Sunday, May 27, 2012
The Blower’s Week in Review
- OUR NUMBER ONE OBAMA STORY THIS WEEK was how according to a lot of people, it‘s been a rough week for President Obama as his campaign’s mainline of attack against presumptive GOP nominee Mitt Romney has struggled, thrusting momentum to the side of the former Massachusetts governor’s campaign. On Friday the RNC released a new ad highlighting the “mutiny” against President Obama from May 20 to May 25, pointing to “fourteen DemocRATS and counting” who have spoken out against actions made by the president and his reelection campaign.
And just for fun, Romney’s Responders released a campaign commercial saying “It’s been Obama’s worst week ever.” But The Blower says ,”Just wait. Obama has many more ‘bad weeks’ coming up.”
OUR NUMBER TWO OBAMA STORY THIS WEEK was when somebody in the press covering the GOP Veep-stakes story finally figured out U.S. Senator Rob “Fighting for Fund-raisers” Portman was a “boring white guy.” Reporters from all over the country have been e-mailing The Blower to ask permission to search our archives, because we’ve been covering The Robster ever since Congressman Willis Gradison retired in 1993 and the guys on Fourth Street decided Portman would be the best Congressman they could buy.
Curiously, all those Dirt Digging DemocRATS have been especially interested in stories about when The Robster first went to Washington and got his first Patton, Boggs & Blow job.
- AND OUR NUMBER THREE OBAMA STORY THIS WEEK was when most so-called political reporters wrote about the “Tea Party” victory for Lewis County’s Judge-Executive Thomas Massie Tuesday night. The Republican establishment in CamBoo Land was blaming the Texas Super-PAC that spent $560,000 on radio and television ads supporting Massie and attacking opponents Boondoggle County Judge-Executive Gary Moore and the Whistleblower’s own Trooper Babe, Alicia Webb-Edgington. Another super PAC, Americans for Growth, Opportunity and Prosperity, spent more than $80,000 on mailers supporting Massie.
But the real story was the 16-point case of “Whoop Ass’” that was opened up on Trooper Babe Alicia Webb Edgington. This was the sad byproduct of Goof Doofus’ embarrassing, complete loss-of-power and stature, in spite of The Whistleblower’s “Legs” commercial, which should’ve been on TV a few more times. Her victory would’ve been by a landslide.
Political Pundits are now comparing Alicia’s humiliating defeat to Junketing Jean Schmidt’s ouster in March. In both races, our Tea Party Patriots opposed the Republican Establishment and Super PACs spent a lot of money to defeat each of them. The biggest differences are that, Thomas Massie, the guy who beat our Trooper Babe in Kentucky, didn’t sell his soul to the Hamilton County RINO Party, which means he has a campaign manager who actually knows what it’s like to work for a living, in contrast to Wenstrup’s career-bureaucRAT posing as a campaign manager, hoping to land a cushy over-taxed-payer-funded gig in Wenstrup’s Congressional office at twice his previous over-taxed-payer-funded salary in the Clerk of Courts’ office.
- MONDAY in our Special “Bluegrass Primary” E-dition, The Blower said, “you don’t vote, you’ll be leaving the decision to someone even dumber than you are!”:
In a rare editorial by our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher, Charles Foster Kane explained how before every election, The Whistleblower-Newswire is always deluged with calls, faxes, text messages, and e-mails asking which candidates and issues we plan to endorse. As the official publication for all that scrambling, speculation, mud-slinging, and back-stabbing which will be forever known as Bluegrass Indecision 2012, our readers have every right to expect nothing less.
But the fact that only one day before the Bluegrass Primary Elections on May 22 (May 23 for DemocRATS), after all of our penetrating reporting and scathing commentary, there could have been any doubt about which candidates or issues we might cheer or jeer was further tribute to the astounding even-handedness of our always fair-and-balanced journalism.
[READ MORE HERE]
- TUESDAY in our Special “Bluegrass Indecision 2012 Update”” E-dition, The Blower was waiting to see how much a Fishwrap endorsement is really worth and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” included:
The big day has finally arrived, but will the National Spotlight really be on Kentucky tonight to see the results of the Bluegrass Primary Elections? —Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus
The reason tonight won’t be a big deal is because according to the GOP Delegate Counter, Kentucky’s 45 delegates aren’t enough for us to win the nomination. That’ll come next week in Texas. —The Romney Campaign
Does a photo op with the UK Wildcats count as campaigning in Kentucky? —The Obama Re-election Campaign at the White House
The biggest election news story tonight will be coming from Little Rock, to see if Obama gets beat in the DemocRAT Presidential Primary, like he almost did in West Virginia. —Noted Arkansas Political Reporter Razorback Tadwell
What if we said “No Republican has ever won the White House without first winning Kentucky?” —Former Fishwrapper Howard Wilkinson, who has never been heard from again at WNKU-FM in Northern Kentucky
[READ MORE HERE]
- WEDNESDAY in our Special “Obama’s Damage Control” E-dition, The Blower asked how whenever Obama gets himself into trouble, he always mentions Osama:
Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus said it looked like another bad week for Obama. DemocRATS were even doing damage control on their damage control these days.
