Special “Divided States of America” E-dition

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Thursday, November 15, 2012

If Only All Those People Had Voted Last Week

  • IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SECEDE: Less than a week after a New Orleans suburbanite petitioned the White House to allow Louisiana to secede from the Divided States of America, petitions from seven states have collected enough signatures to trigger a promised review from the Obama administration. And by 6:00 A.M. EST Wednesday, more than 675,000 digital signatures had appeared on 69 separate secession petitions covering all 50 states, according to a Daily Caller analysis of requests lodged with the White House’s “We the People” online petition system.

Revolutionary Reader Edwin Clements says, “I do not want to hear anything about any state ‘petitioning’ the federal gubmit to let it secede. To hell with that! If a state wants to secede, they should just DO IT. Do you think the colonists ‘petitioned’ King George to let them declare independence in 1776? What do they think we celebrate on July 4 anyway?”

  • THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE CHOSE Abraham Lincoln’s, “I do not expect the Union to be dissolved — I do not expect the house to fall — but I do expect it will cease to be divided.”
  • GENERALS AND THEIR PRIVATES: Yesterday’s “Link of the Day” showed Dr. Strangelove’s General Jack Ripper explaining why he denied women his “essence.” Today The Blower has General Ripper explaining his “Precious Bodily Fluids” If only General Betray-us had shown such restraint.

The Betray-us Scandal involves PAULA BROADwell. Clinton’s sex scandals included PAULA Jones and Juanita BROADrick. Don’t you just love coincidences?

  • HURLEY THE HISTORIAN SAYS on this day in 1977, President Jimmy Carter welcomed the Shah of Iran, and his wife to Washington, and it has taken Obama’s re-election finally to bring that relationship back to where it belongs.
  •  BOEHNER’S BLISTERED BUTTOCKS: Obama says he has a mandate for a $1.6 Trillion tax increase to avoid the upcoming Fiscal Cliff, and Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception says he’s ready for when GOP House Speak John Boehner has his next meeting with Obama.
  • GOING GALT: John Galt says productive people should protest against a society that damns them for being productive and expropriates the fruits of their labor. Today’s tip: Avoid all union shops, products, and services.
  • DICK-OBSESSED DEMOCRATS: In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says to protest Ohio Republicans’ renewed efforts to defund Planned Parenthood, Ohio State Senator Nina Turner wore a crappy-looking t-shirt at a press conference on Tuesday suggesting a new meaning for the GOP acronym: “Get Out of my Panties.” That’s even nastier than General Betray-us’ Mistresses’ phony book title: “All Up in My Snatch.”
  • OUR LATE NIGHT JOKEWATCHER liked Jimmy Kimmel’s “Mitt Romney has a supporter in Indiana who thought it was a good idea to have the Romney/Ryan logo tattooed on his face. He’s going to feel really stupid when he finds out about campaign buttons.”
  • THE BLUING OF HAMILTON COUNTY: CH Snitch at 1000 Main Street says, “Maybe if the employees of the Clerk of Courts lived in Hamilton County, they could vote for their boss and other Republicans.”

Snitch also wonders if Jim Neil will have to buy a replacement for the document shredder when he takes over at the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, since word is the one there is getting is going to be worn out by the time the current occupants leave.

  • FOOLS RUNNING SCHOOLS: remember when Channel 9 “Substantially True” News did a story about the cell phones being used by the Failed Cincinnati Public Schools as personal phones years ago? The Blower wonders how many phones the FCPS officials are still using and if they really need landlines anymore.

Meanwhile, one of our FCPS Snitches says they’ve finally sold a 1/3 acre piece of property on Paradrome in Mt Adams that sat vacant for years with a killer view of the river. It was not attached to any school and collected no taxes for the county/ city although valued at $481,000, it sold for only $125,000. The County Auditor’s website said the info was last updated in 2005. 12 years at the current estimated tax of $16,000/year is $192,000 the county missed out on. And how many other similar pieces of property are just sitting there on the FCPS’s books, and waiting to be sold for a bargain price to a long-time friend of FCPS?

  • WHISTLEBLOWER FOCUS GROUP: Last week, The Blower asked for explanations of what went wrong on Election Day. Here’s what one LOCAL Tea Party Critic had to say:

While the Tea Party’s national influence seems to be diminishing as many predicted it would, the real winner hereabouts in last week’s election was none other than COAST and its fearless leader, Family Friendly Fascist Chris Finney. While Finney has not won his war against the street car, Finney does have the ability to say he owns not one, but two local Congressional seats. Chabot has always been indebted to Finney who provided him with funding and cover when Chabot rejected pork barrel legislation that would have helped his district even when the much beloved Portman was eagerly signing up in support of it. Then, having Finney’s paralegal turned law student run Brad Wenstrup’s successful campaign against “Mean Jean” Schmidt ensured that Finney’s influence would expand to the Second Congressional District. While nobody is sad to see the house finally fall on “Mean Jean,” there is no doubt that both Chabot and Wenstrup are solidly indebted to their good friend Chris Finney. Now, realizing that Mark Mallory can’t run for election again, Finney is angling to gain control of the Mayor’s office thanks to his recent and unholy alliance with SMLP Chris Smithermouth and the NAALCP. Does anyone not find an angry suburban white guy like Finney to be a natural ally of the Cincinnati NAALCP? Perhaps even more surprising is the fact that Finney is now doing work as one of the local attorneys representing the NAALCP – difficult to imagine a conservative Republican serving in this role. Knowing that this unholy alliance plans to throw its weight behind John Cranley who will soon be formally announcing his plans to run for Mayor in a DemocRAT primary against Roxanne Qualls shows that Finney is not content and plans to try to further expand his influence in local politics.

