Monday, December 3, 2012
PC Holiday Greetings for Our Liberal Friends
Please accept, with no obligation, implied or implicit, our no-charge, complimentary free gift of inflation-indexed, low-interest, toll-free “Best Wishes” for an unprecedented, truly historic, boldly initiated, officially sanctioned, public-optioned, top priority, premixed, peer reviewed, multilateral, gently Botoxed, computer modeled, federally guaranteed, bipartisan, clinically tested, deep-cleansing, post modern, low-calorie, revenue neutral, environmentally aware, socially engineered, low-stress, non-addictive, filibuster free, carbon sequestered, multicultural, reduced fat, polar bear embracing, asbestos abated, gender friendly, energy efficient, job expanding, tax supported, sub orbital, tree hugging celebration of the union made, non-profit, child proof, fluoride protected, wise Latina’d, seat belted, free-speech zoned, winter solstice Holiday (when the time is right), practiced according to ethically responsible traditions we can believe in, of the progressive religious persuasion, or secular practices, of your choice, with reciprocal respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, (or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all); together with a fiscally stimulating, consciousness expanding, medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2010, but not without profound respect for the calendars of other cultures whose selfless contributions to our society have made America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “AMERICA” in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, SAT score, weight, age, physical competence, credit rating, political party, computer preference, dietary restrictions, dental integrity, hair style, skin graphics, body piercings, or sexual orientation of the wishee.
(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification, modification, or withdrawal. Reverse engineering is prohibited in accordance with the statutes of California. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for him/ herself or others, is void where taxed or forbidden by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher or his/her congressperson. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)
Now Here’s Our Holiday Greetings for All Our Conservative Friends
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Now Available at the Whistleblower Store
Whistleblower Snowball Fight Video
Where Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and Newt are teamed up against the local RINOs
Whistleblower Elves Trimming a Tree for Christmas
Getting in the Holiday Spirit with Eric and Nicolle
PLUS
Is it Christmas Yet?
TL-DCELPMOB-A-P-FT&SW-PRB-in-a-D’s Twelve Days of Christmas
With everybody waiting to hear the Still Red (Thanks to the Tea Party) Anderson Township Republican Club’s specific suggestions to help lead the Hamilton County RINO Party out of what one Former Feckless Fishwrapper still calls “The Wilderness,” Political Insiders at Sunday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane when The Blower would begin publishing this year’s version of Lame-Duck, Corrupt, Evicted, Lying, Plagiarizing, Meddling, Overblown, Bought-and-paid-For, Tax-and-Spend, Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch Mean Jean Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas,” sent in by the Ghost of “Clean Gene” Ruehlmann, who says, “Hamilton County would still be ‘Red’ if I were still alive.” The first verse goes something like this:
On the First Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me:
One Old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.
Let’s all learn the words so we can sing them at “Mean Jean’s” upcoming Annual Holiday Party later this month.
Now let’s see how much all those gifts included in the “Traditional 12 Days of Christmas” would cost according to “PNC’s 2012 Christmas Price Index.” Whistleblower Business Editor Merrill Forbes says based on the gifts in the holiday classic, “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” the price tag for the PNC CPI is $25,431.18 in 2012, $1,168 more than last year. The CPI increased by a modest 3.5 percent last year following a 9.2 percent leap in 2010.
After you watch this video, CLICK HERE!
In other Holiday Countdowns: Hanukkah Harry says the Jewish Christmas begins at sundown on December 7 this year, Kwanzaa Klaus says there are only 23 more shoplifting days till Kwanzaa, and someday soon we might find out the names of this year’s Fired Fishwrappers who’ll will be standing in line at for a Christmas Goose at the FreeBee Store.- Hurley the Historian says on yesterday’s date in 2001, Enron filed for bankruptcy. If they could’ve only held out till the Obama Administration, those crooks could’ve gotten a bailout, too.
- Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Obama’s “The best is yet to come.”
- That’s why we just checked the Debt Clock ($16.3 Trillion), our Countdown to Taxmageddon (aka the Fiscal Cliff) in 28 days, and the Mayan Calendar that says the world will be coming to an end on December 21, the same day as our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders has scheduled his Holiday Party at Sidebar in Covington to see just when we might expect some of Obama’s “best” to arrive.
