Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

Sorry we couldn’t find any “Honest Elected Officials” for yesterday’s “Honesty Day Edition.” —Whistleblower Researchers
It was easy to make jokes about Obama at Saturday Night’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner. All I had to do was tell the truth. —Jimmy Kimmel
That’s why we chose Will Rogers, “I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
Obama even joked about eating dogs Saturday night. How’s that for being honest? —Obama Supporters in the Press
That’s why I said “I never lie.” —White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Carboard
How honest was I when I admitted total ignorance about my Health Care Mandate’s legal issues? —John Gilligan’s Ditzy Daughter Kathleen Sebelius, doing a wonderful job as Obama Secretary of Health and Human Services overseeing Obamacare
I finally have to tell the truth. I got a “D” at Harvard in Environmental Studies.—Al Gore
I plan to be totally honest tomorrow when I officially drop out of the 2012 GOP Presidential Race. —Newt Gingrich
May Day (the first of May) is celebrated around the world, especially in communist and socialist countries, where it’s a celebration for the workers. —Hurley the Historian
We’re planning a really big disruption on May Day in Cincinnati. —Piatt Park Occupiers
It’s also “Save the Rhino Day,” but we have our own sort of celebration in mind. —RINO Hunters of America
Please don’t ask if the Ohio RINO Party is prepared for Saturday’s big rally for Obama and Michelle in Columbus. —Boob Bennett
Not only has Obama held more re-election fundraisers than the previous five Presidents combined as he visits key swing states on his permanent campaign, but he’s done it all at our expense. —American Over-Taxed Payers
How come The Blower forgot “Hairstyle Appreciation Day” on Monday, which allows each of us to express his special individuality? —Steve Chabothead
The Fishwrap asked if SMLP Smithermouth had a lot of influence, or just a lot of noise. —Award-Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception
With only 21 more days until the GOP Primary Elections in Kentucky, everybody’s wondering why The Blower didn’t mention all those Republicans running for Goof Doofus’ Seat in Congress in Monday’s “Honesty Day E-dition?” —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
Did any of us tell the truth at last night’s NKU Debate? —Thomas Massie, Judge Once Moore, Brian D. Oerther, Alecia Webb-Edgington, Tom Wurtz, Marcus Carey, and Walter C. Schumm
Guess which candidate we’re supporting. —The newly formed SuperPAC, Americans for Growth, Opportunity, and Prosperity
Do people expect an honest answer when they ask why I regret endorsing my successor Rand Paul? —“BeanBall Jim” Bunning
Did we learn anything about Mayor Mike Martin’s “Honesty” when a representative of the Taliaferro, Carran & Keys law firm presented results of its investigation that was requested by a majority of Vanilla Hills City Council? —Vanilla Hills Vigilantes
Every week, we feature quite a few dishonest people in my “This Week in Kenton Circuit Court” newsletter. —Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders
Everybody at my place claims he’s honest. —Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl
You can’t cheat an honest man. —W.C. Fields
I’m surprised The Blower couldn’t find a way to work my name into Monday’s “Honesty Day E-dition.” —Eric “Call Me Crazy,” Big Mouth, Most Sanctioned, Ambulance Chaser, No Count of a Radio Host, Shameless Self Promoter, Willie Wannabe, Why Haven’t I Been Disbarred, Who Likes Bulldogs and Failed Roadhouse Operator Deters
Please ask Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy Furball what he thinks of our chances this year. —Florence Freedom Fans, waiting for opening day on May 17
Some anchorbimbos I’ve written about even wonder if “Honesty” includes cheating on your spouse. —Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel
If cleanliness is next to Godliness, then “Honesty” is next to impossible. —TV19’s Trish the Dish
Adulterous Anchorbabery used to be the most popular perk at TV5 News. —Quisling Charlie Luken

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

Sometimes The Blower questions a person’s motives to show that dishonesty of any kind is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t an elected official.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially philandering politicians.

DISHONEST POLITICIANS HOTLINE

e-mail your egregious examples today.

Some cynically critical items in today’s Blower were sent in by our really cynically critical subscribers.

Link of the Day

From ‘Hope’ to Hypocrisy: The Senator Who Became A Sellout

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Whistleblower Newswire

Some of the News They Seem to Lose

May Day 2012 E-dition