Special “Shop Till You Drop” E-dition

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Time Out From Shopping

  • How do we know the holiday season has officially begun? Folks who weren’t already shopping on Thanksgiving Day showed up at Wal-Mart at 4:00 AM on the day after Thanksgiving so they can be a first-in-line shopper on the TV news, competitive shopping turned into chaos as a Wal-Mart worker is trampled to death in the stampede and a woman miscarries, a woman pepper sprays other Black-and-Blue Friday shoppers “to gain an upper hand” and mayhem ensues over a $2 waffle maker, a grandmother is shot while cooking Thanksgiving dinner, “A Christmas Story” has already been shown twice on TV, but Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s neighbors whose house is no longer scheduled to be sold at a sheriff’s sale have still not put out their flashing humping reindeer display in their front yard. Isn’t this more like what Thanksgiving Day was meant to be?
  • Once again, Obama’s Thanksgiving message avoided any direct reference to thanking God, making this the fourth straight year in which the President of the United States has ignored the central message of the holiday in favor of political grandstanding.
  • Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says only 11% said they had finished their holiday shopping before Black Friday, and this year thrift and consignment shops were helping people be thankful during Obama’s Recession by copying other retailers with gift certificates, elaborate window displays, and early-morning specials. For the first time, some Salvation Army resale shops opened at 6 a.m., touting 75 percent-off early-bird specials on the traditional kickoff of holiday shopping.
  • Actually, the parking lot at the Kroger’s store at the Anderson Food Court has been packed ever since its big grand opening six years ago and the remodeling in 2008. But that’s only because thousands of shoppers are still wandering around inside the store overwhelmed and bewildered, aimlessly trying to find a quart of milk.
  • Hurley the Historian says according to media mythology, Black Friday (the Day After Thanksgiving) is NOT a racial holiday. It’s actually one of the busiest shopping days of the year and the beginning of the period where retailers would no longer have losses (in the red) and instead take in the year’s profits (in the black).
  • But why do retail store owners really call the day after Thanksgiving “Black Friday?” WLW Hate Radio Racist in Residence Bill Cunningham says it’s because it’s the biggest shoplifting day of the year and Obama Supporters are proud of their bumper stickers that say “I’d rather be stealing.”
  • Early Bird Shopper Tino Delgato says Kneepad Liberals in the Press wanted today to be called Rainbow Friday. The idea was proposed by one of the great turkeys of all time “Reverend” Jesse Jackson.
  • Our Quote for Today Committee chose Adrienne Gusoff’s “Shopping is better than sex. If you’re not satisfied after shopping you can make an exchange for something you really like.” No wonder Patty Brisbane’s Dildo World is having an after-Thanksgiving Sale on Erotic Turkey Basters.
  • In the second of a series of appearances to spread the word about his Personal Economic Recovery Plan, Some Goofy Guy in a Santa Hat showed up again at the corner of Springdale and Colerain Avenue Friday afternoon to wave at passing cars and encourage shoppers to buy goods made in the USA.
  • Meanwhile, Thursday’s Annual Thanksgiving Day Parade in Anderson was a lot smaller than it was last year. Anderson Trustee President “In Russ We Trust” Jackson says that’s because disgraced Anderson Township Trustees like Whacky Jacky’s Illegitimate Son Kevin had been banned, since he was still his jury trial is scheduled for next Tuesday (November 27) in Judge Rucker’s courtroom at 10:30 AM when Whacky Jacky’s Illegitimate Son Kevin finally gets to let it all hang out when that well-born woman testifies he played with his pecker before he’d get out of her car after she gave him a ride home from a party on May 13. And although Forest Hills Kroger employees don’t usually wear hair nets, some actually dress up like this.
  • Speaking of Thanksgiving, Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says Bungal fans were not playing here in Thursday’s nationally televised game where it would’ve been blacked out locally just like many Sunday games.
  • At Thursday’s Meeting of the Conservative Agenda, everybody was sitting around listening to the traditional telling of the Legend of Squanto and there was so much good food to eat, by the time you were done, you felt like a python who’d just swallowed a goat.
  • Political Insiders enjoying the Thanksgiving Feast couldn’t stop asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about the special Thanksgiving e-mails he’d received from all those really sincere politicians.
  • Down at Hamilton County RINO Party Headquarters, Alex T., Mall COP GOP said Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday because he was “thankful for a wonderful family and so many friends and supporters who worked tirelessly this past election season.” Amazingly, that was the exact same sentence he used last year in his Thanksgiving Day e-mail, before this year’s debacle. No kidding!
  • So while our Ohio winner of The Blower’s 2012 Whistleblower Turkey of the Year Contest sponsored by Dummy’s Restaurants was getting served by one of Alex T.’s many Republican candidates who got slaughtered on Election night, it was only fitting and proper that “Old Blue Face” had won the Whistleblower Turkey of the Year Contest for the fifth year in a row.
  • The local RINO Party get exactly what it deserved again on Election Day. In 2008, our prediction came true and Hamilton County turned 40 shades of “Blue,” in 2009 and 2010 those bozos were still wandering in the wilderness, in 2011, their humiliation was nearly complete, but in 2012 their disgrace became absolute.
  • And Political Insiders at Friday’s Conservative Agenda wondered how much more ridicule the carcass of the once great Hamilton County Republican Party would have to endure before someone dared whisper that it indeed might be time for a change of leadership.
  • Maybe that’s why Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception suggested this new Thanksgiving Day tradition for our Pitiful Party Boss.
  • Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says Eric “Call Me Crazy, Big Mouth, Most Sanctioned, Ambulance Chaser, No Count of a Radio Host, Shameless Self Promoter, Willie Wannabe, Why Haven’t I Been Disbarred, Who Likes Bulldogs and Failed Roadhouse Operator” Deters didn’t have much to be thankful for on Thanksgiving Day either.
  • Not only was the Northern Kentucky repeat winner of The Blower’s 2012 Whistleblower Turkey of the Year Contest sponsored by Dummy’s Restaurants but that Cabal of NoKY Attorneys Out to Destroy “Crazy Eric” is still mocking the loudmouth lawyer for abandoning his libel lawsuit against The Blower, because on October 27, 2011, after nearly fourteen months of intense litigation, Attorney Eric C. Deters finally dismissed his lawsuit with prejudice and Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane is now shown preparing the brine for our Northern Kentucky Turkey of the Year.
  • One of the Northern Kentucky runners-up was Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson, who plans to pass out copies of his official Whistleblower Turkey Nomination Illustration at his annual Graydon Head “Early Chanukah Party” on November 28 at the Fort Mitchell Country Club.
  • Until then, we have a new video today where you can see Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane reminding everybody not to forget “The Whistleblower Motto” during the Obama’s holiday season. [WATCH IT HERE]

REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.

 TURKEY LEFTOVERS HOT LINE

e-mail your grandma’s favorite recipes today

Some long-wattled items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally long-wattled subscribers.

Links of the Day

The LAST TWINKIE 2

PLUS

Thanksgiving

Sarah Palin’s Turkey Massacre

Thanksgiving Blowjob

Jive Turkey Thanksgiving

Pumpkin Pie

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