloney also says, you shouldn’t forget Ronald Reagan’s, “Most of us wonder if our lives make any difference. Our fighting men and women don’t have that problem.”

Remember Veterans Today and Thank Every Veteran You Meet

It’s the VETERAN, not the preacher, who has given us Freedom of Religion.
It’s the VETERAN, not the reporter, who has given us Freedom of the Press.
It’s the VETERAN, not the poet, who has given us Freedom of Speech.
It’s the VETERAN, not the community organizer, who has given us Freedom to Assemble.
It’s the VETERAN, not the lawyer, who has given us the right to a fair trial.
It’s the VETERAN, not the politician, who has given us the right to vote.
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you’re reading it in English, try thanking a VETERAN.