TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 2013

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

• A sizable number of voters in Divided America plan to follow Obama’s State of Dis-Union speech on Lincoln’s Birthday tonight, but those same voters acknowledge that presidents generally don’t accomplish most of what they promise in their annual addresses to the nation. —Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen
• Maybe that’s why we chose Dick Gregory’s, “Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
• At tonight’s State of Dis-Union Speech on Lincoln’s Birthday, we’ll be watching Obama’s State of Dis-Union Speech tonight to find out more about all that free stuff Obama promised during the campaign. —Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Obama Voters
• Do you think Obama will be mentioning that on this date in 1999, the U.S. Senate voted to acquit Pants-Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton on his impeachment charges of perjury and obstruction of justice. —Hurley the Historian
• We’ve invited all of our friends to join us to watch Obama’s 2013 Campaign Rally Speech on Lincoln’s Birthday tonight. —Obsessive Obama Supporters Tom and Rose
• At least we’ll get to watch Florida’s GOP Senator Marco Rubio deliver the official Republican Response in English and in Spanish —Moises, Julio, Alfredo, and Jose
• And we all got to fire our AK-47s in the air during Rand Paul’s Response to the Tea Party. —NRA Members
• Did they really schedule Obama’s State of Dis-Union Speech on Lincoln’s Birthday at the same time as the finals of the 137th Annual Westminster Dog Show on TV? — Lhasa Apso Owners of America
• Speaking of bitches, at least “Mean Jean” Schmidt won’t be there to embarrass us one more time this year. —Clermont Cronies
• Sunday on the Chinese New Year, did anybody remember to send them a New Year’s card instead of our interest payment on the $1.2 Trillion we owe? —American Over-Taxed Payers
• I’m resigningdue to scandal, but I plan to be rehired so I can double dip. —Pope Benedict XVI
• Has there ever been a Pro-Abortion, Non-Catholic, Same-Sex Supporting, African-American, married Pope from the Western Hemisphere who attended an Islamic grade school? How about some diversity in the Vatican? —Pope Wannabe Barack I
• Could The Blower please help me find at least one Anderson Tea Party Member who applauds my caving in on Obamacare? —Ohio GOP Governor John Kasich
• The only reason a weasel like Ohio Republican Attorney General Mike DeWhine got to appear on “60 Minutes” Sunday night was because of all of our exposes on consumer credit reports. —Columbus Dispatchers
• You can’t imagine how big the crowd was when I spoke at Charlie Tassel’s fund-raiser last night. They even sent out invitations. —Ohio Republican First District Congressman Steve Chabothead
• You mention my soliciting for $102 online donations on Ronald Reagan’s 102nd Birthday like it was a bad thing. —Ohio Republican Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup
• We can hardly wait for the Horseshoe Casino to open next month. —Queen City Streetwalkers
• How much do you think it helps our image when The Fishwrap publishes photos of gay people? —Whistleblower Alternate Life-Style Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis
• I’m still looking for a few good candidates to complete my slate for Cincinnati. All I need now is somebody to run for Cincinnati Mayor, all Nine Fine Clowns positions on Clown-cil, and members of the Failed Cincinnati Public Schools Board of Education. —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
• If Loony Libertarian Jim Berns campaigns for Mayor at the intersection of Martin Luther King and Central Parkway on Monday, February 11, between 4:30pm and 5:30pm, he’ll be lucky if we don’t shoot his white ass off. —Poor Misunderstood Yoofs Planning a Drive-By
• Is the use of drones in Greater Cincinnati limited to the police, or can anybody own one? —Terrorists in Terrace Park
• When do you think we should announce all those candidates who’ve already been campaigning for Anderson Township Trustee? —Forest Hills Urinal
• Did the Anderson GOP really pass a resolution demanding that I introduce legislation to allow the Anderson Township citizens to recall an elected official just like cities and villages like Newtown can do? —State Rep-tile Peter Stautberg, the best Elected Official Money Can Buy
• Do you think local voters will catch on when we sneak through a big tax hike during a costly special election? —Forrest Gump School Board
• The latest and greatest e-dition of my unadulterated e-newsletter is on cyber news stands now! This week’s This Week In Kenton Circuit Court features the usual array of ugly mugs in the seemingly endless parade of felons headed off to prison. Is it our imagination, or is this week seemingly dominated by some really “average white guys”?! —Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth’s Attorney E Rob Sanders

• Yesterday, you won’t believe the number of guys in Northern Kentucky who are calling trying to wheedle an invitation to Miss Vickie’s Valentine’s Day Party. —Ken CamBoo
• Tomorrow we’re serving heart-shaped baloney sandwiches at the Kenton County Escape Center. —Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl
• If you forgot to get your girlfriend a Valentine’s Day present, you could just buy her a mattress for Presidents’ Day. —Horny in Hebron
• It doesn’t matter if she lives in a hovel, this Valentine’s Day you could give her a shovel. — Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves
• You’ll never guess who’s registered here for Valentine’s Day presents. —Victoria’s Secret stores in Crestview Hills and Florence
• Maybe that’s why we chose “If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?” —Aroused in Alexandria
• Valentine’s Day erections lasting more than four hours, although somewhat rare, can be extremely dangerous and require immediate medical attention. —The Kenton County Coroner
• Remember when our guy stole all those panties from Victoria’s Secret? He was a really romantic son of a gun. —Vanilla Hills Vigilantes
• Do they have any special Valentines for bad little boys who need a spanking? —DemocRAT Dominatrix Kathy Groob
• Do they have any special Valentines for women who fake their orgasms? —Up Tight Bitches in Fort Mitchell
• Do they have Valentines you can send to a sheep? —Gex “Rhymes With Sex” Williams
• If a lobbyist sent somebody a Valentine, would that be considered a bribe? —Clueless Marc Wilson
• The best thing is to get married on Valentine’s Day. Besides showing someone how much you love her, you’ll save buying one present each year. Even better, marry somebody whose birthday is on Valentine’s Day too. —Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane
• Will Kentucky courthouses be open on Valentine’s Day, in case somebody wanted to file another frivolous lawsuit? — Eric ‘Call Me Crazy, Big Mouth, Most Sanctioned, Ambulance Chaser, No Count of a Radio Host, Shameless Self Promoter, Willie Wannabe, Why Haven’t I Been Disbarred, Who Likes Bulldogs and Failed Roadhouse Operator’ Deters
• Women with big breasts looking for a little action tonight at Mardi Gras will also be welcome on Valentine’s Day. —Mainstrasse Bars
• Although the number of sexually oriented businesses in Northern Kentucky has shrunk in recent years, you can still always get a quick hand job on Valentine’s Day. —Phyllis on Madison
• Can you still rent rooms by the hour at the Skank Motel in Erlanger on Valentine’s Night? —Amanda Lay
• There are still a little more than four more weeks to wait for BB&BJ Day. —Bobby Leach
• Would it help our ratings if Trish “The Dish” wore flimsy see-through Victoria’s Secret lingerie on our Channel 19 News on Valentine’s Day? —Channel 19 News
• Do you think Sheree Paolello would do that on TV5? —Jack Atherton (Channel 22.45 in Dayton in case you missed me)

Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer

Sometimes The Blower ridicules bogus bipartisanship to show that bi-partisanship of any kind is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t trying to act like a bi-partisan on TV.

Disclaimer: This publication is sometimes a work of fiction, but it may still contain inappropriate remarks and unsupported personal attacks, especially shameless politicians trying to get their wrinkled faces on TV at tonight’s State of the Union Address.

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