Friday, May 25, 2012
Memorial Day Check List
This weekend, we planned to write something truly inspirational about all those brave men and women who answered our country’s call and gave the last full measure of their devotion, fighting for freedom from the Halls of Montezuma to the deserts of Afghanistan and Iraq. We even planned to show you a lot of patriotic videos, like this one.
- Hurley the Historian said we should review how Memorial Day has its roots in a post-Civil War holiday called “Decoration Day,” explain how observance of the holiday has changed over the years, and urge that the legacy never be forgotten.
Others said this weekend we should march in a parade with flag-waving politicians, watch John Wayne and Audie Murphy war movies all day on TV, or cut weeds at a Veterans Cemetery, while trying not to feel guilty about ignoring living conditions for those poor, mistreated Al Qaeda terrorist detainees at GITMO.- Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose a trio of quotes from The Duke: “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway,” “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid,” and “If you’ve got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow.”
This Memorial Day, Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says only 11% of likely U.S. voters think the War on Terror is over, 51% now believe the United States should remove all its troops from Western Europe and let the Europeans defend themselves, and 69% think the United States should not commit forces overseas unless it is vital to U.S. national security. - The Blower can hardly wait to hear Obama’s phony patriotic Memorial Day message telling all Americans to honor our fallen troops.
- Everybody’s wondering if Obama, who’s sent thousands of troops into war in Afghanistan, will again be MIA for the traditional Memorial Day event at Arlington National Cemetery. Obama Supporters in the Press call dead soldiers “Political Props.” Do you think the troops are starting to miss George Bush yet?
Further insulting our nation’s fallen heroes, last year Obama e-mailed supporters, asking them to add their names to a list of people who proudly stand with Obama to allow gays and lesbians to serve openly in the military. Obama says next year after he’s re-elected, he’ll go to Key West on Memorial Day to lay a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Homosexual.
The Blower remembers when local Demo-Labor Party bosses e-mailed phony Memorial Day messages that began with:
As we approach this Memorial Day, please remember that its real purpose was to pause to give thanks and honor to those who have sacrificed their lives for our county. Some were Democrats, some were Republicans, some were independents or members of other political parties, but they all fought and died so that we may continue to enjoy our democracy.
Damn! You can’t get much more non-partisan than that. (But you know they didn’t really mean it.)
- The Blower also remembers the Chairman’s Memorial Day Blog at Hamilton County RINO Party Headquarters. Old Blue-face was waxing poetic about whether the guy who won “American Idol” was really a Republican. What else can you expect from a guy whose blog is so far out of date?
Up to date internet communications don’t appear to be a political priority for the candidates Alex T. controls, either. [THERE’S NO NEED TO STAND AND SALUTE THIS]
- Good grief! Even our Feckless Fishwrappers will know enough to slap a few patriotic pictures on the front page this weekend. Now you know why so few Americans will admit to being Republicans these days.
As former Vice President Dick Cheney so effectively pointed out, September 11 showed us Freedom is not free. Millions of Americans have been killed, wounded, or are still missing, giving their lives during our country’s history, serving our nation in our armed forces. Without their selfless sacrifices, our nation and the freedoms we too often take for granted would not exist.- Now The Blower says on Memorial Day we should check which color the alert is, honor our heroes, and remember when Ronald Reagan said “Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn’t pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States where men were free.”
Also on Sunday night, we should watch the National Memorial Day Concert on TV featuring riveting performances from some of the world’s biggest stars. In addition, acclaimed actors will present personal stories of love and sacrifice submitted by viewers through the concert’s Virtual Wall of Remembrance.
The program is co-hosted by Joe Mantegna (CRIMINAL MINDS) and Gary Sinise (CSI: NEW YORK), two acclaimed actors who have dedicated themselves to veteran’s causes and supporting our troops. We’re pretty sure Obama is going to be busy with some crucial patriotic fund-raising events elsewhere.
Bluegrass Burials
Ken CamBoo says Alecia Webb-Embarassment really “took it on the chin” from the people who talked her into running for the Goofster’s empty seat in Congress. In January, when announcing her candidacy for Congress, not only did she have to resign her $125,000 consulting job at SEARCH – The National Consortium for Justice Information & Statistics (Whatever the hell that is?), now she is out of her $40,000 job as State Reptile. Appears the Edgington household has taken a serious pay cut after Tuesday’s debacle. And to think she could have run for retiring Senator Jack Westwood’s 23rd District seat and won it handily, without having to quit her consulting gig. Timing is everything and the fates were kind to Chris McDaniel, because Alecia was not running.
Probably Alicia’s best quote during the campaign was “I’m not going to close the door to anything at this juncture. But we’re not looking to have any bloody primaries among Republicans.”
Political Pundits are now comparing Alicia’s humiliating defeat to Junketing Jean Schmidt’s ouster in March. In both races, our Tea Party Patriots opposed the Republican Establishment and Super PACs spent a lot of money to defeat each of these RINOs. The biggest differences are that, Thomas Massie, the guy who beat our Trooper Babe in Kentucky, didn’t sell his soul to the Hamilton County RINO Party, which means he has a campaign manager who actually knows what it’s like to work for a living, in contrast to Wenstrup’s career-bureaucRAT posing as a campaign manager, hoping to land a cushy over-taxed-payer-funded gig in Wenstrup’s Congressional office at twice his previous over-taxed-payer-funded salary in the Clerk of Courts’ office.
