Official “D. C. Debacle” E-dition

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Just Like We Keep Telling You

  • image004CHECKING CAPTIONS: Reviewing some of the political cartoons, we see Obama getting into the Christmas Spirit, singing “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like a Campaign,” along with reading his Christmas List that includes “More taxes, more class warfare, more nanny state government, more donations from Wall Street friends, and more racial division.”
  • HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1791 the Bill of Rights was finally ratified, and instantly afterwards, Liberals began referring to it as a “living, breathing document,” implying that its text is designed to be flexible, which we all know, it is not.
  • NO WONDER OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Thomas Jefferson’s “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”
  • image007MEANWHILE, the best way for all those dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct, uninformed, short-attention-span Obama Supporters to show their true devotion to the Obamas during the Christmas Season would just be to buy another Obama Christmas ornament to decorate their crappy Christmas trees, like this “Happy Holidays from Barack and Michelle” for only $15.98 (plus God only knows how much for shipping and handling). Just think, it’ll be just like “1,461 More Days of Christmas” during Obama’s second term, and best of all, proceeds will benefit Obama’s 2016 Third-Term Re-election Campaign.
  • TAXMAGEDDON UPDATE: Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus there’s good news and bad news on our Taxmageddon story this morning. The bad news is there’s been no progress on averting the Fiscal Cliff. The Good News is, GOP House Speaker John Boehner has not yet caved in. will be the one to cave in.
  • image008LUMPS OF COAL: Thursday, Angry Andrew at the Anderson Tea Party sent out an e-mail yesterday saying “We first need to defeat the Republicans, and then we can defeat the DemocRATS.” Friday, Andrew followed up with Our Nation Needs a Conservative Speaker – Fire John Boehner….. The milk of human kindness is really curdling these days, just the way we like it.
  • HONOR AMONG THIEVES  One of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s fondest memories of her time in Congress will surely be all those glowing words of praise on Tuesday night from Ethically Challenged Racial Racketeer Charles Rangel. So for those of you planning to join Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane in attending TL-DCELPMOB-A-P-FT&SW-PRB-in-a-D’s over-taxed payer funded Christmas Party on December 21 at the Horseshoe Casino,,let’s all sing the tenth verse of “Lame-Duck, Corrupt, Evicted, Lying, Plagiarizing, Meddling, Overblown, Bought-and-paid-For, Tax-and-Spend, Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch Mean Jean Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas,” sent in by the guys at Republicans for Higher Taxes, who always applauded the way “Mean Jean” voted for every one of Boob Taft’s tax hikes. It goes something like this:

image012On the Tenth Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me:
Ten Taxes Raising,
Nine Bills a Spending,
Eight Dems a Booing,
Seven Wits a Wagging,
Six Crooked Cronies,
Five Libelous Liars,
Four Screeching Tires,
Three Borgman Cartoons,
Two Red Dresses,
And One Old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.

Kind of warms the cockles of your heart, doesn’t it, Portman?

  • image013UNCOOPERATIVE CONSERVATIVES: We all remember the infamous changeover at the White House between Bill Clinton and George W. Bush in 2000 where former Clinton staffers removed keys from keyboards and plastered offices with graffiti as part of the transition of power. Not since then have we seen such a bizarre transition of power until we started witnessing the “non-transition” taking place between “Mean Jean” and “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup. Sources have reported that “Mean Jean” and “Bronze Star” have not met nor even spoken since March when he was elected to take her place in Congress. In fact, in a recent column in The Fishwrap she talks about packing up and closing her office and transitioning open case files to Senator Rob Portman or Senator Sherrod Brown. What about “Bronze Star Brad?” It looks like this non-transition may cause “Bronze Star’s” new staff a few headaches during the first few months of his new administration. Of course, we expect nothing less from “Mean Jean.”

No wonder “Bronze Star’s” so-called Transition Team dropped on that Amazing Amish Christmas Tree Lights Celebration last week. Adams County Historian Scott Seaman says those Amazing Amish Christmas Lights in the Wheat Ridge Community this year are really spectacular and the Adams County Travel and Visitors Bureau, located in East Jesus says it’s only a short drive, once you get past Eastgate Shopping Center.

