Friday, June 15, 2012
144 More Days, Ain’t We Got Fun!
Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says Obama tried to reset his failing reelection campaign for the 397th time Thursday. The White House said our Campaigner-in-Chief would be impersonating the president in the Cleveland event with an important economic address, but everybody knew it would just be another crappy campaign speech. It’s all George Bush’s fault—blah, blah, blah. The rich should pay your fair share— yada, yada, yada. Not to worry, Obama supporters. Over-Taxed Payers were paying for the campaign trip. Maybe that’s why that Romney campaign bus was driving around and around Obama’s speech site honking its horn. So unhappy was Obama that he claimed that his not his Chicago of politics, which most thought meant he hadn’t thought about it first. Maybe there’s hope yet for our white bread candidate after all.
And did Ohio’s Sherrod Brown, who last year tied Socialist Bernie Sanders for the title of the Senate’s most liberal, really say “Everybody knows that government creates jobs?” Breitbart didn’t mock our Deranged DemocRAT too much for that.
- How long has Eric Holder’s Fast & Furious Scandal been going on anyway? 18 months? Until this week, Brian Williams and NBC Nightly News never mentioned the Department of Justice’s Gun-walking Scandal. Every single time Obama’s Arrogant Attorney General had to be dragged kicking and screaming to testify before Congress, NBC Nightly News ignored it. Maybe the ninth time was the charm. You know, if this were a Republican administration, Fast & Furious would’ve led the nightly newscasts until the AG as well as the president resigned or were impeached.
Now, just to review, here’s the whole “Fast & Furious” Story in 62 seconds.
And many Senators are calling for Eric Holder’s resignation so far, not just for stonewalling his Gun-Walking Scandal that got a U.S. Border Agent killed, but also for covering up White House leaks of military secrets to the New York Times to promote Obama’s “Warrior Image?”
We don’t need no steenkin’ Special Counsel! Only Ronald C. Machen Jr. (shown here with Obama), one of the two attorneys Holder assigned to cover-up Obama’s Leaking Scandal, has donated $4,350 to Obama’s campaigns. You can’t get any more unbiased than that.
Or maybe Senators were sickened by the sight of that new “Obama Boy” video, that focuses on Obama’s support of gay marriage.
Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis agreed: “It was “Fabulous!”
- Meanwhile, in Southwestern Ohio, Mitt-mentum was building for Romney Wednesday night when more than 600 of Craig Lindner’s closest friends coughed up a quick $3 million be able to say they were in the same room as the 2012 GOP Presidential Candidate at the Hilton Cincinnati Netherland Plaza. Was anybody really surprised local VP Wannabe Rob “Fighting for Fund-raisers” Portman wasn’t even mentioned?
Political types in The Fishwrap’s obligatory “attendance included paragraph” at the bottom of the story were: Lt. Gov. Mary Taylor, congressional candidate “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup, and Hamilton County Commissioner Chris Monzel. But getting the money quote in the next paragraph was Corporex Chairman Bill Butler. Those Republicans don’t know beans about press relations, do they?
The Fishwrap gave three paragraphs to a small group of DemocRATS and Union Goons gathered to hold stupid signs a block away on Fountain Square. A music teacher got to give the DemocRAT Talking Points “Class Warfare” quote.
The Blower remembers when former Cincinnati Mayor David Mann’s “Soup Line” to protest Ronald Reagan’s speech at the Westin got more publicity than that, but the photograph on the front page of every newspaper in America the next morning was on local March of Dimes Poster Child Kristen Nicole Ellis giving Nancy Reagan a rose.
- But what do you know. “Bronze Star Brad’s” Campaign almost did something right on Thursday. Somebody actually e-mailed a “Flag Day” video, just like a real campaign.
Speaking of Brad, somebody said when they saw him roaming around Fifth Street downtown in his white pants and maroon Wellington shirt with a map looking lost and without an aide or a driver on Tuesday evening, he did not look very “Congressional.”
Now let’s compare “Bronze Star Brad’s Video with the one the Romney campaign e-mailed.
Not to be outdone, on Thursday, the Obama Campaign at the White House spam-grammed their local list with a bogus e-mail from Michelle, deceptively offering supporters the opportunity to wish Obama a Happy Father’s Day. But guess what happened when you “signed” the card? It takes you to the campaign donations page. Are you surprised?- Meanwhile, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says if either presidential candidate ever steps foot in Northern Kentucky, he expects us to give him the entire e-dition that day.
REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.
