Friday, May 10, 2013
Are Those Hearings Over Already?
BURYING BENGHAZI: Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says Republicans really blew it with their much ballyhooed Benghazi Hearings on Wednesday. Sure, those Whistleblowers’ testimony was riveting. Disingenuous DemocRATS defending Hillary were discredited. The White House whined it was just politics as usual. But it only lasted one day. Those hearing that were supposed to bring the Obama Administration to its knees should have been spread out for the entire week with new revelations each day. Because the first new story that came along knocked out Benghazi and Obama-supporting TV networks used it as an easy excuse to bury Benghazi, not that they probably wouldn’t have found one anyway. No wonder Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane told Political Insiders at the Conservative Agenda not to hold their breath until Congress starts impeaching Obama over Benghazi-gate in a Fast and Furious manner.
No wonder out Quote for Today Committee chose Hillary’s, “What Difference Does It Make?”
Now Real Republicans are wondering why GOP House Speaker John Boehner won’t allow a special investigation committee (like Iran Contra). How many members of Congress have already written the Speaker requesting one?
Ironically, Obama’s Lying U.S. Ambassador to the U.N. Susan Rice was honored Tuesday night with the 2013 Louis E. Martin Great American Award presented by The Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies. That bogus award is given to “an exemplar of change, progress, and willingness to take one for the team if circumstances require.”
And on Thursday, Fox News reported Massachusetts law enforcement officials were claiming federal agents never passed on explicit warnings and information about Boston Marathon bomber Tamerlan Tsarnaev to terrorism task force officers leading up to the deadly April 15 attack. Is anybody besides The Blower starting to see a pattern here?
AND LIBERALS JUST CAN’T STOP WHINING about Carolina’s First District voters deciding they’d rather have a disgraced former GOP Governor like Mark Sanford who used over-taxed payers’ money to cheat on his wife and then leave his wife for his mistress and then trespass on aforementioned wife’s property represent them in Congress rather than Elizabeth Colbert Busch (who has somehow managed to avoid doing any of those things).- NO WONDER OUR LATE NIGHT JOKEWATCHER liked Jay Leno’s “Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is the guy who told his wife he was going for a hike and then went to Argentina to see his girlfriend. He was exposed as an unethical, lying, cheating weasel. In a stunning comeback, he has been elected to Congress, where he’ll fit right in.”
- THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says 61% of College-Age Students want government to stay out of their lives.
Unfortunately, these same Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Obama Voters think a third term for Obama would be a wonderful idea.
- YESTERDAY AT PMSNBC, the flag was flying at half staff when news broke that Cleveland Kidnapper Ariel Castro was a “Registered DemocRAT.” You can’t imagine how much fun Obama Supporters would’ve had if that bastard had turned out to be a Republican.
OBAMA’S TERRORIST FRIENDS IN THE MIDDLE EAST: A senior Palestinian Authority has praised the use of violence against Israel, asserting that if the PA had the military wherewithal to rise up against the Jewish state, it would not hesitate to do so. “I swear that if we had a nuke, we’d have used it this very morning,”vowed Jibril Rajoub during an interview with the Lebanese Al-Mayadeen TV channel, as reported by the Palestinian Media Watch (PMW). Isn’t this the same peace-loving Palestinian Authority Obama “unblocked” $500 million in US over-taxed payers’ dollars for?- IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says yesterday Ohio Republican Party (ORP) Chairman Boob Bennett swore in the new Vice Chairman Kay Reynolds from Scioto County at ORP headquarters in Columbus. Unfortunately, we don’t know how much Federal and State taxes Kay still might owe, like the new party boss Matt Borges.
- OHIO CONSERVATIVES: Two previous CCV Action Field Directors Adam Josefczyk and Rich Youngblood, CCV’s Assistant to the President, Charles Tassell, and CCV Board Member, Seth Morgan were honored to have articles published by the Ohio Conservative Review when the website launched Wednesday, May 8.
