Monthly Archives: March 2013

Special “The Week That Was” E-dition

Sunday, March 24, 2013

The Blower’s Week in Review

  • image006OUR NUMBER ONE LOCAL STORY THIS WEEK was when Israeli Correspondent Yitzhak Tadwell reported when Obama arrived in Israel on Wednesday for his Early Passover Charm Offensive looking for Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Obama Supporters in the Middle East, his limo broke down because somebody accidently filled the gas tank with diesel fuel. How large was Obama’s delegation anyway? An Obama administration video highlighting the president’s plans for his Mideast trip depicted Jerusalem, the Golan and the West Bank – also known as Judea and Samaria – as non-Israeli territory. Palestinian rioters had already set fire to pictures of Obama on Monday, as part of their unwelcoming ceremonies to their city, and Israeli all over all parts of their country even though Obama’s White House doesn’t know what Israel’s boundaries are, were posting Obama’s photos with big red “no” symbols on telephone poles. Was this an auspicious beginning to Obama’s three-day charm offensive to the Middle East or what? Our Part-time Rabbinical Scholar remembers the story about when Moses tied his ass to a tree and walked for forty miles.
  • image009OUR NUMBER TWO LOCAL STORY THIS WEEK was when Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus finally figured out why so-called Ohio Conservative Senator Rob “Fighting for Feelings” Portman had been so overcome by empathy last week, that he chose to come out in favor of homosexual marriage. Portman had only known about his son’s sexual preference for two years. It had already been factored into Romney’s VP Decision last year. So Portman’s coming out last week had to be part of an orchestrated public relations campaign to precede next week’s Supreme Court hearing, when California’s Proposition 8 gay marriages case will be heard. Coincidence? We think not. Don’t be surprised if you see him grabbing as much face time on TV as he can.
  • image012AND OUR NUMBER THREE LOCAL STORY THIS WEEK was when doldrums we found out that Greedy Hearse-Chasing, Disgraced-DemocRAT Clinton-loving, Fen-Phen Scandal Plagued, (Then) Not-yet-Disbarred Trial Attorney $tan Che$ley had been disbarred in Kentucky, and the entire local legal community was wondering what would become of “Cincinnati Legal,” especially part-timers like Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception might even have to do an update.
  • image015MONDAY in our Official “Let’s All Go on Spring Break” E-dition, The Blower was looking for some major yabbos:

This year for Spring Break after Punxsutawney Phil totally blew his 2013 Early Spring Forecast everybody had been counting on, The Blower is working on a list of guys who took their wives and families to the Redneck Riviera, Naples, Destin, or Key Largo, just so they could spend all day on the beach ogling young girls’ breasts. You’ll never guess whose names are on that list.

We asked an aging attorney acquaintance still searching for his lost youth and vigor why he always goes down to Naples on Spring Break, and he told us, “Because I can.”

Again this year the Reds’ Spring Training games won’t be a distraction, like they always used to be in Sarasota. But Tri-staters down here this week on Siesta Key can still keep up on what’s happening in Washington and the ‘Natti by checking out The Blower. And even with only 50 more days till the Forrest Gump Schools Stealth Tax Hike May 7, by using this internet thingy, we can be anywhere instantly.

[READ MORE HERE]

  • image018TUESDAY in our Special “Remembering Shock and Awe” E-dition, The Blower said Republicans should use the same strategery on Obama today and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” included:

Ten years ago today, the War in Iraq began with a shock-and-awe pyrotechnic display over Baghdad, and Defeatist DemocRATS in Congress immediately said the war had gone on too long and the response on the U.S. military was “disproportionate,” whatever in the hell that means. —Whistleblower War Correspondent Ollie Hackworth

Everybody’s hoping Obama doesn’t start another war when he visits those terrorists on the West Bank this week. —Israeli Correspondent Yitzhak Tadwell

image021Please don’t ask why “The Devil” in Sunday night’s hit series “The Bible” bore more than a slight resemblance to Obama. —The History Channel

Any charm offensive that is labeled a charm offensive loses some of its charm. —Conservative Columnist George Will

When I told that skaggy bitch on ABC’s This Week that I “absolutely” trusted Obama, my “Charm Offensive” was just credible as Obama’s. —GOP House Speaker John Boehner

[READ MORE HERE]

  • image022WEDNESDAY in our Special “BB & BJ Day” E-dition, The Blower urged ladies to give their guys what they really wanted.

