Monthly Archives: November 2012

Special “Assigning Blame” E-dition

Last night at the Romney Supporters Anonymous Meeting in Goshen, one of our Recovering Republicans we’ll call John presented this list to use the next time anything goes wrong in America because Obama was re-elected.

Friday, November 30, 2012                                

Congratulations to the Dumbed Down DemocRATS and Young People        

  • The next terrorist attack, you own it.
  • When America goes off that Fiscal Cliff on January 1, you own that.
  • Can’t get a job after graduation, you own it.
  • Sky rocketing energy prices due to Obama’s EPA shutting down the energy producing states, you own it.
  • A nuclear Iran, you own it.
  • Bowing to the Soviet Union, you own it.
  • Another severe recession, you own it.
  • A volatile border with Mexico, you own it.
  • Trouble getting good health care, you own it.
  • Higher heath insurance costs and health care costs, you own it.
  • No budget, you own it.
  • Our allies mistrust, you own it.
  • Another trillion of debt, you own it.
  • More Benghazi massacres, you own it.
  • No one willing to join the military, you own it.
  • Trouble getting to loan to buy a home, you own it.
  • More dependency on food stamps, you own it.
  • Trouble finding good employment, you own it.
  • Several part time jobs instead of a good job, you own it.
  • A World Government, you own it.
  • The UN governing the United States instead of ourselves, you own it.
  • A Senate that will not bring any legislation to the table rather it is “Dead on Arrival,” you own it.
  • China controlling our world trade trampling all over us, you own it.
  • Loss of our freedoms as we have known it in the past, you own it.
  • A dictatorship instead of a democracy that follows the Constitution, you own it.
  • Less take home pay and higher living costs, you own it.
  • Driving a car that looks like a toy, you own it.
  • More government corruption and lies, you own it.
  • More toleration of extreme and fanatical Islamists, you own it.
  • Terrorist attacks called work place incidents, you own it.
  • Your revenge instead of love of country, you own it.
  • The next terrorist attack, you own it.
  • When America goes off that Fiscal Cliff on January 1, you own that.
  • Can’t get a job after graduation, you own it.
  • Sky rocketing energy prices due to Obama’s EPA shutting down the energy producing states, you own it.
  • A nuclear Iran, you own it.
  • Bowing to the Soviet Union, you own it.
  • Another severe recession, you own it.
  • A volatile border with Mexico, you own it.
  • Trouble getting good health care, you own it.
  • Higher heath insurance costs and health care costs, you own it.
  • No budget, you own it.
  • Our allies mistrust, you own it.
  • Another trillion of debt, you own it.
  • More Benghazi massacres, you own it.
  • No one willing to join the military, you own it.
  • Trouble getting to loan to buy a home, you own it.
  • More dependency on food stamps, you own it.
  • Trouble finding good employment, you own it.
  • Several part time jobs instead of a good job, you own it.
  • A World Government, you own it.
  • The UN governing the United States instead of ourselves, you own it.
  • A Senate that will not bring any legislation to the table rather it is “Dead on Arrival,” you own it.
  • China controlling our world trade trampling all over us, you own it.
  • Loss of our freedoms as we have known it in the past, you own it.
  • A dictatorship instead of a democracy that follows the Constitution, you own it.
  • Less take home pay and higher living costs, you own it.
  • Driving a car that looks like a toy, you own it.
  • More government corruption and lies, you own it.
  • More toleration of extreme and fanatical Islamists, you own it.
  • Terrorist attacks called work place incidents, you own it.
  • Your revenge instead of love of country, you own it.

President George Bush is out of it now, and there is not another good man for you to vilify and lie about. In a way I am relieved that another good man will not be blamed when it was impossible to clean up this mess you voted for.

Have a good day. 

God bless the United States.

  • TAXMAGEDDON UPDATE: With little more than a month until America goes off that Fiscal Cliff, on Thursday, GOP House Speaker John Boehner said regardless of all that BS you’ve heard in news during the past two weeks, there has been no progress in tax-and-spending talks with the White House.

Not to worry. Obama plans to be in Hawaii on his 20-day, $4 million over-taxed payer funded vacation on the day America is scheduled to go over that Fiscal Cliff.

  • THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE CHOSE Obama’s “I’ll do whatever it takes to avoid the fiscal cliff.” How about resigning?
  • OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER is wondering if any of the late night TV comedians will ask why Obama’s BFD “Tax Hike on the Rich” is like Hanukkah, because it would pay for Obama’s Spending for only eight days.
  • IN OHIO: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says Ohio Congressional Republicans say they will not completely back away from an anti-tax pledge they signed, but some are willing to raise tax revenue through capping or eliminating scores of deductions and credits that are available to wealthier over-taxed payers. There’s no way to tell if Ohio Second District Congressman-elect “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup might vote on raising your taxes, since he never signed Grover Norquist’s “No New Taxes” Pledge in the first place.

Ohio Second District Congresswoman “Mean Jean” Schmidt says she’ll be passing out copies of the “No New Taxes Pledge” she signed back when she was relevant, at her upcoming “Annual Holiday Party” next month.

  • TROUBLED OVER TAXED PAYER TINO DELGATO SAYS I see where Mayor Mallory is headed to another foreign sister city, this one in Taiwan. Remember when Cincinnati only had ONE sister city? I do not mind Mallory going. I just wish he would stay. He has toured the world on Cincinnati’s dime, just like his Messiah Obama. I suspect he will work for National Geographic after his term is up, or he could go to Chicago as a community organizer. Has he ever held a real job? Go Figure!!!
  • IN WASHINGTON: Our DC Newsbreaker says here’s the latest on that Hostess Bakery shutdown due to a workers’ strike. The State Department hired all the Twinkies, the Secret Service hired all the HoHos, the generals are sleeping with the Cupcakes, and the voters sent all the Ding Dongs to Congress.

In a related item, Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says 57% of Americans have a favorable opinion of Hostess Twinkies and are following the news about the company that makes them. They tend to blame the union goons for putting that company out of business.

  • HURLEY THE HISTORIAN SAYS on this date in 1947, despite strong Arab opposition, the United Nations votes for the partition of Palestine and the creation of an independent Jewish state and there has been peace in the Middle East ever since, especially when Hamas terrorists just fired four Fajr 5 rockets into Southern Israel Wednesday night.
  • CH SNITCH AT 1000 MAIN STREET SAYS Feckless Fishwrapper Perry KimBall is reporting Hamilton County Prosecutor “Jaywalking Joe” Deters is suing Tracie Hunter, just because the Digbat DemocRAT Judge is requiring prosecutors to give to defense attorneys documents they aren’t required to provide. Thirty seconds later, Belligerent Black Blogger Nate “Rhymes with Hate” Livingston called Deters a “sexist racist.” What took him so long?
  • FISHWRAP SCOOPED AGAIN: Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says The Fishwrap had a couple of stories about fireballer Aroldis Chapman on Thursday (one about how he’ll be a starter and another about how he’ll be on a pitch limit), but the really big news about the Cuban Missile was when Jim McNair at CityBleat scooped The Fishwrap on the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette’s coverage of that bimbo who pleaded guilty on Wednesday of filing a fictitious police report of an attempted robbery at the William Penn Hotel in Pittsburgh during a Reds road trip, involving a plumber impersonator and a Louis Vuitton bag with $200,000 worth of Chapman’s jewelry. [READ THAT STORY HERE]
  • BLUEGRASS BACCHANALIA: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says several people at Rick “The Batboy” Robinson’s Annual “Holiday Reception” at the Fort Mitchell Country Club complained they couldn’t find the 30-foot long shrimp buffet they’d seen advertised in The Blower, but Charles Foster Kane didn’t seem to have any trouble finding it.

“It was on the same table as the lobster,” our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher explained, as he swallowed the last shrimp, that he had just wrestled away from Mark Looy, CCO (Chief Creation Officer) at Answers in Genesis.

The Chef at the Fort Mitchell Country Club reminded us about what Forrest Gump always said: “Shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, sauté it. There’s, um, shrimp kebabs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo, pan fried, deep fried, stir fried. There’s pineapple shrimp and lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich… That’s, that’s about it.”

