Thursday, March 28, 2013

Happy Springtime, Everybody!

This week after Punxsutawney Phil totally blew his 2013 Early Spring Forecast everybody had been counting on, the Dissociated Press is reporting authorities in still-frigid Ohio have issued an “indictment” of the furry rodent, who predicted an early spring when he didn’t see his shadow after emerging from his western Pennsylvania lair on February 2. “Punxsutawney Phil did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that spring would come early,” Mike Gmoser, the prosecutor in southwestern Ohio’s Butler County, wrote in an official-looking indictment. Gmoser wrote that Punxsutawney Phil is charged with misrepresentation of spring, which constitutes a felony “against the peace and dignity of the state of Ohio.” Bill Deeley, president of the Punxsutawney club that organizes Groundhog Day, said Phil has a lawyer and would fight any extradition attempt by Ohio authorities. The penalty Phil faces? Gmoser says — tongue firmly in cheek — is death. Punxsutawney Phil does not have a listed phone number.
SPRING BREAK UPDATE: Watchdog group Judicial Watch has filed Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) requests of Obama’s administration for expense details on first daughters Sasha’s and Malia’s spring break vacation, the organization’s president Tom Fitton told Breitbart News. “The Obamas’ unnecessary personal luxury travel is an abuse of office in this age of sequester, unemployment, and out-of-control government debt,” Fitton said, giving his reason for the investigation. “Over-Taxed payers are right to wonder why the Obamas repeatedly take personal trips with seemingly little regard for the resulting drain on precious tax dollars.”

Meanwhile at Obama’s Organizing for Action, they want you to donate $5 before March 31 so they’ll have you on their suckers list to raise money for Obama’s Third Term Campaign.

HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1979, the worst accident in the history of the U.S. nuclear power industry began when a pressure valve in the Unit-2 reactor at Three Mile Island failed to close. Now there’s an event we think our Kneepad Liberals in the Press might remember.
CINCINNATI CONSERVATIVES interested in saving our precious city from the financially irresponsible Democrats are cautioned to stay away from Thursday’s Save Cincinnati subgroup of the Hamilton County RINO Party’s kickoff meeting from 5:00-6:30 pm downtown at City Cellers, 9th & Race downtown, even though the event will be followed by free pizza and drinks that you’ll have to pay for.
NUMBER TWO NEEDS TO TRY HARDER: Ohio First District Congressman Steve Chabothead’s weekly blog reports on all those budgets Congress has been passing lately, and especially the one that’s long-overdue from Obama. [READ MORE HERE] Meanwhile in Ohio’s Second Congressional District, the Republican Caucus in Washington was forced to send out a post card telling constituents the location of “Bronze Star Brad Wenstrup’s Second Congressional District Office (at 7954 Beechmont Avenue directly across from Anderson Tea Party Headquarters) and phone number (513-474-777). Next on Bronze Star’s list should be to put a sign with a flashing yellow arrow in front of the place.
FOOLS IN SCHOOLS: Earlier this week over at the Failed Cincinnati Public Schools office, district officials served up a great big dish of, “see ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya” and laid off 72 school administrators yet hired a former FCP$ principal from outside the district. It appears that the school administrator union, CAAS, has followed the footsteps of failed CFT president Julie Sellers and will do nothing. Newly hired principal, Michael V. Holbrook has been administrator of five schools in the past 11 years so that automatically qualifies him to be a FCPS principal costing over-taxed payers $105,788.84 annually. With CAAS and CFT, there’s no reason to fight against “right-to-work” laws because it is already in place at FCP$.
MARRIAGE INEQUALITY: When you get past the satire, Republicans for Higher Taxes actually penned a thought-provoking piece about the gay marriage debate and the discrimination being promoted by the so-called “Marriage Equality” crowd. The gay rights proponents claim it’s all about equality, and how everyone should get to marry those they love. However they are denying marriage equality to polygamists who would like marry all of the people they love. They are denying marriage equality to bisexuals who would like to marry a man and a woman (or more). They are denying marriage equality to those who would like to enter a joyful, loving incest marriage with their relatives.

In reality these “Marriage Equality” people support equality for everyone, except for those they don’t. Both sides of this debate support inequality, but only one is honest enough to admit it. Republicans for Higher Taxes conclude their piece by endorsing what they call Real Marriage Equality, which would allow all adults to marry any other adult or groups of adults. Somehow we don’t see Barack Obama, Rob Portman, and the rest of the current “Marriage Equality” crowd coming around to support this true marriage equality any time soon.