THE MEANING OF “BB”: Darling Debbie in the Whistleblower Research Department says The Blower might want to publish an explanation in today’s e-dition for “Trish the Dish,” Sheree Paleontology, and anyone else who is not familiar with “BB & BJ Day.” Darling found it on the net while trying to find out just exactly what “BB” stands for. You won’t believe how many people have asked the same question.

[READ MORE HERE]

  • THURSDAY, in our Extra “Local Legal Update” E-dition, The Blower detailed two breaking stories from the Land of Jurisprudence.

image024image027First, Legal Dream Team Chairman Scott Greenwood and former Cincinnati Police Chief Tom Streicher had formed a new consulting firm (GREENWOOD & STREICHER, LLC), which will be providing collaborative policing and accountability solutions to the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, just so new Hamilton County Sheriff Jim Neil can deliver that Operational and Performance Audit he promised during the campaign.

And in other Local Legal News, Greedy Hearse-Chasing, Disgraced-DemocRAT Clinton-loving, Fen-Phen Scandal Plagued, (Then) Not-yet-Disbarred Trial Attorney $tan Che$ley called his old Friend Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane at The Blower to ask him to change his Official Whistleblower Nickname on Thursday, after the Kentucky Bar Association announced it was disbarring his thieving ass for stealing a mere $20 million from all those drug-sickened wretches he was supposed to be representing?

image028ALSO THURSDAY, in our Special “Are You Sure It’s Really Spring?” E-dition, The Blower asked, “How do you know your Equinox is really Vernal?” and we wished everybody a “Happy Springtime.”

Or so they say. No wonder our Quote for Today Committee chose Mark Twain’s “In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

[READ MORE HERE]

  • FRIDAY in our Special “March Madness” E-dition, The Blower published more sports clichés:

image030Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says today is one of the biggest days ever for local basketball fans, what with four Tri-State teams making it to the 2013 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament— UC, Ohio State, Indiana, and Louisville, but not Kentucky. Now let’s see how many make it to the second round.

March Madness showcases the best of college sports. Unfortunately, last year’s installment of the Men’s NCAA Basketball Tournament also highlighted the worst in wasteful government spending, according to the Taxpayers Protection Alliance. The $2.7 billion price tag associated with the arenas used during last year’s NCAA tournament may give March Madness a maddening new meaning for over-taxed payers, whose March Madness Brackets look something like this.

[READ MORE HERE]

  • SATURDAY in our Special “Pandering Parents” E-dition, The Blower said, “It’s a good thing Portman’s kid wasn’t into bestiality!”

image031Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says we now know why so-called Ohio Conservative Senator Rob “Fighting for Feelings” Portman was overcome by empathy and chose to come out in favor of homosexual marriage last week. He’s only known about his gay son for two years. Do you think Portman was among those 130 Republicans who signed an amicus brief to the Supreme Court urging justices to support the freedom to marry when SCOTUS hears arguments on California’s Proposition 8 gay marriages next week? The effort is being organized by Ken Mehlman, former gay chairman of the Republican National Committee when Portman served in the Bush White House.

[READ MORE HERE]

Seediest Kids of All

Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.

image032

SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE

e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today. 

More Politics Unusual

  • OBAMA’S NCAA 2013 TOURNAMENT BRACKETS: Once again demonstrating his preposterous political priorities, before leaving for the Middle East where he was greeted with rockets fired by his Muslim Terrorist Friends in Gaza , Obama submitted his 2013 March Madness Brackets for the fifth straight year (Still No Budget). This video shows what he did last year.

Obama picked favored teams like Florida, Indiana, Louisville, and Ohio State to reach the Final Four. But The Blower wants to know how much U.S. Over-taxed payers had to borrow to from the Chinese just to pay for Obama’s Presidential Bracket Display.

