One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
When In Doubt, Mention Osama!
Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus it looks like another bad week for Obama. They’re even doing damage control on their damage control these days.
But it’s not all bad news for Obama today. The Communist Party USA announced its support for his reelection bid. “It used to be that we had to run our own candidates for public office,” recounted Chairman Sam Webb. “In recent years, though, we’ve found a huge overlap with many of the candidates running on the DemocRAT ticket. Of these, President Obama is the best of the lot.”
- Noted Arkansas Political Reporter Razorback Tadwell says today there are only “166” more days until the Presidential Elections, but Disillusioned DemocRATS keep calling to find out how Obama did in Tuesday’s Primary Election. After all, only two weeks ago an imprisoned felon got 41% of the vote against Obama in the West Virginia Primary.
- Meanwhile, Romney’s Responders didn’t waste any time taking advantage of Newark Mayor Cory Booker’s criticism of the Obama campaign’s “nauseating” attack on Romney’s Bain Capital record. They call this video Obama’s “Big Bain Backfire.”
- And what happened to that black social studies teacher at North Rowan High School in North Carolina who told a white student he could be arrested for criticizing Obama? She was reportedly suspended with pay, of course. Maybe they’ll let her speak at the DemocRAT National Convention in Charlotte to take away attention from all those protesters we saw tearing up Chicago last weekend. The Blower wants to know who’s paying for those protests, anyway?
Florida’s Secretary of State is set to announce 53,000 dead voters have been purged from the voter rolls in Florida. How many were purged in Hamilton County after Federal Judge Mr$. $tan Che$ley ordered the recount that gave the seat Judge John Williams won fair and square to Ditzy DemocRAT Traci Hunter?
- In Congress, GOP House Speaker John Boehner has not yet caved on increasing the National Debt, and in Kabul, Afghan president Hamid Karzai banned Republican Congressman Dana Rohrabacher from entering Afghanistan for “not showing enough respect,” but Junketing Jean” Schmidt will be permitted to return, as long as Old Wrinklepuss keeps her face covered with a burka. Meanwhile, “Brad of Iraq” plans to show off those gay-looking flowing white Arabian robes he used to wear on desert camel rides at that June 20 fund-raiser Alex T. is arranging for him at the home of Pat and Mary Jo Burke.
Speaking of our Hamilton County RINO Party Boss, Alex T. will be opening the so-called “Romney Victory Center” at 646 Main Street in downtown Cincinnati Thursday at 4:30 P.M. Good luck finding a parking meter.
And speaking of other things that look really gay, Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis say now that Obama has “devolved” to embrace same-sex marriage, the NAALCP says it’s OK too. So what say you, SMLP Smithermouth? Our Alternate Life-style Columnists are also recommending everyone see “Love Knots” at the Cincinnati Fringe Festival. What could be more entertaining than gay and lesbian couples discussing artificial insemination over dinner? Meanwhile, Northern Kentucky Same Sex Fans say now that the Obama support for Gay Marriage flap has ended, Obama’s strategy should turn towards gaining votes in Appalachia with “Cousin Marriage.”
Obsessive Obama Supporters Tom and Rose say first the Obama Campaign raffled off dinner with George Clooney. Now there’s a lottery for dinner with former Cincinnati Celebrity Sarah Jessica Parker. Soon they’ll be a chance to have dinner with our First Gay President and our First Black President. Rose wonders if she wins, does she have to wear her blue dress?- With today’s Racial Healing Moment, Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says 40% now say Trayvon Martin was shot in self-defense, but only 24% say it was murder. The Blower says it sounds like there just might be some “reasonable doubt” in that case.
- Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1934, law enforcement officials killed famous outlaws Bonnie and Clyde. And just think, if it happened today in Cincinnati, so-called Police Chief James Craig couldn’t have made the arrest because he still hasn’t taken that Police Chief 101 test.
Typical Reds Rooter Farley Fairweather says the most amazing feat pulled off at a Major League Baseball game Monday night wasn’t by a player, it was when 20-year-old Reds fan Caleb Lloyd caught two home run balls hit by two successive Reds batters in the fourth inning.
Meanwhile, Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sport Editor Andy Furball says when the Reds’ $30 million Cuban Closer Aroldis Chapman was arrested for speeding and driving with a suspended license early Monday going 93 mph in Grove City, did his translator really say, “What’s the big deal? He can throw a ball faster than that.”
- Finally at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what he thought about Tuesday’s Bluegrass Congressional Primary Contest, to see if our Tea Party Patriots would humiliate the Republican Establishment one more time. Everybody was wondering how much The Blower’s Special Super PAC E-dition would affect the outcome, when we showed the “Legs” TV commercial Trooper Babe Alecia Webb-Edgington should’ve run.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose this line from Steve “Wild and Crazy Guy” Martin (the comedian, not the judge): “I believe you should put a woman on a pedestal…high enough so you can look up her dress.”
DEMOCRAT DAMAGE CONTROL HOT LINE
e-mail your public relations plan today.
Some damaged items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally damaged subscribers.
LINK OF THE DAY
“From ‘Hope’ to Hypocrisy Excuses, Excuses”
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