Daily Archives: February 19, 2013

Official “Post President’s Day Depression” E-dition

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

  • image004According to Whistleblower Lexicographer Funkin’ Wagnalls, the proper spelling for yesterday’s invented holiday is “Presidents’ Day,” not “President’s Day” or “Presidents Day.” —Sidney Spellchecker
  • Why didn’t The Blower just wish everybody a happy patri-idiotic Washington- Adams- Jefferson- Madison- Monroe- Adams- Jackson- Van Buren- Harrison- Tyler- Polk- Taylor- Fillmore- Pierce- Buchanan- Lincoln- Johnson- Grant- Hayes- Garfield- Arthur- Cleveland- Harrison- McKinley- Roosevelt- Taft-Wilson- Harding- Coolidge- Hoover- Roosevelt- Truman- Eisenhower- Kennedy- Johnson- Nixon- Ford- Carter- Reagan- Bush 41- Clinton- Bush 43-Obama Day? —Whistleblower Presidential Historian Dorian Grady
  • If you’re going to insist on always using “Bush 41” and “Bush 43,” then you must also use “Adams 2” and “Adams 6,” “Harrison 9” and “Harrison 24,” “Johnson 17” and “Johnson 36,” and “Roosevelt 26” and “Roosevelt 32.” —Nerdly Nitpicker
  • Yesterday we just wished everybody Happy “Barack Obama is the Only President We Care About” Day. —Obama Supporters in the Press
  • During the Presidents’ Day Weekend, over-taxed payers treated Obama to a well-deserved super secret weekend golfing vacation with Tiger Woods while The Mooch doubled the cost with her separate over-taxed payer funded holiday in Aspen. —Obama for a Divided America
  • image006It’s been a month since the headline first appeared on The Drudge Report, and since that time, we’ve heard a lot of talk about impeachment. But now it’s time for words to give way to action. It’s time for Congress to get the message… we want Barack Obama impeached and we want him impeached now. —GrasstopsUSA.com
  • Here’s some good news: Only one in five companies with fewer than 500 employees say they are “likely” or “very likely” to discontinue company-provided healthcare coverage within five years. — Dumbed-down, Self-absorbed, Media-influenced, Celebrity-obsessed, Politically-correct Uninformed Short-attention-span Obama Supporters
  • Now that Obama’s “Sequester” is less than ten days away, shouldn’t we start counting the days, hours, and seconds in the lower right hand corner of our web page? —Whistleblower Countdowners
  • Did you see how we followed The Blower’s lead promoting GOP Ohio Treasurer Josh Mandel for opposing Republican Ohio Governor Kasich’s cave in on ObamaCare? —Anderson Tea Party Patriots
  • We hope you can tune in to watch Governor Kasich’s State of the State address at 6:45 PM tonight. —Kasich Taylor for Ohio
  • You’ll never guess what I thought of Friday night while I was watching “Gone With the Wind” on Turner Classic Movies. —Photoshop Spoofer Edward Cropper

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  • image009It’s truly an honor to be among this year’s finalists with Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane for the Ebony and Ivory Racial Healing Awards during Black History Month, now called Half-Black History Month in honor of the current resident at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. —Buckwheat Blackwell
  • I totally agree with The Blower that Cincinnati doesn’t need a black mayor, especially the one we’ve had for the past eight years. —NAALCP President/ City Clown-cilman SMLP Smithermouth
  • I’ve really cared how many more millions of over-taxed payer dollars Girly Mayor Mark Mallory’s Trolley Folly will cost ever since that report stating the City had really low-balled the costs of our Billion Dollar Boondoggle. —Foxy Roxy Qualls
  • You should’ve see some of the answers we got when we asked readers to sell clown-cil what to do with their streetcar. —Byline Embellishers at The Fishwrap
  • For my part of Duke Energy’s paltry $15 million Trolley Folly suit against the City, my biggest client (Dildo World CEO Patty Brisben) says my focus should be the effect of higher electric rates on users of plug in vibrators! —Joe “No Conflict of Interest” Braun at Strauss Troy
  • How many people stayed home to watch me LIVE on Sunday’s national Fox News broadcast discussing our ongoing investigation of all that “Voter Fraud That “Never Happens” in Hamilton County? —RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP

image010Please don’t ask what percent of the vote I got in that super-early New Hampshire poll of potential GOP presidential candidates in 2016. —Rob “Fighting to Finish Last” Portman