  • CLOWNS IN CONGRESS: Our DC Newsbreaker says both Houses of Congress have passed so-called Budgets that will never be enacted into law, Members of Congress can totally disregard that “No Budget, No Pay” business and will continue to receive their ill-gotten $174,000-per-year salaries plus benefits.
  • NO MONEY FOR BUNNY: As if cutting off White House tours because of the Sequester wasn’t bad enough, this year Obama’s also threatening to cancel the annual Easter Egg Hunt at the White House and blame it on Republicans in Congress. Pissing away over-taxed payers money has always been a tradition for our royal family at this time of the year. Last March, We the Over-Taxed Payers were borrowing money to pay for Obama’s 13 year-old daughter Malia’s Spring Break Trip to Oaxaca, Mexico, along with 12 friends and 25 secret service men. No wonder they needed two jets.
  •  MORE WHITE HOUSE HYPOCRISY: Although White House tours are still victims of Obama’s Sequester Cuts, Obama’s Joke Vice President Joe Biden’s one-day trips to Paris and London in February cost American taxpayers more than $1 million, according to multiple reports. Biden and his security detail rung up a $585,000.50 tab for a single night on February 4 at the Hotel Intercontinental Paris Le Grand, a luxurious five-star hotel near the Louvre Museum.
  • DUMBED-DOWN DEMOCRATS: House DemocRATS are accusing Bitch McConnell of “Sexist Attacks” against Hillary Clinton over his “Golden Girls” Joke.
  • MEDIA MENDACITY: On Friday, a CNN Panel compared Traditional Marriage Supporters to Segregationists and Slave Owners.
  • OUR LATE NIGHT JOKEWATCHER liked Jimmy Kimmel’s “The president filled out his NCAA bracket. He picked Indiana, Louisville, Florida, and Ohio State to reach the Final Four. He had Indiana to win, but Republicans in the House blocked that.
  • UNION BLUES: Are Unions now against ObamacCare too? They thought they were safe. They believed they’d been paid off. But Obama says, “If you can’t lie to your onw supporters, who can you lie to?”
  • TEA PARTY PRINCIPLES: Tea Party groups spoke out Monday against the Republican National Committee’s proposals for sweeping strategic changes to the GOP, charging they don’t address the root problem facing the party and could even undermine the grassroots-backed candidates that have been so successful in past elections.
  • THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says voters want new thinking in Washington, D.C., but what they get is more of the same. Consider the deficit-cutting plans rolled out by the two parties in recent days. Voters don’t care much for either one. Thirty-five percent (35%) favor Republican Congressman Paul Ryan’s plan that calls for a balanced budget in 10 years through spending cuts only. Ryan’s plan includes cuts to Medicare but not the military. Nineteen percent (19%) support Democratic Senator Patty Murray’s plan that doesn’t balance the budget but includes a trillion dollars in tax increases and a trillion dollars in spending cuts over the next decade.
  • HURLEY THE HISTORIAN remembers on this date in 1958, Elvis Presley was inducted into the U.S. Army Elvis said, “The army teaches boys to think like men.” The Blower remembers all the hype that story got back then. But can you imagine what it would be like today?

Obama’s Economy

  • image036OBAMANOMICS 101: Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says according to Washington Secrets, over one-third of the 9.1 million full-time jobs among America’s diverse business franchises could be cut back or eliminated by Obamacare as small businesses struggle to maintain profitability while coughing up money to pay for Washington-mandated health care coverage, according to the International Franchise Association.
  • WALL STREET WEAK: Whistleblower Business Editor Merrill Forbes says Obama’s not the one to thank for how much your portfolio was worth this week. Just ask your stock broker and he’ll tell you he’s the one responsible for your good fortune, especially if he’s being paid a fee based on the value of your portfolio.
  • ROMNEYDAMUS WAS RIGHT: Mitt Romney is hosting a mixer in Park City, Utah this summer to unite “political, business, and other thought leaders,” according to the Chicago Tribune, but you probably aren’t invited unless you’re a future Republican contender for President or a deep-pocketed donor. Still unknown is if Rob “Fighting for Fairies in the Family” Portman is on the list.

More Unresolved Issues

  • image037G-UNCONTROL: The Huffington Post is still complaining about the time Ohio’s state school board president Debe Terhar posted her opposition to gun control, and used a powerful symbol to make her point: a picture of Adolf Hitler. Doesn’t their infernal whining ever stop?
  • ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION: Disingenuous DemocRAT Congressman John Conyers says it was OK for Obama to release 2,228 Illegal Immigrants over Sequester Cuts, because only 467 of them had been convicted of a misdemeanor “or two.”
  • RACIAL HEALING: The Congressional Black Caucus still claims those Sequester Cuts are “Racist.”
  • GAY NEWS UPDATE: There is still only one Republican U.S. Senator who supports homosexual marriages. Can you name him?
  • EDJUMACATION: When the Texas Senate Education Committee approved a bill to ban Planned Parenthood from providing sex education materials or instruction in public schools, it was unclear which organization would then be responsible for handing out contraceptives to children.

