Special “Devolving Democracy” E-dition

One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Obama’s Gay Awakening

  • Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Obama was motivated by politics, not policy, when he declared his support for same-sex marriage, according to a new poll released on Monday. 67% of those surveyed by The New York Times and CBS News since the announcement said they thought that Obama had made it “mostly for political reasons,” while only 24 % said it was “mostly because he thinks it is right.”

Obama is now calling for repeal of Defense of Marriage Act. He dropped that little Gay Bomb during a $1 Million Sodomy Rites Fundraiser in NYC hosted by gay singer Ricky Martin.

The Blower says, “Color us unsurprised.”

Disgraced Former Pants Dropper in Chief Bill Clinton may have been dubbed America’s First Black President,” but the way Obama appears to be “devolving” during the next “173” days until the Presidential Election, don’t be surprised if Obama Supporters in the Press are calling him our first Openly Gay-Female-Hispanic-Asian-Jewish-Muslim President by Election Eve.

  • Meanwhile, one of our MILFier Persons Consequence was watching the 318th “breaking news” bulletin of Mitt Romney back in high school “holding down and cutting the hair of a fellow classmate who was then viewed as a little odd, but now presumed by the press to have been afflicted with The Gayness,” though he died before that was ever established, wondering whether Romney was practicing our Beloved Whistleblower Motto, years before it was officially recognized cool to do so. Now, since the last time we all said the Whistleblower Motto together was on Backstabbers Day on the Ides of March, it’s time to do it again:

Because wherever there’s corruption, we’ll be there. Wherever there’s injustice, we’ll be there. And wherever there’s a bunch of big guys beating up on a little guy, we’ll be there too…holding the little gay guy down.

Our good friend, Strauss Troy Rainmaker Joe Braun says if Mitt Romney had held a gay guy down at MILF-ord High School, he would’ve been representing the alleged victim.

  • Whistleblower Alternate Life-Style Columnists Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis say for once, Cincinnati is light years ahead of the rest of the country. We had four long years of Gayvenor Strickland. Cincinnati has a gay mayor, and he’s not the first to chase rainbows. Years ago WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham outed the Whistleblower’s “Fabulous Babe.” One of our current clowns ran on the Openly Gay Ticket and there have even been rumors about some others running for office this fall. Rob “Fighting for Family Values” Portman says when he took the guy who actually beat “Junketing Jean” Schmidt in the March Primary by the hand to visit tour the Second Congressional District last Friday, they visited diners in West Union and Waverly, not gay bars. And over at the courthouse, everybody remembers when Commissioners Odd Todd Opportune and David A. Pepper declared June 14, 2008 as Gay Day in Hamilton County for some queer reason.
  • These days The Fishwrap’s new idiotorial page editor Dave Holthaus says he just wants to help our region “devolve” into a tolerant community. And Cincinnati’s Notorious Cross-Dressing Attorney says, “Sorry, Dave— The Queen City became ‘tolerant’ years ago.”   

