Friday, November 16, 2012
Just Another Obama Media Diversion
ALL OBAMA’S GENERALS SOAP OPERA UPDATE: That FBI agent pal of Arab scammer Jill Kelley who personally took it upon himself to start an FBI investigation of Army General David Betray-us has been identified as Frederick W. Humphries II.
When it was revealed Humphries started the investigation himself to help his personal female friend, and had sent e-mail photos of himself shirtless to Kelley, the FBI merely removed him from the Petraeus investigation. That’s not even a slap on the wrist.
What would you like to bet FBI agent Fred Humphries also sent even more revealing photos to Jill Kelley?
Another floozie player in the scandal, one of General Petraeus’ mistresses, Paula Broadwell, was found to have substantial and significant classified information on her computer, law enforcement and national security officials said on Wednesday. These officials spoke on condition of anonymity because they are not authorized to comment publicly. Obama earlier publicly misstated that the scandal did not involve any classified information. But then if he didn’t know that, doesn’t it prove he didn’t know anything about Murdering Muslim Terrorists killing our Ambassador in Libya on September 11?
Petraeus had no intention of resigning until he was forced to do so. He intended weather the scandal, keeping his job as head of the Central Intelligence Agency and his pension as a four-star Army general.
- OUR LATE NIGHT JOKEWATCHER liked Conan O’Brien’s, “David Petraeus was reportedly not well liked at the CIA where he worked. A tip to you fellows out there — don’t cheat on your wife if you work with professional spies who don’t like you.”
INVITATION TO IMPEACHMENT: Firebrands at Grasstops USA.com say Obama has ordered up his own impeachment. Defending the outrageous Benghazi lies of U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice, Barack Obama issued the following challenge at a press conference, Obama said, “If Senator McCain and Senator Graham and others wanna’ go after somebody, they should go after me.” Did you hear that Mr. Boehner… Mr. McConnell…? Let’s take Mr. Obama at his word. Obama has thrown down his gauntlet and is demanding his own impeachment over the growing Benghazi scandal. So, what are you waiting for… get busy.- OHIOANS FOR SECESSION: In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says the Akron Beacon Journal’s Carol Biliczky is reporting that thanks to Ohioans Jeremy in Oak Harbor, Bryan R. of Cleveland, and Richard C. of Frankfort, you can now support the secession of the Buckeye State from the Divided States of America. Their proposals are among more than 50 secession petitions posted on the White House website “We the People” since President Obama’s re-election last week. [READ MORE HERE]
- FLORIDIANS FOR SUICIDE: In Florida, Whistleblower Bureau Chief Rank Feikel says a Key West resident who police say was distraught over the presidential election results and worried about his tanning business was found dead in his bedroom on November 8, along with a living will with handwritten words “Do not revive! Fuck Obama!” Two empty prescription pill bottles were in the dining room. If only Henry Hamilton had called Romney Supporters Anonymous, he might have recovered.
ANOTHER WORTHLESS CHABOTHEAD PREDICTION: Ohio’s First District Congressman Steve Chabothead wonders if anybody will remember he predicted it would be Hillary vs. Marco in 2016? Count on it, Chabothead!- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN SAYS Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1532, Spanish explorer and conquistador Francisco Pizarro invited the Incan emperor to a feast, and then he opened fire on the unarmed Incans. Pizarro required the Incans to pay a 24-ton gold and silver ransom to obtain the return of their emperor. Pizarro then murdered the emperor anyhow. GOP House Speaker John Boehner says that’s rather an ominous story to hear before leaving for a meeting with Obama at the White House.
- THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE CHOSE Ronald Reagan’s, “Government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem.”
- WILL KASICH CAVE?: Ohio citizens SOUNDLY rejected Obamacare by a private citizen initiative in 2010. This initiative was to amend the Ohio Constitution to NOT allow Obamacare or any federal health care program into the State of Ohio. Because the initiative passed, it is UNCONSTITUTIONAL (read: “Illegal”) for Governor Kasich to allow Health Exchanges or any form of Obamacare into our State. Call Governor Kasich’s office at 614-466-3555 immediately and let him you expect him to HOLD THE LINE OF THE OHIO CONSTITUTION NOT TO ALLOW OBAMACARE INTO OHIO. NO STATE EXCHANGES. NO OBAMACARE. Then call your local State Rep-tiles and advise them to hold our Governor to this! This is OUR LAW! It is NOT our OPINION!
