Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

Now that Black History Month is almost over, everybody’s wondering when it’ll be “White History Month.” —Curious Caucasians
What’s the biggest difference between Black History Month and St. Patrick’s Day? On St. Patrick’s Day everybody wants to be Irish. —WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham
Whoever chose February for Black History Month must be a racist, because the month only has 28 days. —Race Baiters at the Congressional Black Congress
Maybe that’s why we chose Rush Limbaugh’s: “Have you ever noticed how all composite pictures of wanted criminals resemble Jesse Jackson?” —Your Quote for Today Committee
On this date in 1929, President Coolidge established Grand Teton National Park. Bobby Leach says it’s always been his favorite National Park because “Grand Teton” means “really big tits” in French. —Bobby Leach
Nothing can make you forget America’s economic problems like watching a bunch of Obama-supporting millionaires give each other golden statues. —Billy Crystal at the Oscars
Did The Blower truly appreciate my sick joke at the Oscars, when I said “the actor who really got inside Lincoln’s head was John Wilkes Booth?” —Hollywood Lib Seth MacFarlane
Even we had to apologize for sending out a tweet about 9-year-old Oscar nominee Quvenzhané Wallis. —The Onion
You should’ve heard the loud groans in the media room after Jack Nicholson introduced First Mooch Michelle to present the Best Picture Award from the White House. —Whistleblower Film Critic Ebert Maltin
We’re really disappointed Obama didn’t win several Academy Awards Sunday night. —Obama Supporters in the Press
Does anybody remember the 1951 Academy Awards when I said “The only way to find the best actor would be to let everybody play Hamlet and let the best man win?” —Humphrey Bogart
Americans are no longer worried about the State of the Economy. I really mean it! —Obama’s Joke VP Joe Biden
Please record that my first official gaffe was on the eve of my first trip abroad, when I invented the Central Asian country of “Kyrzakhstan.” — Obama’s new Secretary of State John Kerry
Isn’t it ironic that The Reds got swept in their first three Spring Training games, just like last year’s playoffs, which makes them 0-6 for the past five months? —Typical Reds Rooter Farley Fairweather
Did The Blower notice that the Hamilton County RINO Party is now supporting the Anderson Township Republican Club and the Anderson Township Tea Party effort to amend the Ohio Revised Code to allow for the recall of masturbating township trustees like Kevin “Big Spanky” O’Brien? —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
Did anybody notice that when we went a-ridin’ into West Chester and Florence a-whompin’ and a-whumpin’ every livin’ thing that moves within an inch of its life for Saturday’s “Day of Resistance Rallies,” there wasn’t a mass murderer or serial killer in the bunch. —Republicans With Guns
I told Channel 10 in Columbus there’s no way to avoid Obama’s Fiscal Cliff. —Ohio’s Republican US Senator Rob “Fighting for Filibusters” Portman
Only in Washington could an increase of $7 trillion in spending over a decade be called a cut. —Kentucky’s Really Republican Senator Rand Paul
Which is a worse idea—the Billion Dollar Trolley Folly Boondoggle or the 30-Year Parking Meter Madness? —Loony Libertarian Mayoral Candidate Jim Berns
Both schemes are bad for the people of Cincinnati, but I’m the only candidate with an Anti-Parking Plan Web Site. —DemocRAT Mayoral Candidate John Cranley
When I say the parking plan will continue the City’s momentum, please don’t ask me “Momentum to what?” —Really DemocRAT Mayoral Candidate Foxy Roxy Qualls
Even though all those people at Cincinnati City Hall are now just beginning to raise questions about the cost of my Trolley Folly, I still had to travel to Spain to visit the company we already agreed to piss away $20 million on streetcars. —Girly Mayor Mark Mallory
Jerry Springer really did ask if he could bring his checkbook when he auditions some of the more attractive hookers on parade outside the Horseshoe Casino when it opens on March 4. —Queen City Streetwalkers Spokesfloozy Sarah Strumpet
I really appreciate how my good friend Tracy Winkler is making it so hard to find any record of my recent arrest on her web site for stealing all that stuff from the Sheriff’s property room. —Mickey Esposito
People always ask me why there’s always so much Black History Month Hype. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
We have African-Americans, Mexican-Americans, Asian-Americans, Arab-Americans, and Native-Americans. How about “Just Plain Americans?” —Arnie from Alexandria
Minorities are proud to be black, brown, yellow, and orange, and they’re not afraid to tell you about it. But when white people even admit they’re white, somebody will always call them racist.—Larry from Ludlow
Whenever a white person fails to cut Obama some slack (because he’s half-black), will Liberal bloggers stop whacking off in their basements long enough to label that white person a racist? —Fred from Florence
There’s an Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, a Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, but on the South Shore, all we have is the Northern Kentucky Chamber of Commerce. —Bluegrass Business Leaders
We’re sorry to see all of The Blower’s racial healing Black History Month coverage about to end. —Gay Darkies
When will The Blower start counting down till BB&BJ Day? —Horny in Hebron
What’s the Reds’ Magic Number for Spring Training? —TV 19’s Lingerie-Model-Turned-Reporter-Turned-Anchorbimbo Tricia “Leemarie” Macke
You won’t believe it, but Sheree Paolello just asked me the same question. —Jack Atherton (Channel 22.45 in Dayton in case you missed me)

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

Sometimes The Blower makes fun of racists to show that the hypocrisy all those finger-pointers will not be tolerated in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a Liberal blogger whacking off in his mother’s basement.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental — You know who you are.

WHY WE’LL ALL MISS BLACK HISTORY MONTH ON FRIDAY HOT LINE

e-mail your multi-cultural mumblings today.

Some multi-cultural items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally multi-cultural contributors, but we could always use more.

Link of the Day

Typical Obama voter attitude towards Sequester

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.