Friday, May 4, 2012
Barry’s Imaginary Girlfriend
Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says everybody couldn’t stop laughing yesterday over Dylan Byers’ revelation that the “New York girlfriend” who played a significant role in Obama’s bogus autobiography Dreams From My Father didn’t actually exist.
Is there anything about Obama that isn’t a total fraud?
So why didn’t anybody notice until now? Maybe it’s because, just like with Obama’s “Dog Story,” Obama Supporters in the Press were too busy giving Obama a pass in 2008 and couldn’t bother to check his background.
- In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says Real Republicans from Ashtabula to Zanesville are wondering what Ohio RINO Party Boss Boob Bennett will be doing to make Campaigners-in-Chief Obama and Michelle feel welcome when they hop on Air Force One at Over-taxed Payers’ expense to dominate the news cycle on Saturday and return to The Ohio State University for Obama’s big “I got Osama” Rally. It will only be Obama’s 47th visit to Ohio since taking office in 2009.
The Blower hopes the Republican Response will be more than a crappy conference call and a few Tweets (Chairman @Reince just kicked off Obama #hypeandblame along with #OhioGOP Chair @RTBGOP #campaign2012).
At least if Obama so much as utters “Thank you, Sherrod,” or shakes Disingenuous DemocRAT U.S. Senator Sherrod Brown’s hand, the GOP will have a YouTube on the air in the next 15 minutes.
Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1865, Abraham Lincoln was laid to rest in his hometown of Springfield, Illinois. His funeral train had traveled through 180 cities and seven states before reaching Springfield. At each stop, mourners paid their respects to Lincoln, who had been assassinated on April 14. Maybe Obama could fly to Springfield for a photo op too.
While The Fishwrap was quick to report that our Lame-Duck Corrupt Evicted Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Bought-and-paid-For Tax-and-Spend Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch “Mean Jean” Schmidt had only raised $5,000 for her legal expense fund (Some kind souls at an outfit called “Global Eclipse, LLC” sent her a check at the end of January), our Feckless Fishwrappers forgot to tell you the rest of the story. The names of the owners of Global Eclipse, LLC are Ugur Koyluoglu, Cenay Havacilik, EA Havacilik, and Ekim Alptekin. We’ll give you three guesses on their ethnic origin! Here’s a hint, they didn’t observe Armenian Martyr’s day last Tuesday!
And what about Deirdre Shesgreen’s hatchet job on Mean Jean’s News Flack Barrett Brunsman? Do you think she’s heard enough lies from Brunsman?
The Blower wonders if Ms. Shesgreen will exhibit the same lack of attention to detail, if she ever gets around to reporting about the back-room deal that resulted in the choice of “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s hand-picked campaign manager.
Sex in the Mason Schools
For the past two days, we’ve been telling you about the multiple sex-capades of employees in the Mason Schools, even under the lack of leadership of the new superintendent, Gail Kissed-Kline. Yesterday we described four sex incidents in the Mason Schools. There are many more, such as:
Beth DeGroft: Beth still lives at 4927 White Blossom Blvd. in Mason with her husband Walter. They have four children. Silicone-boobed Beth was named to the Mason board of education after working on a bond levy campaign, replacing outgoing board member Jennifer Miller. It seems Beth neglected to disclose her two-year affair with Mason assistant superintendent lover boy Dave Allen. When her extra-marital activities became public, Boobs abruptly resigned from the school board on September 27, 2010, citing “personal reasons,” after being on the Mason board of education for nine months. So much for being touted as “stellar.”
Dave Allen: Allen was the assistant superintendent in Mason and the former superintendent’s personal protegé. The married Allen pushed for Beth DeGroft to be a board of education member, of course not mentioning he was at that time having an ongoing sexual affair with her. Allen abruptly left the Mason schools just before the Stacy Schuler sex felonies became public, taking a demotion to principal at Heritage Elementary School in Williamson County, Tennessee, which wasn’t aware of his previous sexual activities. Allen was touted as the golden boy in Mason, but in reality he was the “Tiger Woods of Mason”, having concurrent affairs with several women. Silicone-boobed DeGroft was only one of the multitude with whom Allen was sexually involved. What a fine moral example for the young people of Mason.