Buckeye Blues

  • image039MORE WEASEL WORDING: Tea Party Tim says rumor has it Governor Kasich Taylor’s proposal voluntarily to expand Medicaid in accordance with ObamaCare may get a “makeover.” New words are being tried out to make “expansion” sound more politically attractive, like “pilot program” and “demonstration project.” Maybe that’s why Shakespeare said, “Horseshit by any other name would smell just as bad.”
  • OUTRAGE IN OHIO:Lovely Lori Viars Vice President, Warren County Right to Life, says a statewide coalition of social and fiscal conservative leaders in Ohio today announced a rejection of the current direction of the state Republican leadership. The group opposes Governor Kasich Taylor’s KasichCare expansion, Portman’s homosexual empathy, and the choice of Matt Borges to replace Bob Bennett as Ohio Republican Party Chairman. We’ll see how much any of that gets discussed if Portman dares to show up to speak at Saturday night’s Butler County Lincoln-Reagan Day Dinner.
  • SODOMY RITES UPDATE: The Ohio Christian Alliance has added its condemnation of Ohio Senator Rob “Fighting for Flagellation” Portman’s announcement that he now supports homosexual marriage, saying when he changed his policy position, he crossed a line and violated the trust of the voters that supported him in 2010, who believed that he carried with him into office the same traditional values that they hold so dear. We can hardly wait to hear how many Gay Loving Republicans are still going to be willing to shell out $500 to attend the private reception at Saturday night’s Butler County Lincoln-Reagan Day Dinner.

This weekend at the Hamilton County RINO Party’s big Campaign School, everybody’s wondering who’ll be on the panel during the seminar on “Empathy for Gays.” Maybe WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham could explain, “These days it’s hard enough for any father to admit his daughter’s a cocksucker, let alone his son.”

    • VOTER FRAUD IN OHIO: We know why Cincinnati poll worker Melowese Richardson voted all those times for Obama, but we still haven’t heard “why” Sister Marguerite Kloos Kloos filled out a dead nun’s absentee ballot and forged her signature. Are Dead DemocRATs in Hamilton County able to vote on their own?

  • IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says the Ohio RINO Party released a new web video “Who is Public Official 14?” highlighting DemocRAT candidate for Governor Ed FitzGerald’s involvement in the epic Cuyahoga County corruption scandal in which more than fifty DemocRAT elected officials and community leaders were convicted.

 In a related item, Republicans for Higher Taxes strongly endorse Matt Borges for Ohio Republican Party Chairman. They believe his criminal record is a major asset and will help turn the criminal vote Republican from its historic DemocRAT home.

  • PORTMAN’S LEGACY: With baseball season just a little more than a week away, we ought to let Ken Broo call “It’s I outta here. It’s waaaay outta here!”
  • SHAMELESS SOLICITING: Don’t politicians ever stop? Send us your most egregious examples today.

Legal Updates

  • image042LOCAL LEGAL UPDATE: Did Greedy Hearse-Chasing, Disgraced-DemocRAT Clinton-loving, Fen-Phen Scandal Plagued, (Then) Not-yet-Disbarred Trial Attorney $tan Che$ley really call his old Friend Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane at The Blower to ask him to change his Official Whistleblower Nickname on Thursday, after the Kentucky Bar Association announced it was disbarring his thieving ass for stealing a mere $20 million from all those drug-sickened wretches he was supposed to be representing?

Have they updated his profile on his firm’s website, where it says he’s licensed in Kentucky? Somebody should get to it soon so there’s no additional unpleasantness. $tan’s only hope now is to throw a Hail Mary and hope that Ohio doesn’t follow suit almost automatically.

  • image043REPUBLICANS FOR HIGHER TAXES endorse disbarred-in-Kentucky attorney Stan Chesley to be Chief Legal Counsel for the Ohio Republican Party (ORP). With convicted criminal Matt Borges soon to become ORP Chairman, they believe the ORP should double-down on the outlaw theme as part of the ORP’s outreach to ex-cons who vote.
  • A TROUBLED TROIKA: All three of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s main benefactors who helped keep her in office all those years are having a tough time this week. First, Rob “Fighting for Fellatio” Portman is getting a rude awakening over his evolved position on homosexual marriages, $tan Che$ley just got disbarred by the Kentucky Bar Association, and down at The Fishwrap, Metro Mole says the reason there seem to be so many stories in Skaggie Maggie’s new format is because they can’t sell any ads. Now we’re all waiting for WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham to get his long-overdue comeuppance.