Ohio Conservative Review is a platform for conservative beliefs to be expressed, debated, and promoted in Ohio. Its goal is to influence current policy and public opinion and to train the next generation in the benefits of conservative thought and ideals.
This site claims to be seeking out the best conservative minds in Ohio and gives them a forum to promote conservative beliefs. Its current writers hail from a range of sectors and include small-business owners, teachers, lawyers, Realtors, public servants, political activists, and entrepreneurs, and if they really apply themselves, someday those guys will come up to The Blower’s standards.
BLUE ASH BAD GUYS: Robert “Bo” Weber, the son of Blue Ash Mayor Mark Weber and law partner in the firm of Weber and Knapp and chairman of the board of New Foundation Savings Bank, has been indicted for several major crimes including felonious assault, aggravated robbery, and robbery. If convicted he faces up to 44 years in prison. Our Blue Ash Bureau Chief tells us that Mayor Weber might not even know about these indictments since he has spent 5,142 consecutive hours obsessing about building a new park in Blue Ash, as if they don’t have several already.
Supposedly this is hardly Bo’s first run-in with the law. In his years on Council, Mr. Weber has had time to pass legislation mandating bicycle helmets and creating smoke-free outdoor events – for our safety, of course. Perhaps more time could have been dealing with safety matters at home.
Robert Weber’s family reportedly put up a $100,000 cash bond to get him out of jail.
- MORE SHAMELESS FUNDRAISING: In Ohio’s Second Congressional District, anniversary bells will be ringing this weekend as “Bronze Star Brad” and Monica Wenstrup celebrate their first anniversary. We can’t wait to see the fundraising team’s email begging for contributions.
Next year “Bronze Star Brad” will have to buy two Mother’s Day presents, since the stork has a scheduled stop at the Wenstrup house in Mt. Lookout later this year.
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says today is National Railroad Day, because in 1869, the Golden Spike was driven at Promontory, Utah, completing the transcontinental rail line. Now maybe somebody could drive a spike through Mallory’s Trolley Folly boondoggle.
- MAYORAL MADNESS: The First Official Debate of the Cincinnati’s Mayoral Race just might take place in Clifton between 5-6 PM Monday evening in that little park across the street from Graeters, wherever the hell that is. Loony Libertarian Candidate Jim Berns and somebody named Stacy Smith will surely be there. Organizers are still waiting to hear from lesser-known candidates like Cranley and Qualls, since neither of them was endorsed by COAST.
LEAVING IT TO THE BEAV: The Beav is making a big issue out of the city’s plans to lay off police officers and firefighters. Ordinarily, this would seem to make sense however, there is a gigantic twist to the story. Remember back several years when Cranley was on council, he championed the cause to hire 100 police officers despite no request from the police department or anyone else in the city administration for hiring additional cops. In fact, at the time, department directors were and had been being cautioned to be as financially responsible as possible because resources were dwindling and the city’s financial future looked bleak, at best.
Despite this direction for fiscal responsibility from the city manager to department heads, the Beav pressed forward for more cops to address crime issues in the city as part of his re-election strategy, eventually convincing a majority of council to approve same. When questioned about the wisdom of such a decision and asked what seemed to be a logical question at the time: If we are in deep financial peril, why are we hiring 100 cops. History has told us that we will necessarily be required to lay these people off at some point in the future. “Please don’t tell me we are going to hire 100 new young cops knowing we will need to lay them off in a few years!”
The response from Cranley was simple and straight forward. He simply shrugged his shoulders, laughed, and said, “That’s not my problem, I’ll be term limited out of council by then!”
IN A RELATED ITEM: At a recent community council meeting, a policeman serving that area said Cincinnati’s Joke Fourteen Star Police Chief James Craig would be leaving town soon, if not for Detroit, then someplace else because only SMLP Smithermouth and The Windbag support him. The rest of Clown-cil and Mallory despise him and told him they will not renew his contract. Not to worry, Racial Harmony Fans: They’ll be hiring another Black Police Chief, but one they can better control.- OUR SNITCHES ARE EVERYWHERE: Had it not been for The Blower’s exclusive in yesterday’s e-dition, Ben Bernake’s stealth visit to Cincinnati at the Federal Reserve would’ve gone totally unnoticed.