Noted Arkansas Political Reporter Razorback Tadwell said with then only “166” more days until the Presidential Elections, Disillusioned DemocRATS keep calling to find out how Obama did in Tuesday’s Primary Election. After all, only two weeks ago an imprisoned felon got 41% of the vote against Obama in the West Virginia Primary.
But it wasn’t all bad news for Obama today. The Communist Party USA announced its support for his reelection bid. “It used to be that we had to run our own candidates for public office,” recounted Chairman Sam Webb. “In recent years, though, we’ve found a huge overlap with many of the candidates running on the DemocRAT ticket. Of these, President Obama is the best of the lot.”
[READ MORE HERE]
- THURSDAY, in our Special “Divided DemocRATS” E-dition, The Blower asked if Obama didn’t used to want to bring people together and we added more DemocRAT D-Words to our list :“Discouraged,” “Dissatisfied,” and “Divided,”
Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus said when an “historic” president is running for re-election, primary elections are not supposed to be an embarrassment, but only two weeks ago an imprisoned felon got 41% of the vote against Obama in the West Virginia Primary, and Tuesday, Noted Arkansas Political Reporter Razorback Tadwell reported 41% of Discouraged DemocRATS in Arkansas voted for unknown lawyer John Wolfe from Tennessee, while in Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo said Obama lost 42% of Bluegrass primary voters to “uncommitted.”
No doubt Obama Supporters in the Press will dismiss those Dissatisfied DemocRATS as racists, claiming white DemocRATS in Appalachia won’t vote for Obama just because he is black.
Meanwhile, White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard broke the needle on the BS meter when he told reporters Obama really isn’t mad at Defiant DemocRATs who are repudiating him these days. That was right after Cardboard refused to condemn Obama’s Occupy Protesters after Obama last weekend’s rampage during the NATO Summit in Chicago.
[READ MORE HERE]
- FRIDAY in our Special “Pre-Memorial Day Weekend Getaway” E-dition, The Blower said, it was time for something really patriotic as we worked on our Memorial Day Checklist:
This weekend, we planned to write something truly inspirational about all those brave men and women who answered our country’s call and gave the last full measure of their devotion, fighting for freedom from the Halls of Montezuma to the deserts of Afghanistan and Iraq. We even planned to show you a lot of patriotic videos, like this one.
Hurley the Historian said we should review how Memorial Day has its roots in a post-Civil War holiday called “Decoration Day,” explain how observance of the holiday has changed over the years, and urge that the legacy never be forgotten.
Others said this weekend we should march in a parade with flag-waving politicians, watch John Wayne and Audie Murphy war movies all day on TV, or cut weeds at a Veterans Cemetery, while trying not to feel guilty about ignoring living conditions for those poor, mistreated Al Qaeda terrorist detainees at GITMO.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose a trio of quotes from The Duke: “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway,” “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid,” and “If you’ve got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow.”
[READ MORE HERE]
- SATURDAY in our Special “Distaste of Cincinnati” E-dition, The Blower reminded readers that in Cincinnati there was no accounting for taste.
The Blower asked, “Where will the Distaste of Cincinnati be this weekend?” As usual, the Distaste of America’s Worst Run City would be downtown. But scared suburbanites still don’t need Demon Lynchmob, Rhymin’ Reverends, Ken “Mad Dawg” Lawson, SMLP Smithermouth, producers of “Cops,” Cincinnati’s Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory, Disgruntled DemocRAT Tracie Hunter, or the rest of Judge Mr$. $tan Che$ley’s political posse of racial terrorists to tell them to stay away. They will figure that out for themselves, simply because it’s a really overrated event. Urging black people to stay away is not much of a threat. In fact, if Black Boycotter Nate “Rhymes With Hate” Livingston could positively guarantee no Negros would ever show up, downtown crowds would probably double.