Amazingly, not everybody among that august lawyerly gathering had been unsuccessfully sued by Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters, it only seemed that way. One of the Unfurloughed Fishwrappers questioned The Blower’s item yesterday that said Crazy Eric’s lawsuit against The Fishwrap had been “exclusively reported in The Blower on October 29.” “Actually, that was true,” explained Freddie Factchecker. “The Fishwrap briefly followed up on our news scoop the next day (October 30) in its own publication.”

Finally, besides being the largest Graydon Head Reception in years, the group was also the most diverse: A Welshman, a Palestinian, and a Jew walked into the Graydon Head Party… (Your punch line goes here).

Stories We’re Working On

  • Gallup Poll: Obama Voters Shockingly Big Fans Of Socialism
  • White House Now Praising Romney as a “Successful Businessman”
  • White House Gingerbread House Features Edible Dog
  • Raaaaaaaacist! Joe Biden Has Black Woman Push Shopping Cart During Costco Visit
  • Pelosi: “The People Have Spoken,” They Want Tax Hikes
  • Boehner: Obama Needs to ‘Get Serious’ about Fiscal Cliff
  • Obama says, “The best is yet to come!”

Whistleblower Web Poll

This week, here’s who the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said you most often see at Politicians’ Christmas parties:

(A) Candidates and supporters: 2%
(B) Unpaid vendors: 2%
(C) Guys patting women’s asses: 4%
(D) Really drunk freeloaders: 92%

Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!

The GOP is S.O.L.

This week, everybody who realized local Republicans got exactly what they deserved on Election Day in 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, and 2012, but were not quite sure how they could ever correct their mistakes before the 2013 elections, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner is noted political pundit Billy Bombast, who says the best way to win, is to have crooked cronies running your county board of elections, so they can count the votes over and over until your candidate gets elected, and then stop counting.

Billy wins a BS Meter to put on his TV during all those political shows, a stuffed RINO-head trophy for his wall, and an engraved invitation to subscribe to the Special Whistleblower Insiders Edition. His winning limerick is:

Is there help for the old GOP?
Is there a candidate as Conservative as me
They can all talk the talk
But can they walk the walk
Where’s the hope for just you and me?

Dishonorable Mentions

Is there help for the old GOP?
Is there hope in the Tea Par-ty
Palin has a pretty face
But she couldn’t win a nasty race
Is there help for the old GOP?

Is there help for the old GOP?
If so, where can it be?
I’ve looked high and low
Even watched the Glenn Beck show
But I can’t find any help for the old GOP.

Is there help for the old GOP?
The left and the middle can’t be,
When the Conservative base,
Becomes its only face,
It’ll be the “Grand Old Party” for me.

Is there any help for the old GOP?
Having been for so long on a liberal spree?
Only Tea-partiers and birthers,
Not those left-wing save-the-earthers
Are the future of Republican esprit.

From Northern Kentucky

Is there help for the old GOP?
Or is this a one-party “democracy?”
To fight the scourge of Obama
And his buddy Osama
We should purge all our RINO debris.

Is there help for the old GOP?
Well, just between you and me
If they stay so extreme
Then it really does seem
They will continue to be the minority.

Is there help for the old G.O.P.?
Ask somebody else, instead of me?
We lost both damn houses
To those DemocRAT louses,
With Obama, how much fucking worse could it be?

Is there hope for the old GOP?
Things look bleak and depressing to me.
But don’t think the Dems have salvation
For what’s ailing this nation,
Not with Obama and that bitch Hillary.

From Clermont County

Is there help for the old GOP?
Things don’t look so good to me.
The voters were drunk
And elected a slick-talking punk
And now we can all go piss up a tree.

And from the Unlicensed Anderson Laureate (It’s not terribly mean-spirited this time, but then, he’s a Republican):

Is there hope for the old GOP?
Or is this the end of the land of the free?
With Obama in charge
Our national debt will stay large
And I think we’ll be up a tree.

What we need is a leader like Reagan
Not a phony Moslem/Christian/Pagan
But we’ll just have to wait
Four more years, mate.
For now, all the good spots are taken.

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“What if Santa turned out to be gay?”

WHISTLEBLOWER WISH LIST HOT LINE

e-mail your ridiculous requests today.

Some stocking stuffed items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally stocking stuffed subscribers.

Link of the Day

Typical Obama Voters Explain “What is a Fiscal Cliff?”

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

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