Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

Was it a only a coincidence that a year to the day after Obama kicked off his victorious re-election campaign on our college campus, Obama returned to give our commencement address? —THE Ohio State University
When Obama told us, “I don’t pretend to have all the answers,” it was really no surprise. —New OSU Graduates
Please don’t report how fast we’re deserting Obama’s sinking ship on Benghazi and Syria. —D-RATS in Congress
Really, what does it matter at this point? —Hillary, Hoping for Another Pass
When we heard “whistleblowers” would be testifying in about Congress tomorrow about Obama’s Benghazi-gate cover-up, many people thought we were being called. —Whistleblower Readers
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane told us only after Congress starts impeaching Obama over Benghazi-gate in a Fast and Furious manner, should we start paying attention. —Members of the Conservative Agenda
On this date in 1789, George Washington attended his inaugural ball, but unlike Bill Clinton who was actually impeached, GW didn’t get a single BJ. And on this date in 1763, the Pontiac Rebellion began, but it wasn’t until this week that General Motors recalled their Hummers. —Hurley the Historian
We just received still another urgent e-mail requesting a $5 donation from Obama’s so-called Organizing for Action and directing all of us Obama followers to sign a petition demanding an end to gun violence so Obama Supporters in the Press can run a big story with the names of hundreds of thousands of people who “aren’t backing down,” as the Obama Administration tries to intimidate the 45 Senators who sided with the gun lobby into changing their votes and passing legislation to expand restrictions on gun sales. —Obsessive Obama Supporters Tom and Rose
Amnesty for illegals will cost over-taxed payers at least $6.3 trillion over the coming decades, because illegal immigrants would receive $9.4 trillion in government benefits and pay only $3.1 trillion in taxes over their lifetimes if they gain lawful status under the so-called comprehensive immigration reform pending in the Senate. —The Heritage Foundation
When I told dimwits at Channel 19 the Flying Pig Marathon was about overcoming my fear that many American have felt since the Boston Marathon bombings, was I setting a “personal best” for getting free publicity? — Defeated, Corrupt, Evicted, Lying, Plagiarizing, Meddling, Overblown, Bought-And-Paid-For, Tax-And-Spend, Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-In-A-Ditch “Mean Jean” Schmidt
Ever since I changed my position to support gay marriage, Liberals think I’ll cave in on the rest of their favorite issues (like gun control). —Senator Rob “Fighting for Flip-Flops and Fops” Portman
Hurry up, homos. Portman says Wednesday is Homosexual Lobbying Day (or as we call it. Date Night) at the Ohio Statehouse. —Sodomy Rites Activists
The claim that TEA Party activists are abandoning Republican candidates and elected officials has it backwards. The reality is that many Republicans who ran on TEA Party values have failed to follow through with their stated beliefs. Instead, they have continually accommodated efforts by the left to increase the size and scope of government and have often been more concerned with their political advancement than doing the right thing. —TEA Party Patriots Ray Warrick, Ann Becker, Ted Stevenot, Chris Littleton, Jack Painter, Burr Robinson, Andrew Pappas, Brian Willis, Shannon Hartkemeyer, Judy Guju, Larry Heller, Joe Daly, Kelly Kohls, Bob Turner, Jim Lewis, Jack Schrand, and Mike Robbins
At Monday’s Parking Plot Hearing, I said even if the City wins this appeal, we’ll still be laying off police and firefighters, and Liberal Extremists on Clown-cil will screw the over-taxed payers by moving immediately to sign the lease and thus moot any chance for a Supreme Court review. —Cincinnati City Solicitor John Curp
People are already betting on how we’ll rule. —1st District Court of Appeals Judges Mrs. Willie Cunningham, Pat Dinkelacker, and P-P-P-Patrick DeWhine
Are we really supposed to be doing a story about how those Liberal City Clown-cil Members passed ordinance #1140-2013 promising $5 billion in boondoggle construction projects to their Big Labor contributors? —Feckless Fishwrappers
Please don’t ask who planted that story in the Detroit media about my being offered the top cop job there. —Cincinnati’s Four-Star Police Chief James Craig, Still Stuck in Cincinnati
In Cincinnati’s Mayoral Race, both Foxy Roxy Qualls and Disguised DemocRAT John Cranley didn’t show up will for our early May debate, so Loony Libertarian Jim Berns debated two empty chairs. —Empower U, Whatever the Hell That Is
Please don’t remind your readers to vote tomorrow so we can sneak our Stealth Tax increase through while most people aren’t paying attention. —Tax-and-Spenders at the Forrest Gump School District
School Districts in MILF-ord and West Clermont are hoping for the same thing. —Clermont County TEA Partiers
Also, last week the Ohio House introduced right to work legislation, but you shouldn’t expect it to go anywhere since Governor Kasich opposes it and Ohio’s Republican-led Senate won’t take up the issue because Ohio Senate Republicans rake in union cash. Help us put this issue to the ballot and let the people decide by signing our petitions at the polls tomorrow. —Anderson TEA Party Patriots
They say the Kentucky Derby is the most exciting two minutes in sports? —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
The missus says that reminds her of our wedding night. —Bobby Leach
I really like it when jockeys use a whip. —DemocrAT Dominatrix Kathy Groob
Never bet on “Short Leash,” he doesn’t finish. —Miss Vicki
That’s why we chose Will Rogers’, “Money, horse racing and women are three things the boys just can’t figure out.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
Did any of those little jockeys ride bareback? —Jeni Lee Dinkel
We like it when they mention us as they sing “My Old Kentucky Home.” —Gay Darkies
We always favor a jockey who likes to come from behind. —Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis
Sorry we told you to bet all your money on Black Onyx, because he was scratched. —Turfway Touts
Do I get my money back if I had Black Onyx in the office pool? —Goof Doofus
This month is the anniversary of the date John Scopes was charged for teaching evolution in Tennessee, and all candidates for a Darwin Award will get a free admission. —The Lizard Museum
Don’t forget, Thursday is Lost Sock Memorial Day. —Bluegrass Barefooters
Don’t forget Opening Day for my Y’All Ville baseball team is coming up in just a couple of weeks. —Mayor Blondie Whalen
When will it be River Downs’ turn to host the Kentucky Derby? —TV19’s Trish the Dish
Sheree Paolello says the best way to make a small fortune betting on horses is to start out with a large fortune. —Jack Atherton (Still at Channel 22.45 in Dayton in case you missed me)

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

Sometimes The Blower uses racial and ethnic slurs to show that bigotry of any kind is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a total retard.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Gay Darkies.

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Whistleblowers Blow Lid Off Benghazi-Gate Coverup

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