Friday, May 18, 2012
The Next 171 Days Will Seem Like Eternity
- Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says he’s surprised you didn’t see more about it on the news, but Obama’s budget just went down in flames. Harry Reid’s DemocRAT-Controlled Senate, which hasn’t passed a budget since April 29, 2009, voted 99-0 to reject it. Coupled with the House’s 414-0 rejection in March, that means Obama’s budget failed to win a single vote of support this year. Even Big Labor opposed it.
Weasel Zippers says White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard “Executed a Flawless Triple Axel Back Flip at Today’s Press Briefing,” when he called the Senate’s 99–0 vote against Obama’s Budget “Yet Another Gimmick.” Say what?
You can’t even use the excuse that the reason Obama and his D-RATS haven’t come up with a budget in the last three years is because he’s been campaigning for re-election since even before his Inauguration in 2009. Maybe it’s because even Disingenuous DemocRATS realize Obama’s ideas just plain suck. Nowhere in the annals of American History has a president’s budget failed to get a single vote from members of his own party. Hey Liberals— that’s what The Blower calls “historic!”
On Wednesday, Mitt Romney stood in front of a giant debt clock at a campaign appearance in Florida. The Blower says he should never leave home without it.
Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1891, an unnamed newspaper reporter on an obscure California newspaper cast first lady Mary Todd Lincoln in an unflattering light, and Republican presidents and their wives have been worked over by our Kneepad Liberals in the Press ever since.- And who can forget the Geico commercial that showed what happened when Mrs. Lincoln asked Honest Abe, “Does this dress make my backside look big.” No wonder the guy got assassinated.
- Are 1,000 clowns armed with whipped cream pies really planning to protest this weekend at the NATO summit in Chicago? No, the entire House of Representatives, Senate, and the President will not be there. That wouldn’t be enough clowns. 1,000 clowns? That even puts Cincinnati’s City Clown-cil to shame. Where is Award-Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception when we really need him?
When “Junketing Jean” Schmidt spent Afghanistan with Nancy Pelosi and her DemocRAT gal pals in Congress on an over-taxed payer funded trip, did they have to wear their keep their heads covered according to Muslim law? Jean’s Press Flack Barrett Brunsman says, “Jean’s Turkish donors would’ve been so proud.”
Speaking of Ohio’s poorly represented Second Congressional District, what a lame website. No updates in two months, no “thank you” for all those who voted for him. You’d think the guy lost the election, but he “WON” a primary. Ten weeks ago. Now his campaign mangler is a Career Courthouse Crony unaccustomed to working for a living.
The Sycamore Street Suckup needed a place to go so that Tracy Winkler could bring in an out-of-work Greed Township Trustee (who also happens to employ Tracy’s daughter at the cash-burning Greed Township Community and Senior Center). RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP eased the Suckup out of the Courthouse and into what looked like a cakewalk election so the Suckup would double his over-tax-payer paid salary next year as Dr. McDreamy’s District Director. Trouble is, in moving bureaucrats around to stroke his ego as kingmaker, Party Chairman Alex Trebeck is putting several of his candidates in “JEOPARDY!”
- Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose William Howard Taft’s, “I hate to use the patronage as a club unless I have to.”
And whose idea was it that Hamilton County Clerk Tracy Winkler should become a “Certified Jail Chaplin” at Semper Si’s Injustice Center. That should provide all those poor misguided yoofs with LOTS of motivation to avoid a life of crime.- Our Snitch in Dogtown wonders about yesterday’s link to the TV 12 news story about shots fired at an Evanston gas station. Did The Blower miss the other headline about Vincent Price being gunned down along the route of Mayor Mallory’s Trolley Folly? At least it THE Vincent Price. The Tri-State Film Commission says it would’ve have been a real “Thriller” if the old horror movie star had somehow come back to life only to catch lead in both legs on a visit to the Killing Fields of Over-the Rhine.
When Connie “The Pillager” played the Race Card by opposing Ohio House Bill 408 to reform the dysfunctional Cincinnati Metropolitan Housing Authority by ensuring suburban representation, was she saying the only way minorities can make it to the suburbs is through public housing or that only minorities live in subsidized housing?- The Blower’s surprised The Fishwrap’s new idiotorial page editor Dave Holthaus (who says he just wants to help our region “devolve” into a tolerant community) hasn’t already given Connie a guest column.
- This just in: Republicans for Higher Taxes discovered that State Rep-tile Connie Pillich has accepted a $1,000 campaign contribution from a known racist. This is the Pillager’s second troubling racial incident in just the past three months. The disturbing details are posted on the blog.
