One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Here He Comes to Save The Day
COUNTDOWN TO TAXMAGEDDON: That Mayan calendar wasn’t correct and the world didn’t come to an end on December 21, so Taxmageddon is still coming in four more days when America goes over the Fiscal Cliff and that $494 billion tax increase wallops the economy on January 1, 2013. (Just check out our Countdown Calendar in the lower right hand corner on the wage.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today chose Clint Eastwood’s “Even people on the liberal side are starting to worry about going off a fiscal cliff.”
Current Events Photoshop Spoofer Edward Cropper confirms Obama’s on the way.
- HELP IS ON THE WAY: White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard says not to worry, Obama is cutting short his traditional $4 Million over-taxed payer funded family Cliff-mas vacation in Hawaii (with borrowed money) to save the day by preventing the economy from going over the so-called fiscal cliff, if only GOP House Speaker John Boehner will just keep on blinking.
Michelle Obama (whom some fondly refer to as “Mooch”) and her daughters plan to continue their vacation, adding at least $100,000 and probably more than $200,000 in additional borrowing for over-taxed payers’ to pay for the excursion.
IN WASHINGTON: Our DC Newsbreaker says Ohio’s First District Congressman Steve Chabothead is reviewing just where things stand in his blog. [READ MORE HERE]- OHIO’S HEARTACHE OF IT ALL: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says House Speaker Boehner is “Key to Ohio’s Clout in Congress.” We’ll see how long that lasts after the Fiscal Cliff Debacle. The long knives are being sharpened as we speak.
Unfortunately, Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says, “Most voters nationwide expect a recession in 2013 regardless of whether a deal is reached to avoid the so-called ‘Fiscal Cliff.’ ”
- OUR SNITCHES ARE RETURNING from their elongated Christmas breaks and Whistleblower Investigative Journalist Fearless Ferrett is already checking out some of their stories.
One story (discovered by a private investigator) involves the criminal record of a woman who’s been active in Hamilton County RINO Party politics for several years.
Another story (uncovered by a debt collector) involves the slow payment history of a relative to a well-known local elected official, whose name you might know.
And if you thought “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s Inexperienced-and-Incompetent Transition Team’s forgetting to get their hands on all those “Constituent Files” in “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s office before our Lame Duck Congresswoman packed them up and shipped them out, or the location of a new Congressional Office somewhere in Anderson Township was mishandled, we have a torturous tale of political backstabbing, submitted by that long list of Rejected Republicans who did all that work on “Bronze Star Brad’s” campaign and learned that the “L” in the Army-acronym of LDRSHIP doesn’t really stand for “Loyalty” when jobs in the Ohio Second District Congressman-elect’s office are offered to people who did absolutely nothing for Bronze Star Brad prior to him being elected. In fact, we can report with confidence that the soon-to-be district office manager for Bronze Star Brad definitely did not even vote for Brad (let alone do anything to support his campaign effort).
WHAT’S A “BELK?”: Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says most University of Cincinnati football fans are really glad their beloved Bearcats are scheduled to play in the prestigious Belk Bowl at 6:30 PM in Charlotte tonight, but most people are still wondering what in the hell a “Belk” is. It’s a shame Tuberville’s Terrors couldn’t have been picked for one of those really important bowl games, like the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl in Boise, the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl in Tempe, or the Bidet Bowl in Douchebag, Mississippi.
FurBall also says playing for Bob Huggin’s did have a financial reward for Kenyon Martin. Did he get a degree in high finance? Huggs’ Thug paid $3 million for his Texas Palace in ’08 and it’s now on the market for $5 million. College basketball players don’t need to be paid while they’re in school, not when they can get this kind of playoff after they turn pro. [READ MORE HERE]
BLUEGRASS BOOZERS: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo cautions Whistleblower subscribers during the end-of-the-year holiday season. Please, take care of yourself. A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol-related.
This means that the remaining 77% are caused by those who just drink water, coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, energy drinks, and crap like that.
Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents.
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1831 Charles Darwin set sail in the Beagle, but you probably won’t see a display of that at the Lizard Museum in Northern Kentucky.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane about all those heart-warming Christmas stories we’ve been hearing, and our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher said the one tale that would surely warm the heart of the cockles of most Compassionate Conservatives was about how Looney Libertarian Cincinnati Mayoral Candidate Jim Berns learned the “True Meaning of Kwanzaa” when he dressed up like Santa Claus and went to Winton Hills to spread some Kwanzaa cheer by handing our hundreds of stuffed toys to children and their parents.
One of the women was particularly grateful. “I don’t have any presents for my daughter,” she explained. “They came and repossessed my car last night and all the presents for her were in the trunk.”
Seediest Kids of All
The Juanito Rameriz Story
As early as 1999 in our Seediest Kids of All series, The Blower was telling you about Juanito Rameriz, a lonely little 9-year-old Latino lad who lived in squalor with his family in one of WESTCO’s dilapidated buildings in Lower Price Hill, and how he dreamed of one day meeting his hero Anthony Munoz. Juanito’s father Manuel labored on a P&G construction site. Juanito’s mother Maria worked as a maid in a Sharonville motel. Juanito’s sisters Carmalita, 12, and Conchita, 13, slaved long hours sorting lettuce for Senor Bob Castellini’s fancy Hyde Park soirees. But no matter how hard they all worked, they could never share The American Dream; because they were all illegal aliens, and they couldn’t keep up their extortion payments to the “coyotes” at the Illegal Aliens Association who gouged them for $2,000-per-peon smuggling fees, plus extra for living accommodations, plus more for forged Federal documents, and still more for job placements with local companies.
So the Seediest Kids of All sent the entire Rameriz family to see the caring folks at the Lower Price Hill Hispanic Outreach Center. You should’ve seen little Juanito smile when he heard he was going to meet his idol Anthony Munoz. Juanito’s mother Maria wept with joy when she heard Anthony Munoz would be giving them free furniture from Furniture Fair. But instead, they were taken to INS and immediately deported, so they could enjoy Christmas at home in Mexico where they really belonged. The entire Rameriz family was grateful to the Seediest Kids of All, but was really you they have to thank, because it’s your guilt throughout the year which made it all possible.
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our December fund-raising drive by the Salem Snow Blower Repair Service (which is closed for the season.)
REAL NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS HOT LINE
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Some penitent items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally penitent subscribers.
Link of the Day
Ray Stevens – Obama Nation
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