Maybe next year Liz Roger’s Over-Taxed Payer Subsidized Million Dollar Soul Food Bistro, if it’s still in business, could have a booth so black folks would feel more welcome.
[READ MORE HERE]
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
REPUBLICANS IN 2012: It’s been a good week for Mitt Romney. The polls are up, he’s just off a two-day swing through Connecticut and New York where he hauled in big donors and hard money, and he swept the GOP primaries in Kentucky and Arkansas. Next Tuesday, Texas will put him over the top and make him, formally and officially, the Republican nominee for president.- OBAMA 2012: Obsessive Obama Supporters Tom and Rose say first the Obama Campaign raffled off dinner with George Clooney. Now there’s a lottery for dinner with former Cincinnati Celebrity Sarah Jessica Parker. Soon they’ll be a chance to have dinner with our First Gay President and our First Black President. Rose wonders if she wins, does she have to wear her blue dress?
- OHIO RINO PARTY: In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders reports Ohio RINO Party Boss Boob Bennett says don’t expect Presidential Candidate Ron Paul to have much impact in Tampa. In the Ohio presidential primary in March, Paul earned just one of Ohio’s 66 delegates to the National Convention. The Blower told you The Boobster would unite the party.
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says the Memorial Day weekend is the unofficial start of summer for many Americans, and it’s a good time to take stock of where the nation’s at. 64% of likely U.S. Voters prefer a government with fewer services and lower taxes. Most voters also continue to believe tax cuts are good for the economy and that more government spending has a negative impact. In spite of these core beliefs, Obama is calling for less austerity and larger deficits. No wonder voters in this country remain dubious that their election officials will wrestle the federal government under control.- OUR LATE NIGHT JOKEWATCHER liked Jay Leno’s “Just two weeks after a felon in jail got 41% of the Democratic vote in West Virginia, President Obama got embarrassed again in Arkansas yesterday when an unknown lawyer got 42%. See, that proves once and for all that there’s only a 1% difference between a lawyer and a convicted felon.”
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1941, FDR proclaimed an unlimited national emergency. Obama says that was all Bush’s fault too.
- OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE: chose President Ronald Reagan’s “Facts are stubborn things.”
VOTER FRAUD UPDATE: Florida’s Secretary of State is set to announce 53,000 dead voters have been purged from the voter rolls in Florida. How many were purged in Hamilton County after Federal Judge Mr$. $tan Che$ley ordered the recound that gave the seat Judge John Williams won fair and square to Ditzy DemocRAT Traci Hunter?- HAMILTON COUNTY RINO PARTY: Down at the Hamilton County RINO Preserve, Walnut Street Wizards Alex T. Mall Cop GOP, “Princess Marge” Wuellner, and former New York City DemocRAT Ashtray Chloroform woke up recently and decided it was time to get off Facebook and Twitter for just a bit and pretend to actually do some campaign work. Fortunately, while Marge was shoe-shopping at Kenwood Towne Centre, she ran into some old money folks and the idea for a cocktail party as a work-related fund-raiser was re-born. Then, Ash went to their Young Leaders front group, the group organized to make sure no genuine conservatives with real ideas ever advances in the party, and they agreed to add a few names. The promise of free booze got a few more names involved. Alas, these old-money and new-economy folks aren’t real conservatives and don’t always like calling themselves Republicans. That’s how the idea for TEAM 2012 was born. The fund-raiser will go towards pretending to pay the trust-fund babies and those born with the right pedigree that will pretend to work at campaign jobs that will look impressive on a resume in a few years when they graduate, and everyone has forgotten just how incompetent the party was that year. What a lovely idea: hold a cocktail party fund-raiser for the vaunted “Team 2012” machine in June, when the year is almost half over and the election is just five months away.
MEDIA MENDACITY: Is there a single political pundit out there who thinks Sean Hannity didn’t wind up with egg all over his face when he invited Colin Powell on his Fox News TV Program? Hannity’s biggest embarrassment, of course, was believing Colin Powell was a Republican in the first place.- LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #149 is name the three shortest books in the world.
“How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Rahm Emanuel
“Humility and Its Virtues” by Barack Obama
And “What the Constitution Means to Me” by Nancy Pelosi
- REPUBLICANS FOR HIGHER TAXES: were not on vacation last week. It only seemed that way.
SOREHEADS IN THE SUBURBS: Saturday, in The Blower’s Top Ten List, the Number One thing your wife really didn’t want to hear in Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory’s murder-free zone at “Distaste of Cincinnati” was… “Hey, where are all the white women at?”- MORE FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERY: Even our Feckless Fishwrappers know enough to slap a few patriotic pictures on the front page this weekend.
