Daily Archives: May 15, 2012

Special “First Gay President” Edition

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Real E-Mails from Real Subscriber

  • If Bill Clinton could be “America’s first black president,” Obama can surely be our first gay one. — Newsweek Magazine
  • Is Obama cashing in on his same-sex marriage support or what? Only a few minutes after Obama’s surprise announcement, we came out with a whole line of line products to pander to our gay and lesbian supporters. —Obama Re-election Campaign
  • On this date in this 1937, Madeleine Half-bright, America’s lesbian-looking first female Secretary of State, was born, and most people today are amazed that she only had to donate $26,000 to Bill Clinton’s campaign in 1992 to buy her appointment. —Hurley the Historian
  • With only “174” more days until the November Elections, could Obama’s stance on marriage possibly get any gayer? —Kentucky Senator Rand Paul
  • When I led “Junketing Jean’s” Replacement around Southwestern Ohio by the hand last Friday, was either of us accused of being gay? —Rob “Fighting for Family Values” Portman
  • When Republicans change positions, we call it “Flip-Flopping.” When DemocRATS Flip-Flop, it’s “evolving.” —Liberal Pundits on TV
  • The Fishwrap’s new idiotorial page editor Dave Holthaus says he just wants to help our region “evolve” into a tolerant community. —Whistleblower Alternate Life-styles Editors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis
  • When Mitt Romney held that guy down in high school to cut his hair, wasn’t he just following the Beloved Whistleblower Motto? —Political Insiders at the Conservative Agenda
  • So all that means is that last week was the gayest week yet in our “Campaign to Divide, Distract, and Deceive” all those Dumbed-down, Self-absorbed, Media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct, short-attention-span Voters. —Team Obama
  • At today’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane reminded everybody there that as of today there are only seven more days until the May 22 primary elections in Kentucky. —Bluegrass Campaign Countdown Clock Watchers
  • What elections? —Northern Kentucky Voters
  • Is it too late to schedule a debate? —League of Women Vipers
  • Most people should be looking at Trooper Babe’s MILFy legs in those ads she’s running. —Fox Newscasters Bill Hemmer and Martha MacCallum
  • In Independence, where incest is best, Mother’s Day is always a family affair, because it’s also “Cousins Day.” —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
  • Did I forget to put out a special Mother’s Day edition of my titillating e-newsletter this week? —Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders
  • We told you we could drink your mother under the table. —Michael Liquid Plummer and His Designated Driver, Nathan “Cornbread” Smith
  • Did you see that Mother’s Day card I sent to all those Mothers on the Bluegrass Bar Association? —Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters
  • The law says you can’t discriminate against a mother, even if she’s a lesbian. —Covington Commissioners
  • On Mother’s Day, single mothers with big breasts always drink free. —Mainstrasse Pub
  • In southern Boone County, they even have Mother’s Day cards for barnyard animals. — Gex “Rhymes with Sex” Williams
  • My mother needed more protection, so I went out and bought my pistol-packing mama another Glock, along with a concealed carry permit. —Bluegrass Rifle Association spokesman Billy Bob Carbine
  • Wherever I went on Mother’s Day, everybody asked me what a MILF was. —Bobby Leach
  • Sometimes we call it MILF Madness. —Boys with Boners
  • Bill Fesh says he was sexually harassed by a MILF. —Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel
  • A MILF is a terrible thing to waste. —Horny in Hebron
  • Far be it from us to pander to MILFs on Mother’s Day.—Time Magazine
  • Can Cougars be MILFs too? —Uptight Bitches in Fort Mitchell hoping for real orgasms
  • Why don’t you just give your readers our definition. —Wikipedia
  • This year’s Mother’s Day buffet at the Golden Corral was better than ever. —Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich and Clueless Marc Wilson (No longer one of The Blower’s Faux Facebook “Friends”)
  • Last weekend we showed “Mothers from Outer Space.” —Flashlight Theater
  • Don’t forget, Opening Day for my Y’All Ville baseball team is coming up on Thursday, May 17. —Mayor Blondie Whalen
  • Hey, Everybody… Trish the Dish still wants to know when Unwed Teenage Mother’s Day is. —TV 19 News 
  • Curiously, our blonde anchorbabe Sheree Paolello just asked me the same thing. —Jack Atherton

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

          Sometimes The Blower ridicules “Playing the Gay Card” to show that dividing the country is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t an Obama Fund-raiser. 

          This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Obama Supporters.    

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