Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
Nothing says what’s right with Obama’s America like millions of under-employed, Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Obama Supporters watching millionaire athletes inflict concussions on each other in-between scores of over-hyped $3.8 million 30-second TV commercials as the nation plunged further into debt, coming to you live from the All-American Mercedes-Benz Super Dome, as Adipose Americans consumed 1.23 billion more chicken wings and a little beer in sports bars across the country and at home. —The Moral Minority- People were hoping I’d say how “fucking awesome it was” again when I appeared on David Letterman’s show Monday night. —Baltimore Ravens quarterback and Super Bowl MVP Joe Flacco
- Sunday night’s Super Bowl may have been the most watched event in history, but we expect an even bigger audience when Obama delivers his first State of Dis-Union Address during his Second Term next week on Lincoln’s Birthday. —Obama’s White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard
Just as The Blower predicted, Coach Harbaugh’s team won the Super Bowl. —Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall
- San Francisco might’ve won with a few more gay players. —Whistleblower Alternative Life-Style Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis
- Do you think as many people tuned in Monday Night to watch our Virtual Tax Cut Town Hall Meeting? —Ohio Republican Governor John Kasich
- John Cranley may have a larger mayoral campaign fund, but I still have bigger balls. —Foxy Roxy
- Am I Cincinnati’s only Mayoral candidate packing heat after I completed my Concealed Carry class on Saturday? —Loony Libertarian Jim Berns
- Has anybody guessed the identity of our big name speaker for this year’s Lincoln-Reagan Day Dinner being held a month after Lincoln’s and Reagan’s birthdays? —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
Last week at my Investiture ceremony, did every one of those reporters forget to ask about my position on enforcing Obama’s unconstitutional gun laws? —Hamilton County Sheriff Jim Neil- We want everyone to pack the house Tuesday night in Colerain Township to urge their Trustees to approve the largest property tax increase possible.” —Republicans for Higher Taxes
- We need higher taxes to continue arresting people for posting innocuous photos on Facebook. —Colerain Police Department
- In Tuesday night’s 7 PM “State of our State” presentation at the Holiday Inn Eastgate, you’ll see why if we are to save America, we must first begin by saving Ohio. —Cincinnati Tea Party Guy Ted Stevenot
- If any candidates show up at Wednesday night’s Anderson GOP Meeting, will they be answering that Candidate Questionnaire we intend to submit to all Trustee Candidates? —Anderson Tea Party Patriots
- Please don’t remind people my boss has been in office for more than a month and I still haven’t sent out a press release telling constituents about our District Office at an undisclosed location (across the street from the Anderson Tea Party Headquarters). —“Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s Overpaid District Representative John Stanton
On this date in 1994, white supremacist Byron De La Beckwith was convicted in the murder of African-American civil rights leader Medgar Evers 31 years earlier. Now that’s really something worthy of celebration during Black History Month. —Hurley the Historian- Tomorrow’s big Number 102 for Ronald Reagan, so if any of you Reaganites would like to submit a Top Ten List of Reagan Quotes, The Blower might even consider publishing it. —Northern Kentucky Republicans
- At next year’s Super Bowl in the Big Apple, Bungals fans will still be watching at home. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
- Please remind people that we were the last team to beat the Ravens, even if they weren’t trying. —Bungals Coach Marvin Lewis
- This year we shelved our patented over-the-top sexual innuendos in our Super Bowl commercials and attempted something different. —GoDaddy.com
- We really liked it when sexy supermodel Bar Refaeli French-kissed Jesse Heiman (the luckiest computer nerd in the world) an uncomfortable close-up shot. We understand it only required 65 takes to get it right. —Bluegrass Computer Geeks
- How come I can’t find any sluts like that to represent? —“Crazy Eric” Deters
- Does anybody remember PETA’s Banned Super Bowl Ad? —Your Good Friend Bobby Leach
- I still haven’t gotten over last year’s Super Bowl ad where that sexy Teleflora girl says “Give and you shall receive,” promising you a “Happy Valentine’s Night.” —Horny in Hebron
- We’ll drink to that. —Michael “Liquid Plummer and Nathan “Cornbread” Smith
You’ll never guess how many people are trying to get themselves invited to my Annual Valentine’s Night Party. —Miss Vicki- You’ll never guess who’s registered here for Valentine’s Night presents. —Victoria’s Secret stores in Crestview Hills and Florence
- Maybe that’s why we chose “If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?” —Your Quote for Today Committee
- Hey, everybody, Mardi Gras is only a week away. —Mainstrasse Merchants
- There are still a little more than six more weeks to wait for BB&BJ Day. —Bobby Leach
- When do the Bungals get to play in the Super Bowl? —Trish the Dish at TV 19 News
- My favorite Super Bowl commercial was the one with the football player with all that hair. —Jack Atherton, (Channel 22.45 in Dayton in case you wanted to knit me a head warmer)
—Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—
Sometimes The Blower ridicules Super Bowl Hype to show that placating the masses with bread and circuses is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t still voting on his favorite Super Bowl TV commercials.
Disclaimer: This publication is sometimes a work of fiction, but it may still contain inappropriate remarks and unsupported personal attacks, especially shameless sponsors willing to pay $3.8 million for a 30-second ad.
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