Saturday, February 9, 2013
Happy Chinese New Year, Everybody!
Oriental Observer One Lo Ball says Sunday will begin the “Year of the Snake” and after Obama’s re-election in November, Conservatives are acknowledging that a Divided America will still have to kowtow to the Chinese for at least 1,441 more days during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term.
Last year was the Year of the Dragon, and Real Republicans still haven’t gotten over the fact that Saint Mitt didn’t slay the Dragon on November 6.
The year before was the “Year of the Rabbit” with more comparisons between Obama and Jimmy Carter (remember that “Killer Rabbit?”)
The year before was the “Year of the Tiger,” which had to be held up until our disgraced golf star Tiger Woods got out of sex rehab.
The year before that was the “Year of the Ox,” which seemed more fitting, considering all those Dumb-Ox DemocRATS and BureaucRATS The Blower was always writing about. Maybe nominations for our King and Queen of the Oxymorons should still be open.
The year before that was the “Year of the Rat,” and we all remember who won that. The year before that was the “Year of the Pig” and who’ll ever forget our Queen of the Pig People? “Mean Jean” remembers when it was the “Year of the Bitch.” Does anybody remember “The Year of the Cock?” No wonder Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis are still using that year’s calendar. According to The Blower’s alternate life-style contributors, that was a very good year. Actually, it was the “Year of the Rooster,” but we just like to say “Cock,” so all you wussies with dirty-words filters on your computers won’t get today’s e-dition and you’ll all be wondering what else you’ve missed.
On Chinese New Year, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and Hamilton County Prosecutor ”JayWalking Joe” Deters always used to together for hot-and-sour soup at China Gourmet on Erie Avenue, while Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo was enjoying some more sumptuous Szechuan with his gal pal Miss Vicki at the Wok in Fort Mitchell.- Back in Anderson, where the Chamber of Commerce says they have more Chinese carry-out restaurants per-capita than there are Chins in the Chinese phone book, Trustee “In Russ We Trust” Jackson says Republican Millionaire Lobbyist GOP Senator Rob “Fighting for Foo-young” Portman (Pictured as our trade deficit skyrocketed when he was Dubya’s TROTUS) will interrupt his non-stop campaign for Vice President in 2016 and once again be the grand marshal for our annual celebration at the Anderson Food Court.
No wonder our Joke of the Day Committee chose: “The only problem with Chinese New Year Jokes is that an hour later, you have to tell another one.”
More Real News Some Other Time…
CHINESE NEW YEAR HOT & SOUR LINE
e-mail your dog brain soup recipes today.
Some canine-cuisine-loving items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally canine-cuisine-loving subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Chink Link of the Day
2013 The Year of the Snake
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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