Friday, May 3, 2013
Happy Press Freedom Day, Everybody!
OBAMA’S COVER-UP CONTINUES: Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says Obama’s White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard did his best “Baghdad Bob” impersonation Wednesday when he told Fox News reporter Ed Henry covering up the murder of Americans at the Embassy in Benghazi was no big deal because it happened “a long time ago.” Yeah, right before the 2012 Elections, and that cover-up has continued every day since.
At Human Events, John Hayward wrote: Gaze in wonder as the Memory Hole actually opens before your eyes, with White House spokesman Jay Carney asserting that “Benghazi happened a long time ago.” President Obama is very fond of using human props to make political points, so perhaps congressional Republicans could invite the families of the Benghazi dead to D.C., and dare Carney to repeat this odious nonsense to their faces.
And on Fox News, Charles Krauthammer said, “Benghazi happened a long time ago. That’s the definition of chutzpah. This administration has stonewalled every inquiry and delayed its answers and not released names and told all kinds of stories is now saying, ‘Well, it’s an old story.’ I have argued from the beginning, the administration’s strategy has always been string it out over time and count on the mainstream media being uninterested in the story. And that’s worked up until now. It echoes what Hillary Clinton said at her hearings: What difference does it make at this point?”
Things should really get interesting next week when eyewitnesses with potentially damaging information on the Obama administration’s handling of last year’s terror attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi will testify at a hearing next week.
OUR LATE NIGHT JOKEWATCHER says Jay Leno told Obama how to close GITMO: “Declare it a small business and tax it out of existence.”- OBAMANOMICS 101: 40% Of U.S. College Graduates Are Underemployed. Ironically, these are the same Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span college students who supported Obama in droves and now they can’t get a full-time job because of his policies. How stupid were they? If the election were to be held today, they’d probably vote for him again.
- ISLAMOPHOBIA EXPLAINED: 30 of the FBI’s 31 Most Wanted Terrorists are Muslim.[SEE THAT LIST HERE]
FLYING PIG SECURITY: Last week, when The Blower asked our good friend Tom Streicher about the “extraordinary” steps Organizers of Cincinnati’s Flying Pig Marathon might be taking to strengthen their security plans for this Sunday in the aftermath of the Boston Marathon Massacre, our distinguished former Cincinnati Police Chief explained: “Acts of terror are designed to dissuade the general population from doing that which they would normally be inclined to do, thus disrupting the comfort level of the majority of a population. If permitted to be successful, this action can have a devastating effect on the economy of a society and be immensely disruptive for a sustained period of time.”
“The best way the average citizen can defeat this aspect of a terrorist threat is to act with defiance by not succumbing to their intended result and enjoying our freedom to attend events such as the Flying Pig Marathon here in Cincinnati. Such action expresses confidence in our democratic way of life, our freedom, and our emergency service workers who are diligently addressing all concerns associated with such events. ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM, AMERICA!!!”
G-UN CONTROL: Obsessive Obama Supporters Tom and Rose just received another urgent e-mail requesting a $5 donation from Obama’s so-called Organizing for Action and directing all Obama followers to sign a petition demanding an end to gun violence so Obama Supporters in the Press can run a big story with the names of hundreds of thousands of people who aren’t backing down, as the Obama Administration tries to intimidate the 45 Senators who sided with the gun lobby into changing their votes and passing legislation to expand restrictions on gun sales.- TEA PARTY TEMPEST: 17 Cincinnati area TEA Party Patriots blasted local Ohio Congressmen Steve Chabothead and “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup after the House passed the Cyber Information Sharing and Protection Act. That bill would give the Obama administration “unprecedented” access to consumers’ private information and was only the latest GOP move “to increase the size and scope of government” and accommodate the Liberals in Congress.
Also, TEA Party Rabble-Rouser Tom Zawistowski will be meeting tomorrow with Don Shrader, Chairman of the Constitution Party of Ohio, only a week after he was not chosen to be Chairman of the Ohio Republican Party. “TEA Party Tom” says, “I also said that if the ORP did not want to be a political party, we would either find a political party to join or we would start one of our own. My meeting Saturday with Don Shrader from the Ohio Constitution Party is the first step in that process.”
DEMOCRAT HATE SPEECH UPDATE: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says Ohio GOP Chairman-Elect Borges issued the following statement after keynote speaker Joe Rugola of the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees (AFSCME) Union compared House Republicans to Nazis during World War II at a House DemocRAT Caucus press conference on Wednesday. “Ohio Democrats should immediately apologize and distance themselves from this type of hate-filled rhetoric.” [WATCH THE D-RATS HERE]
Nazis, we understand, are also demanding an apology.
In a related story, State Rep-Tile Ron Magg thinks it’s time to make Ohio a “right-to-work” state, but Ohio GOP Governor Kasich Taylor hasn’t taken a position on the controversial issue, possibly because Big Labor might be somewhat against the idea.