The family of a 16-year-old fatally shot by a Cincinnati police officer last August on Fountain Square has filed a federal lawsuit against the officers involved and the police department. It looks like Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters isn’t letting a little thing like his suspension by the Bluegrass Bar Association keep him from filing more frivolous lawsuits in Ohio. - And did you see where Forlorn Fishwrapper Carrie Whitaker is reporting Cincinnati City leaders are now claiming they were “unaware” of chief’s lack of police powers? Somebody needs to call BS on that one. This requirement is absolutely well known. Craig has lost standing on his command staff and line officers. Meanwhile, Craig says, “I don’t need to take no steenkin’ test. Everybody else is out of step but me.”
Speaking of police, someone please make a citizen’s arrest on the Mariemont cop who parks on the wrong side of Miami near Graeter’s to catch cars coming down from Indian Hill faster than 25 mph. His action is as illegal as the speeders. What kind of example is he setting for the prim and proper Mariemont residents?- Saturday is the Preakness race in Maryland, and wouldn’t it be funny if John Coyne and all the usual suspects were smoking outside the Landing in New Richmond last night, when the lady with a wooden leg said her daughter (one of the original strippers at Deja Vu) never missed a Preakness and Clem from Clermont asked the daughter if that wasn’t a pretty long drive. “Of course not,” the daughter said, “It’s only about eight miles to River Downs.”
- Finally, at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane if his publication what he thought about “Junketing Jean” Schmidt and her DemocRAT gal pals on an over-taxed payer funded trip keeping their heads covered in Afghanistan according to Muslim law. “Those scarves weren’t enough,” our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher explained. “Those bitches should’ve been wearing burkas so their faces would be fully covered.”
Bluegrass Ballots
- In Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says for weeks The Blower has been wondering if history would once again repeat itself on May 22, if Thomas Massie, endorsed by Tea Party Senator Rand Paul bests our establishment endorsed Trooper Babe.
- Wednesday, the Louisville Courier Journal’s headline read: “It’s Tea Party vs. GOP establishment in Kentucky’s 4th Congressional District Republican primary.” We wonder where they got that idea.
Shown here in this Last Supper Photograph are all seven Republican Candidates for Goof Doofus’ seat in Congress. Can you name all of them? Can you identify any of them? Hint: Our Trooper Babe is the one wearing a red dress (but you can’t see her legs).
Stories We’re Working On
Group Weighs Hard-Line Attack on Obama- Republicans’ Offices in House of Reps Burgled
- Dems Want to Tax People Leaving USA
- Number Seeking Jobless Benefits Unchanged
- Still No Challengers for Hamilton County Commissioner
- Dog Hanging in West Chester
- Low Voter Turnout for Bluegrass Primaries
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said most Apathetic Americas would be celebrating Armed Forces Day tomorrow:
(A) Remembering war heroes: 2%
(B) Pretending to be a Veteran to get a free meal at Applebee’s: 1%
(C) Watching John Wayne movies on TV: 1%
(D) Wishing they were getting another day off with pay: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Could It Possibly Be True?
This week, everybody who says Newsweek didn’t do Obama a favor when they called him “America’s First Gay President” because some of those Dumbed-down, Self-absorbed, Media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct, short-attention-span Obama Supporters are stupid enough to believe Obama is actually afflicted with The Gayness, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Gaywad Flamer, who says he’s not really homosexual, but he is willing to learn.
Gaywad wins; a “LGBT for Obama” bumper sticker (It’s Fabulous!”), a chance for somebody to push his stool in at the next Log Cabin Republicans meeting, and a Three Way with Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis. His winning entry is:
Obama says it’s now good to be gay,
But he can’t help selling out: he was “born that way.”
Barry gives new meaning to the term “sucking up” –
Will he now fund-raise by giving head and a schtupp?
May he resign before he sinks any lower, I pray.
And from the Anderson Laureate (whose old is still trying to forget that locker room in high school):
Obama says it’s now good to be gay
And blesses homos on their wedding day
Gee, that’s not what he said
Why isn’t his face red?
Oh, I know. He did it for political hay.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“Each year at the Taste of the ‘Natti”
HISTORIC PRESIDENCY HOT LINE
E-mail your extraordinary examples today.
Some historically accurate items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally historically accurate subscribers.
Link of the Day
Obama 2012: From ‘Hope’ to Hypocrisy
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