‘Round Town

  • image045HAMILTON COUNTY RINOS: We’re still waiting for a full report about what happened at Saturday’s Hamilton County RINO Party’s Annual Campaign School. Have you ever seen such an excited classroom in your life? Couldn’t the instructor at least have written the name of her class and her name on the white board? Even the HCRP errand boy who took this photo knew he needed to shoot from the back so no one’s faces could be seen. Perhaps the feeble photog was Rob “Fighting for Faggotry” Portman’s gay son. We understand he’s good at shooting from behind.
  • MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE CHOSE “Matthew 15:14 Leave them; they are blind guides. If the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit.”
  • MICKEY’S MOTIVE: When Whistleblower Legal Dream Team Chairman Scott Greenwood and former Cincinnati Police Chief Tom Strike-her perform their Audit of new Hamilton County Sheriff Jim Neil’s Office, will they be able to tell us why Mickey Esposito stole all that stuff from the Sheriff’s Property Room? We suspect it was the same reason bank robber Willie Sutton used: “That’s where they keep all the money.”
  • AMY’S ANGRY: Republican Clown-cil Candidate Amy Murray says, “Wednesday, Judge Winkler extended the restraining order on the Parking Giveaway Boondoggle in the City of Cincinnati wanted to execute, allowing our citizen-led referendum effort more time to collect signatures and organize our support. We are engaging in this effort because we feel Council pushed this legislation through in a manner unfair to the citizens of Cincinnati, and that they deserve a voice on this issue.” SMLP Smithermouth keeps talking about already gathering “4,000” signatures out of the 8,522 they need. Yeah, right! We’re sure SMLP’s are all valid.
  • CH SNITCH AT 1000 MAIN STREET: Crowds are growing outside the courthouse waiting for that puff of white smoke signaling Judge Robert Winker has finally succumbed to political pressure being put on him to help him decide how to rule on Cincinnati’s Parking Giveaway Boondoggle. Having to review all of those videos of City Clown-cil meetings must be taking so long, he’s extended that Temporary Restraining Order for another two weeks. Speaking of Winklers, over at the Clerk of Courts Office, the Judge’s sister-in law Tracy Winkler is still doing her level best to keep any record of Mickey Esposito’s case a really big secret.
  • LOONY LIBERTARIANS: Cincinnati Mayoral Candidate Jim Berns has issued a challenge to his two opponents (Liberal John Cranley and Really Liberal Foxy Roxy Qualls) even though they are not yet on the ballot like he is to see who can collect the most signatures in the Parking Meter Madness drive. The Blower may be going out on a limb here, but we predict Foxy Roxy is not going come in first.
  • OPENING DAY PARADE: A motion signed by seven gay-loving members of Cincinnati City Clown-cil would now require parades that take city subsidies not to discriminate when allowing groups to march. Does this now mean Rob “Fighting for Fancy Boys” Portman may be the Grand Marshal?
  • PUTTING THE SIN IN CINCINNATI: Yesterday was the anniversary on the date in 1888 when Vincent Van Gogh chopped off his ear and gave it to a prostitute, but Jerry Springer says today streetwalkers outside the new Horseshoe Casino in Downtown Cincinnati will still accept your check.
  • INCIVILITY AT UC: If any of the skanks who posed for those vile-and-disgusting Vagina Photos displayed on the UC Campus earlier this month are tired of waiting for the Jerry Springer show producer to call, The Blower would be happy to publish their faces.
  • AUDIT UPDATE: The Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office isn’t the first place Scott Greenwood and Tom Strike-her will have provided collaborative policing and accountability solutions to police departments across the country. Take the usage of video cameras by police, for example. Officer.com reports former Cincinnati Police Chief Tom Streicher saying that in addition to cameras, departments should also have specific use policies in place. Strike-her and our Whistleblower Legal Dream Team Chairman have already constructed a model policy to guide departments wading into unknown video waters. We can hardly wait to see what our Dynamic Duo has to say about TASERs.
  • HOW ABOUT THEM REDS?: Typical Reds Rooter Farley Fairweather says Dusty’s boys are really showing what they’re made of during Spring Training this year. The team is already in last place at 9-15.

