One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Happy Lost Sock Memorial Day, Everybody!
HOPING FOR THEIR SAFE RETURN: Today’s the day to reorganize your drawer full of unmatched socks. Remember, each unmatched sock represents a missing sock. You never throw away your unmatched socks. After all, they all might show up someday.
Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1960, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved the world’s first commercially produced birth control pill–Enovid-10.
And Bobby Leach says that’s the last day he ever wore a rubber.
Does size really matter? You bet. Especially when you go to Walgreen’s to buy a condom and the clerk asks if you’d like to try it on before you leave the store.
Maybe that’s why our quote for today committee chose Joan Rivers’ “My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.”
AND YOU KNEW THIS WAS COMING: But the only question was when. Following the Terrorist Bombing in Boston using pressure cookers, a DemocRAT Congressional committee is proposing a bill banning four quarts or larger pressure cookers. Smaller cookers will be limited to one per person. A Pressure Cooker Owner Identification Card (PCOID) will be issued only after passing a background check from the Department of Homeland Security, the Border Patrol, ATF, Martha Stewart Online, and the Food Network.
“We must protect the public from mentally ill persons carrying high capacity pressure cookers,” said Diane Feinstein (D-CA).
“No one needs an assault pressure cooker, ” said Senator Harry Reid (D-NV).
Representative Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) sponsored the legislation and wants to add a provision that anyone bringing a pressure cooker within 200 yards of a school, church, playground, or government building will be subject to a minimum 30 year sentence in a federal prison.
016 presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton (D-NY) said, “No real cook needs a large capacity pressure cooker. Everyone can get by with small-cap cookers, sauce pans or even Crock Pots”.
President Obama (D-IL) said, “I agree. We have to do something, even if it won’t solve the problem. It helps in the polls.”
Vice President Joe Biden (D-Del) said, “What’s a pressure cooker?”
We’re sure all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Obama Voters will support it.
OH, HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN: Ever since Ohio Senator Rob “Fighting for Flip Flops” Portman lost all that support from Republicans after he came out in favor of gay marriage, he’s been trying to improve his image with Conservatives. Yesterday we showed you a video of Portman on a Liberal news show where he confessed that he used to be a pothead. Then he joined noted RINOs like John McCain and Lindsay Graham by breaking his no tax pledge and casting his vote for a tax sales on the internet. Where’s Portman getting his advice these days, from Jim Berns?
Speaking of our Loony Libertarian, the Cincinnati Mayoral Candidate actually sent out an e-mail claiming he’d received the prized endorsement from COAST (Citizens Opposed to Additional Spending and Taxes). Surely COAST would not risk what little credibility they still have with such an outrageous endorsement.
- CELEBRITY SIGHTING: And did somebody really see Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernake at the Empty Uppity Oprah Winfrey Campaigning for Obama, Under-funded, Ugly-ass Poorly-Planned Unnagraown Rayroe Museum Not-so-Free-dom Center Wednesday night? Considering all the Federal Money pissed away on that place, where else would you expect him to be in Cincinnati?
- CAMERAS FOR COPS: And did you see all that great publicity our good friends ACLU Attorney Scott Greenwood and Former Cincinnati Police Chief Tom Streicher received after their SRO Risk Management Seminar on Emerging Law Enforcement Technology in Sharonville? [HERE’S JUST ONE EXAMPLE] No wonder the firm of Greenwood & Streicher, LLC is being called the leading law enforcement experts advocating on-body recording systems for police officers, and why the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Department chose our dynamic duo to conduct its Operational and Performance Audit that Sheriff Jim Neil promised during his campaign.
AND JUST WHO’S RUNNING SOME OF THOSE REPUBLICAN CAMPAIGNS FOR CINCINNATI CITY CLOWNCIL THESE DAYS? Consider recent developments from two campaigns as reported by one of our Conservative Snitches:
Earlier today CS received an email for an Amy Murray Birthday Blitz. The entirety of this event is a request to write a $20.13 check to Amy to wish her a Happy Birthday. Seriously? Snitch says he gets to write a check and drop it in the mail, that sounds like fun! How difficult would it have been to rent a room and order a cake for an actual birthday party? Make it something fun and worth writing that $20 check.
Then Snitch checked his mail and noticed that he’d received five fundraising invitations from Sam Malone. Three of them were the same letter from Chris Monzel and Tracy Winkler urging him to give money to Sam. The other two were invites to a fundraiser for Sam featuring Joe “Deter.” Joining him was the Host Committee which included “Wanye” Lippert, Hon. Greg “Hartman”, and John “Rabernold.” For any new Whistleblower readers, these names should read: Joe Deters, Wayne Lippert, Greg Hartmann, and John Rabenold. Maybe if they had sent me 8 or 9 invites and botched a few more names I’d be more inclined to donate.