REPUBLICANS FOR HIGHER TAXES have been discussing the closing of the local Hostess plant. They are worried about a possible shortage of some of their favorite foods. Though we’d like to know, just how did Cincinnati lose a Hostess plant under City Mangler Mil-TON Dough-Honey’s watch?- THE CINCINNATI CITY MESS (YOU ONLY READ ABOUT IN THE BLOWER): Cincinnati City Clown-cil wants to give City Mangler DoughBoy Honey a 9% raise so he would make more than the governor! Shouldn’t there at least be a tit for tat stipulation that he would only get the 9% when he loses 9% of his body fat?
- TOLD YOU SO: Here’s what the Whistleblower’s Exclusive Prophetic Political Prognosticator was saying in mid-September! If only somebody had been paying attention, things might have turned out differently.
Political insiders are beginning to wonder if Mitt Romney even wants to win this campaign and wants to be President if he does. He has done a masterful job of sitting back and letting the Obama/Media complex define him. That strategy worked so well for President Dole and President McCain, didn’t it? George W. Bush employed this strategy too and barely won twice against opponents who made costly mistakes. Al Gore made a strategic blunder to pull out of Ohio and the Swift Boat guys bailed out Bush’s re-election campaign. Remember when Republicans used to go on the offensive? It’s getting harder to find people young enough to be alive to remember that. When is Romney going to go on the counter attack? When is Romney going to start talking directly to the American people about how he is going to fix things?
Romney benefited from having the press run off his best competition in the primaries, such as Herman Cain, Rick Perry, and Newt Gingrich. They did this because Obama wanted to run against the rich guy who had no clue how to run for office, having won exactly one election ten years ago in a heavily Republican year. Romney also got suckered into thinking the media is his friend. Now that he has seen the light this week, he is scared, hurt, and confused, like so many others are when their former best friends suddenly turn on them.
OK, the one thing Willard has going for him is his financial advantage. So, maybe Romney is putting his financial advantage into the ground game, with campaign offices stuffed with volunteers and paid professionals working on things like organizing canvasses, going door-to-door, making phone calls, putting out yard signs, and stuff like that, right? If you’ve gone into one of the area “Victory Centers” and the lone 22-year-old trust funder bothers to pay any attention to you while he (and it’s almost always a “he”) is fiddling with his brand-new iPhone, you’ll know the answer to that question.
These “Victory Centers” aren’t operated for the purposes of winning elections. They’re operated for the purpose of giving the sons of campaign contributors something to put on a resume and to provide favored party loyalists with a place to hang out and feel like they’re important. They’re also carefully operated to make sure none of those troublesome Tea Partiers or any other outsiders come in off the streets to get involved in a campaign and delude themselves into thinking there is a future for them in the GOP. There isn’t, not unless they know someone. No way they want any outsiders coming in to help in 2012. They might think they can run for Township Clerk in 2013 or, God forbid, the county party Central Committee in 2014. No way we’re gonna let any outsiders start thinking they can run for office or have any influence over who runs for office. They might push out our friends, relatives, and doofuses who are loyal to us because we keep their stupid asses on the public payroll. The honest name for these places is “Patronage Center.”
Today, I saw one Romney ad after the game was over. It was immediately followed by an Obama ad, one of 15 or so that he aired, slamming Romney for turning Medicare into a voucher program, never mind the Obama administration itself has already started doing exactly that. They know the press won’t call them on it and they know Romney won’t either.
It’s not the only communication I saw from the Romney folks today, however.
I received, yet again, a fund-raising solicitation in the mail. I’ve received at least one every single day for the past three months. I also received exactly 4 phone calls soliciting money. Imagine how barraged I would be if I actually gave these jokers some money. I sent the RNC a token amount in 2004 and they haven’t received a dime since. Haven’t ever donated to a Congressional or Senate race.
