Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

• We’re doing our best to politicize Friday’s terrible tragedy that left twenty-seven people dead, including at least 18 children, after a deranged gunman opened fire at the Sandy Nook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. —Disingenuous DemocRATS and Kneepad Liberals in the Press
• We’re comparing Obama’s Sunday speech at Sandy Nook with Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. No kidding! —Obama Supporters in the Press
• After Republicans promised to keep up pressure on Obama’s Benghazi Scandal and Hillary had been scheduled to testify next week, Hillary mysteriously fainted and had a “concussion,” and now her doctor says she won’t be able to testify. Is that a Coincidence or what! —State Department Spokesmen
• Just because I caved on the Fiscal Cliff and raising the Debt Limit, and said I was also open to raising taxes doesn’t mean I should be replaced, does it? —Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner
• How long is Obama delaying his $4-million 20-day vacation to Hawaii? —Oahu Obamabots
• When the Electoral College re-electd Obama yesterday, instead of a Liberal Arts Course, what all those dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct, uninformed, short-attention-span Obama voters really needed was a remedial course in elementary economics. —Romney Supporters Anonymous in Goshen
• We’re not surprised The Blower beat The Fishwrap with coverage on that controversial Steubenville, Ohio rape case, The Blower beat us too. —New York Times
• Just think, on this date in 1865 slavery was abolished, and now we have a semi-Schvartzeh president. Is America a great country or what? —Hurley the Historian
• That’s why we chose George Carlin’s “This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be free.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
• What happened yesterday? Obama’s 2016 Third-Term Re-election Campaign wasn’t even trying to sell us another crappy Christmas tree ornament or ask for a donation. —Obsessive Obama Supporters like Tom and Rose
• The reason we didn’t invite anybody from Ohio Second Congressman-Elect “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s Transition Team to my big Christmas Party at the Horseshoe Casino on Friday was because we didn’t know if they even existed. —“Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Staffers, all packed up and moving ou
• We’re all planning to be there, so that party will really rock. —CFK’s Conservative Crew
• At last night’s meeting, we forgot to ask our Congressional Podiatrist why he told Former Fishwrapper Howard Wilkinson on WVXU the reason he didn’t sign the over-taxed payers’ pledge was because it was “too complicated,” and that our supposedly Conservative County Commissioner Monzel couldn’t explain why he voted with “Tax Hike” Hartmann to confiscate more money from over-taxed payers to give to “Millionaire Mike” Brown and his mismanagement team at the Bungals. —Citizens Opposed to Additional Spending and Taxes (COAST)
• Was I the only black person there? —NAALCP President SMLP Smithermouth
• “Bronze Star Brad” apparently thinks no one from Ohio is good enough to serve as his district office manager. —Ohio Jobs Council
• Sometimes those Amazing Amish Christmas Lights are hard to see because the Amish don’t use electricity. —Adams County Historian Scott Seaman
• Did we forget on Sunday to report on that date in 1773, a group of Massachusetts colonists protesting the Tea Tax Act at the Boston Tea Party disguised themselves as Mohawk Indians and boarded three British tea ships and dumped 342 chests of tea into the harbor? —Local Tea Partiers
• Hey, everybody: a new shipment of Chabotheads has just arrived. —K-Mart
• Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. —The Seediest Kids of All
• We think we deserve more credit. —United Appall People
• Please tell the yoofs there be only 8 mo’ shopliftin’ days till Kwanzaa! —Kwanzaa Klaus
• Who sent me this Christmas card? —Disgraced Anderson Township Trustee Kevin P. O’Brien
• With so few Jews and Colored People in Northern Kentucky, it will be hard trying to decide which minor holiday to ignore in December. —Ken Camboo
• Nothing says “Christmas” more than a picture of Our Beloved Publisher Charles Foster Kane and a bunch of topless bimbos wearing Santa hats (in the middle of yesterday’s “Politically Incorrect Christmas E-dition). —Horny in Hebron
• Many people are asking if Dinosaurs will be included when we build Noah’s Ark. —Answers in Genesis
• All over Northern Kentucky, folks are getting ready to party hearty on the Winter Solstice today. —Dave the Druid
• Remember when Mae West said, “An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away?” —Your Good Friend Bobby Leach
• Wouldn’t it be funny if pictures from that World Orgams for Peace Party got mixed up with the photos from This Week In Kenton Circuit Court? —Your Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders
• Wouldn’t it be funny if pictures from my World Orgasms for Peace Party got mixed up with the photos from my Family Christmas Newsletter? —Miss Vicki
• A man walked into Victoria’s Secret to purchase his wife a sheer negligee for Miss Vicki’s party. He was shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price — the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opted for the sheerest item, paid the $500, and took it home. He gave it to his wife and asked her to model it for him. Upstairs the wife thinks (I’m no dummy), ‘I have an idea. It’s so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, but I’ll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.’ She appeared naked on the balcony and struck a pose. The husband said, ‘Good Grief! You’d think for $500, they’d at least iron it to get the wrinkles out!’ Poor guy. He never heard the shot. The funeral is on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin. —A Guy Named Steve
• You won’t believe how many people have already e-mailed their RSVPs to attend our Holiday Party on December 22 at Sidebar in Covington. —That Cabal of NoKY Attorneys Out to Destroy Eric “Call Me Crazy, Big Mouth, Most Sanctioned, Ambulance Chaser, No Count of a Radio Host, Shameless Self Promoter, Willie Wannabe, Why Haven’t I Been Disbarred, Who Likes Bulldogs and Failed Roadhouse Operator” Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club)
• How long a line of people will there be at Friday’s End of the World Sale? —Marvin the Mayan
• Probably larger than the number of people who are avoiding me now that I’m a lobbyist. —Goof Doofus
• The best part about our Winter Solstice Celebration at the station is when we grab Trish “The Dish’s” legs and Trish says, “Make a wish.” —TV 19 Photographers
• TV5’s Sheree Paolello liked it when we said “orgasms” on the air. —Jack Atherton, (Channel 22.45 in Dayton in case you’re still having trouble finding me)

—Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—

Sometimes The Blower makes fun of political eulogies to show that politicizing tragedies will not be tolerated in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t an elected official.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental — especially politicians running towards the TV cameras after a tragic event.

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