Soreheads in the Suburbs

  • FROM THE GEM OF THE HIGHLANDS: Our Branch Norwoodian sent us the latest video from the Norwood Chamber of Commerce. And you thought those folks didn’t know how to do anything but talk shit.
  • FROM THE GREAT WHITE NORTH: This week, NoTaxJack was having having lunch at 11:30 am in the parking lot of the Colony Square shopping center, when a Morrow police car pulled up to the ATM at the 1st National Bank. A uniformed police officer got out of the car, walked up to the ATM, and made a withdrawal. He then got back into his car and drove across the parking lot to the Sunshine Laundry, backed his police car up to curb, popped open the trunk, went inside, picked up his laundry and put it into the trunk. All this happened while the over-taxed payers were paying him to protect and serve. Maybe he was just protecting his laundry and serving himself.
  • AT THE ANDERSON TEA PARTY: Angry Andrew is telling people about Thursday’s successful meeting of four liberty groups in $tate Rep-tile FOR $ALE Pete $tautberg’s District 27 to contact Republican voters in key precincts and STOP THE MEDICAID EXPANSION in Ohio. So far, phone calls have stalled the House vote on Medicaid Expansion, and the vote won’t come until after Easter Break. If you want to get in on the fun next week, contact: info@andersonteaparty.org
  • IN CLERMONT COUNTY: Armstrong Rhemus says in another misstep in his brief career as State Rep-tile, Clermont County’s John Becker is now shilling for big corporations that want to screw small villages and cities and avoid transferring their employees’ municipal taxes directly to the local governments. Bend over Milford and prepare to take one from Becker. Message to Becker, stop being a shill of big corporation and support your local citizens.
  • FREE TAX HELP: With Tax Day on April 15 now less than a month away, the Anderson branch library finally received its annual supply of IRS 1040 Tax Forms for all those patriotic people who just can’t wait to cheat on their own taxes. Now you may grab a batch and head to the offices of H&R Wenstrup at 7954 Beechmont Avenue, directly across the street from the Anderson Tea Party Headquarters, where they’ll be glad to help you fill out the forms.
  • ALSO IN ANDERSON: WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Darryl Parks says he’s not sure if Salem Hardware has any of those “VOTE NO” signs to show you oppose the Forest Gump School District’s Secret Tax Hike. but if you ask, he’ll surely tell you “Anybody who votes for a school levy is stupid.”

Meanwhile on the South Shore

  • Rand PaulSTANDING BY THEIR RAND: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says Trollwatchers who have to cross that damn Bent Spence Bridge twice a day can hardly wait to hear what Conservative Kentucky U.S. Senator Rand Paul has to say about funding for a new span. The Blower says Rand’s followers are already line up on the riverbank waiting for him to part the waters.
  • ALSO IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Although Spring has now arrived, Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy Furball says Spring doesn’t officially arrives in the tri-state when UC basketball fans are home watching the Kentucky Wildcats play on TV. Turfway Touts say Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until the $550,000 Horseshoe Casino Cincinnati Spiral Stakes on Saturday, March 23 at Turfway Park. Michael Liquid Plummer and Nathan “Cornbread” Smith say Spring doesn’t usually arrive in Northern Kentucky until we start tossing back Bock beer chasers. Mainstrasse Bartenders say Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until drunks sober up from St. Patrick’s Day. And the Vanilla Hills Civic Club says Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until somebody gets arrested for embezzling.
  • WHAT SABBATICAL?: CamBoozler also says here’s an update on an earlier story about the reason why Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters has been absent from his morning radio show on the Class X Radio stations FM 88.9 and FM 89.1 with a combined listenership of 14 people. Eric told Feckless Fishwrapper John Quichwarmer he would be on sabbatical through the end of the year because his law firm has “Exploded.” Actually, Members of the Cabal of NoKY Attorneys Still Out to Destroy Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club) say they heard that ClassX Radio owner Bill Spry had fired Eric’s worthless ass.

