Monday, February 18, 2013
Presidents’ Daze
Last week, Whistleblower Lexicographer Funkin’ Wagnalls said the proper spelling for today’s invented holiday is “Presidents’ Day,” not “President’s Day” or “Presidents Day.”
Since then, we’ve only seen it spelled wrong about a million times, especially in advertisements by companies which should know better, like Macy’s, Toyota, and the Onion Store, that wants you to fill your life with trivial crap from the past on this “President’s Day.” Maybe it’s just a really big accident when somebody actually spells “Presidents’ Day” correctly.
- But now The Blower’s presidential historian Dorian Grady says, “In a way, ‘President’s Day’ could also be correct.
Because according to the federal government, the holiday being observed today is officially “Washington’s Birthday.”
- But many dumbed-down Americans believe this holiday is now called “Presidents’ Day,” in honor of both Washington and Lincoln, who were born on February 22 and 12 respectively.
But which president is being honored may actually depend on where you live, because states don’t have to adopt federal holidays, which only shut down federal offices and agencies, and some states that celebrate Washington’s Birthday also recognize Lincoln’s Birthday as a separate legal holiday.
- In 1968, Congress passed the Monday Holidays Act, which moved the official observance of Washington’s Birthday from February 22 (the actual date of Washington’s birth in 1732) to the third Monday in February (to give bureaucRATS and disgruntled members of public employee unions who don’t want to pay their fair share another paid holiday along with a three-day weekend).
Some reformers also wanted to change the official name of the holiday to “Presidents’ Day,” to honor both Washington and Lincoln, but that sensible proposal was rejected by Congress, and the holiday remained officially Washington’s Birthday. Our hidden camera at Mt. Rushmore records a touching tribute to George Washington and Abraham Lincoln on their special day. [WATCH IT HERE]
But in 1971, when the Act went into effect, President Nixon proclaimed the “Presidents’ Day” holiday would commemorate all past presidents, not just Washington and Lincoln.
- This idea of honoring all the presidents was never actually intended or authorized by Congress, but people today being as stupid as they are, that’s what most Americans think.
That’s probably because every child in the American public education system is now being taught the third Monday in February has been designated as Washington- Adams- Jefferson- Madison- Monroe- Adams- Jackson- Van Buren- Harrison- Tyler- Polk- Taylor- Fillmore- Pierce- Buchanan- Lincoln- Johnson- Grant- Hayes- Garfield- Arthur- Cleveland- Harrison- McKinley- Roosevelt- Taft-Wilson- Harding- Coolidge- Hoover- Roosevelt- Truman- Eisenhower- Kennedy- Johnson- Nixon- Ford- Carter- Reagan- Bush 41- Clinton- Bush 43-Obama Day.
By including all the presidents, we can now show equal honor and respect to the authors of the Declaration of Independence, Constitution, Gettysburg Address, and the infamous “I did not have sex with that woman” speech. But only one person was the first President of the United States. That man was General George Washington, who led American troops in the decisive battles of our Revolution, a fact unknown to a majority of our Dumbed-down, Self-absorbed, Media-influenced, Celebrity-obsessed, Politically-correct Uninformed Short-attention-span voters who get all of their information from our Kneepad Liberals in the Press.
- Whistleblower Media Watchdog Harry the Cable Guy has an important word of advice for all the licentiousness-driven reporters and reporterettes who decide to do a story about the so-called “racism” of that Kentucky-born fellow named Abraham Lincoln on this glorious day we have proclaimed as Presidents’ Day. The word is “PERSPECTIVE.”
Abraham Lincoln was a good and decent man who believed in fairness and in always doing what is right. He put his heart and soul into fighting the grave injustice of slavery and, after a tremendous dose of deeply vile criticism and second-guessing by the media gnomes of the time and successfully leading this nation through a bloody and protracted Civil War, he ultimately gave his life for the noble cause of freedom.