REP-TILE REPORT: State Rep-tile John Becker beat the crap out of labor unions in the April issue of his “Becker Report.” He made the following comments:
“Unless you get caught stealing, you can’t get fired. Pay is based on seniority rather than merit. Union employees are a communism style collective. They have no incentive to do more than the minimum required. “What difference does it make? It’s not like they can fire us.” That was the attitude of some.”
“They are an inhibition to gainful employment.”
“As long as you clock-in and clock-out at the appropriate time, you don’t have to do anything.”
“Organized labor equates to organized crime.”
“They’re out of control.”
Regarding public sector unions, Becker blasted: “Governmental entities can’t go out of business. Often times, the management are union leaders and/or they get union campaign contributions. The fox is watching the hen house. It is not a fair fight and the over-taxed payers get screwed every time.”
It’s about time somebody in Columbus gets it.
- Does everybody remember “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” (Act 3, Scene 2, 1) when Puck said “Lord, what fools these mortals be!”
Yes o yes gentle reader, “what fools these mortals be” that would give up a beautiful May 1 night to venture to the Anderson Taj Mahal and attend an Anderson GOP meeting with bluer-than-blue Alex T. Mall Cop as the special speaker. Yet, that is in fact what kind of fools they are. Interestingly, several know fools were missing and carrying on with their real lives in the wonderful weather. Notably, Duffy “the O’Brien slayer” was not there and no doubt out meeting with the Greg Delev for Anderson Township Trustee team. This meeting takes place in a very small space since there are so few in attendance. Slightly less than at the meeting, but only slightly.
The meeting starts out with a plea to put in Russ “we trust” Jackson out of his misery of dealing with Kevin “the Masturbater” O’Brien and elect Josh Gerth trustee. Nuff said. Josh is continuing in the fine Andersonian tradition to run a stealth campaign for trustee.
Next came the shameless Forrest Gump School Board asking for more levy money again. They never give it a rest.
Fortunately the TEA Party spoke out against it and now will get the word out that this levy is unneeded and unnecessary.
Finally the special speaker arrive from his Big Wig Big Bucks fundraiser with Secretary of State Jon Husted. He was loaded with stories about just a few of the DemocRATS that were caught double and more voting for OBAMA. No defense or explanation was given for the recent betrayals of Republican Party values by Rob Portman going GAY or John Kasich going for ObamaCare of election of a felon to State Party Chairman.
After all, like we said at the beginning gentle reader, “Lord, what fools these mortals be!”
SHAM STREETCAR HEARINGS: Former Cincinnati Mayor-Congressman-TV 5 Anchorman and Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Charlie Luken says “So, I tuned in to hear how the city was going to deal with the increased costs of the streetcar. After all, that is how it was advertised. $20 million plus on the bids, who-knows-how-much on the utilities, and, of course, operating shortfalls. Not one word. Nothing. And, of course, the crack Enquirer reporter lets them get away with it. She always does. Can anyone say “transparency?” “You see, we will cobble together Capital Budget money from here and there, maybe I can tell you tomorrow, pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, but listen to this nice city councilwoman from Canada.”- SPOILED SPORTS: Typical Reds Rooter Farley Fairweather says, if any team ever needed a day off on Thursday, it was the hitless, runless, Reds like Jay Bruce said, “I’m happy for him.” But how freaking happy would Bruce be if Collins’ locker was next to his?
- VOICE PROM THE PAST: Did CityBleat’s Curmudgeon really blast public radio’s Radiolab (WVXU-FM 8 p.m. Sundays) decision to allow Cincinnatian Phil Heimlich to have critical control over its March 5 program about Phil’s dad, Henry Heimlich. “Schnozzy” sent us the link, because he hasn’t had his name in print for years.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says the father of modern political theory Niccolo Machiavelli was born in 1469, and as the Official Voice of the Conservative Agenda, The Blower says Niccolo would be proud if he saw what our local leaders were doing. Nico entered the political service of his native Florence in Northern Italy, and today Mayor Blondie Whalen is every bit as Machiavellian as Nico ever was in her native Florence in Northern Kentucky.- ALSO IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says, “Good Grief, Charlie Brown! What in the wide world of sports are our elected officials doing, giving SD 1 (SD 666) blank checks? At the Tri-County Summit meeting this week at an undisclosed location, SD was singing the blues about how the EPA was draining their mountain of cash. This snitch has been informed that they want a 17% hike this year, 21% hike next year, and 23% hike in 2015. No kidding!”
Our Turfway Tout says Turfway Park will be celebrating the most exciting two minutes in sports all day long May 4 as the Northern Kentucky track hosts its Rock the Derby: the Biggest Derby Party in Town, its annual Kentucky Derby simulcast and party.
