Monday, November 5, 2012
We Won’t Endorse….
by Charles Foster Kane, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher
Before every election, The Whistleblower is always deluged with calls, faxes, text messages, and e-mails asking which candidates and issues we plan to endorse. As the official publication for all that scrambling, speculation, mud-slinging, and back-stabbing which will be forever known as Indecision 2012, our readers have every right to expect nothing less. But the fact that only one day before the elections, after all of our penetrating reporting and scathing commentary, there can be any doubt about which candidates or issues we might cheer or jeer is further tribute to the astounding even-handedness of our always fair-and-balanced journalism.
But political scientists are puzzled: How can elected officials be convicted of lying by the Ohio Elections Commission, tell more lies the next day, and the press won’t even hold them accountable?
Unlike the so-called mainstream news media like Skaggie Maggie’s Feckless Fishwrap (whose totally discredited political endorsements and news coverage are so often interchangeable), The Whistleblower continues to present facts, opinions, viewpoints, and analyses on all sides of an issue.
Remember when The Fishwrap even rounded up an “Insightful Panel of Readers” to help with their endorsements.
Anytime The Fishwrap tells you to vote for a tax hike, just remember the guy responsible for that editorial might not even even bother to pay some of his own taxes. Read all about it in Retired Cleveland Pain Dealer News Hawk Turned Bellwether Blogger Bill Sloat’s “Does Cincinnati Enquirer Opinion Editor Have Explaining To Do? Court Records Show Liens For Unpaid Ohio Taxes.”
Good grief— have those Feckless Fishwrappers ever failed to endorse a single local boondoggle or tax levy? Just as The Blower predicted, Skaggie’s Rubber Stampers are still supporting our Girly Man Mayor’s Trolley Folly, as well as giving four-year terms to the same clown-cil members who voted to piss away all that money on the streetcar to nowhere.
On rare occasions The Blower might even attempt to use humor or satire to make a point. We trust the Persons of Consequence who read our publication are intelligent enough to come to an informed decision.
And since we never accept advertising, and have no sponsors nor special interests to dictate their extreme prejudices, we wouldn’t insult our readers by presuming they’re not bright enough and sufficiently critical to evaluate what we’ve presented, along with everything else they’ve seen, read, heard, and smelled so they can make up their own minds.
Let’s face it: Prostitutes in the Press will take money to promote anything, whether they believe in it or not. They’ll always ignore false claims in lying, last-minute desperate negative attack ads from despicable candidates, as long as those commercials are paid-for-in-advance. There’s no limit on how much money they’ll accept from anyone, all in the name of promoting “free” speech. No wonder so many people predict that with tomorrow night’s coverage, we will have seen yet another nail hammered into the Coffin of Objective Journalism in America.
And this year we’ve seen a record number of reporters not reporting. They’re too busy hushing up stories about the failures of the Obama Administration, trying to drag Obama across the finishing line in Tuesday’s election. Maybe The Blower should be calling them “unreporters.”
Therefore, we won’t make political endorsements, either for candidates or issues. We’re doing our job. Now it’s time for you to get off your fat couch-potato asses and do yours.
Our Quote for Today Committee chose the prophetic words of Jesse “The Body” Ventura: “If you don’t vote, you’ll be leaving the decision to someone even dumber than you are.”
Remember what those Loony Libertarians always say: “A vote for the lesser of two evils is still a vote for evil.” People who don’t stand for something will always fall for anything. No matter the outcome, you should never ever vote for a candidate you don’t really believe in.
And The Blower says regardless of the outcome of tomorrow’s really-historic elections, Hurley the Historian predicts consequences for America are still foreboding. The nation is already more than $16 Trillion in Debt and the struggle for the soul of our once great nation will must continue.
And no matter what happens to Ohio’s Issue 2, Tea Party Patriots will still be protesting against the White House Cover-up of the Events Surrounding the Terrorist Attack on the US Consulate in Benghazi , Libya, on September 11, 2012. The Blower suspects local Patriots were responsible for fans seeing this at Sunday’s Bungals game.
So with only “one” more day until the 2012 Elections, it’s just like what our Unlicensed Anderson Laureate submitted last week to the Whistleblower’s Weekly Limerick Contest:
This year when the elections are done
I’ll be so glad ’cause it hasn’t been fun
Biden’s laughing and smirking
Obama’s BS isn’t working
Why couldn’t someone like Lincoln have run.
Meanwhile in Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says at least this year Channel 19 will be expanding its election coverage in Northern Kentucky on November 6. Teams of reporters are already camped out at the Boards of Elections in Kenton, Campbell, and Boondoggle Counties, in case there’s any late-breaking news.
….But We Will Predict
Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says on the Sunday before Tuesday’s Elections, every poll in every race across the entire country is tied, just to keep people interested in the Election Hype. But The Blower has done some exhaustive polling on its own, tracking the mood of likely voters across the Tri-state.