- JUDGES NO-MOORE? Gary Moore lost his own county to Thomas Massie by 16% where he has been Judge Executive for 14 years! This loss is a follow up to his last election where he kept his job by only 74 VOTES! And this near loss was to Cathy Flaig, who is known for having to ride “the short bus” to Boondoggle County Fiscal court meetings! So not only is Gary up for election in 2014 to retain his Judge Executive position, but his wife Joy Moore is the current Judge for KY’s Sixth District Court of Appeals. She is also up for re-election in 2014. The Sixth District Court of Appeals mirrors the Fourth Congressional District which her husband just lost big time. Depending on name recognition or confusion (How would you like to live in that household and answer the phone? Hello Judge, which Judge? Judge Moore. Which Judge Moore? Sounds like a modern day “Who’s on first”) based on the current backlash against Gary and Tea Partiers after his scalp, could BOTH Judge Moores be out of a job come November 2014?
Finally, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says although many patriotic people will be celebrating Memorial Day this weekend, Confederate Memorial Day is officially celebrated in Kentucky on June 3, because Confederate President Jefferson Davis was born on that date in 1808 in Fairview, Kentucky. For those of you who don’t know where Fairview is, it’s near Hopkinsville, wherever in the hell that is.
The Department of Homeland Insecurity is still keeping the terrorist alert level at “Yellow,” which signifies a “significant risk of terrorist attacks.” That means the government should be coordinating security efforts with the armed forces and/or law enforcement agencies and take additional precautions at public events. Have fun at your Memorial Day picnic.
REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.
Stories We’re Working On
Obama’s Real Deficit for Last Year: $5 Trillion - WH Scolds Media for Buying GOP ‘BS’ on Spending
- Trump plans anti-Obama Super PAC
- 150 people fail to show for Obama fundraiser
- Biden Not Well Liked in Swing States
- Bill Clinton snapped in Monaco hanging with porn stars
- Trooper Babe offered News Legs Job on Fox TV
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said most Apathetic Americans would be spending Memorial Day:
(A) Remembering all our fallen heroes: 2%
(B) Paying more than $2.50-per-gallon for gasoline: 1%
(C) Watching John Wayne movies on TV: 1%
(D) Getting another day off with pay: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Fine Dining on a Stick
This week, everybody who thinks holding this year’s Distaste of Cincinnati at Fountain Square is just about what you’d expect from the worst-run city in America that spent $42 million to wipe out every business in the area for two years while they moved the Fountain six feet North during their guaranteed one-year renovation project, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Avoirdupois Andersonian Freddy Fatass. Our Weight Gainers member says driving downtown has always been expensive, even before you had to take out a second mortgage to fill the tank on your SUV, but trekking downtown just to eat an overpriced chicken wing or a meatball on a stick is a real gourmet delight. As always, downtown trolleys would be the answer.
Freddy wins an “I Survived the Distaste of Cincinnati” T-Shirt, an opportunity to buy a small slice of Larosa’s Pepperoni Cheese Pizza for $3, a scoop of Graeter’s Ice Cream for $4, a crappy $3.95 Izzy’s Reuben sandwich for only $5, or a month’s supply of Beano for the ride home. His winning entry is:
Each year at the Taste of the ‘Natti
Five bucks buys an overcooked hamburger patty,
Or sushi the size of a lousy nickel
(A buck extra if you add a pickle);
And the trailer park trash makes the venue so ratty.
Each year at the Taste of the ‘Natti
The choices almost drive me batty.
The chefs all compete
To induce you to eat
Something fancy, no plain burger patty.
Some of the food tastes funny,
Some is hard, some soft, some runny.
You need to make sure
And not go if you’re poor
‘Cause whatever you get, it will cost lots of money.
Each year at the taste of the ‘Natti.
The streets are all jammed full of fatties
They walk stand to stand
With pon-corn in hand
Slurpin’ diet cokes to look good for their Daddies.
Each year at the taste of the ‘Natti,
We shell out for portions quite ratty.
You’ll be served brats and metts
Right next to Port-O-Lets,
And for the gourmet? Filet of catty!
And from the Anderson Gourmet (who’s still not successfully completed his correspondence course in low-fat cooking):
Each year at the Taste of the ‘Natti
The throngs and hordes drive me batty.
So I think I’ll stay home
On my chair of styrofoam
And listen to Gian Carlo Menotti
Each year at the Taste of the ‘Natti,
You promise to eat only one burger patty.
But there is so much good food
And you’re in a gluttonous mood
So you end up being the same old fatty.
Each year at the taste of the ‘Natti,
The prices get more and more batty.
This I think I’ll stay home,
And eat something in Styrofoam
Maybe a veggie burger, or tofu patty.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“Paying Four Dollars for a Gallon of Gas”
CHEAP GAS HOT LINE
E-mail lowest prices today.
Some price gouged items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally price gouged subscribers
Links of the Day
Midget Stealing Gasoline
PLUS
Gasoline Prices in Your Neighborhood
We’re getting ready to be really patriotic on Memorial Day
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.