One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Happy BB & BJ Day, Everybody!
THE MEANING OF “BB”: Darling Debbie in the Whistleblower Research Department says The Blower might want to print this illustration in today’s e-dition for “Trish the Dish,” Sheree Paleontology, and anyone else who is not familiar with “BB & BJ Day.” Darling Debbie in the Whistleblower Research Department found it on the net while trying to find out just exactly what “BB” stands for. You won’t believe how many people have asked the same question.- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN: On this date in 1854, the Republican Party was founded in Ripon, Wisconsin to oppose the spread of slavery into the western territories, and his year Obama is celebrating the event by working on his brackets for the 2013 NCAA Basketball Tournament.
Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says 2005-2006 UC Basketball Coach Andy Kennedy’s Old Miss team won the SEC BB tournament for the first time in 32 years. We hope he can now get over his lack of consortium.
NO MONEY FOR THE BUNNY: As if cutting off White House tours because of the Sequester wasn’t bad enough, this year Obama’s also threatening to cancel the annual Easter Egg Hunt at the White House and blame it on Republicans in Congress. Pissing away over-taxed payers money has always been a tradition for our royal family at this time of the year. Last March, We the Over-Taxed Payers were borrowing money to pay for Obama’s 13 year-old daughter Malia’s Spring Break Trip to Oaxaca, Mexico, along with 12 friends and 25 secret service men. No wonder they needed two jets.- SPRING BREAKING NEWS: Whistleblower Bureau Chief Rank Feikel says he thought he saw Sheriff’s Stuff Stealing Mickey Esposito on the lam in thongs and a Speedo on the beach at Punta Gorda, Florida (wherever the hell that is).
Rank says Cincinnatians can go up to Clearwater and get their Skyline Chili fix at the Skyline on Route 19, Just next door the new “Cincy Favorites Market opened and they can buy all the Montgomery Inn ribs, LaRosa’s, Queen City Sauage, Gleiers, Graters, Grippo’s, Hussman, Worthmore etc. their little heart desires.
Now we have this Spring Training Photo from your friends in Washington.
IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says Ohio RINO Party Boss Boob Bennett is finally admitting Republicans learned some tough lessons in last year’s Presidential election and he’s looking to modernize a lot of the ways to communicate with Ohioans. If you have any ideas how to make the party stronger, CLICK HERE. (Boob promises never to use your information to ask you for more money.)- MORE WEASEL WORDING: Tea Party Tim says rumor has it Governor Kasich Taylor’s proposal voluntarily to expand Medicaid in accordance with ObamaCare may get a “makeover.” New words are being tried out to make “expansion” sound more politically attractive, like “pilot program” and “demonstration project.” Maybe that’s why Shakespeare said, “Horseshit by any other name would smell just as bad.”
ROLLED MODELS: This weekend at the Hamilton County RINO Party’s big Campaign School, everybody’s wondering who’ll be on the panel during the seminar on “Concession Speeches.” Party Boss Alex T. Mall Cop GOP has had so many losers since he took over, it’s going to be hard for him to decide whom to select.- SMOKE WATCHERS: CH Snitch at 1000 Main Street says crowds are beginning to gather outside the courthouse waiting for a puff of white smoke signaling Judge Robert Winker has finally succumbed to political pressure being put on him to help him decide how to rule on Cincinnati’s Parking Giveaway Boondoggle.
- SECRET STASH: Police in Cincinnati announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi-automatic rifles and 25,000 rounds of ammunition, 200 pounds of heroin, and $5 million in forged US banknotes—all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library in Bond Hill located in Jordan Crossing (formerly known as Swifton Commons Mall). Local residents were stunned. A community spokesman said: “We’re all shocked. We never even knew we had a library.”
DEVIL IN THE DETAILS: Yesterday The Blower reported the coincidence that “Satan” in Sunday night’s hit series “The Bible” bore more than a slight resemblance to Obama. Today the History Channel sent an apology to Satan, and Photo-Shop Editorial Spoofer Edward Cropper came up with this illustration for his web page.- FROM THE GREAT WHITE NORTH: This week, NoTaxJack was having having lunch at 11:30 am in the parking lot of the Colony Square shopping center, when a Morrow police car pulled up to the ATM at the 1st National Bank. A uniformed police officer got out of the car, walked up to the ATM, and made a withdrawal. He then got back into his car and drove across the parking lot to the Sunshine Laundry, backed his police car up to curb, popped open the trunk, went inside, picked up his laundry and put it into the trunk. All this happened while the over-taxed payers were paying him to protect and serve. Maybe he was just protecting his laundry and serving himself.
- SODOMY RITES UPDATE: Establishment Republicans at the Republican National Committee say even though Rob “Fighting for Fellatio” Portman renounced his long-held principles on same sex marriage since his gay son has come out of the closet, Portman will still have their support. Imagine the support he’d get if he were marching in Cincinnati’s Opening Day Parade.
BLUEGRASS BB & BJs: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says today’s Whistleblower BB&BJ Day Celebration will be the best ever. Reaction last year ranged from Laurie’s “Please UN-subscribe me” to Rob’s “BB&BJ day has now replaced Mardi Gras as my favorite holiday.” This year we hope everybody gets what he really wants.
Is it any surprise that The Blower is now the Official Publication for BB & BJ Day?
And it’s not as if The Blower has ever gone overboard with its coverage of this holiday, but last year when the CamBoozler Googled “BB & BJ Day,” the first several items were all from The Whistleblower-Newswire.
On February 3, Google said: “Our Ornery Obama Observer knows that Ground Hog Day came and went …. were still a little more than six more weeks to wait for BB & BJ Day.”
On February 29, Google picked up “The Presidential Elections is now only “250” days away. And our Bill Clinton says “Thank goodness, BB & BJ Day comes every year on March 20 …”
And how about when Google recognized our entire “Official BB & BJ Day Edition?”
No wonder, it’s our favorite holiday in the entire year.
Now here’s more background about where BB & BJ Day may have gotten its start.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, everybody was lying about his plans for BB & BJ Day and Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if he’d heard those rumors that DemocRAT Opposition Researchers were in town looking through old yearbooks at UC to see what kind of damaging information they could uncover about local Conservatives to use in this year’s elections. “I sure hope they weren’t checking on me,” Kane replied, “especially to see if I was really pledging the fraternity in 1956 that got kicked off campus for having a 15-year-old housemother. We all thought she was at least 16.”
BB & BJ DAY HOTLINE
e-mail your last-minute gift-giving suggestions today.
Some vile-and-disgusting items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers, like this tasteful BB & BJ Day Card.
LINK OF THE DAY
“Steak & BJ Day!” by Deviancy Amplification Spiral
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