XXX-Mas Greetings
If you and your children go looking for Official White House Christmas Greetings on the internet, whatever you do, don’t click on “www.whitehouse.com.” These days that web site is totally useless. Citizens for Community Values Chairman Phil Burr-ass Phil Burr-ass says he liked it better in the good old days when that web address was just a sleazy porn site.
A Season of Sacrifice
During December you’ll be seeing the President and First Lady wrapping Christmas presents with Christian kids, spinning the Hanukkah dreidel with little Jewish children, reading stories from Koran stories to Muslim boys and girls, and practicing break dancing with black yoofs to celebrate that made-up liberal holiday called Kwanzaa.- Continuing to reach out to every conceivable religious denomination in America, today the First Family has invited little Druid children to the White House to help them get ready to celebrate the Wiccan Sabbat of Yule as part of that religion’s Winter Solstice Celebration. A White House spokesman explained children would only be drinking grape juice, instead of the traditional goat’s blood during the ritual.
- Vice President Joe Biden, himself an orthodox Druid who doesn’t look Druish, will be offering Solstice Greetings to everyone observing the Wiccan Sabbat of Yule. Biden calls it a vibrant and energizing celebration, offering millions of Druid Americans an opportunity to enhance their self esteem by embracing the rich cultural traditions of their heritage. All that will also take place on December 21, in case the Mayans were wrong.
- This year, however, the importance of the Druid High Holy Day may be lost, since over-sexed Liberals are again planning to celebrate the Winter Solstice and wondering if there will be a World Orgasm for Peace Day in 2012, just like we all celebrated last year.
Meanwhile, Obama Supporters in the Press continue celebrating the holidays during the Age of Obama, while front groups for Raising Taxes on the Rich hope each one of their 62,611,250 dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct uninformed short-attention-span 2012 voters like Obsessive Obama Supporters like Tom and Rose would like to purchase a President Obama 2012 Four More Years Christmas Tree Ornament for only $12.50, plus God-only-knows-how-much for shipping-and-handling, as Liberals promise their gullible followers “336 More Days of Christmas” until Election Day 2012.- And don’t forget at your local K-Mart, this year’s shipment of amazing Chabot Heads has been sitting in the markdown bin for local losers ever since Election Day 2008, along with copies of Ben-Gal Becky’s and Judge Mock’s cups, and of course, Rob “Fighting for Frankincense” Portman’s crappy book.
Now here’s an update on that Company Christmas Party you heard about in The Blower:
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table … you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only,” you wouldn’t be “anonymous” anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Please?
Once again, Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
Your First Christmas Card
I love Christmas lights.
They remind me of the people who voted for Obama.
They all hang together;
half of them don’t work,
and the ones that do, aren’t all that bright.
For those who understand, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.
FEMINISTS ALSO REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male
and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male
reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late
November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers
till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer,
EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
We should’ve known… ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
Scrooge 2012
Last night on CBS’ “60 Minutes,” the Ghost of Teddy Kennedy clanked his chains up to the Monica Lewinsky exhibit at the Clinton Library and Massage Parlor in The Blower’s annual holiday adaptation of Dickens’ classic “A Christmas Carol,” as our country continues to suffer its Cultural Decline, which included Clinton’s dragging our national immorality down to the level of Arkansas, as well as the disastrous Liberal policies of the Obama Administration.
Clinton now says ever since Obama picked Hillary to be in his Cabinet and paid off her humongous campaign debt, Slick Willie espouses the real American values that caused the most Americans in history to elect George Bush president in 2000, including the story we just heard about our old Pants-Dropper-in-Chief trying to hook up with his old mistress Gennifer Flowers, wearing a hoodie as a disguise. We don’t know if his offer also including wearing a condom for the occasion.
FDR is the Ghost of DemocRAT Values Past; Billionaire Bush-basher George Soros is the Ghost of DemocRAT Values Present; Liberal whacko Nancy Pelosi, our former Dimwit DemocRAT Speaker of the House, is ominous as the Ghost of DemocRAT Values Yet to Come; and ABC’s George Stephanopoulos will warm the heart of your cockles as Tiny Tim, when he says, “God tax us, every one.”
MAKING A MOCKERY OF MULTI-CULTURALISM HOT LINE
e-mail your blasphemous bulletins today.
Some politically incorrect items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally politically incorrect subscribers
LINKS OF THE DAY
The Obama Christmas Song for Liberals
PLUS
All I Want for Christmas is Jews
Musical Interruption – Carol Of The Bells
Achmed The Dead Terrorist Christmas Special
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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