Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers 

• Ten years ago today, the War in Iraq began with a shock-and-awe pyrotechnic display over Baghdad, and Defeatist DemocRATS in Congress immediately said the war had gone on too long and the response on the U.S. military was “disproportionate,” whatever in the hell that means. —Whistleblower War Correspondent Ollie Hackworth
• Everybody’s hoping Obama doesn’t start another war when he visits those terrorists on the West Bank this week. —Israeli Correspondent Yitzhak Tadwell
• Please don’t ask why “Satan” in Sunday night’s hit series “The Bible” bore more than a slight resemblance to Obama. —The History Channel
• Any charm offensive that is labeled a charm offensive loses some of its charm. —Conservative Columnist George Will
• When I told that skaggy bitch on ABC’s This Week that I “absolutely” trusted Obama, my “Charm Offensive” was just credible as Obama’s. —GOP House Speaker John Boehner
• After Boehner went on ABC’s This Week hosted by Obama-Loving Martha Raddatz and downplayed the problem of national debt while loudly proclaiming his wonderful relationship with President Obama, people who “used” to be inclined to cut Boehner some slack for his remarks, are rapidly losing that inclination. —Conservative Curmudgeon Stu Mahlin
• When an immediate family member reveals that he or she is gay, there are typically three responses: You can say I believe my principles so much, I’m kicking you out. You can say I still believe in my principles, but I love you. Or you can say, gee, I love you so much I am changing my principles. Rob picked the third path. That’s his prerogative. —Newt Gingrich
• My former Congressman, Rob Portman’s son announced he is a homosexual, so now Portman supports same-sex marriage drawing praise from Left-wing Senator Sherrod Brown. Boy, am I glad I live in Nebraska. —Nebraska State Senator Bill Kintner
• We like the way The Fishwrap is cheerleading for Rob “Fighting for Flamers” Portman’s evolving position on same sex marriage, as well as exaggerating the importance of some unhappy gay group that wasn’t allowed to take part in Saturday’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade. —Whistleblower Alternative Life-Styles Correspondents Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis
• Those “Fluffers” in the media certainly knew where to find a lot of Sodomy Rites Activists to interview in a hurry. —Greater Cincinnati Moral Authority Chairman Phil Burrass
• Besides teaching former volunteers on “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s campaign how to get a job in their candidate’s office after helping get him elected at our big Campaign School this weekend, we could also teach candidates how not to look like a humongous hypocrite when he has to announce his son is majoring in Faggotry in college. —Hamilton County RINO Party
• Would this be a good place to use Oscar Wilde’s “Love that dare not speak its name?” —Your Quote for Today Committee
• Now you know why I didn’t choose Portman to tout his Family Values for my running mate, not that it would’ve mattered. —Mitt Romney
• Speaking of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade, some of those Irish people looked like our members. —The KKK
• There is absolutely no political pressure being put on me while I decide how to rule on Cincinnati’s Parking Giveaway Boondoggle. —Hamilton County Judge Robert Winkler
• Please don’t read anything into my need to hire $1,000-per-hour legal talent just to carry my brief case on Friday when only 11 attorneys appeared for the City before Judge Winkler. —Cincinnati City Solicitor John Curp
• 11-1 odds seems just about fair to me. —Curt “David vs Goliath” Hartman
• Since nobody has officially asked for a refund of all that money paid for our illegal speed trap fines, we’re going to spend every penny first.—Elmwood Police Chief Billy Peskin
• It was strictly an oversight that we forgot to invite Looney Libertarian Mayoral Candidate Jim Berns to Friday’s meeting with the Cincinnati media and community organizations to discuss debates, even if he is the only candidate actually on the ballot. —Foxy Roxy’s Campaign Manager Jens Sutmoller
• Who cares if on Thursday, a Joint Effort of The Cincinnati East Tea Party, Anderson Tea Party, Liberty Alliance Ohio, and Women For Liberty plan to join forces to contact voters in my Ohio 27th House District to present a Plan To Deny Governor Kasich’s Proposal To Expand Medicaid or “Managed Care” in Ohio. —$tate Rep-tile FOR $ALE Pete $tautberg
• Thanks for all that publicity about Monday night’s meeting where we told more lies about our Stealth Tax Increase Election in only 49 more days. —The Forrest Gump School Board
• Want to use public resources to promote a candidate or issue? In the city of Franklin, it appears that all you have to do is to pay for the paper you print it on and you can use district children and district e-mail lists to disseminate your political literature too, since two wrongs always make a right. —NoTaxJack in Warren County
• Does anyone know why someone named “Rusty Nail” posted a Bible verse on Facebook and tagged his faux Facebook friend Charles Foster Kane along with Colerain Township businessman Dennis Wall (whoever in the hell that is)? —Will from White Oak
• Did you see where those Steubenville, Ohio high school football players were found guilty of rape, after I successfully represented the anonymous commenters on the blog who got sued for talking about the case? That really jump started all of the discussion online on blogs, social media, etc. and led to a national spotlight on the town and its football team. —Whistleblower Legal Dream Team Chairman Scott Greenwood, doing a little pro-bono part-time work for the ACLU
• So does this mean I owe you guys big time for all that publicity you helped me get in The Steubenville Star? —Judge Thomas Lipps
• Are all of my snitches still on Spring Break? —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
• Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’” —Robin Williams
• We’re not on Spring Break. It always seems that way. —Northern Kentucky Legislators
• Usually it’s a sure sign of spring when UK is playing basketball in the NCAA Tournament and UC isn’t. —Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall
• But it’s Spring Break in Florida. The temperature’s warm, teenage tramps have gone wild, and thongs are particularly lovely this time of year. —Frank Weikel
• Please add Venice, Florida to the list of places The Blower is watching guys who took their wives and teenage children on Spring Break so they can spend all day on the beach ogling young girls’ breasts. —Larry Laptop
• Did you know some of our newer phones allow The Blower’s photos to come through? —Barry Blackberry
• Spring comes tomorrow on BB&BJ Day and so will I. —Bobby Leach
• According to my countdown, after tomorrow there will still 365 more days until the next BB&BJ Day. —Horny in Hebron
• When does The Blower’s 2013 Girls Gone Wild on Spring Break video come out? —Will “The Thrill” Terwort
• Where’s our video? —Wilder Women
• Do they have any videos of women faking it? —Uptight Bitches from Fort Mitchell
• Does what happens on Spring Break stay on Spring Break? —Political Philanderers 
• Do guys still drink a lot on Spring Break? —Nathan “Cornbread” Smith and Michael Liquid Plummer
• Spring Break is a great was to get a great tan in only one day.—Larry the Loser
• Do guys get to eat a lot on Spring Break? —Clueless Marc Wilson and Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich
• I always used to go “crazy” on Spring Break. —E Rob Sanders
• Come to think of it, maybe that’s what happened to my former patient. —“Crazy Eric’s” Crazy Psychiatrist
• Trish the Dish wants to know what BB&BJ stands for. —TV 19 News
• Sheree Paolello says Trish ought to know. —Jack Atherton (Still at Channel 22.45 in Dayton in case you missed me)

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

Sometimes The Blower ridicules old guys who take their wives and children on Spring Break to show that ogling young girls’ breasts on the beach is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a dirty old man.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Ollie Ogler.

BB&BJ DAY HOTLINE

e-mail your last-minute gift-giving suggestions today.

Some vile-and-disgusting items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers, like this totally tasteful BB&BJ Day Card.

Link of the Day

Shock & Awe Bombing Of Baghdad

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here