SO WHY DID THE FORREST GUMP SCHOOL DISTRICT LOSE ITS STEALTH TAX LEVY ON TUESDAY? “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman remembers how Anderson Tea Party Patriot Alexander Glaser’s impassioned plea to the Anderson GOP Club carried the day over “every school tax is good and necessary no matter what” school board member and perennial tax increaser Randy Smith.
Anderson Township Fiscal Officer Ken “Just One More Budweiser, Please” Dietz says, “Damn, now the over-taxed payers of Anderson Township will have to pay another $72,000 when those bastards at the FHSD put the issue on the August ballot.”
- NOW ROBERT CRAWFORD OFFERS AN IDEA THAT WOULD MAKE IT SO MUCH EASIER FOR SCHOOL DISTRICTS TO PASS THEIR LEVIES.
Private school parents get shafted by public school levies. They have to pay taxes for schools they do not use and get nothing in return. In addition, because they send their children to non-public schools, they also save the public districts about $10,000 a year for each child who does not attend public schools.
What public districts should do is to offer parents in their district a voucher in the amount of $4,000 per child, per year, if they send their children elsewhere.
That still allows the public district to save $6,000 per child since they do not have to educate them. By sending the voucher to the parents, there is plenty of separation of church and state. If that is still an issue, then it could be a cash payment in lieu of voucher to the parents to be used for tuition only at K through 12 school of the parent’s choice.
Now people might say, especially union hacks, that it takes money from the public schools. Well frankly, education is not about funding schools. It is about educating children. Children and their education come first. School districts and union hacks come second. It’s not about unions, it’s not about how much money they can force out of the over-taxed payers, it’s about quality education for the children first and foremost.
The tax levies would then get the votes of the private school parents. They would pass, no doubt about it. But each levy must read that should the tuition credit system ever be found to be un-Constitutional, then the tax levy shall be cancelled. Win/Win for all.
AND WILL WONDERS NEVER CEASE? $tate Rep-tile for $ale Peter $tautberg actually filed a bill to help townships like Anderson establish a procedure to recall an elected township officer like Disgraced Masturbating Trustee Kevin P. O’Brien. How many years has The Blower been talking about this? Did we finally shame $tautberg into doing his job? Or maybe all that talk about a primary opponent provided the necessary motivation.- DETROIT DATING TIPS: When Cincinnati’s Fourteen-Star Police Chief James Craig takes that job in Detroit, he should remember the last two police chiefs in Detroit were fired for sex scandals, and would you believe— they were both with the same woman? Sounds like The Blower will need to find Motown Bureau Chief one of these days. And did our wander chief really say his interest in the Detroit job wasn’t the money, it was about not having to take any tests.
- BREAKING NEWS: It seems like our Feckless Fishwrappers are finally reporting about how those Liberal City Clown-cil Members passed ordinance #1140-2013 promising billions in boondoggle construction projects complete with over-inflated wages at excessive over-taxed payer expense to their Big Labor contributors. How long has The Blower been talking about that anyway?
Special “Same Time Last Year in Kentucky” E-dition
What a Difference a Year Makes
Think of how much things have changed since last year on the second Thursday in May, when Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo said with only twelve more days until the primary elections on May 22, Mitt Romney was already sitting on 925 of the 1,144 delegates he needed for the Republican Presidential Nomination, and Republicans in Northern Kentucky were all hoping Kentucky put him over the top. At least, it would give folks on TV something interesting to talk about. So far, their coverage of that seven-way primary for Goof Doofus’ seat in Congress had been something less than exciting. Boondoggle Judge Executive Garry Moore was even running an attack ad against Thomas Massie. YouTube says that video is now private, so we can’t show it to you today.
And did Highlands High School teacher Andrea Conners with two children of her own, really resign her job last Thursday amid allegations that she had sex with a student?- And last year, it was interesting to see which Northern Kentucky attorney would be defending her, with Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters’ suspension situation still not fully resolved then.
- So far, local TV stations are all over that story, and Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel wants to know: why don’t those same TV stations cover stories when their own anchorbimbos have sex with their cameramen?
- FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane to explain why we should all spend a little time (as little as possible) searching for our missing socks on Lost Sock Memorial Day. Beloved Whistleblower Publisher said after a (very) brief search, and in good “Memorial” spirit, everybody should spend a minute reflecting upon how warm and comforting the missing socks were on their stinky toes. Then, by all means, get on with your life. Today is also a good opportunity to toss out all of your unmatched socks, unless you find the culprits red handed.
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s Whistleblower is brought to you by a generous donation during our May fund-raising drive from the Greater Cincinnati Committee to Put Cameras on Cops, as long as the cops remember to turn them off when they go to the crapper.
MOTHER’S DAY GIFT HOT LINE
Mooch says, “Buy my book for Mother’s Day!”
Some Obama-bashing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Obama-bashing subscribers.
Link of the Day
Benghazi Hearing – Unraveling Benghazi – Was There A National Security Cover-up
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