Saturday, February 16, 2013

But You Weren’t the Only One Who Forgot

Remember when you went to grade school and you used to come on Valentine’s Day with a big bag full of Valentine’s from all of your little classmates? Remember how good you felt? Maybe that’s why we’re feeling a little low this morning when we think of all those people who didn’t send us a Valentine this year.

• PRESIDENT OBAMA, who’s spending a undeserved over-taxed payer funded vacation weekend golfing in Florida while The Mooch doubles the cost with her separate over-taxed payer funded holiday in Aspen, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• OBAMA SUPPORTERS IN THE PRESS, who were all too busy promoting the myth that Obama is cutting spending, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• DUMBED-DOWN, SELF-ABSORBED, MEDIA-INFLUENCED, CELEBRITY-OBSESSED, POLITICALLY-CORRECT UNINFORMED SHORT-ATTENTION-SPAN OBAMA VOTERS, who were still waiting for jobs and more free stuff, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• GOP SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE JOHN BOEHNER, who’s getting ready for his next cave in, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• SENATOR ROB “FIGHTING FOR FILIBUSTERS” PORTMAN, who actually voted with Senate Republican on a matter of principle this week, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• OHIO RINO PARTY BOSS BOOB BENNETT, who still hasn’t had anything bad to say about Ohio Governor John Kasich’s cave in on ObamaCare like Ohio Treasurer Josh Mandell did, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• OHIO FIRST DISTRICT CONGRESSMAN STEVE CHABOTHEAD, who didn’t much like Obama’s State of Dis-Union Address according to his latest blog, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• OHIO SECOND DISTRICT “BRONZE STAR BRAD” WENSTRUP, whose overpaid and inept Transition Team still hasn’t sent out a press release telling constituents the location of his Double Top Secret District Office at 7945 Beechmont Avenue across the street from the Anderson Tea Party Headquarters, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• KENTUCKY FOURTH DISTRICT CONGRESSMAN THOMAS MASSIE, whose constituents all know where his District Office is at 300 Buttermilk Pike in Fort Mitchell ever since he introduced a bill on Industrial Hemp last week, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• BUCKWHEAT BLACKWELL, who along with Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane Charles Foster Kane is a finalist for this year’s Ebony and Ivory Racial Healing Awards during Black History Month, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• DILDO WORLD CEO PATTY BRISBEN, who only a day after her picture ran in The Blower this week got a big write up with the same color picture on the front of the Business Page in The Fishwrap, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• MICKEY ESPOSITO, who was really upset when we forgot to call him “the Human Avalanche of Entertainment” in yesterday’s “Welcome Back, Mickey” E-dition, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• FRANK WEIKEL, who reminded us from Florida that he didn’t need an “embellished byline” like the Feckless Fishwrappers use these days since his must-read column titled “Talk of the Town by Frank Weikel” ran six days a week for twenty years in what was then called The Enquirer, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• WLW HATE RADIO TRASH TALKER DARYLL PARKS, who we expect will be starting to tell people “Anybody who votes for a school levy is stupid” if callers bring up the Forrest Gump School’s Stealth Tax Hike on the May ballot, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• HAMILTON COUNTY RINO PARTY BOSS ALEX T., MALL COP GOP, who’s still looking for somebody to run for Cincinnati Mayor, all Nine Fine Clown positions on Clown-cil, and members of the Failed Cincinnati Public Schools Board of Education, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• GOP CITY CLOWN-CIL CANDIDATE AMY MURRAY, who’s actually sending out media advisories with her positions on current issues like Streetcar Bids), didn’t send us a Valentine.
• FOXY ROXY QUALLS, who these days is trying to look like she actually cares how many more millions of over-taxed payer dollars Girly Mayor Mark Mallory’s Trolley Folly will really cost, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• LOONY LIBERTARIAN MAYORAL CANDIDATE JIM BERNS, who’s challenging his opponents to donate a pint of blood a week from now until Election Day on September 10, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• QUEEN CITY STREETWALKERS, who must have city licenses to be on the stroll outside the Horseshoe Casino when it opens on March 4, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• FORMER CONGRESSWOMAN “MEAN JEAN” SCHMIDT, who’s enjoying retirement while many of her former employees still haven’t found jobs, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• WHISTLEBLOWER ALTERNATIVE LIFE-STYLE CONTRIBUTORS BEN DOVER AD PHIL MCKREVIS, who were too busy enjoying their naughty candy hearts on Valentine’s Day, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• HURLEY THE HISTORIAN, who says on this date in 1959, Fidel Castro was sworn in as prime minister of Cuba (where there are no term limits just like the US Congress), didn’t send us a Valentine.
• QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE, who chose Henny Youngman’s “You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it,” didn’t send us a Valentine.
• LOCAL TEA PARTY PATRIOTS, who are offering a free class on Saturday so you can learn how you can use tools like blogging, Facebook, and Twitter to help crush the left-wing, special interest media [REGISTER HERE], didn’t send us a Valentine.
• DISGRACED MASTURBATING ANDERSON TOWNSHIP TRUSTEE KEVIN O’BRIEN, who’s waiting for new Hamilton County Sheriff’s deputies to call him in for a “Penis Lineup,” didn’t send us a Valentine.
• PETER STAUTBERG (the best State Rep-Tile Money Can Buy), who still hasn’t reacted to the Anderson GOP’s resolution for him to introduce legislation to allow the Anderson Township citizens to recall an elected official just like cities and villages like Newtown can do, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• ERIC “CALL ME CRAZY” DETERS, who’s looking for clients as crazy as he is, like that woman who broke into a secure building and helped her 15-year old daughter beat another teenage girl at Wiffrow High School last week, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• OUR GOOD FRIEND KENTON COUNTY COMMONWEALTH ATTORNEY E ROB SANDERS, whose “This Week in Kenton Circuit Court” is bursting at the seams with ugly mugs depicting the usual druggies, thugs, thieves, scum bags, and Obama Supporters, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• BOBBY LEACH, reminding us that there are still a little more than four more weeks to wait for BB&BJ Day, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• KENTON COUNTY SHERIFF CHARLES KORZENBORN, who’s still waiting for an answer from Obama’s Joke VP Joe Biden after he questioned the Obama Administration’s ban on cutlery, since a fork can be used to assault another human being, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• MAINSTRASSE BARTENDERS, who are still cleaning up after all those guys came in on Mardi Gras hoping to meet big breasted women, didn’t send us a Valentine.
• BUNKY TADWELL, who’s too busy watching the skies for Killer Drones over Cleves, didn’t send us a Valentine.

SORRY I FORGOT VALENTINE’S DAY HOT LINE

e-mail your most abject apologies today.

Some really remorseful items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally really remorseful subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.

Link of the Day

Zooey Deschanel Sings *You Forgot About Valentine’s Day*

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

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