Special “Bluegrass Indecision 2012 Update” E-dition

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Real E-Mails from Real Subscriber

  • The big day has finally arrived, but will the National Spotlight really be on Kentucky tonight to see the results of the Bluegrass Primary Elections? —Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus
  • The reason tonight won’t be a big deal is because according to the GOP Delegate Counter, Kentucky’s 45 delegates aren’t enough for us to win the nomination. That’ll come next week in Texas. —The Romney Campaign
  • Does a photo op with the UK Wildcats count as campaigning in Kentucky? —The Obama Re-election Campaign at the White House
  • The biggest election news story tonight will be coming from Little Rock, to see if Obama gets beat in the DemocRAT Presidential Primary, like he almost did in West Virginia. —Noted Arkansas Political Reporter Razorback Tadwell
  • What if we said “No Republican has ever won the White House without first winning Kentucky?” —Former Fishwrapper Howard Wilkinson, who has never been heard from again at WNKU-FM in Northern Kentucky
  • Where can we go to “unregister” so we stop getting all those Robocalls? —Registered Republicans
  • That’s never been a problem for us. —Dead DemocRAT Voters
  • Today’s turnout in Kentucky might not match The Blower’s single digit prediction, but it could be the lowest turnout in history. —Chief Election Official Alison Lundergan Grimes
  • Just remember what Jesse “The Body” Ventura always said: “If you don’t vote, you’ll be leaving the decision to someone even dumber than you are.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
  • People who don’t vote have no right to complain. —Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane
  • We’re just waiting until May 23 to see if the Bluegrass Tea Party can humiliate the Republican Establishment one more time. —Perplexed Political Pundits
  • And we’re doing our best to keep all that “Little Money” out of politics. —Super PACs
  • Remember what we always say: “A vote for the lesser of two evils is still a vote for evil. — Loony Libertarians
  • We’re waiting to see how many dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct uninformed short-attention-span Northern Kentucky voters take a copy of our irrelevant idiotorial endorsements to the polls. —Skaggie Maggie’s Feckless Fishwrappers
  • How else would we ever be able to remember who to vote for with so many unmemorable candidates? —Dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct uninformed short-attention-span Northern Kentucky voters
  • After tonight, what will we have to do to get our names in The Blower again? —Republican Congressional Candidates (Blogger Marc Carey, Teacher Brian Oerther, Building Contractor Walt Schumm, and Business Consultant Tom Wurtz)
  • Quit complaining, we were never mentioned in the first place. —Delusional DemocRAT Congressional Candidates) Bill Adkins and Greg Frank
  • We miss Gatewood. —Northern Kentucky Potheads
  • Seriously, everybody—am I supposed to be running for anything today? —Fourth District Congressman Goof Doofus
  • Watching the Bluegrass Primary results in 2010 was the worst night of my life. —Trey Grayson
  • Please don’t ask which presidential candidate I’m supporting. —U.S. Senator Rand Paul 
  • Did Rand Paul ever support me for Senate Minority Leader? —Bitch McConnell
  • Today in 1856, Southern Congressman Preston Brooks savagely beat Northern Senator Charles Sumner in the halls of Congress as tensions rose over the expansion of slavery. —Hurley the Historian
  • Boy, I’ll say.—Senator Charles Sumner  
  • The problem with this year’s primary was that there were not enough negative attack ads. —Greedy TV Ad Salesmen
  • How long has it been since I first broke my “term limits pledge?” —Scarry Garry Edmonson 
  • Covering the news in Kentucky is a big problem because it’s like a whole different state. —TV 19’s Trish the Dish
  • Breaking News Alert: Ron Paul is still on the Republican presidential ballot in Kentucky. What do we do now? —Sheree Paolello, TV5 News

—  Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

     Sometimes The Blower ridicules Obama Supporters in the Press to show that depicting every Republican candidate as a racist is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t totally in bed with the DemocRATS.

          This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially David Gregory on NBC’s “Meet the Depressed.” 

BLUEGRASS PRIMARY HOTLINE

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Some Bluegrass bashing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Bluegrass Bashing subscribers. 

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