Stories We’re Working On
Obama’s Jobless Claims and Foreclosures Rise- Drone causes “UFO” panic in DC
- Obama forgets to pay Father’s Day lunch tab
- Cincinnati still second most bedbug infested city
- Adultery website ranks Cincinnati’s most cheating neighborhoods
- Who’s that “Weenie-Wagging” Elected Official in Hamilton County?
- Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters web site is still down while his license is suspended
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s when the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said summer officially arrives in Greater Cincinnati:
(A) The day Hamilton County Property Taxes are due: 2%
(B) On the date the Reds are mathematically eliminated: 1%
(C) When the day the life squad gets its first call about a guy with his penis caught in the intake valve at the YMCA swimming pool: 1%
(D) When Trish the Dish at Channel 19 reminds you to set your clocks ahead: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Who’s Your Daddy?
This week, everybody who thinks the City’s population will never increase as long as every time a baby’s born, some guy leaves town, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Gary Goodson, who says he hopes his unappreciative offspring read his limerick before Sunday so he might get a decent present for once.
Gary wins a “World’s Greatest Dad” coffee mug from K-mart, a Father’s Day Card his wife made with crappy clip art downloaded from the internet, and a call from the nursing home reminding him that he hasn’t visited his own father for the last six months. His winning limerick is:
To honor your dad on Father’s Day,
Allow him to sadly give you away
To the United States Navy, the pride of the fleet,
And with pride mixed with tears that are so bittersweet,
Watch you ship out to the tune of “Anchors Aweigh.”
To honor your dad on Father’s Day
Here is what I would say
Whether chili and cheese
Or two girls on their knees
Your old man would love a 3-way.
To honor your dad on Father’s Day
Forget the tie or the hanky – that’s gay.
Buy him a weekend at the Holiday Inn
Where he and your mother can frolic and sin
And have an extended roll in the hay.
To honor your dad on Father’s Day
Please refrain from calling him gay
He has paid your six years of tuition
For a job that has never come to fruition
And in his home he’s still letting you stay.
Now for some Dishonorable Mentions
To honor your dad on Father’s Day
Think of something positive to say,
Like, “Gee, Dad you were great!”
“I’m sorry my thanks is so late.”
“You may not be perfect, but you sure were OK!”
To honor your dad on Father’s Day
You really want him to play
So go to your mother
Or his significant other
And tell her to do it his way.
To honor your dad on Father’s Day
Is a hallowed part of the American Way.
The family is the foundation
Of our Western Civilization;
It keeps the godless State ever at bay.
To honor your dad on Father’s Day,
And show how you feel, you must display,
Gratitude for once,
You ungrateful dunce,
No wonder the geezer is old and grey.
To honor your dad on Father’s Day
Try to think of something different to say,
Instead of “I need money,
Or you’re the Easter Bunny”.
(And for Pete’s sake, don’t tell him you’re gay!)
And from the Anderson Laureate (who says, “I hope I get a decent present this year, or at least have my poetic license reinstated.”)
To honor your dad on Father’s Day
Bring him a steak on a TV tray
Or thank him profusely
With vodka and orange juicely
But if he’s a bum, just say “Oy vey!”
Now some guys make wonderful daddies
But among the good there’s the “baddies”
He should just keep his pants zipped
If they don’t want to get whipped
And just become batboys or caddies.
To humor your dad on Father’s Day
Though the rest of the year you stay away
Just be truthful and candid
And tell him you’ve been stranded
On a mountain in the Himalay
You know how gullible some dads are
He’ll believe why you’ve been remaining afar
He’s such a poor sap
He’ll believe all of your crap
And might even buy you a new car.
But think of the saying “time will tell”
You may fall for a gorgeous young belle
If your sperm isn’t bad
You might someday be a dad,
And remember paybacks are hell!
Your kid will be thinking just like you
And your present will be a necktie or two
When what would really make you cheer
Would be a freight car full of beer
And a CD of Johnny Cash’s “Boy named Sue.”
So what goes around comes around
And trust me, my thinking is sound
Your boy will be like you
And do everything you do
Until they lower you into the ground.
So strike while the iron is hot
Get him a gift he ain’t got
Something he’ll like
Like a new Harley bike
I promise he’ll love you a lot.
But if he’s too old for a cycle
Don’t put yourself in a pickle
The thought is what counts
Not sizes or amounts
He’ll accept a shiny new nickel.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“When you pay your real estate taxes”
FATHERS DAY GIFT GUIDE HOT LINE
E-mail your paternal presents today
Some family values items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally family values subscribers.
Link of the Day
The RNC’s Best Ad Yet: “Mulligan”
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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