Thursday, March 21, 2013
Happy Springtime, Everybody!
Or so they say. No wonder our Quote for Today Committee chose Mark Twain’s “In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS: Israeli Correspondent Yitzhak Tadwell says when Obama arrived in Israel on Wednesday for his Early Passover Charm Offensive looking for Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Obama Supporters in the Middle East, his limo broke down because somebody accidently filled the gas tank with diesel fuel. How large was Obama’s delegation anyway? An Obama administration video highlighting the president’s plans for his Mideast trip depicted Jerusalem, the Golan and the West Bank – also known as Judea and Samaria – as non-Israeli territory. Palestinian rioters had already set fire to pictures of Obama on Monday, as part of their unwelcoming ceremonies to their city, and Israeli all over all oparts of their country even though Obama’s White House doesn’t know what Israel’s boundaries are, were posting Obama’s photos with big red “no” symbols on telephone poles. Was this an auspicious beginning to Obama’s three-day charm offensive to the Middle East or what? Our Part-time Rabbinical Scholar remembers the story about when Moses tied his ass to a tree and walked for forty miles.
Meanwhile at the Vatican, Father Guido Sarducci says both Obama’s Joke VP Joe Biden and Disingenuous DemocRAT House Leader Nancy Pelosi received communion at the mass to celebrate the inauguration of newly-elected Pope Francis.
Didn’t the Fran Man know they were baby-killers?
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN: On this date in 1965, Dr. Martin Luther King, along with 3,200 demonstrators, began their historic march from Selma, Alabama to Montgomery in the name of African-American voting rights, but you still have to pay to get into our Empty Uppity Oprah Winfrey Campaigning for Obama, Under-funded, Ugly-ass Poorly-Planned Unnagraown Rayroe Museum Not-so-Free-dom Center.
- IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says the Ohio RINO Party released a new web video “Who is Public Official 14?” highlighting DemocRAT candidate for Governor Ed FitzGerald’s involvement in the epic Cuyahoga County corruption scandal in which more than fifty DemocRAT elected officials and community leaders were convicted.
In a related item, Republicans for Higher Taxes strongly endorse Matt Borges for Ohio Republican Party Chairman. They believe his criminal record is a major asset and will help turn the criminal vote Republican from its historic DemocRAT home.
BASKETBALL BRACKETS: This weekend at the Hamilton County RINO Party’s big Campaign School, everybody’s wondering who’ll be on the panel during the seminar on “March Madness,” since that silly subject seems to have Party Boss Alex T. Mall Cop GOP’s fullest attention for the foreseeable future, instead of finding winning candidates for this fall’s Cincinnati Mayor and City Clown-cil Elections.- CH SNITCH AT 1000 MAIN STREET: Crowds are growing outside the courthouse waiting for that puff of white smoke signaling Judge Robert Winker has finally succumbed to political pressure being put on him to help him decide how to rule on Cincinnati’s Parking Giveaway Boondoggle. Having to review all of those videos of City Clown-cil meetings must be taking so long, he’s extended that Temporary Restraining Order for another two weeks. Speaking of Winklers, over at the Clerk of Courts Office, the Judge’s sister-in law Tracy Winkler is still doing her level best to keep any record of Mickey Esposito’s case a really big secret.
MORE OF THE NEWS THEY SEEM TO LOSE: Wednesday morning at the Injustice Center, when the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office invited local reporters to update and discuss the status of new Sheriff Jim Neil’s promised Operational and Performance Audit by former Cincinnati police chief Tom Streicher and Civil Rights lawyer Scott Greenwood, the Sheriff’s media advisors appeared not to have remembered to make either of those celebrated individuals available to the press. No wonder The Fishwrap’s coverage was so sparse!- SODOMY RITES UPDATE: When Real Republicans in Butler County show up at Saturday’s Lincoln-Reagan Day Dinner to hear featured speaker Rob “Fighting for Fancy Boys” Portman’s defense of why he now supports same-sex marriage just because his son was majoring in Faggotry in college, are they supposed to bring their own tar and feathers, or will those materials be provided during the $500-per-person private reception with Portman at the event.
- FROM THE GEM OF THE HIGHLANDS: Our Branch Norwoodian sent us the latest video from the Norwood Chamber of Commerce. And you thought those folks didn’t know how to do anything but talk shit.
- A VERY IMPORTANT MEETING: “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman wonders if $tate Rep-tile FOR $ALE Pete $tautberg’s ears will be burning tonight when all those members and of the Cincinnati East Tea Party, Anderson Tea Party, Liberty Alliance Ohio, and Women For Liberty meet at Oakley’s 20th Century Theatre to join forces to contact voters in his Ohio 27th House District to present a Plan To Deny Governor Kasich’s Proposal To Expand Medicaid or “Managed Care” in Ohio, since the majority of Ohioans are opposed to ObamaCare and the expansion of the failed Medicaid program for Ohio. In Anderson, Angry Andrew is even Robo-calling everybody to make sure everybody knows about it.