And Monday, we’ll reveal the winners of all those races even before the polls open. It’s scientific. It’s precise. And it’s guaranteed accurate.
Screw the pundits. Forget exit polls. Persons of Consequence on our really extra special “Whistleblower Insiders List” could possibly see Tuesday’s winners exclusively in a special Monday edition of The Blower.
Character Still Don’t Mean Crap
Pundits are perplexed: How can all those dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct uninformed short-attention-span voters say “character” matters when so many politicians who claimed term limits were a great idea when they were first elected, still plan to keep voting themselves pay raises and perks until the day they die.
Analysts are amazed: How can anybody believe “leadership” is vital when so many overpaid incumbents are running unopposed?
Critics are confused: How can We the Over-Taxed Payers vote for feel-good tax levies without knowing how much they’ll actually cost, especially after some Disingenuous DemocRAT in the county auditor’s office keeps jacking up your property values? Why the local GOP let him run unopposed is beyond us! Remember when “Beanball Jim” Bunning called Bill Clinton the most corrupt, amoral, and despicable president he’d ever seen? We can only wonder what the old Beanballer has to say about some of the other sleazebags we see running for office these days.
With The Whistleblower’s help, this year’s campaigns seem a lot nastier than ever. Last-minute mudslinging and dirty tricks are the order of the day. Every candidate claims he has a poll that says he’s way ahead. Some Liberal DemocRATS won’t even admit which political party they’re representing. A record amount of money is being spent to get these bozos elected and issues passed. And nobody’s quite sure where all this fat cat cash is coming from. We’re surprised there aren’t even more complaints at the Elections Commission. Still, the Ghost of Richard Nixon says all of these people are giving politics a bad name.
Do you remember a couple of years ago when The Fishwrap seemed genuinely surprised that the biggest donors to tax levy campaigns were those organizations seeking the levies and companies benefiting from contracts with those organizations. Well, duh! How is that any different from the people and groups to donate to candidates?
Historically, Kneepad Liberals in the Press always allow Liberals to play the race card against Conservatives and publish last-minute hit pieces in cahoots with campaigns they’re in league with a few days before an election and lavish free undeserved publicity on candidates they support. The press and our so-called business leaders still won’t accept responsibility for the part their politically correct pandering has played in causing our moral abyss. This nation now has the kind of government it truly deserves for the same reason The Blower said the former Pants-dropper-in-Chief was first elected, in our Nov. 4, 1992, edition.
We asked: “How else could you explain how average Americans, 95% of whom learn everything they know about politics by watching lying TV campaign ads and daily distortions on local and national television newscasts presented by the liberal media, 89% of whom voted for Slick, would prefer to send to the White House, a shameless, tax-evading, draft-dodging, dope-smoking, pants-dropping, wife-cheating liar who will surely drag the nation down to the level of Arkansas?”
Then we answered: “Except that all those shameless tax-evaders, draft-dodgers, dope-smokers, pants-dropping wife-cheaters, and liars want people in office just like themselves.”
And you must admit: Slick is still keeping his end of the bargain, and Disgraceful DemocRATS and their willing accomplices in the liberal press are still doing their best to keep his legacy alive as he campaigns for Obama’s re-election.
Ever since the elections in 2000, it’s been non-stop Bush-bashing for DemocRATS and their willing accomplices in the news media. It’s been four years since Obama was elected and they’re all still blaming Bush for every one of Obama’s mistakes.
Is it any wonder that during this election cycle, The Whistleblower Truth Squad has been busier than ever exposing all of those candidates’ false claims and outright lies that members of the mainstream news media have been too lazy, too stupid, or too dishonest to report? Why else have these JINOs (Journalists in Name Only) been aiding and abetting the Liberal Agenda? For the most part we’ve successfully ignored the claptrap coming from all those bloggers in their basements trying to convince each other they have something important to say.
Finally, before tomorrow, Real Republicans should be joining DemocRATS and Independents demanding that the Ohio Secretary of State supervises elections in each of Ohio’s eighty-eight counties. During the past several elections we’ve heard about massive voting irregularities. At least tomorrow, Early Voter Fraud for 2012 will be over, and we’re no longer still waiting for the outcome in Judge Mr$. $tan Che$ley’s court where Disgruntled DemocRAT Tracie Hunter was trying to steal Judge John Williams’ Juvenile Court seat that he won fair and square years ago.
Now before we vote, let’s all say the Obama Slacker’s Prayer.
Obama is my Shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down with Barney Frank. He leadeth me toward the still voting booths. He restoreth my welfare. He leadeth me to the path of food stamps for His name’ sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Nancy Pelosi, I shall fear no evil, for Oprah art with me. Thy 30 second paid advertising, it comforts me. Thou preparest a tax break before me in the presence of Joe Biden. Thou annointest my head with alternative energy, my Prius runneth fine.
Surely social programs and government intervention shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the Democratic held House of Representatives forever.
ELECTION FRAUD HOT LINE
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