- RACIAL HEALING UPDATE: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says 40% now say Trayvon Martin was shot in self-defense, but only 24% say it was murder. The Blower says it sounds like there just might be some “reasonable doubt” in the prosecution’s case.
THE CINCINNATI MESS (You’ll only read about in The Blower): Panhandlers and protesters beware. There’s a red terror alert downtown during “Distaste of Cincinnati,” and despite budget problems at City Hall and the fact that our new joke Police Chief is still afraid to take the test that would authorize him to make an arrest, Cincinnati Police say they’re totally prepared. Once again, our good friend Officer Matt “Shoot His Dick Off” Martin will be on duty and Fang-man’s Fanatics have a beanbag with your name on it.- IN ANDERSON: You don’t really have to go downtown for “Taste of Cincinnati” this weekend. For $4 and a coupon, “In Russ We Trust” Jackson says you can get all the crappy food you can stomach at any one of 27 all-you-can eat Chinese buffets in the Food Court in Anderson Township, although most avoirdupois Andersonians prefer the Hibachi Grille in Cherry Grove.
OHIO’S SECOND CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT: “Junketing Jean” Schmidt Press Flack Barrett Brunsman says his boss actually dropped by Congress on May 18 to say a few scripted words about the third anniversary of the end of the civil war in Sri Lanka, most people wanted to know how many Turks they had living in that country.- READING THE TEA LEAVES: Local Tea Party Patriots were thrown a small bone this week. The Tea Party Guy was actually permitted to be one of the ribbon cutters at the opening of the Hamilton County RINO Party’s so-called Romney Victory Center downtown. Wasn’t it nice of them to schedule the event at 4:30 PM? After all, normal people with normal jobs can easily get downtown by 4:30 PM for a meaningless ceremony. Is the Hamilton County RINO Party looking out for working men and women or what?
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: Just in time for the sweltering spring heat wave, we found this profligate poem by our old friend Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves, from his latest book, “Remembering When,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
“Springtime Surprise”
A no-bra blouse
No underpants
A fleeting breeze
Its favor grants.
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo would like to know why The Blower unlike The Fishwrap has not contacted Trey Grayson for comments on why the Tea Party remains so strong in Northern Kentucky and why the Tea Party Members in Northern Kentucky are able to separate the true conservatives from the RINOs. It appears the Tea Party people in Northern Kentucky reject those RINOs and send a strong message to them that they could go down to defeat at any time. Could it be that The Blower unlike The Fishwrap doesn’t seek information from losers when looking for political commentary?- THIS WEEK IN KENTON CIRCUIT COURT: The latest and greatest e-dition of Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth’s Attorney E Rob Sanders glorious e-newsletter is on cyber news stands now, but The Robster forgot to send us the information for our weekly promo. Perhaps he was too busy laughing when he saw the next item that appeared in Saturday’s Special “Distaste of Cincinnati” E-dition.
FRIVOLOUS LAWSUIT UPDATE: Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters says if you get ptomaine poisoning, he’d be glad to sue the vendor for you, except that the Ohio Supreme Court just suspended his law license for 61 days, just like the Bluegrass Bar Association did, except they forgot to mail his license back to him when his suspension was supposed over. Maybe “Crazy Eric” should’ve enclosed a self-addressed stamped envelope when he mailed it in. Now let’s check out Crazy Eric’s web page to see what’s going on.
- THIS WEEK AT A MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane what he thought about Tuesday’s Bluegrass Congressional Primary Contest, to see how our Tea Party Patriots humiliated the Republican Establishment one more time. Everybody had thought The Blower’s Special Super PAC E-dition would affect the outcome, especially when we showed the “Legs” TV commercial Trooper Babe Alecia Webb-Edgington should’ve run.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”: The Blower’s Campaign Countdowns to will continue. Speaking of which, the 2012 Elections are only “162” days away.
Monday is “Memorial Day,” which is always in May 21. Unfortunately, we missed the memo explaining why.
Tuesday is “Learn About Composting Day,” and so maybe we can get away with recycling some of our jokes that day.
Wednesday will be “Water a Flower Day” something about which our dog needs no reminding.
Thursday is “World No Tobacco Day.” Smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em.
And the first line of next Friday’s limerick is: “Paying four dollars for a gallon of gas.”
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
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Some political scorekeeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political scorekeeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Link of the Day
Memorial Day Tribute
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