Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

American Culture has really changed for the worse during the Age of Obama. Last week, turning “Thanksgiving into Thanksgetting” and those Retail Rampages on Black Friday were only two of the latest egregious examples. —Conservative Culture Warriors
Did WLW Hate Radio Racist in Residence Bill Cunningham really say they call it “Black Friday” because it’s the biggest shoplifting day of the year? — Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Revrum Lynchmob, and SMLP Smithermouth
But when we broadcast Oscar-winning actor Jamie Foxx calling Obama “our lord and savior” at the Soul Train Awards, that must really mean he’s the messiah, right? —Black Entertainment Television
You can’t believe how much crap those obese Americans were buying on “Black Friday (that really started on Thursday)” and “Super Saturday” using credit cards they’ll never ever be able to pay off. —Your Friends at Wal-Mart
And yesterday was “Cyber Monday,” because it’s the busiest day of the year for retail electronic commerce in the United States. —On-Line Over-spenders, Using their Newest Credit Cards
We’re still waiting for all that “immediate help” Obama promised when flew in for a Re-election Campaign Photo Op on his way to another fund-raiser and appearance on “The View.” —Victims of Hurricane Sandy
Miss me yet? —“Doing a Heck of a Job” Brownie
On this day in 1911, White House housekeeper Elizabeth Jaffray wrote in her diary about a conversation she’d had with President William Howard Taft and his wife about the commander-in-chief’s ever-expanding waistline. Not to worry these days: as food pantries across the United States were overwhelmed by the newly poor and food stamp use was the highest it’s ever been, while the Obama first family was enjoying a Thanksgiving meal with six different types of pie. —Hurley the Historian
That’s why we chose Jackie Gleason’s “The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you’re off it.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
And we liked Jay Leno’s “P.E.T.A. says that turkeys are now so fat, they can’t stand up. They’re prone to heart attacks, and they have trouble mating. No, I’m sorry. That’s what the turkeys say about us.” —Late Night TV Jokewatchers
Everybody keeps asking if I’m still having my annual “Holiday Open House” this year because even though my constituents rejected me at the GOP Primary in March, I’m still your duly-elected Member of Congress. —Lame-Duck, Corrupt, Evicted, Lying, Plagiarizing, Meddling, Overblown, Bought-and-paid-For, Tax-and-Spend, Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch “Mean Jean” Schmidt
Are you sure all my yard signs were taken down after the election? —Josh Mandel
When RINOs in Congress go flaccid on not raising taxes next year, you won’t have to worry about “Bronze Star” Brad Wenstrup, since he’s the only Republican in the tri-state who never signed the Americans for Tax Reform’s “No New Taxes” Pledge in the first place. —Grover Norquist
Did you miss our story about how Dishonest DemocRAT former Ohio Attorney General Marc Dann’s law license has been suspended for six months. —Republicans for Higher Taxes
Although the Buckeyes went 12-0 this year, our season is over unless Obama keeps his campaign promise and pardons the team in time for the BCS Bowl Games. —Ohio State Football Fanatics
Last night I tried to explain to all those Young Republicans how “Americans for Prosperity” can still be in business even after Romney lost. —Seth Morgan
Don’t ask if I really proposed a city ordinance about women’s breasts at the Cincinnati clown-cil meeting on November 15. —Cincinnati City Mangler Dough Boy Honey
Wouldn’t it be funny if we had “special rates” for inmates in jail who want to join the NAALCP? —SMLP Smithermouth
I’m still trying to come up with another way to delay my trial scheduled for this morning in Judge Rucker’s courtroom at 10:30 AM, when I’m finally forced to testify why I was playing with my pud when that well-born woman gave me a ride home from a party on May 13. —Disgraced Anderson Township Trustee Kevin P. O’Brien
The Drop Inn Center asked for a donation because everybody deserves food and shelter, so I told them to go ask Obama, since that’s what everybody voted for. —John Galt, who believes he’s have paid more than his fair share of taxes and is no longer going to work to pay for a society of entitlements
We always begin our meetings with our “Serenity Prayer,” that says “God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.” —Romney Supporters Anonymous
So just what were Greedy Hearse-Chasing, Disgraced DemocRAT, Clinton-Loving, Fen-Phen Scandal Plagued, Not-yet-Disbarred Trial Attorney $tan Che$ley and Whistleblower Legal Dream Team Chairman and ACLU Mouthpiece Scott Greenwood plotting when our snitches spied them lunching together downtown at Via Vite on Saturday? —Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel
Did you ever notice the Bungals only seem to play well at home when the games are blacked out? —Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sport Andy FurBall
Too bad we have to play half our games on the road. —Marvin Lewis
We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we’ll be calling it our “Holiday Party.” —Patty Lewis, Human Resource Director
At my Annual Graydon Head Holiday Party at the Fort Mitchell Country Club Wednesday night we’ll be making Jews feel welcome, just like we’ve done in Northern Kentucky since 2003. —Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson
At least this year Rick didn’t forget to use the “Bcc” feature on his e-mail invitations so everybody could figure out who else got invited. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
Do you think anybody will remember me at Rick’s party since I’ve been out of office for so long? — “BeanBall Jim” Bunning
Me too. —Goof Doofus
Please remind Rick to take plenty of books to sign. —Rick’s Publishers
That picture of “The Batboy” wearing his bowling team shirt on the covers of his books makes us feel right at home. —Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis
Could The Blower please start a rumor about what higher office I’ll be running for so people will ask me about it Wednesday night? —Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, it’s your liberal guilt giving throughout the year that makes it all possible. —The Seediest Kids of All
We don’t think we get nearly enough credit. —United Appall People
Is one of our recently elected Hamilton County Judges now involved in an “non-amicable” divorce and how long has Feckless Fishwrapper Perry KimBall looked the other way? —CH Snitch at 1000 Main Street
We were really surprised when we were again named Whistleblower Turkeys of the Year. —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP and Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters in Kentucky.
The best part about our traditional Thanksgiving dinner at the station was when we grabbed Trish “The Dish’s” legs and Trish said, “Make a wish.” —TV 19 Photographers
I remember how TV5’s Sheree Paolello kept asking what part of a turkey the “Pope’s Nose” is. —Jack Atherton (Channel 22.45 in Dayton), who claims he prefers white meat

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—

Sometimes The Blower makes fun of people who publish their guest lists to show that making fun of those people who weren’t invited will not be tolerated in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a Northern Kentucky Author/ Attorney.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental — especially Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson.

HOLIDAY PARTY HOT LINE

e-mail your engraved invitations today.

Some party crashing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally party crashing subscribers.

Link of the Day

Black Friday 2012 fights at Walmart, Target (NMA-style)

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.