Special “How Odd of God to Choose the Jews” E-dition

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

  • On the Fourth night of Hanukkah, you’re only supposed to light four candles, right? —Barack Obama, at his Hanukkah Photo Op
  • The Republicans didn’t say a prayer when Obama met GOP House Speaker John Boehner on Sunday to discuss efforts to resolve the fiscal cliff, because they don’t have one. —The White House Chaplain
  • Forget the fact that 76% favor “Cutting Government Spending Across the Board,” 58% of so-called Likely Voters now at least somewhat approve of Obama’s job performance. For most of 2010, 2011, and the first half of 2012, Obama’s job approval rating was only in the 47% to 49% range. —Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen
  • On this date in 2000, Al Gore actually conceded the presidential election following weeks of legal battles over the recounting of votes in Florida, and in 1985 Ted “The Unabomber” Kaczynski killed his first victim. Let’s see which of those events out Kneepad Liberals in the Press recall today. —Hurley the Historian
  • That’s why we chose Al Gore’s “During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Hanukkah.” —Your Quote for today Committee
  • What better way for dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct, uninformed, short-attention-span Jewish Obama voters like Bubbie and Zadie to demonstrate their unwavering devotion to Obama before their taxes go up big time in January than to get them to purchase one more Obama Hanukkah item this year, like this Jews for Obama ornament for their Hanukkah Bushes for only $9.95. —The Obama 2016 Third Term Re-election Campaign
  • Call your Congressman. Next Monday will be the last chance to give Romney the election when the Electoral College meets. —Romney Supporters Anonymous in Goshen
  • If you’re still having trouble finding those Amazing Amish Christmas Tree Lights in Adams County, call us for directions. — “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s Transition Team
  • Are you sure Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and all of the Political Insiders at the Conservative Agenda didn’t get an invitation to Mean Jean’s Christmas Party at the Horseshoe Casino? —“Junketing Jean” Schmidt’s Lame Duck News Flack Barrett Brunsman, Still On the Job
  • We’re all planning to be there, so that party will really rock. —CFK’s Conservative Crew
  • We’ll all be there to sing “TL-DCELPMOB-A-P-FT&SW-PRB-in-a-D’s Twelve Days of Christmas.” —Republicans for Higher Taxes
  • Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. —The Seediest Kids of All
  • We think we deserve more credit. —United Appall People
  • Please tell the yoofs there be only 15 mo’ shopliftin’ days till Kwanzaa! —Kwanzaa Klaus
  • Before passing a budget, you first have to fudge it! —Our Nine Fine Clowns on Cincinnati City Clowncil
  • Please don’t ask how many people we fired for Hanukkah this year were Jewish. —The Greedy Weasels at Clear Channel
  • This week Republican Hamilton County Commissioners “Tax Hike” Hartmann and Chris Monzel voted to raise over-taxed payers’ property taxes to give more money to the “Millionaire Mike” Brown and his mismanagement team even though on Sunday the Bungals blew their shot at the playoffs. —Ironic Ike
  • It took us a whole 24 hours to find a better football coach like the legendary Texas Tech’s Tommy Tuberville than whatshis name who just left. —The UC Bearcats on their way to the Belk Bowl, whatever the hell that is
  • If by some Tim Tebow type miracle the Bungals can still thank their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for getting them into the playoffs, at least the game won’t be blacked out, since it wouldn’t be played here. —Tailgating Troublemaker Tino Delgato
  • Hey, everybody: a new shipment of Chabotheads has just arrived. —K-Mart
  • Remember to confirm the names of your guests for the company Christmas Party so we can make sure we have name tags already made when they sign in. —Patty Lewis, Human Resource Director
  • With so few Jews in Northern Kentucky, it will be hard trying to decide which minor holiday to ignore in December. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
  • Let’s just say Hanukkah candles aren’t our biggest seller this time of year. —Kroger in Florence
  • The fourth night of Hanukkah is a good time to get the kids involved in the kitchen, since both children and cooking are a big part of the holiday tradition. —Hanukkah Harry
  • If you want to come all eight nights of Hanukkah, you really need to try Cialis. —Phyllis on Madison
  • Was it just an oversight that my calendar didn’t include Christmas this year? —Marvin the Mayan
  • Remember— we will once again be combining our Christmas Parties at Sidebar in Covington with our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders this year. —The Whistleblower NoKY Legal Dream Team and the Cabal to Destroy “Crazy Eric Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club)
  • We like to call our holiday on December 21 the Wiccan Sabbat of Yule. —Dave the Druid
  • This year we have a special authentic Christmas display showing the Three Wise Men riding dinosaurs. —Answers in Genesis
  • Guess what we’ll be riding on December 21? —Uptight Bitches in Ft. Mitchell
  • When men fake orgasms, we call it “feigning pleasure in bed.” —Husbands of Uptight Bitches in Ft. Mitchell
  • With our World Orgasms for Peace Day Orgy scheduled for December 21 at the Fort Mitchell Country Club, you won’t believe how many lonely guys are trying to wangle an invitation. —Miss Vicki
  • I remember when I was just a child: I told my parents I wanted a watch for Christmas so they let me. —Horny in Hebron
  • We’re serving latkes with our baloney sandwiches during Hanukkah at the Kenton County Escape Center. —Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl
  • Here’s your present for the Fourth Night of Hanukkah from The Blower, where you can see your house in a snow globe. —Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane
  • Trish the Dish says the best part about Hanukkah is those strip dreidel games. —Channel 19 Cameramen
  • Sheree Paolello says she the best pat about Hanukkah (instead of Christmas) is getting to use your fireplace.. —Jack Atherton (Channel 22.45 in Dayton in case you’re still having trouble finding me)

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—

Sometimes The Blower makes fun of Obsessive Compulsive Obama Supporters to show that white guilt-ridden, Volvo-driving, Birkenstock-wearing, bottled-water-drinking liberals will not be tolerated in our society. This should be clear to anybody who doesn’t already have 437 Obama ornaments on his Obama tree for Obamamas.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental — especially Tom and Rose.

HANUKKAH GIFT GUIDE HOT LINE

e-mail your wish list today.

Some Hanukkah gift-giving items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Hanukkah gift-giving subscribers, but we could always use more.

Link of the Day

Saturday Night Live” Mocks Obama, Boehner With A Fiscal Cliff Presser

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here