  • image015THE WHISTLEBLOWER REPERTORY GROUP: You wonder why Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP never accomplishes anything worthwhile for the Republicans? Today we caught Old Blueface auditioning for a dual role in that new “Unnecessary Force” movie coming out.
  • HANUKKAH HARRY says, the eight nights of Hanukkah are a chance to celebrate the miracle of lights, enjoy tasty treats, and honor Jewish traditions. Celebrate Hanukkah on the seventh night by reinforcing the rituals that have made the past six nights so special. The seventh night of Hanukkah is usually a time for small tokens akin to “stocking stuffers,” but it is nice to throw in a bigger gift toward the end, especially if the end of Hanukkah is close to Christmas, when your kids’ Christian friends will be bragging about what they found under the tree.
  • KWANZA KLAUS says, “Please tell the yoofs there be only ten mo’ shopliftin’ days till Kwanzaa!”
  • image017MARVIN THE MAYAN says, “If the world does come to an end on December 21, at least I won’t have to pay for all that stuff I’m charging on my Discover card.”
  • MORE FUTILE PROTESTS: Last night at the Romney Supporters Anonymous Meeting in Goshen, one of our Recovering Republicans we’ll call “John” noticed all those names in The Blower of Doofus DemocRATS like Dan Traicoff, Constance Lighthall, and Cathina Hourani, who’ll be driving to Columbus next Monday to represent Southwest Ohio when Ohio’s “Electors” cast their ballots for Obama in the so-called Electoral College voting. Are Republicans really planning to make signs and protest in front of the Obamabots’ houses this weekend? Where’s Loony Libertarian Jim Berns when you we really need him?
  • image019THIS WEEK’S UNITED APPALL PERSON is diner waitress Emily Frump, who stops in several times a day at the Carolyn Washburn Drop-Inn Center for Extremely Unattractive Nymphomaniacs, another one of the seemingly endless United Appall Agencies serving some of the area’s more unfortunate citizens. Emily hopes the United Appall meets its fund-raising goal next week so she can continue to meet lonely men and satisfy their insatiable sexual cravings. “I just want to be loved,” says Marlene. “Is there anything wrong with that?”

image021FREEBEE STORE NOTICE
TO ALL THOSE WANTING TURKEYS FOR CHRISTMAS

YOU MUST SHOW THE COOKED WISHBONE
FROM YOUR FREE THANKSGIVING TURKEY

TO PROVE YOU ACTUALLY COOKED AND FED YOUR FAMILY
WITH YOUR LAST HAND-OUT!!

  • FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane about that senseless slaughter at an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut that left twenty-seven people are dead, including at least 18 children, after a deranged gunman opened fire. “Welcome to the Dark Ages of Obama. That meaningless massacre must be some of that ‘best that’s yet to come’ Obama promised after he got re-elected,” our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher explained.

Bluegrass Blasphemies

  • image023Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says there are still many problems at the nativity scene in Northern Kentucky this Christmas. It’s not for any religious or constitutional reason, but organizers say they simply haven’t been able to find three wise men and a virgin in all of Northern Kentucky. There’s no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

image025In Fort Mitchell, Miss Vicki says everybody is planning to get sensuous because next Monday is World Orgasm for Peace Day. That’s right, according to the official World Orgasm Day website, amorous folks the world over are encouraged to engage in the horizontal hanky panky on the same day across the globe and Bluegrass Bimbos are willing to do their part at Miss Vicki’s big “O” Party at the Fort Mitchell Country Club, despite the fact that over at Citizens for Community Values, Phil Burr-ass is urging restraint, saying that too many orgasms may contribute to global warming.

And just to get everybody in the mood, Miss Vicki has a couple of videos for us this morning: “The Ever-Popular ‘When Harry Met Sally’ Fake Orgasm Scene” and one that should appeal to all Miss Vicki’s friends in Ft. Mitchell who fake their orgasms, the Funny Lovebites “Fake Orgasm” episode.

Ken CamBoo also says he can hardly wait for our Good Friend Kenton Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders’ annual Christmas Party at Sidebar in Covington on December 21, especially since The Whistleblower NoKY Legal Dream Team and the Cabal to Destroy “Crazy Eric Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club) events are being combined. Dave the Druid says, “You don’t have to be Druish to celebrate the Winter Solstice on December 21.”

  • image027In a related story, the CamBoozler just remembered this recipe for Christmas Cake. Let’s check out the ingredients: 1 cup of water, 1 tsp baking soda, 1 cup of sugar, 1 tsp salt, 1 cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, 4 large eggs, 1 cup nuts, 1 bottle of imported Absolut Plummer Vodka, and 2 cups of dried fruit.

Now let’s sample the Plummer Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Plummer Vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar … beat again. At this point, it’s best to make sure the Plummer Vodka is still okay. Try another cup … just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, pick the frigging fruit off floor … mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Plummer Vodka to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt or something. Who giveshz a shit. Check the Plummer Vodka. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through feakin’ the window, Finish the Plummer Vodka and kick the cat. CHERRY MISTMAS!

Now here’s an update on that Company Christmas Party you’ve been reading about in The Blower:

image031FROM: Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 15
RE: Patty Lewis and the Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the December 23 off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATIVE HOT LINE

e-mail your enormous empathy today

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Some compassionate Conservative items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally compassionate Conservative subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more

Link of the Day

The Obama Christmas Carol

image035Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

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