MORE FROM SPRING BREAK: Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel (who’s wondering when our reporters will be getting embellished bylines like they have at The Fishwrap) says perhaps for Spring Break, the Whistleblower should sponsor a group tour sort of like Bob Braun used to do with his Hawaii getaway every year. WLW Geezer DJ Jim Scott still does it with his listeners every year, just to get the free trips. Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane could conduct a tour…maybe even a bus tour…to show off his favorite/least favorite attractions. Or maybe we could drive past people’s houses late at night and peek in the windows. What a glorious trip that would be!- IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says flags all over the Commonwealth were lowered to half staff when words came that Crazy Eric Deters has been absent from his morning radio show on the Class X Radio stations FM 88.9 and FM 89.1 with a combined listenership of 14 people. Feckless Fishwrapper John Quichwarmer says “Crazy Eric” is on sabbatical through the end of the year because his law business is “Exploding.” Members of the Cabal of NoKY Attorneys Still Out to Destroy Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club) say “Crazy” has been has been blowing up the entire legal profession for years.
READERS’ REACTIONS: The Ribald Reverend says he found yesterday’s Special “BB & BJ Day” Edition so entertaining, he planned to leave our homepage open on my wife’s laptop as a subtle hint. Meanwhile in northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Rifle Association Spokesman Billy Bob Carbine got this text from his brother recently. It read: “Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol’ Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my dick. It turns out it just reached to the back of her sister’s throat!”
Maybe that’s why at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were again asking Charles Foster Kane how much things had changed since the good old days 22 years ago when The Whistleblower used to be printed and delivered all over all over town.
“Many of the people we were writing about in those days are the same people we’re writing about today,” Kane explained. For example, there was Dug-UP DemocRAT David Mann (who just put running for City Clown-cil again on his Bucket List). In 1991, Clyde Gray had just knifed Randy Little in the back to get the anchorman’s job at what has become Channel 9 “Substantially True” News after former news trollop Laure “Not So” Cleanlin’ got the station dragged into court. Congressman Landslide Charlie Luken was junketing to Kuwait on a trip paid for by the Fluron Corporation that was seeking a big fat government contract to rebuild that war-ravaged nation. Then Clerk of Courts Joe Deters was asking his mother-in-law Hamilton County Municipal Court Judge Sylvia Hendon if it would be OK for people to use credit cards to pay their traffic fines. And City Clown-candidate Foxy Roxy Qualls was hoping nobody would remind voters about the missing $130,000 suspected of being stolen by the chief of security for the Cincinnati Metropolitan Housing Authority when she was the chairperson. “The politics and the backstabbing was much the same as it is today,” Kane said, “except the pictures of those people looked a whole lot younger.”
Another Improbable Interview By Bunky Tadwell
“It’s Time for Green Beer”
I was checking Mt. Adams last weekend to see how preparations for St. Patrick’s Day were getting g along when I chanced to come upon a rather tipsy gentleman weaving down the street.
BT: You OK, Mister?
DM: (Drunk Man): Huh?
BT: You seem a bit shaky on your feet.
DM: Naw…it’s the street I’m shaky on. The feet are fine.
BT: It appears you have been doing a bit of celebrating.
DM: Oh yeah…Aunt Patsy’s Day. You gonna see the parade?
BT: I think you mean St. Patrick’s Day.
DM: Do I? Who’s that?
BT: The Irish Sheppard who led all the snakes out of Ireland. At least that’s what they say.
DM: A bunch of snakes? Man…that’s like herding cats. You say he was a Sheppard…with sheep and all?
BT: Yep.
DM: With those sheep, maybe the snakes were just a cover story.
BT: I can’t comment on that. But I know the Irish were quite influential when they came to America.
DM: Why did they come here?
BT: The “Potato Famine.”
DM: You mean they starved potatoes? How dumb can you get?
BT: Actually, that’s not the case. But you probably know lots of Irish. Many of the names start with an “O”…like O’Reilly, O’Rourke, O’Mally.
DM: Or the golfer Obama.
BT: No, no…he’s the president of the country.
DM: What happened to Clinton?
BT: It’s a little complicated.
DM: I bet he could’ve rounded up the snakes. They would’ve had a lot in common.
BT: Anyway, we celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, not Aunt Patsy’s Day’
DM: Thank goodness. I thought I was drinking a urine sample. You know, we could use that Patrick guy around here today.
BT: How’s that?
DM: He could lead the weasels out of Washington.
Another Proud Sponsor and Avid Fan
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our March fund-raising drive by Greenwood and Streicher, LLC, offering Collaborative Policing and Accountability Solutions.
SPRING BREAK HOT LINE
e-mail your yabbo sighting photos today.
Some Spring Break items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Spring Break Watching subscribers.
Link of the Day
How Irish Dancing Got Started
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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