QUEERS ON CAMPUS: To recognize Rob “Fighting for Fancy Boys” Portman’s son Will’s “Coming Out,” the University of Cincinnati is celebrating an entire week of over-taxed payer supported Queercat Pride Week from Friday, March 29 through Friday, April 5. Friday kicks off with the Genderf*ck Drag Show at 9 p.m. in the Tangeman University Center Great Hall. And you thought all those pictures of women’s vaginas on the UC campus were in bad taste. [SEE FOR YOURSELF]
PORTMAN FAMILY VALUES: Whistleblower Alternative Life-Styles Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis wonder what it would be like to be Rob “Fighting for Fags” Portman’s other son Jed these days, having to explain he’s NOT the Senator’s gay son. Memo to Jed: Stay out of gay bars.
MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose James Carville’s, “I was against gay marriage until I realized I didn’t have to get one.”
CITIZENS FOR COMMUNITY VALUES seems to be gearing up for quite a few candidates at its Training Seminar in Columbus on March 30. The Blower wonders how many attendees are preparing for primary races against GOPers that vote for Same Sex Marriage or Abortion Expansion in Medicaid?
MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE QUEEN CITY: Our Gay-Loving Members of Cincinnati City Clown-cil are protesting that Findlay Market Opening Day Committee still hasn’t changed the name of the “Opening Gay Day Parade” and made Rob “Fighting for Fairies” Portman the Grand Marshal, even though the Portman Gay Family Values Float does get to bring up the rear.
FROM THE GREAT WHITE NORTH: NoTaxJack says in Warren County, Clearcreek Township just rolled over almost $14 million dollars into its ” investment fund,” but they still have have the balls to ask over-taxed payers tax payers for another $5 million with the new Issue 3 Fire Levy, what the hell. The Fire Chief just hired another person so he can join the double dippers club. That club is growing day by day, check it out for yourself.
PARK AND PAY: So how many valid signatures have the Parking Petitioners gathered anyway? They only need 7,500 valid signatures by April 1. Loony Libertarian Mayor Candidate Jim Berns claims he’s gathered 560 signatures. But it they’re from the same Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span voters who re-elected Obama last November, it’s no wonder the Board of Elections is urging you to get nearly twice that number. And a helpful hint might be to go Kroger stores in places Hyde Park and skip the Wal-Marts.
CONTROVERSY AT THE CASINO: So what kind of controversy could there be about those 40 police officers who hit the jackpot and are authorized to work the off-duty detail at the Horseshoe Casino? What if the police captain choosing the officers was married to the security director at the casino, who was responsible for hiring the off-duty detail of officers for the casino? What could possibly go wrong with any of this?
IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders wonders how the guys at OhioRising.org are progressing with their efforts to convince Ohio Governor Kasich Taylor he was wrong to support ObamaCare? Maybe they’re not turning the screwdriver in the right direction.

In a related item, did $tate Rep-tile FOR $ALE Pete $tautberg show up at last night’s Anderson Tea Party meeting, or does his wife still have him on a short leash.

STANDING BY OUR RAND: Bluegrass Rifle Association Spokesman Billy Ray Carbine says yesterday Obama’s Spokesdweeb Jay Cardboard tried to threaten Rand Paul after the U.S. Senator from Kentucky promised to filibuster gun legislation, and Photo-Shop Editorial Spoofer Edward Cropper showed us his reaction. [SEE MORE HERE]
ALSO IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says political observers in Northern Kentucky can hardly wait until Moonbat DemocRAT Ashley Judd kicks off her U.S. Senate campaign against Bitch McConnell from her mother’s home. The place should be large enough. It’s 8,000 square feet with four bedrooms and five bathrooms. The only problem is, the place is not located in Kentucky. It’s in Nashville, Tennessee.
FINALLY, AFTER LAST NIGHT’S SPEAKING ENGAGEMENT, Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane if all this coverage of that Gayness Epidemic at the Portman Compound in Terrace Park was not a slight invasion of privacy. “You’ll know the media’s gotten out of hand,” our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher predicted, “When they show a video of the Portman’s gay dogs humping each other.

More Proud Sponsor and Avid Fans

Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our March fund-raising drive by QueerCat Pride Week at the University of Cincinnati, also sponsored by UC’s LGBTQ Center, Colors of Pride, GenderBloc, UC Alliance, UC Women’s Center, Baba Budan’s, MainStreet, Residence Hall Association, Resident Education & Development, and UC Student Government, and therefore all of you over-taxed paying citizens.

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Link of the Day

NewsBusted 3/26/13

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