One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

More Oral Arguments

IN WASHINGTON: Whistleblower Supreme Court Reporter Amicus Tadwell says same-sex couples are gathered in a big crowd outside the Supreme Court waiting for a puff of pink smoke to indicate SCOTUS has arrived at its gay marriage decision to make Sodomy, Incest, and Polygamy for All the law of the land. One of the nine justices seems very enthusiastic.

Meanwhile back in the Queen City, our Gay-Loving Members of Cincinnati City Clown-cil are protesting that even with Rob “Fighting for Fairies” Portman waving the Rainbow Flag of Surrender in next Monday’s Opening Day Gay Parade, the Reds still need more switch hitters in the lineup.

Did you see Rob’s Gay Son Will’s op-ed piece in the “Yale Daily News?” That timely column was so well written, you’d think it might have been part of an orchestrated public relations campaign.

And Saturday, Citizens for Community Values will be preparing candidates for office at its upcoming training seminar in Columbus. What do you think Phil Burr-ass will have to say about candidates who come out in favor of allowing homosexuals to marry?

QUEERS ON CAMPUS: To celebrate Rob “Fighting for Fancy Boys” Portman’s son Will’s “Coming Out,” the University of Cincinnati is celebrating an entire week of Queercat Pride Week from Friday, March 29 through Friday, April 5. Queercat Pride Week is sponsored by UC’s LGBTQ Center, Colors of Pride, GenderBloc, UC Alliance, UC Women’s Center, Baba Budan’s, MainStreet, Residence Hall Association, Resident Education & Development, and UC Student Government, and therefore all of you over-taxed paying citizens.
STAND-UP SENATORS: Tuesday, a trio of Republican senators warned Disingenuous DemocRAT Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid they planned to filibuster any attempts at bringing new gun control legislation to the floor of the Senate. Curiously, not one of those Stand-up Senators was from Ohio, but Kentucky’s Rand Paul was.
WHAT SEQUESTER: During the first three months of the year, members of the first family have so far been on three vacations, averaging a vacation a month. And now it’s being reported that the first daughters are on a spring break at the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas… (after their President’s Day trip to Aspen and Christmas in Hawaii). The White House is still closed to school kids vacationing in DC over their spring breaks, but that’s because our Royal First Family can do whatever they damn well please on over-taxed payers’ money borrowed from China. What’s a “Sequester” anyhow?

Israeli Correspondent Yitzhak Tadwell says last week Obama told Israeli students to try to put themselves in the Palestinians’ shoes, and Photo-Shop Editorial Spoofer Edward Cropper shows us his reaction.

HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this day in 1998, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved use of the drug Viagra, an oral medication that treats impotence, and Our Good Friend Bobby Leach says, “Next to BB&BJ Day, all my old friends and I say Viagra Day at Morehead is our favorite holiday of the entire year.”
THAT’S WHY YOUR QUOTE FOR TODAY chose Rodney Dangerfield’s, “I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.”
PASSOVER GREETINGS: Whistleblower Religious Editor Fielding Mellish says Obama only referred to himself seven times during his short Passover message, and when Ohio RINO Party Boss Boob Bennett e-mailed Passover Greetings to Jews on Tuesday, he wished everybody Chag Sameach. (Happy Holiday). But our Part-Time Rabbinical Scholar Charles Foster Kane (as once reported by Fritz Wenzel when the president of Wenzel Strategies was but a mere political columnist for the Toledo Blade) says the more accurate Hebrew expression would probably be “Chag Pesach Sameach” (Happy Passover Holiday). Try saying that three times fast, Goyum! And remember, a matzo with lots of butter and salt tastes just like butter and salt.

Meanwhile, Fox News says boys and girls at an Alabama elementary school will still get to hunt for eggs – but they can’t call them “Easter Eggs” as the principal banished “Easter” for the sake of religious diversity.

IN OHIO: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says following up on those Conservative Leaders Rejecting the Direction of Ohio Republican Party, the original press release had 83 signers, and well over 400 conservative grassroots (in three days time) have signed on-line to show their support for the original document. It’s was 434 as of 6:30 PM Monday night, but the number climbs hourly.
BOOS IN BUTLER: Our Butler County Snitch who attended last Saturday’s Lincoln-Reagan Day Dinner says Gay Pride Poster Dad Rob “Fighting for Fetishes” Portman’s welcome was not nearly so warm and fuzzy as Feckless Fishwrapper Perry KimBall would have you believe. Portman did get a standing ovation on one or two statements he made about fiscal issues, but quite a few people refused to stand, even though they agreed with those particular quotes. There were about 75 people at the pre-reception, but about half of those were “comped.” One more than one donor who raised money for Portman was said to be “very unhappy.”
MONDAY NIGHT IN MASON: Ethically challenged State Rep-tile Pete Beck had a “Come to Jesus” meeting with the Mason Tea Party. At the crowed meeting attended by two other State Rep-tiles, Pete was lectured by the crowd and was instructed to stand up and profess his feelings on Kasich’s ObamaCare expansion. Beck pledged in front of a room full of “bat shit crazy Tea Party members,” that he would not vote for any acceptance of Obamacare in any way shape or form.

“TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman says these public meetings are going on all over the state, but some State Rep-tiles are hiding and will not come out to meet their constituents and tell them where they stand. One such weenie is the for $tate Rep-tile FOR $ALE Pete $tautberg. $tautberg was hiding behind his couch in his basement when the four Tea Party groups in his district had a huge meeting at the 20th Century in Oakley. $tautberg’s DemocRAT Obama loving wife told him to keep hiding there and not to come out except to do the dishes and vacuum the floor. Does she have him pussy whipped or what!