I think someone told Mitt he gets to keep all the money he doesn’t spend if he loses.
Which isn’t even true.
- TWITTER HACK: Looks like Congressman-Elect for Life Lt. Col. Dr. Brad Wenstrip’s campaign mangler, who is likely to be rewarded as the Congressman’s Yes Man With A Six Figure Salary For Life in about 48 days from now, needs to work on some “Homeland Security” of his own, as his Twitter account was hacked on Monday afternoon.
DO NOT CLICK ON THIS LINK
Mike Robisonjust what are you doing on that video http://facebook.com/516210881723975?gdq_weird …
GOING GALT: John Galt says productive people should protest against a society that damns them for being productive and expropriates the fruits of their labor. Today’s tip: Barter for goods and services under-the-table- PORTMAN PUNTS: Our DC Newbreaker says Ohio Senator Rob “Fighting for Fund-raisers” Portman won’t be the elected as chairman of the Senate Republican’s campaign committee that would have put him in charge of his party’s efforts to win control of the Senate in 2014. You don’t think it was because Mitt Romney’s debate coach just couldn’t round up the votes, do you?
HERE COME THE TURKEYS: Today is the deadline for nominations for The Blower’s 2012 Whistleblower Turkey of the Year Contest (sponsored by Dummy’s Restaurant).
And like everything else in The Blower, nominees will always be discriminated against on the basis of race, religion, color, sex, age, non-disqualifying physical or mental disability, national origin, sexual orientation, or any other basis covered by local law).
And don’t forget, Northern Kentucky turkeys won’t be left out, because separate winners will be awarded for both Ohio and the Bluegrass.
- FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane about all those new jobless claims in Ohio since Obama’s re-election, and our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher said it would be poetic justice if all of those people who had just lost their jobs were dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct, uninformed, short-attention-span Obama voters.
Stories We’re Working On
Jobless claims jump after Obama’s re-election- More Layoffs announced
- Stock Market keeps plummeting
- Latino Poverty Rate climbs to 28%
- Middle East erupting in total war
- Dems still can’t commit to doing a budget
- Obama says, “The best is yet to come!”
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said most patriotic Americans would be celebrating the upcoming Thanksgiving Day:
(A) Giving thanks to Obama: 2%
(B) Getting ready to be laid off: 2%
(C) Getting their peckers pulled at airports: 4%
(D) Enjoying another day off with pay: 92%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Romney Remorse
This week, everybody who’s still experiencing profound post-election depression since Obama was re-elected, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is noted psychoanalyst Adler Jung, who says, “Anger over a candidate or an issue winning or losing can subconsciously trigger other emotions that have been buried, some deep disappointment that occurred when we were much younger or even when we were children. During the days following elections we are often reminded of how we felt at other times in our lives when we felt those close to us where not making rational decisions.”
Doctor Adler wins a complete list of local Romney contributors, names of volunteers who spent all that time making phone calls at those Romney Victory Centers, and a large number of referrals from Romney Supporters Anonymous. His winning entry is:
The reason we all feel distressed
With so many of our hostilities repressed
Is because when Romney lost,
We tried to figure the cost,
To live through four more years while oppressed.
And from the Unlicensed Anderson Laureate (who says the only way it could be worse would be if Obama had just won his first term):
The reason we all feel depressed
Obama won, though we did our best
So we’ve got four more years
To cry in our beers
And put up with that arrogant pest.
The Inkwirer front page the day after
Made me want to jump off the rafter
A half page of teeth
With his pointy chin underneath
All we missed was Joe Biden’s laughter.
Some people don’t even pay rent
They’re what Mitt called the “47%”
You can bet your sweet ass
They voted for Obama en masse
And we’ll keep paying for their Section 8 tent.
Hope we make it till two thousand sixteen
(And I don’t really want to sound mean)
If we have some good luck
Barawk will get hit by a truck
And Biden too, wouldn’t that be keen?
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“The best part of Thanksgiving Day”
WHISTLEBLOWER TURKEY OF THE YEAR HOT LINE
e-mail your noxious nominations today.
Some turkey basted items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally truly turkey basted subscribers.
Link of the Day
NewsBusted 11/13/12
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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