  • Not all of my investigations start with a call from the Governor. —Dave Fornshell (The Elliot Ness of Warren County)
  • It’s a good thing Kasich doesn’t know Joe Deter’s phone number” —Mary Ronan (Capo dei capi at the Failed Cincinnati Public Schools)
  • Come to think of it, I haven’t checked my messages at Waite, Schneider, Bayless & Chesley in a few weeks. —“Jaywalking Joe” Deters
  • Please don’t ask when we’ll be going after the Forrest Gump School District for their illegal activity to promote their Stealth Tax Hike in May. —So-Called Anti-Taxers at COAST
  • My “Precious” client was only practicing The Whistleblower Motto when she held a little girl down at Wiffrow so her daughter could beat up on her. —Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters
  • In future coverage of my witness bribery case, please use my Official Whistleblower Nickname that I earned representing Liz Carroll in the Marcus Feisel Murder Case. —Disgraced Defense Attorney “Creepy” Cohen

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  • And don’t forget what to call me if you plan to follow up on my trial for stealing all that stuff from the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Property Room. —Mickey “The Human Avalanche of Entertainment” Esposito
  • Does Congress really plan to outlaw films with gunfights and shoot-outs on Encore’s Western Movie Channel? —Bluegrass Rifle Association Spokesman Billy Bob Carbine
  • For sure, this year’s “Best Picture” (probably that movie about Lincoln) will contain absolutely no violence. —The 2013 Academy Awards
  • image015Will we be allowed to brandish our weapons at Saturday’s big “Day of Resistance Rally” for all Second Amendment Supporters at “The Square” in Union Centre? —Cincinnati Tea Party
  • Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1847, the Donner Party was rescued after having been stranded in the snow in the Sierra Nevada Mountains, and for that short time and place, cannibalism in America was OK, but alfresco dining hasn’t quite been the same since. —Whistleblower Freebie Gourmet Martin UpChuck
  • That’s why we chose Will Rogers’ “The difference between a Republican and a DemocRAT is the Democrat is a cannibal — they have to live off each other–while the Republicans, why, they live off the DemocRATS.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
  • Where was all the news coverage of this year’s Mardi Gras celebration? —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
  • image016It was so tame this year, our “Girls Gone Wild at Mardi Gras” tape could turn out to be a real bust. —Mainstrasse Merchants
  • You know you love Mardi Gras too much if you wake up in court with your pants on backwards. —Archie Wilson
  • We were even going to run a special “Mardi Gras” edition of our “This Week in Kenton Circuit Court” Newsletter, but nothing exciting happened. —Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E. Rob Sanders
  • Did you know Mardi Gras means “Fat Tuesday?” —Weight Gainers
  • Does anybody at Channel 5 remember when they used to call Fat Tuesday e-Norma’s Tuesday? —Quisling Charlie Luken
  • image018Did you know when you translate “Mardi Gras,” it means “Fat Mardi.” —Goof Doofus
  • I keep dreaming about Mardi Gras Night at a casino. —Bluegrass Governor Steve BeShear
  • I keep dreaming about our DemocRAT Dominatrix dressed only in beads. —Rick “The Batboy” Robinson
  • Whenever I throw beads at slutty girls, they always throw them back. —Will “The Thrill” Terwort
  • Did they do anything special for Mardi Gras at Golden Corral? —Clueless Marc Wilson
  • For some of us, every Tuesday is “Fat Tuesday.” —Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich
  • You can’t imagine how much drinking goes on at Mardi Gras. —Michael Liquid Plummer and Nathan “Cornbread” Smith

  • I just got done reading Sports Illustrated “Swimsuit Edition,” but only for the articles.—Your Good Friend Bobby Leach
  • When will The Blower start counting down till BB&BJ Day? —Horny in Hebron
  • Please don’t ask if we forgot to apply for full federal funding for the Brent Spence project. —ODOT, ODOT, and OKI
  • We only used to complain about all those planes taking off and landing at CVG. —Killer Dronewatchers in Delhi
  • Do you think the country is really ready for a Libertarian Republican? —Rand Paul 2016 Committee
  • Will it be OK if some of my girls join the Queen City Streetwalkers on the stroll outside the Horseshoe Casino when it opens on March 4? —Phyllis on Madison
  • Why do they always celebrate Mardi Gras on a Tuesday? —TV 19’s Lingerie-Model-Turned-Reporter-Turned-Anchorbimbo Tricia “Leemarie” Macke
  • You won’t believe it, but Sheree Paolello just asked me the same question. —Jack Atherton (Channel 22.45 in Dayton in case you missed me)

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

Sometimes The Blower makes fun of Mardi Gras to show that women who bare their breasts in public for a few crummy beads will not be tolerated in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a real slut.

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This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental — especially bead-throwers.

 BELATED MARDI GRAS CELEBRATION HOT LINE

e-mail your ribald revelry today.

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Some vile-and-disgusting items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers.

Link of the Day

The Great Pretender

image021Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

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