Meanwhile, the Ohio Pundit says an attention-grabbing 19,751 signatures for the Healthcare Freedom Amendment were collected in $tautberg’s district. [READ MORE HERE]

THE HIGH PRICE OF PARKING: The Cincinnati Tea Party says those Parking Petitions all you folks have been circulating have to be turned in by April 1. 7,500 valid signatures are needed. So how many signatures do you think you’ll need? If all your signers were anything like the Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span voters who signed Loony Libertarian Jim Berns Mayoral Petitions last month, the Board of Elections is urging you to turn in nearly twice that number. There are a lot of stupid people out there who don’t know where they live, and they all seem willing to sign your petitions.

Meanwhile, Cincinnati City Solicitor John Curp wants to know if he needs to round up all of that $1,000-per-hour legal talent to be on hand when Judge Winkler rules on that restraining order on the Parking Giveaway Boondoggle the City wants to execute.

And in a related story, 22 years ago when The Whistleblower used to be printed and delivered all over town, Our Nine Fine Clowns on Clown-cil had their hands full at their Wednesday meeting when citizens groups planned to protest the City’s police brutality problems.

TUITION REFUNDS: It has been over four days since the Hamilton County Republican Party’s “Campaign School” hosted by a text Tweeting chairman, a former NYC DemocRAT Executive Director, and a Socialite/Debutante Finance Director. No wonder there isn’t anyone in the social media universe willing to admit being a student at the so-called “campaign school.”
LUCKY AT THE HORSESHOE: So what kind of controversy could there be about those 40 lucky officers authorized to work the off duty detail at the Horseshoe Casino. Do you think it has something to do with who’s choosing them? Speaking of the Horseshoe, Whistleblower Restaurant Reviewer Martin UpChuck says the food really sucks, and Jerry Springer says, “Thankfully, so do all those streetwalkers.”
CH SNITCH AT 1000 MAIN STREET: It’s been nearly five weeks since Mickey Esposito got himself arrested for stealing stuff from the property room in the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Offices and that information still does not appear on Tracy Winkler’s Clerk of Courts Web Page. Do you think that’s the sort of oversight Whistleblower Legal Dream Team Chairman Scott Greenwood and former Cincinnati Police Chief Tom Streicher plan to include when they perform that Operational and Performance Audit Hamilton County Sheriff Jim Neil promised during his campaign?
IN CAMPBELL COUNTY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says things continue to get less constitutional in Campbell County with Judge Spendery’s order that you can only address the fiscal court if you notify his lapdog Horine two days in advance. The Blower also learned that public comments are now restricted to three minutes. The only exception allowed by Spendery is if you support his beloved toll concept on the Brent Spence Bridge. You’ll get an hour for that one.

The Campbell Tea party suffered an embarrassing blow at the Fire District 1 meeting in California, Kentucky where they demanded the former jailer Greg Buckeler not be hired as Fire Chief. The band of Tea Party members claimed Buckeler was double-dipping and had spent too much as jailer. The only problem with all of this was that Buckeler was there to volunteer for the position of Fire Chief because the district had financial issues and he was only going to take a small stipend, if you know what we mean.

LEGAL UPDATE: Greedy Hearse-Chasing, Disgraced-DemocRAT, Clinton-loving, Fen-Phen Scandal Plagued, Now Disbarred in Kentucky, Trial Attorney $tan Che$ley says he still practices before numerous Federal District Courts and Courts of Appeal, as well as the United States Supreme Court. He is a Past Chairman of the Supreme Court of Ohio Board of Commissioners on Grievances and Discipline. He is also a member of the American Bar Association, Ohio Bar Association, American Trial Lawyers Association, Ohio Academy of Trial Lawyers, and Cincinnati Bar Association. [NO KIDDING!]
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about Rob “Fighting for Flagellation” Portman’s telling the Disassociated Press that the crowd at Saturday’s Butler County Lincoln-Reagan Day Dinner was “split on their views of same-sex marriage.” “What a crock,” Kane explained. “By using the word ‘split’ without saying what that split was, Portman implied and the Disassociated Press made it seem as if the crowd was evenly divided. But don’t you think those Kneepad Liberals in the Press knew that?

Bunky Tadwell Explains Mother Nature

Now that Spring has supposedly arrived, I was searching for a warm day and who did I see but Mother Nature. What a surprise to see the source of all that is peaceful and gentle.

BT: Mother Nature…what a thrill. How often I’ve enjoyed your handiwork…a rainbow, the flowers, the kinship with the land and the animals and…
MN: Hold it, Kid! This is nature you’re talking to. It’s time you woke up and smelled the disasters.
BT: What do you mean?
MN: Ever watch PBS?
BT: Often.
MN: Have you ever seen a cheetah run down a gazelle and rip it to pieces? Then the hyenas fight over the carcass and chase the buzzards. That’s nature.
BT: Yes but…
MN: The hurricanes, the tornados, floods, earthquakes, disease, people being torn apart…that’s nature…that’s me.
BT: Well, I never thought of it that way. You’re always pictured as so sweet and gentle.
MN: That’s crap, Kid. Every bad thing that happens, that’s nature. All the wars, the killers, the cheats…you name it. Human Nature, now that’s really bad. Nations rise and fall…that’s nature. I tried to save your country with a good bunch of good bunch of guys years ago, but greed, laziness, and stupidity led to that gaggle of bozos you now have in Washington. You’ll soon go down the tubes.
BT: You make it sound awful. You must be a really mean bitch!
MN: You think I’m bad. Wait till you meet Father Nature.
BT: My God…what does he do?
MN: The worst of all…blind dates and candidate selection.

WAR ON MARRIAGE HOTLINE

e-mail your subversive suggestions today.

Some marriage-breaking items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally marriage-breaking subscribers.

LINK OF THE DAY

Rob Portman’s Son Will Says, “I’m Gay!”

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.