FOOLS IN SCHOOLS: Failed Cincinnati Public Schools teachers have already felt the pinch of zero support from failed CFT “president” Julie SellYourSoul…now she claims that supporting a teacher is not a Republican, DemocRAT, Conservative, or Liberal thing…rrrriiiggghtttt….and Mr. Rogers was really a gay basher.- FROM THE GREAT WHITE NORTH: NoTaxJack reports Citizens For Responsible Spending says “We beat these thugs at their own game. The Clearwater Township Fire Levy went down by 57%. With so much extra cash in the bank, the people here simply said, enough is enough.
- LOST SOCK UPDATE: Yesterday on Lost Sock Memorial Day, our good friend Bobby Leach said he was happy to follow The Blower’s advice and throw away all his socks that didn’t match. He needed more room in his sock drawer for porn tapes.
- IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says a new store that sells husbands has opened in Florence, where a woman may go to choose a mate. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors, and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor…or may choose to go up to the next floor. But you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman went to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor, the sign on the door read: “Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs.” She was intrigued, but she continued to the second floor where the sign read: “Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.”
“That’s nice,” she thought, “but I want more.”
So she continued upward. The third floor sign read: “Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are Extremely Good Looking.” “Wow,” she thought, but she felt compelled to keep going. So she went to the fourth floor and the sign read: “Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.” “Mercy me!” she exclaimed, “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she went to the fifth floor and the sign read: “Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.” She was really tempted to stay, but she went to the sixth floor where the sign read: “Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.”
PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a Wives Store just across the street with the same rules. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer. The third, fourth, fifth, and sixth floors have never been visited!
- FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if that story about the Husband’s Store was true. “Of course,” Kane explained. “Where do you think my wife found me?”
Stories We’re Working On
White House struggles to respond to new revelations- Media in full spin…
- Immigration bill only stops half of illegal immigration
- Cleveland Kidnapper says, “I’m a sexual predator and I need help.”
- Cleveland “Hero” was a Repeat Domestic Abuser.
- TIME: “Sexist” Mother’s Day is “Insulting to Women”
- Biden says Giving Illegal Immigrants Amnesty is about “Granting them the Dignity and respect they deserve”
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said Moms really want on Mother’s Day:
(A) To sleep as late as she wants: 2%
(B) A husband to wait on her hand-and-foot: 2%
(C) Brunch at the Golden Corral: 2%
(D) Grateful offspring: 94%
(Good Luck with that, Mom!)
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Mother’s Day Madness
This week, everybody who’s glad his mother didn’t ditch him in a dumpster, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is MF Goodson, who says his mother deserves a much better Mother’s Day than he’s able to afford without asking her for the money.
MF wins a “World’s Worst Mom” coffee mug from K-mart, a Mother’s Day Card his wife made with crappy clip art downloaded from the internet, and a voice-mail message from the nursing home reminding him that he hasn’t called visited his own mother for the last six months. His winning entry is:
On Sunday, it’s your Mother’s Day.
To show her you’re grateful, just say,
Thanks for making me wear dresses,
And for brushing my tresses,
It’s no wonder I turned out to be gay.”
And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s still not successfully completed his racial sensitivity correspondence course):
On Sunday, it’s your Mother’s Day.
You should buy her a lovely bouquet.
Don’t say come to our house,
She’ll make you feel like a louse
If you send her home when she wants to stay.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“The best way to spend Armed Forces Day.”
MOTHER’S DAY GIFT GUIDE HOT LINE
e-mail your “erotic inspirations” today
Some mother-loving items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally mother-loving subscribers
LINK OF THE DAY
DEAD GIVEAWAY IN CLEVELAND
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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