The Cincinnati City Mess You Will Only Read About Here
- Here are some more examples of waste and fraud in the Cincinnati city budget. The fire department now has its very own highly paid spokesbabe, Jennifer Spieser. Why can’t the fire department use old spokesbabe Meg Olberding, the city’s director of communication? For that matter, can’t the fire chief Richard Braun speak English?
The fire department also hired Ronnise Handy in a specially created fullt-time job to work on the fire department’s budget. Handy is a holdover from the old fire department Cheating Chief. Budget matters fall under the responsibility of the fire chief. If the new fire chief can’t speak, and can’t add and subtract, why is he there?
How about getting rid of Dough Boy Honey’s cousin, Maraskeshia Smith who is in charge of city fleet services but really doesn’t do anything because she’s Dough Boy Honey’s cousin and doesn’t have to do anything?
- Here’s more Cincinnati abominations: At the city clown-cil meeting this week, all but one clown-cil member (Charlie Winburn) voted to have the city pay health insurance for wink, wink, domestic partners.
The city’s bogus estimates say it may cost up to $550,000 a year to offer this type of health insurance. You can bet it will cost a lot more than that. Among other things, what if a city employee has more than one “domestic partner” or several sequential partners in one year? Who’s checking to see if a city employee is really in a meaningful relationship or just providing his Uncle Demetrius with health coverage? Has anybody thought about providing a real domestic partner with coverage and what risks that would pose for increased health care costs as opposed to insurance for a real wife?
- Reacting to the story about how Cincinnati police will be using license plate readers to find and impound vehicles with unpaid tickets Suburban Scofflaw Tino Delgato hopes they also make the owner show proof of Insurance BEFORE releasing the impounded cars. Tino wonders if any City Clown-Sale members will have THEIR cars towed, let alone city “workers” (note City Workers is an oxymoron). Go Figure!!!
- For years Metro bus drivers have been complaining about some A-hole driving a BMW that cuts through the bus lane at Government Square, endangering passengers and slowing down the buses. Finally Cincinnati’s finest to caught the guy and ticketed him for doing just that. During the rain storm at 6:15 pm on Tuesday they saw him coming. One bus pulled out abruptly forcing the BMW to stop within an inch of the bus bumper and a Metro supervisor pulled his SUV right behind the BMW to sandwich him in for the cops to get there. Can you guess who the guy was driving the BMW?
Republicans for Higher Taxes say for years a racist, anti-Semitic, liberal extremist has been posting on the various blogs and news sites as “CincyCapell” and “Richard A. Brockelmann,” using these anonymous handles to spread his bigotry and slur others without having to be held accountable for his comments. This coward is anonymous no more. Though he was outed two weeks ago by COAST activists, Republicans for Higher Taxes has put together its first article profiling this disreputable individual.
Persons of Consequence, “CincyCapell” has been outed as Price Hill resident Craig Hochscheid. Craig spends most of the day trolling local and national news sites so he can leave comments anonymously smearing others. [Read all about him and his wife Tabitha Hochscheid here.]
Whistleblower Alternate Life-Styles Columnists Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis say Sodomy Rites Activists at the University of Cincinnati will be enjoying the last GenderF*ck Drag Show of the school year tonight. GenderBloc has partnered with Friday Night Live, Catskeller, and MainStreet to bring you the closing event of University of Cincinnati’s “QueerCat Pride Week,” a night of mayhem that is not to be missed. - And won’t it be funny tonight if John Coyne and all the usual suspects were smoking outside the Landing in New Richmond, when the lady with a wooden leg said her daughter (one of the original strippers at Deja Vu) never misses a Kentucky Derby and Clem from Clermont asked the daughter if that wasn’t a pretty long drive. “Of course not,” the daughter said, “It’s only about eight miles to River Downs.”
- Finally, at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders from both sides of the river were asking Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo about “Eric Call Me Crazy” Deters’ suspension. Several Persons of Consequence had noticed The Blower’s item asking if anybody had looked up “Crazy Eric’s” membership information on the Kentucky Bar Association web site lately? It still shows his license is suspended, despite the fact his 61 days were up on April 25. Under “Status,” it says “Former Member – Suspended-Discip. 180 Days or less” What’s up with that?
Do you think our Feckless Followers at The Fishwrap saw that little item? Because the next morning, there was Jim Hannah’s big front page sob story all about how “Crazy Eric” still didn’t have his law license back. The on-line version even had a photo galley of Crazy Eric’s publicity photos.
