Thursday, March 14, 2013
Did Pope Benedict give up something big for Lent or what!
There were no big political primaries this month, so political junkies had to be content following the election of a new Pope in Rome. Father Guido Sarducci says on Wednesday, cardinals elected a new pope to lead the world’s 1.2 billion Catholics, overcoming deep divisions to select the 266th pontiff in a remarkably fast conclave. Cardinal Jorge Bergoglia of Argentina, the first pontiff from the Americas, will be known as Pope Francis.
Hurley the Historian says, “Technology has advanced in 2013, so that we’ll now find out the latest cardinal communications by black smoke, white smoke, and text alerts.” Next thing, they’ll want to develop an ap.
And our Quote for Today Committee chose Pope John Paul II’s “The future starts today, not tomorrow.”
Papal Elections are just another excuse for Liberals in the Press to rail against Catholics, and all other religions for that matter…as if they ever really needed a reason. But now many Obama Supporters are urging Obama to run for Pope. What better way to destroy an organization you don’t like than to be elected to lead it and then totally ruin it? Obama has certainly demonstrated his ability to do that with the United States Economy during the past four years.
The idea that an American could become Pope was once thought to be so outlandish that it was dismissed out of hand by informed observers of the Holy See. But the world has changed, and new circumstances have arisen which make it plausible for an American to lead the Roman Catholic Church.
Calling on the promise of Equality for All, Obama is said to firmly believe that the time has come for a non-Catholic to occupy the Vatican’s highest office. Foreseeing a looming citizenship issue he states that he has discovered an Italian birth certificate that proves he was born in Rome before he was born in Kenya. “That Hawaiian birth certificate never has been worth what I paid for it anyway,” Obama noted. Continuing, he concluded, “And there’s no way that a handful of cardinals could be more expensive to buy than 10 million voters in Illinois.” Further questions should be directed to Obama’s Papal Campaign Manager, Abdul Azeem Khan.
Writers for Late Night TV Comedians Keep Churning out Bad Pope Jokes
Jay Leno says, “The Pope is resigning. I just hope it’s not steroids.”- Conan O’Brien says, “The Vatican was struck by lightning after the Pope announced he was retiring. That really happened. It sounds like someone’s not handling the breakup well.”
- David Letterman says, “The Pope had a press conference today. He said he just wants to spend more time with his wife and kids.”
- Jimmy Kimmel says, “The Pope announced he is resigning. He doesn’t feel he is strong enough to continue with his papal duties. What will he do for work now? He could be the most overqualified Walmart greeter of all time.”
- Jimmy Fallon says, “Pope Benedict is resigning. And you know what that means: Hillary in 2013?”
- And Bobby Leach says, “He pulled out early, like a good Catholic.”
In Northern Kentucky, Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says Bluegrass Barristers like Rick “The Altar Boy” Robinson are wasting billable hours by Tweeting jokes about the Pope.- Former “Flying Buttress” Publisher Tomas de Torquemada says if all of this fun keeps up, he’ll have to start blogging again.
Meanwhile at WLW Hate Radio, Darryl Parks says, “In keeping with the fine traditions of Papal humor such as ‘Pope on a Rope’ soap, the ‘Let Us Spray’ lawn sprinkler and the classic ‘Pope Mobile,’ I bring you the following classic. WHAT DO YOU CALL THE POPE WHEN HE LEAVES THE PAPACY?”
Finally, yesterday at a Lenten Lunch at the Snapping Mackerel, a hedonistic heretic asked Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what a candidate for Pope should say during his interview to convince all the other cardinals he’s the right man for the job. “Just then them he’s a Papal Person,” our part-time rabbinical scholar suggested.
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Link of the Day
Typical Athiest Reaction to Pope Benedict Resigning
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