Now, the nothing-happened-or-matters-until-after-we-were-born media will try to make the case that Abraham Lincoln was some kind of “racist.” And if they can call Lincoln a racist, they’ll do the same to anyone else who doesn’t agree with them. So who really are the narrow-minded people in this great country?
- Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says George Washington might be the only U.S. president who is officially honored with a federal holiday, but given a list of some of America’s most influential other past presidents, more than one-in-four Americans (27%) chose Ronald Reagan as the one if another were to be recognized with a holiday. John F. Kennedy comes in second (20%).
Now doesn’t that just make your day, Libtards!
Presidential Press Coverage
Some things never change, from Lincoln to Bush, as with this Chicago Times quote concerning Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.
Evidentially Lincoln was not a great orator (like the fabled Stephen Douglas), which offended the Times so much that they didn’t even bother to examine the actual content of the speech, which most people today regard as “the best speech ever written.”
Here’s what the Chicago Times wrote: “The cheek of every American must tingle with shame as he reads the silly, flat, and dish-watery utterances of the man who has to be pointed out to intelligent foreigners as President of the United States.”
Come to think of it, a tingle runs up Chris Matthews’ leg every time our PMSNBC Loudmouth Lush hears Obama speak.
So these days our Kneepad Liberals in the Press will continue to pan Dubya’s speeches much in the same way, even though he’s been out of office for more than two years.
Obviously Dubya wasn’t Lincoln, but the liberal media bias is still the same.
Presidents’ Day Poetry
This week, everybody who lets their kids open their Presidents’ Day presents on Presidents’ Day Eve e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest. The winner is noted presidential scholar Elwood P. Twiddle, PHD, instructor emeritus at Hooven Tech.
Elwood wins bus fare to visit the home of William Henry Harrison, that’s been paved over to become the intersection of Washington and Symmes Streets in North Bend, Ohio; a steel-engraved portrait of George Washington suitable for framing, a 2013 update for the out-of-date 2010 illustration Elwood sent in, and commemorative kneepads from the Clinton White House. His winning limerick is:
The best part about Dead President’s Day
Is that them we no longer obey
Though Abe was a prince
With Obama I wince
Wish he was a Good DemocRAT today.
The best part about Dead President’s Day
Is putting on a powdered toupee
And playing judge with a gavel:
Have will travel…
“Don’t sanction me, bro – I’m OK!!”
The best part about Dead President’s Day
Shouldn’t be getting a day off with pay.
The purpose, you slacker,
Is to become a statesmen like backer,
Because our virtues are in serious decay.
The best part about Dead Presidents’ Day
Besides having a day off with pay;
Is not to be patriotic,
But to do something erotic,
And celebrate our moral decay.
The best part about Dead Presidents’ Day,
(Other than staying home with full pay);
Is that Clinton, Carter, and others,
One day will join those dead mothers,
And we won’t have to hear the crap that they say.
The best part about Dead President’s’ Day
Is putting apostrophes in play.
Some people guess
Before, or AFTER the ‘ess’,
Whatever would your English teacher say?
And from the Anderson Laureate (who now knows why his poetic license is being revoked and now has something to tell the padre at this week’s confession):
The best part about Dead President’s Day
Is that the Messiah will eventually end up that way.
Then we’ll see him no more
Especially at Mt. Rushmore
If I never see him again, that’s OK.
The best part of dead Presidents’ Day
Is that at some point this one will also be that way.
I don’t wish him bad luck
(Though I really don’t give a good … uh … “darn”)
Just call me a nasty old Republican ofay!
Go Ahead— Steal Our Presidents’ Day Cards!
We didn’t pay for them either!
LIBERAL MEDIA BIAS HOT LINE
e-mail your egregious examples today
Some historically accurate items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally historically accurate contributors, but we could always use more.
Link of the Day
Geico asks, “Was Abe Lincoln Really Honest?”
PLUS
Bag full of Obama Crap for just $19.95 (plus s&h)!!
How Uncle Jay explained Presidents’ Day
Presidents’ Day Morph
What Really Happened To Abe Lincoln (uncensored)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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