  • LAYOFFS LOOMING: Stryker Corporation in Orchard Park, New York, a company that donated millions to Obama’s re-election campaign, just announced layoffs due to Obamacare, and Ironic Ike now wonders how many of those soon-to-be-laid off employees actually voted for Obama.

But you shouldn’t worry about all those companies announcing layoffs since last Tuesday, since all those dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct, uninformed, short-attention-span Obama voters obviously approve of it.

  • TEA PARTY TEMPEST: Anderson Tea Party Patriots are contacting their GOP State Rep-tile Peter Stautberg, State Senator Shannon Faulkner Jones, and Governor John Kasich reminding them not to use state or local funds to implement a State Healthcare Exchange as outlined in ObamaCare. After all, 66% of Ohioans voted for the Healthcare Freedom Amendment, and Tea Partiers got that Amendment on the ballot. [READ MORE HERE]
  • THE CINCINNATI CITY MESS (YOU ONLY READ ABOUT IN THE BLOWER): The City of Cincinnati is dead broke, yet Kentucky guy Dough Boy Honey and girly-mayor Mark Mallory want to rush through a city purchase of Tower Place downtown for $8.6 million dollars, a bargain, a real bargain, they say (wink, wink). They want to complete the shady deal by November 29, less than two weeks away.

Tower Place is in foreclosure, deeply in debt, and has been bleeding tenants and shoppers for years. So for nefarious reasons, the City wants to buy it in a hurry, alleging it will help “improve the parking situation” downtown. A simplier solution might be to reduce parking meter fees to where they were a couple of years ago and see if that helps. Nobody goes downtown anymore, so there’s no bad parking situation. Mayor of Vice Roxanne Qualls loves this real estate deal, probably because she’s also a real estate agent. Is there any chance Foxy Roxy might make money on this deal?

On another note, childish DemocRAT John Cranley has just announced he’s going to run for the mayorship of the City of Cincinnati. He’s going to hold a campaign kick-off event in January, 2013, wherever he can find a free venue, probably with his aged Muslim wife Dena at his side. Mayor of Vice Roxanne Qualls also wants the mayoral job.

  • LOONY LIBERTARIANS: The Hamilton County Libertarian Party decided to run a slate of five candidates for Cincinnati City Clown-cil. The Blower didn’t know Libertarians had that many members.
  • CRIME AND SHAME IN THE CINCINNATI FIRE DEPARTMENT: Three weeks ago, we updated you about former Cincinnati fire Lt. James “Hee Haw” Wright, nephew of the departed Cheating Chief Robert Wright. Today we tell you about yet another Wright nephew, Lt. Harold Wright.

Harold was given the position as the one and only recruiter in the Cincinnati fire department by his Uncle Bob and he pockets an annual salary of over $72,000 from the city. In truth, the fire department has hundreds of both black and white applicants for every opening and has no need whatsoever for a recruiter. The current fire chief, Richard Braun, for an unspoken reason, continues to condone Harold Wright sitting there on his fat ass in this unnecessary position. No one in the department checks on the shameful and racially discriminatory process Harold Wright uses to eliminate outstanding white applicants while pushing forward his cronies and sex partners.

Word is, Wright is still using and abusing that position to reward his creepy pals and some of his low life lounge lizard lady friends. One female he brought into the fire department, has the word “Bitch” tattooed on her neck, although she sometimes covers it up with special concealer makeup. What a fine example of an upstanding city fire fighter. We also have information she regularly slaps uglies with Lt. Harold Wright on city time and even used to work for him at a bar. What a surprise.

A bunch of the incredibly bad fire fighters Wright brought in to the fire department never would have made the cut without his protection. Many outstanding candidates are dismissed from consideration just so Wright can hire his buddies who do nothing now but cause problems for the city.

  • MR. MASSIE GOES TO WASHINGTON: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says Congressman Thomas Massie was on the radio and said when he was in the Kentucky state house he went through phone bills and found over-taxed payers were paying for lines that were no longer being used, equipment that had been replaced, and other unnecessary or duplicated expenses. Do you think he’ll find any of that in DC?
  • FINALLY, AT TODAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane about the deadline for nominations for The Blower’s 2012 Whistleblower Turkey of the Year Contest (sponsored by Dummy’s Restaurant). “Tomorrow’s the deadline,” Kane explained.

“And like everything else in The Blower, nominees will be discriminated against on the basis of race, religion, color, sex, age, non-disqualifying physical or mental disability, national origin, sexual orientation, or any other basis covered by local law).

“And don’t forget, Northern Kentucky turkeys won’t be left out, because separate winners will be awarded for both Ohio and the Bluegrass.”

So this year’s Turkey of the Year Contest promises to be our best yet, but only with your help. Remember what Jesse “The Body” Ventura said: “If you don’t vote, you’ll be leaving the decision to an even bigger turkey than you are.”

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Today’s e-dition is brought to you by another generous donation made during our November fund-raising drive by, Romney Supporters Anonymous.

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Nation Elects Four Years Of Political Gridlock

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