Now With A Little Non-Gay News

  • In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says Ohio RINO Party Boss Boob Bennett named Matt Borges as Executive Director and Izzy Santa as Communications Director. Izzy Santa? That sounds like a name only The Blower could’ve made up.
  • Obsessive Obama Supporters Tom and Rose say when the Obama Victory Office opened in Mason last night, heterosexual volunteers were even made to feel welcome.
  • Is Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWhine taking today off so he can drive to Cincinnati and be featured speaker at his son P-P-P-Patrick’s fund-raiser for a state appeals court judgeship?  Can’t you just feel the excitement?
  • Republicans for Higher Taxes commented on a recent Fishwrap guest idiotorial.  This one was written by Tabitha Hochscheid, who happens to be the wife of the Craig Hochscheid, the formerly-anonymous coward who posts as “CincyCapell” and “Richard A Brockelmann” because he’s not man enough to express his bigoted views under his own name.
  • Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1793, Marie Antoinette was beheaded, and anti-taxers recall when “TaxKiller Tom” cut Lame-Duck Corrupt Evicted Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Bought-and-paid-For Tax-and-Spend Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s head off the cake when she won the “Marie Antoinette Let ‘Em Eat Cake Award,” which had been bestowed to honor the tax-and-spend RINO politician for her blithe ignorance of the plight of the beleaguered over-taxed payers of Cincinnati and Hamilton County.
  • Recently, it was National Teacher Appreciation week and as all of the greedy teachers enjoyed their donuts every morning, one “leader” failed to give thanks to all the dedicated teachers.  Failed CFT “president” Julie Mubarak SellYourSoul, once again, has failed to show her gratitude for all the dedication of her teachers.  Instead, during the poorly attended CFT membership meeting, she took the opportunity to villainize the Republican Party and tell teachers that Right to Work is Wrong.  With all of her “we are hopeful” speeches, teachers now understand how desperate she is for member support.
  • With our Duke Energy bills so small this winter, it’s a wonder how the company found $10 million for the DemocRAT National Convention in Charlotte! The D-RATS claim they banned corporate donations to their convention to show they are free from the influence of special interests.  But, they formed the New American City Fund to channel corporate funds to cover convention expenses. Duke Energy pledged a $10 million line of credit for the event!  Restrictions don’t apply to the new American City Fund since it is a tax exempt charity. What a crock!

Speaking of Duke, why hasn’t The Fishwrap reported on the wire theft from Duke by employees of Duke who sell extra spools of wire to scrap dealers? Each spool costs approximately $ 26,000. Also, a two-page letter was sent to The Fishwrap explaining what actual utility expenses will be incurred on the streetcar project. The Fishwrap has refused to publish that information, even though the author seems to know what he’s talking about.

  • One person is dead after a Metro bus accident in Mt. Airy late Sunday. Just wait until we have SORTA operating a streetcar. We’ll have death on rails as well as death on wheels.
  • Sycamoron Township Trustees claim the Fire Department is still in dire financial straits, but Tuesday they agreed to buy Hand Air Dryers for the public restrooms at one of the over-taxed payers’ Township Parks. The Blower is sure some Sorehead in the Suburb will find a reason to complain.
  • Finally, at yesterday’s bribe lunch, a late-night TV joke-writer was asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane how he got away with saying all those things about members of his family in The Blower. “That’s easy,” Kane explained. “I can say anything I want, because they aren’t consequential enough to have their own subscriptions. They’re just like the Amish.” 

Bluegrass BS

  • Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo is Bluegrass Bureau Chief CamBoo says the days are dwindling down until the big May 22 GOP Primary in only six more days, but he hasn’t seen nearly enough attack ads on TV. Those are always the best part. U.S. Senator Rand Paul is promoted his Tea Party protégé Thomas Massie in a TV ad that was expected to begin airing Monday night. In the ad, Paul says, “I don’t like anybody telling me how to vote, but…” and we all know everything that comes after the word “but” is total BS.

It’s the Establishment versus the Tea Party one more time. This time it’s Goof Doofus and “BeanBall Jim” Bunning backing Trooper Babe State Rep-tile Alecia Webb-Edgington, who has much better looking legs than all but one of her opponents, according to her TV commercials.

For Tea Party Patriots, U.S. Senator Rand Paul and his father, Texas Congressman/presidential candidate Ron Paul, have endorsed Lewis County Judge-Executive Thomas Massie, who also has the support of the Club for Growth and a Texas-based libertarian super-PAC, Liberty for All, which is spending $500,000 on television on Massie’s behalf.

We don’t know who’s supporting the other four candidates (Brian D. Oerther, Tom Wurtz, Marcus Carey, and Walter C. Schumm), which is probably OK, since they don’t either.

And for what it’s worth, former US Rep. Ken Lewis (whoever the hell he is) is supporting Boondoggle County Judge-Executive Gary Moore.

Unlike The Randster, when The Blower claims we aren’t telling you how to vote, we really mean it.

Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose JFK’s “I just received the following wire from my generous Daddy; Dear Jack, Don’t buy a single vote more than is necessary. I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay for a landslide.”

DEVOLUTION HOT LINE

e-mail your deteriorating dreams today.

Some devolved items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally devolved subscribers.  

LINK OF THE DAY

The Colors of Hamilton County

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