Curiously, however, in that long list of Crazy Eric’s courtroom catastrophes, there was nary a mention of Crazy Eric’s most embarrassing loss last year— when on October 27, 2011, after nearly fourteen months of intense litigation, Attorney Eric C. Deters finally dismissed his frivolous lawsuit with prejudice against Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and The Blower. And in accordance with settlement terms prepared by ACLU National General Counsel, acting as our attorney, The Whistleblower (long a champion of Free Speech, the First Amendment, and Fair Play), was pleased to publish Attorney Eric C. Deters’ unedited response sent to our counsel on October 25, 2011.
You don’t think The Fishwrap purposely left out any mention of the part The Blower might have played in Deters’ Downfall?
Stories We’re Working On
Confessions of an Imaginary Girlfriend- Obama to award himself “Medal of Freedom”
- Romney mocks “Forward” with “What, over the cliff?’
- Portman says “Call me Mr. Vice President”
- Pigs fly on Sunday
- Only 18 more days until Bluegrass Primary
- Derby “White Horse” isn’t white
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s why the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said Obama made up an imaginary girlfriend for his book:
(A) Didn’t think anybody would every check: 2%
(B) Some people thought he was gay at the time: 2%
(C) Thought autobiographies were fiction: 2%
(D) His real girlfriend was inflatable: 94%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Time Out for Hot Tamales
This week, everybody who is hoping to see another Cinci de Mayo riot, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Juan Carlos Gonzales de Lopez Ruiz, or as his fellow residents in Lower Price Hill call him, “Hey, Wetback.”
Juan wins an “I Tried to Start a Riot and All I Could Steal Was This Crappy T-Shirt” T-shirt, an off-the-books construction job from a local award-winning homebuilder, a night of pleasure at an Hispanic Whorehouse in Sharonville, nude photos of Sasha Rionda, and tips on how to evade the INS from the Illegal Aliens Association. His winning entry is:
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo:
Practice your Spanish by learning to sing “Day-O.”
So when the Mexicans arrive to cut all your grass,
And illegally claim welfare benefits en masse,
You can practice diversity while out the ass you pay-o.
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo:
Buy a case of Cerveza and get really high-o.
Throw every bottle on the Kellogg Soccer Field.
When the polices arrive, make sure your dope is concealed,
And say, “Would you like to meet my seester? She’s right here on standby-o.”
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Pour yourself a shot of Tequila and Papay-o,
And truck on down to the Arizona border
With that Glock .45 you got from mail order
And to Julio and Jose say good-bye-o!
And now for some dishonorable mentions
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
To celebrate what should be our big day-o.
Go out with Conchita,
She knows how to treat ya,
And maybe you won’t have to pay-o.
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Be glad you live here in Ohio
Unleash your beagles
And hunt down illegals,
And ship them back where they play jai-alai-o.
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
With Moises, Jose, Jesus, and Alfredo:
Bring your ball to Schmidt field,
Keep those six-packs concealed,
And CRC won’t even make you pay-o!
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo:
Drink till you puke, my oh, my oh!
If you did that in Juarez
Your pesos would go as far as
A hundred would last in Ohio.
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Pretend it’s Mexico, when it’s really Ohio.
Drink til you turn blue
And don’t catch the Swine Flu
And maybe catch a bit of fur pie-oh!
And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s still not successfully completed his racial sensitivity correspondence course):
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Take a scouting trip down to
Draft some hot Cajun chicks”
Who could teach the Secret Service some tricks
And then bring them back to Ohio.
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Drive down to the New Orleans bayou
If you stick around here,
All you’ll get is cheap beer
Cajuns are wilder than folks in Ohio.
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Protest Arizona’s new illegals law, oh-my-oh!
Despite minor setbacks
We need lots of new wetbacks
Good thing the border’s not on Ohio!
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Go down and see the oil spill on the Bayou
In Air Force One, the Messiah is flyin’
To visit the fish and shrimp that are dyin’
Just be glad you live in Ohio.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“When your girlfriend doesn’t really exist”
CINCO DE MAYO HOT LINE
E-mail your coupons for mayo today.
Some illegal immigrant items in today’s Blower
were sent in by our equally illegal immigrant subscribers.
Link of the Day
Romney Ad: Broken Promises: Jobs And The Economy
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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