The final weekend for Indecision 2012 is almost upon us, and if you didn’t know better, you could almost imagine voter turnout in Southwestern Ohio could have some small bearing on the Presidential Election in only “three more days.”
Friday, November 2, 2012
Ignoring Hamilton County One More Time
ON FRIDAY: The Romney campaign is planning a little campaign event in West Chester in Ohio’s Reddest County of them All.
According to The Fishwrap’s extra pay on-line coverage, Mitt Romney will be bringing along his wife, Ann, and their five sons, running mate Paul Ryan and his wife, Janna, and an estimated 100 governors, senators, and mayors will either be at the event or join a multi-state tour to promote the Republican ticket. After the rally, which appears to be the start of the final push toward Election Day on Tuesday, the party will split for appearances in 11 states: Colorado, Ohio, Florida, Iowa, Michigan, North Carolina, New Hampshire, Nevada, Pennsylvania, Virginia and Wisconsin, according to the Romney campaign.
Big Name Republicans also expected to participate include: U.S. House Speaker John Boehner; Ohio U.S. Senator Rob Portman; former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice; former Labor Secretary Elaine Chao; Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal; former Pennsylvania Governor Tom Ridge; Florida U.S. Senator Marco Rubio; South Dakota U.S. Senator John Thune; South Carolina U.S. Senator Lindsey Graham; Former Minnesota U.S. Senator Norm Coleman; Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus; former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani; Arizona U.S. Senator John McCain; New Hampshire U.S. Senator Kelly Ayotte; Utah Congressman Jason Chaffetz; Former DemocRAT Alabama Congressman Artur Davis; Texas Governor Rick Perry; and Kansas Governor Sam Brownback.
The event is scheduled to start at 7:30 PM at The Square at Union Centre, but doors open at 4:30 PM.
ON SATURDAY: Michelle will be appearing at a crappy little rally at Miami University. Maybe somebody could ask her how she can be campaigning in Oxford and sending out all those spam e-mails groveling for donations at the same time, trying to raise a paltry $45 million during the last week of the campaign. Just wait till the Obamas start soliciting for help making their mortgage payments on their new $40 mansion in Hawaii.- ON SUNDAY: Obama is supposed to be turning up like a bad penny for an even crappier rally at UC’s Fifth Third Arena for all those dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct uninformed short-attention-span voters who wish the campaign could go on forever, and didn’t have enough money for a Bungals ticket earlier on Sunday. Besides, Obama promised to give away lots of free phones and other stuff.
AND DON’T FORGET BENGHAZI-GATE: Local Tea Party Patriots will be joining a statewide liberty-group effort to demand the truth on Benghazi attack, and a Cincinnati event is also being planned for 4 PM Sunday near the Fifth Third Center at U.C. to coincide with Obama’s hopefully last visit to Cincinnati. Maybe The Blower should show up there, since we appear to be the only tri-state media outlet that thinks Obama’s Benghazi-Gate Scandal where Obama lied and four Americans died is worse than Nixon’s “Third Rate Burglary” at Watergate.
Maybe their story will be covered on the new Tea Party News Network. That’s just what we need to read every day— another Conservative Web Page covering the same conservative stories.
- OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Jay Leno’s “Economists say rebuilding after Hurricane Sandy will give the ailing construction industry a huge boost. In fact, the storm has already created more jobs than President Obama has.”
In spite of what you’re hearing, it won’t be the politicians rebuilding Super Storm Sandy’s damage. The American people will.
But the worst part about the aftermath of Super Storm Sandy will be listening to all that Global Warming Crap for the next two years. Doofus DemocRATS will need causes to get upset about when Liberal Hysteria Season officially begins on November 7 and The Blower starts counting down the number of days until Obama is evicted from the White House on January 20, 2013.
The American Energy Opportunity Foundation offered $1.84 gas price rollback promotions in Mason and Cleves this week. You should check out their video about making America energy independent.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN SAYS on this day in 1948, the Chicago Tribune jumped the gun for the next day’s edition and mistakenly declared New York Governor Thomas Dewey the winner of his presidential race with incumbent Harry S. Truman in a front-page headline: “Dewey Defeats Truman.” Hereabouts, most Persons of Consequence are wondering if The Blower will be running its “Romney Wins” headline we’ve been working on all year.- VOTER SUPPRESSION UPDATE: If United Nations Monitors plan to observe Ohio elections next Tuesday to combat all that “voter suppression” Liberals claim, like why there are no Section 8 residents voting in Hamilton County’s Indian Hill Precincts, will the Indian Hill Rangers throw their raggedy Muslin-loving asses in the hoosegow?
- MORE ILLEGAL CAMPAIGNING: The Failed Cincinnati Public Schools is being sued again for misusing funds for campaign purposes. We’ll give you three guesses who’s doing the suing. Let’s see— the first time The Blower wrote about FCPS’ violation of Section 3315.07 was on September 13, 1993. How much will this lawsuit raise our taxes?
- IN ANDERSON: According to the Liberty News, Revered Former Ohio Congressman Bob McEwen spoke at Liberty University in Virginia on Wednesday and delivered the Convocation message about how to measure the greatness of a nation. The Anderson resident also spoke on the role of government, politicians, and civic duties. He encouraged students to understand the founding principles and match them to today’s government. [READ MORE HERE]
BLUEGRASS BALLOTS: Now that DemocRAT Congressional Candidate Bill Adkins has started running those ads using Goof Doofus’ remarks during the Primary campaign to blast Thomas Massie, the Republican Congressional Candidate began airing his first ad since the primary. It was just something thrown together to portray Massie representing the common man and doesn’t even mention Adkins.- FORGETFUL FISHWRAPPERS: The Cabal of Northern Kentucky attorneys out to destroy “Crazy Eric” Deters is wondering why The Fishwrap is giving “Crazy Eric” all that free publicity to promote the appearance of his client, the infamous oversexed education teacher Sarah Jones, on her own reality TV show. Isn’t this the same infamous oversexed education teacher Sarah Jones for whom “Crazy Eric” has files a frivolous lawsuit against Skaggie Maggie, Wedgie Washburn, Jim Hannah, and Terry DeMio at The Fishwrap, and they haven’t even reported the lawsuit?
- FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what most people were thinking during the final weekend before the 2012 Presidential Elections. “Most people just want the long National Nightmare of the Obama Administration to be over,” Kane explained. “They just want their lives back. They stopped caring as soon as they mailed in their absentee ballots and they can’t wait for the Viagra ads to be back on TV.”
Dippity Deputy Donovan and the Mystery of the Missing Gun (and cellphone, and cruiser)
Our Disgruntled DemocRAT wonders if Dippity Deputy Donovan has been hitting the wine at his liquor establishment a little too hard, for a little too long. It might explain a lot of things. First, it makes it easier to ignore the Rules and Regulations that plainly prohibit having an interest in a liquor establishment. Second, leaving a loaded 9mm Smith and Wesson Model 3953 semi-auto pistol in his unlocked car, perhaps he didn’t want to carry it while sipping spirits in his wine store with his fellow Downtown DemocRAT land barons, standing by to profit on the Street Car Folly. When he arrived home in the wee hours, perhaps he was a bit forgetful, since he also left his county cellular phone in the same unlocked car, to be stolen by the same miscreant, Joseph Isaacs. Good thing the Dippity Deputy worked at the Justice Center, as it was easier for him make appearances when the case (C/98/CRA/37106) went to court. Is this the same Dippity Deputy who erroneously insinuates his opponent is somehow incompetent? Third, when he stopped to spectate at a critical incident, leaving his father with the keys in the ignition of his Sheriff’s Department take-home car, so that the dementia victim could drive away, what was he thinking?. “Attention all cars, all departments, be on the lookout for a, um, a stolen, um, I mean missing cruiser, operated by a male white in his 80’s, confused mental status, and no, it is not Senile Sheriff Si!
The Dippity Deputy apparently was given another gun, since he recently sported it in a campaign ad. The county attorneys insist he carry his single bullet in his pocket, so as to avoid lawsuits with multiple plaintiffs. He is not comfortable carrying a gun, since in his finest hour he was a corrections officer, with the dubious duty of selecting movies for the inmates to view. The fact that he is a political hack who never worked a single shift as a law enforcement officer, or passed a promotional exam, has not kept him from making clearly delusional claims of 30 years of law enforcement experience. He won’t be getting the votes of the vast majority of hard-working police officers and deputies, who are equipped with working bullshit meters. He is counting on the votes of the Retired-and-Rehired double-dipping deputies who are overloading the Sheriff’s Department. And as to his claims of participating in investigations, it must have been C.S.I. Fantasy Island, because he couldn’t find his ethics with a search warrant, let alone any evidence.
NOTE: We don’t really know if any of this is true, but it’s a whole lot more fun to read than anything you’ll find in The Fishwrap.
Stories We’re Working On
-
New York Times endorses Obama (What a Surprise!) - CEOs on Obama’s Job Council support Romney
- Gasoline shortages in Sandy’s Blue States
- What the hell was Chris Christie thinking?
- Bishop orders priests to read anti-Obama letter at Sunday sermons
- Dem Senator Bob Menendez in Three-Way Hooker Scandal
- New Romney Ad Features Hugo Chavez Endorsing Obama
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said Liberals would be using as their excuses for why Obama loses the election next week:
(A) Hurricane Sandy: 2%
(B) Voter Suppression: 1%
(C) Mormons: 1%
(D) Racism: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Elections Rejections
This week, everybody who can’t wait for Tuesday’s election to be over so the 2016 Elections can officially begin, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Card-carrying Conservative Gary Boldwater, who wonders how many of those RINO sellouts who groveled at $tan Che$ley’s fund-raiser to celebrate the “Bluing of Hamilton County” will be celebrating on Election night on November 6 in only four more days.
Gary wins an Official Whistleblower Campaign Countdown Clock, a commemorative “Save Us, Alex” bumper sticker, and the location of the winners’ election night parties.
This year when the Elections are done
We can all start to have fun.
When Obama is out
And the Liberals all pout
All our fun will just have begun.
And from the Unlicensed Anderson Laureate (It’s not terribly mean-spirited this time, but then, he’s a Republican):
This year when the elections are done
I’ll be so glad ’cause it hasn’t been fun
Biden’s laughing and smirking
Obama’s BS isn’t working
Why couldn’t someone like Lincoln have run?
Mitt isn’t perfect, I know
But the arrogant Messiah’s got to go
It’s not too late
To block the socialist state
And say goodbye to Barack and Joe
He lied about the horror in Libya
I’d like to break his femur and tibia
He wants to destroy the US
And create a Communist mess
Trust me folks, I wouldn’t fib ya’.
Obama’s arrogant, smirking face
Has been a total disgrace
What he learned in speech class
Makes him look like an ass
I really think he’s a sociopathic case.
He whistles when a word ends in “S”
And yes, he disgusts me, I confess
He’s a total phony
As is his Vice Prez crony
Should he be fired? I have to say “yes!”
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“This year on Veterans Day
OBAMA CAMPAIGN RALLY HOT LINE
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Some hard-to-believe items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally hard-to-believe subscribers.
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