Saturday, September 22, 2012

Happy Autumnal Equinox, Everybody

Whistleblower Weather-guesser Delkus Apuozzo says as of 9:49 AM this morning, the 2012 Summer of our Discontent will be officially concluded and the Fall of the Obama Administration will have formally begun. There are only “44” more days until the 2012 Elections. It only seems as if this campaign has been going on for a decade.
Obama won Thursday’s “Gaffe of the Day” Contest when he admitted you can’t change Washington from the inside. It didn’t take Romney long to jump all over that one. He told the crowd that Obama has already thrown in the white flag of surrender on changing Washington from the inside so we’ll give him a chance to change it from the outside in November. The candidate of “Yes We Can” has become the President of “No I Can’t.”
The White House Disinformation Campaign on the Libya Attack continues to unravel before your very eyes. Overseas, Obama’s Peace-Loving Muslims are running out America flags to burn and rioters can’t stop burning Obama in effigy. Obama’s White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard finally admits it was a “Terrorist Attack,” but Obama’s still sticking to his story that it was all caused by a silly YouTube video nobody ever saw. Over-taxed Payers are even spending $70,000 so our Appeaser-in-Chief and Hillary can apologize on Pakistani TV.

News Spoofer Edward Cropper says No wonder Republican senators decry Hillary’s “useless, worthless” briefing on Libya attack. Let’s face it: In Libya, Obama lied and four Americans died. That’s what happened.

The conservative advocacy group Let Freedom Ring released an ad Thursday to run in key swing states depicting Obama as a Muslim Brotherhood sympathizer. That ought to help with the Jewish vote.

The group was planning on airing the ads next month, but shifted course after Muslims attacked the Egyptian embassy and killed four Americans in Libya, including Ambassador Christopher Stevens. Egypt’s new president, Mohammed Morsi, belongs to the Muslim Brotherhood, considered a terrorist organization by some. Of course, The Brotherhood denies such claims.

And Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said he would steer clear of the American presidential election, but he stars in a new ad set to air in the key battleground state of Florida that aims to make Iran a major campaign issue. Go figure!

And would you believe Monica Lewinsky is actually getting $12 million to write a tell-all book about all those blow jobs in the Oral Office, including her intimate love letters to the former Pants-Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton and how Slick Willie had an insatiable desire for threesomes. $12 Million? Those must have been some blow jobs. But as our good friend Bobby Leach tells us, even a bad blow job is still pretty good.
Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says the number of Americans who don’t trust our Obama Supporters in the Press just hit an all-time high (60%), because everybody now can see Romney now has two opponents: “Obama and the American media which carries his bags for him.”
Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says we finally figured out why the presidential race can still be close. Only 15% of our dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct uninformed and undecided DemocRATS believe the economic news is bad these days. Full frontal lobotomies for everybody! Once you get used to insanity, you’ll feel almost normal. These days, 25% of DemocRATS in this country are on medication for mental illness. If you think that’s scary, it means 75% are running around untreated!
Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1862, Republican President Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation to free Black slaves in the States in Rebellion. The Blower wonders how our Kneepad Liberals in the Press will recall the occasion.
Which is why our Quote for Today Committee chose Queen Latifah’s “I miss the ’70s where you had shows like ‘The Jefferson’s’ and ‘All In The Family’ where Black people could be Black and white people could be white. Racists could be racists, and non-racists could be non-racists, but it was talked about.
On Friday, Alex T., Mall Cop GOP and the folks at the Hamilton County RINO Party were still waiting to hear a few details about where Romney and Ryan would be stopping on their bus tour on Tuesday. “Old Blueface” needs to get a few folks together to counter those “4,500” people local Obama Supporters at The Fishwrap are still touting were at Obama’s over-taxed payer funded “Piss in the Park” Rally in Eden Park last Monday at the 532 person-capacity Seasongood Pavillion.
Cincinnati police have changed their Taser policy. Now CPD officers will have to tell the Yoofs committing mayhem to stop and turn around so that they can taze their backside. Did anybody over on Ezzard Charles stop to consider that people so out of control that a cop has to use a Taser on them might not exactly be the most compliant with a request to turn around?
Republicans for Higher Taxes comment on the extensive amount of foreign trips “Mean Jean” Schmidt has taken during her final months in office. They say she deserves some free international vacations after all the years she’s spent raising taxes, bailing out Wall Street, breaking ethics laws, and increasing spending and debt.
Finally, at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane why they celebrate “Oktoberfest” in September, and our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher said, “The only trouble with German food is, an hour later you’re hungry for power.” While everybody’s waiting for our Girly Mayor Mark Mallory to bite the first wiener, the Downtown Clown-cil says if couples don’t observe the “No Sex” signs behind the Post Office at Oktoberfest this year and only have sex in the designated areas, next year’s event will be alcohol-free. Actually, TV 12’s news poll showed 30% of viewers with nothing better to do thought next year’s Oktoberfest should be alcohol-free. Hello out there, people! It’s a beer fest. And just think, these clueless 30% are able to vote in real elections.

Oktoberfest Top Ten List

Today it’s sleazy Jerry Springer’s top ten sure-fire Oktoberfest pickup lines:

10. So what grade are you in, Honey?
9. Has anybody ever told you that you look like Della Sutorious?
8. Did you vote for me on “Dancing with the Stars?”
7. Mind if I share your Port-o-let?
6. Care for a bite of my bratwurst?
5. Hey, Fraulein, nice kraut!
4. I’m not wearing anything under my lederhosen.
3. My overnight ratings are terrific.
2. If you think my nose is big…
…And Jerry Springer’s number one Oktoberfest pickup line is… Are you really sure you won’t take a check?

REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.

FLOYD SCHNITZELFLOGGER’S OKTOBERFEST HOT LINE

E-mail your oom pah pahs today.

Some German-American items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally German-American subscribers, but let’s face it, Schatzie, we could always use a lot more.