Monday, November 19, 2012
Another Reason to Give Thanks Every Day
It’s beginning to look a lot like Thanksgiving,
Ev’rywhere you go;
Visit your Kroger store,
They’ve got turkeys and beer and more,
Think of all your money you could blow.
And while we’re all obsessing over white meat, stuffing, and pumpkin pie, Hurley the Historian says everybody’s supposed to remember where he was at 12:30 p.m. Central Standard Time on November 22 (this year’s Thanksgiving Day date), when President Kennedy was assassinated. And maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose JFK’s “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”
So at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what he was most grateful for this Thanksgiving, and our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher said, “That’s easy. It’s still got to be The First Amendment, where it says “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”
“Of course, Freedom of Religion is important,” Kane explained, “and so are the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances, but where The Blower is really thankful for not just on this Thanksgiving, but every day for that matter is our Freedom of Speech, and of the press, and we intend to keep using every bit of our Freedom of Speech, and then some.”
And speaking of Eric “Call Me Crazy Deters’ abandoned, frivolous fool-for-a-client “SLAPP Suit,” meant to chill The Blower’s Free Speech, the ACLU’s nationally known constitutional rights and civil liberties lawyer Scott Greenwood said, “Citizens have a nearly absolute right to criticize public figures without fear that they will be slapped with unnecessary lawsuits. Clearly, Mr. Deters was using the courts to intimidate The Whistleblower and others from speaking out against him. People must not manipulate the courts to silence those whose speech they may not like.”
“Even more importantly, The Whistleblower is a publisher,” Greenwood added. “His work is specifically protected by the First Amendment. As a member of the alternative press, The Whistleblower must have the freedom to publish stories on issues that he believes are valuable to the community. If the alternative media is intimidated from reporting on some stories because of the threat of lawsuits, the risk of corruption grows exponentially.”
Other things for which The Whistleblower is thankful include several thousand Persons of Consequence who’ve applied to receive our not-poorly-written publication every day, and we suppose all those Faux Facebook Friends should be added to that list as well.
What would The Whistleblower ever do without our hundreds of credible news sources? Our Snitches and Bitches are everywhere. Every week our columnists, investigative reporters, Suburban Soreheads, and activists like the guys from Republicans for Higher Taxes come up with news scoops the media is too lazy, too stupid, or too dishonest to report.
What would The Blower be without our creative contributors who constantly spend so much time and effort doing their part to make The Whistleblower a better publication? Our readers are always amazed at what an asset like Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception comes up with.
Hall of Fame Cartoonist and Illustrator Jerry Dowling’s “Mr. Whistle” was the best single piece of artwork we ever filched, since we use it every day at the beginning of our publication. And these days, both Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception and Photo Shop Spoofer Edward Cropper have really established themselves.
Those whacky guys from “Not the Fishwrap” have been turning out entertaining videos for years. We hope they’re still in business.
How thankful are we about all those politicians and characters, providing an eternal source of grist for our mill? And blessings be upon all those Obama Supporters in the Press and other misguided members of the news media, because if any of them were actually doing his (or her) job, there would be no reason for The Blower to exist during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term after all those dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct, uninformed, short-attention-span Obama voters ensured that the Divided States of America would have a government it truly deserves.
2012 TURKEY OF THE YEAR HOT LINE
e-mail your noxious nominations today.
Some lam-basted items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally lam-basted subscribers, but we could always use a lot more.
LINK OF THE DAY
Whistleblower 2011 Turkey of the Year Awards
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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