In honor of Black Onyx, the nearly black colt who earned his way to the Derby by winning the Horseshoe Casino Cincinnati Spiral Stakes at Turfway, one lucky fan will win a $1,375 diamond and onyx necklace designed by Gabriel & Co. of New York, compliments of Marshall Granger Jewelers of Cold Spring, Ky. The name of the winner will be drawn from entries that correctly predict where Black Onyx finishes in the race. The winner must be present at the drawing.
And won’t it be funny tonight if John Coyne and all the usual suspects were smoking outside the Landing in New Richmond, when the lady with a wooden leg says her daughter (one of the original strippers at Deja Vu) never misses a Kentucky Derby and Clem from Clermont asked the daughter if that wasn’t a pretty long drive. “Of course not,” the daughter said, “It’s only about eight miles to River Downs.”
Now here’s where you can bet on the Derby online.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA , Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if there would be any special mention of World Press Freedom Day on Friday. In 1993, the UN General Assembly proclaimed May 3 each year to be World Press Freedom Day, and each year, UNESCO awards the UNESCO/Guillermo Cano World Press Freedom Prize to someone who has made a major contribution towards journalistic freedom. “We’ll let you know tomorrow if we got this year’s award,” Kane promised.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose A. J. Liebling’s “Freedom of the press is guaranteed only to those who own one.”
Stories We’re Working On
Obama’s leadership in question- Tsarnaev was too dangerous for Mecca, but not Boston
- Reid: More funding needed to prevent Obamacare from becoming “train wreck”
- Obamacare’ Poll finds 42% of Americans unaware it’s the law
- Runners show their fearless patriotism at Flying Pig Marathon
- At Saturday’s Derby, it’s “Ich bin ein Kentuckian!”
- And on Sunday it’ll be “Hold the Mayo!”
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s why the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said you should never believe media polls:
(A) Rigged questions: 2%
(B) Paid-off pollsters: 1%
(C) Hand-picked respondents: 1%
(D) Liberal Media Bias: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Time Out for Hot Tamales
This week, everybody who is hoping to see another Cinci de Mayo riot, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Juan Carlos Gonzales de Lopez Ruiz, or as his fellow residents in Lower Price Hill call him, “Hey, Wetback.”
Juan wins an “I Tried to Start a Riot and All I Could Steal Was This Crappy T-Shirt” T-shirt, an off-the-books construction job from a local award-winning homebuilder, a night of pleasure at an Hispanic Whorehouse in Sharonville, nude photos of Sasha Rionda, and tips on how to evade the INS from the Illegal Aliens Association. His winning entry is:
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo:
Practice your Spanish by learning to sing “Day-O.”
So when the Mexicans arrive to cut all your grass,
And illegally claim welfare benefits en masse,
You can practice diversity while out the ass you pay-o.
And now for some dishonorable mentions
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo:
Buy a case of Cerveza and get really high-o.
Throw every bottle on the Kellogg Soccer Field.
When the polices arrive, make sure your dope is concealed,
And say, “Would you like to meet my seester? She’s right here on standby-o.”
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Pour yourself a shot of Tequila and Papay-o,
And truck on down to the Arizona border
With that Glock .45 you got from mail order
And to Julio and Jose say good-bye-o!
Senor Bob Castellini says
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
To celebrate what should be our big day-o.
Go out with Conchita,
She knows how to treat ya,
And maybe you won’t have to pay-o.
“TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman says
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Be glad you live here in Ohio
Unleash your beagles
And hunt down illegals,
And ship them back where they play jai-alai-o.
Loony Libertarian Jim Berns says
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
With Moises, Jose, Jesus, and Alfredo:
Bring your ball to Schmidt field,
Keep those six-packs concealed,
And CRC won’t even make you pay-o!
Rick “The Batboy” Robinson says
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo:
Drink till you puke, my oh, my oh!
If you did that in Juarez
Your pesos would go as far as
A hundred would last in Ohio.
Bobby Leach says
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Pretend it’s Mexico, when it’s really Ohio.
Drink til you turn blue
And don’t catch the Swine Flu
And maybe catch a bit of fur pie-oh!
And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s still not successfully completed his racial sensitivity correspondence course):
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Take a scouting trip down to the bayou.
Draft some “hot Cajun chicks”
Who could teach the Secret Service some tricks
And then bring them back to Ohio.
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Drive down to the New Orleans bayou
If you stick around here,
All you’ll get is cheap beer
Cajuns are wilder than folks in Ohio.
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Protest Arizona’s new illegals law, oh-my-oh!
Despite minor setbacks
We need lots of new wetbacks
Good thing the border’s not on Ohio!
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Go down and see the oil spill on the Bayou
In Air Force One, the Messiah is flyin’
To visit the fish and shrimp that are dyin’
Just be glad you live in Ohio.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“The best way to celebrate your mother’s day.”
DERBY DAY HOT LINE
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Some truth-challenged items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally truth-challenged subscribers
LINK OF THE DAY
Flashbang Bra Holster as seen on NCIS LA, NCIS Los Angeles
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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