More Political Insight Today

  • image051MORE FROM SPRING BREAK: Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel (who’s wondering when our reporters will be getting embellished bylines like they have at The Fishwrap) says perhaps for Spring Break, the Whistleblower should sponsor a group tour sort of like Bob Braun used to do with his Hawaii getaway every year. WLW Geezer DJ Jim Scott still does it with his listeners every year, just to get the free trips. Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane could conduct a tour…maybe even a bus tour…to show off his favorite/least favorite attractions. Or maybe we could drive past people’s houses late at night and peek in the windows. What a glorious trip that would be!
  • image004READERS’ REACTIONS: The Ribald Reverend says he found yesterday’s Special “BB & BJ Day” Edition so entertaining, he planned to leave our homepage open on my wife’s laptop as a subtle hint. Meanwhile in northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Rifle Association Spokesman Billy Bob Carbine got this text from his brother recently. It read: “Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol’ Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my dick. It turns out it just reached to the back of her sister’s throat!”

Maybe that’s why at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were again asking Charles Foster Kane how much things had changed since the good old days 22 years ago when The Whistleblower used to be printed and delivered all over all over town.

“Many of the people we were writing about in those days are the same people we’re writing about today,” Kane explained. For example, there was Dug-UP DemocRAT David Mann (who just put running for City Clown-cil again on his Bucket List). In 1991, Clyde Gray had just knifed Randy Little in the back to get the anchorman’s job at what has become Channel 9 “Substantially True” News after former news trollop Laure “Not So” Cleanlin’ got the station dragged into court. Congressman Landslide Charlie Luken was junketing to Kuwait on a trip paid for by the Fluron Corporation that was seeking a big fat government contract to rebuild that war-ravaged nation. Then Clerk of Courts Joe Deters was asking his mother-in-law Hamilton County Municipal Court Judge Sylvia Hendon if it would be OK for people to use credit cards to pay their traffic fines. And City Clown-candidate Foxy Roxy Qualls was hoping nobody would remind voters about the missing $130,000 suspected of being stolen by the chief of security for the Cincinnati Metropolitan Housing Authority when she was the chairperson. “The politics and the backstabbing was much the same as it is today,” Kane said, “except the pictures of those people looked a whole lot younger.”

  • FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERS: Metro Mole says the way The Fishwrap is cheerleading for Rob “Fighting for Flamers” Portman’s evolving position on same sex marriage, as well as exaggerating the importance of some unhappy gay group that wasn’t allowed to take part in Saturday’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade gives you some idea about the way they plan to “report” next week’s Gay Rights case at the Supreme Court.
  • GOING GALT: Before hiring anyone to do work on your car, lawn, or house, ask them who they voted for. If they either won’t tell you or say Obama, tell them “Sorry, I cannot trust your judgment when it comes to important matters, so how could I trust your judgment when it comes to my car…”
  • LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #77 says: Instead of “Progressive,” always use the words “Oppressive” or “Regressive.” When called on this, feign puzzlement. “But how is it progress to steal free citizens’ liberties, money, and hope, and hand it all over to government bureaucrats?”
  • image052NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL (OUR ODIOUS OCTEGENARIAN), THE BARD OF CLEVES: Just in time to enjoy the warmer Spring weather, we found this in his “Turning the Other Cheek,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.

Spring Fashions
The girls have started a fashion trend
Which I think is nuts
They drop their pants for some guy
To put a tattoo on their butts.

  • image054FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: everybody was lying about what happened on BB & BJ Day and Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if he’d heard those rumors that DemocRAT Opposition Researchers were in town looking through old yearbooks at UC to see what kind of damaging information they could uncover about local Conservatives to use in this year’s elections. “I sure hope they weren’t checking on me,” Kane replied, “especially to see if I was really pledging the fraternity in 1956 that got kicked off campus for having a 15-year-old housemother. We all thought she was at least 16.”
  • image057AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”: 

Monday will be the Annual “Let My People Go” E-dition because it’s Passover and we’ll already be counting down the 1,398 days until Obama’s “historic” Third Term begins.

Tuesday will be our “Gay Rights Day” at the Supreme Court, and “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” will probably be some of the gayest you’ll ever see.

Wednesday we be checking to see if Judge Winkler is done with that murder case so he can spend a few minutes to decide the City’s Parking Giveaway Boondoggle case that would be massive transfer of wealth from the Citizens of Cincinnati to Xerox, AEW, Denison, Guggenheim Partners and the Port Authority.

Thursday we’ll be listening to everybody talk about how the Reds are going to win the World Series this year.

And the first line of Friday’s limerick is: “There once was an old April Fool.”

WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE

e-mail your revolutionary recaps today

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Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more. 

Link of the Day

Our History in Two Minutes

image061Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

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