Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

Now that we succeeded dragging Obama across the finish line in the 2012 Election, maybe we should cover Obama’s Benghazi-Gate Scandal. —Obama Supporters in the Press
Resigning as CIA Director over an extra-marital affair the weekend before I was scheduled to testify before Congress in Obama’s Benghazi-gate Scandal was merely a coincidence. —General David Petraeus (Rhymes with Betray-us)
Please don’t ask why the FBI suppressed its investigation of the Petraeus Affair before the election. —Obama’s Attorney General Eric Holder
We did better than that—we hit our monthly record-breaking 421,000 new food stamp users for ten days until after the election. —Obama’s Free Stuff Department
Sorry I can’t testify at Congress’ Benghazi-Gate Hearings this week. —Obama’s Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
I’d have given that General his fifth star if this had only happened during my administration. —Disgraced Former Pants-Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton
Now our Number One Objective is to make Obama only a two-term president. —Republican Senate Leader Bitch McConnell
Real Republicans are wondering if it’s finally time for a New Republican Party keep telling us to “stop compromising” and “start impeaching.” —GOP House Speaker John Boehner
John Kasich and Rob Portman are wondering if it’s too early to start jockeying for position for the 2016 Republican Presidential Nomination. —Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders
Obama only won 542-0 in Cleveland’s Precinct 2Q. —DemocRAT Voter Frauders
You have no idea how hard that was to do, especially since we only have 321 voters registered at that precinct. —Cuyahoga County DemocRATS
What’s the big deal about that Cleveland precinct? We had 59 precintcts that voted 100% for Obama and zero for Romney. —Philadelphia DemocRATS
Isn’t it time productive people went on strike, withdrawing their services in protest against a society that damns them for being productive and expropriates the fruits of their labor? —John Galt
When the Whistleblower Focus Group was asked for explanations of what went wrong on Election Day, did my name happen to come up? —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
Don’t worry about all those companies announcing layoffs since last Tuesday, since we obviously approve of it. —All those dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct, uninformed, short-attention-span Obama voters
Did you ever wonder how many of those people now being laid off actually voted for Obama? —Ironic Ike
What makes the difference, since Obama is going to give us free phones and lots of other stuff. —The 47-Percenters
The Stock Market only plummeted 3% after Obama was re-elected last week. —Whistleblower Business Editor Merrill Forbes
It’s a shame that the market wasn’t closed for Veterans Day on Monday so there would have been fewer days this week for the markets to fall. —Americans with IRAs
Did the Bungals really beat the word-champion NY Giants at home on Sunday? I couldn’t find the game on TV. —Former Tailgater Tino DelGato
Who was stupider last Tuesday— the people who showed up to vote for Obama or the people who didn’t show up to vote against him? —Divided States of Americans
Will treatments for our despair for Romney’s loss be covered under Obamacare? —Depressed Americans
Maybe the Mayans were right when they predicted the end of the world in 2012. —Nostradamus
Now that I’ve replaced Goof Doofus in Congress, could somebody direct me to the Tea Party Caucus? —Thomas Massie
Sunday was a great day to take a veteran to lunch, with all those Applebee’s Restaurants offering free meals. —Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane, US Army (Retired)
Veterans, don’t forget our free Bloomin’ Onion and Coca Cola promotion on Sunday and Monday. —Outback Restaurants
Plus, we have free offers for veterans too. —Olive Garden, Denny’s, TGI Friday’s, Chili’s, Red Robin, Sizzler, Texas Roadhouse, Krispy Kreme, Red Lobster – Appetizer only, McCormick & Schmicks, and Golden Corral
It’s a good thing I got all those lobbyists to buy my lunch last week. —Goof Doofus
Me too, even if they can’t remember who I am. —Ken “Top Gun” Lucas
We are pleased to sponsor the Whistleblower Turkey of the Year Contest once again this year. —Dummy’s Restaurants
Veterans should always wear little buttons on Veterans Day so we know whom to thank. —Ken CamBoo
Can people who lied about their Vietnam record still march in a Veterans Day Parade? —The Old Ranger Ed Moore
On Veterans Day, prisoners at the Kenton County Escape Center can even have seconds on “SOS.” —Terry “the Smiling” Jailer Carl
I know it’s probably a long shot, but is there any chance of being considered for the 2012 Turkey of the Year Award? —Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters
On Veterans Day, I placed a wreath on the Tomb of the Unknown Draft Dodger in Saskatchewan. —WLW Phony Patriot Bill Cunningham
Hey, Everybody… Trish the Dish is really a veteran. We saw her discharge. —TV 19 News
You can’t fool me. That’s a dirty joke, right? —TV 5’s Sheree Paolello

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

Sometimes The Blower ridicules phony patriots to show that lying about your military service is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a Selective Service Scofflaw.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially draft dodgers who claim to be patriotic.

VETERANS VERIFICATION HOTLINE

e-mail your Honorable Discharge Certificate today.

Some military hero items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally military hero subscribers.

Link of the Day

Why Obama Won (Again)

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.