Saturday, April 21, 2012
Happy Earth Day, Everybody
Tomorrow will be another great day for our Left-Wing Lunatics and Obama Supporters in the Press— because that’s when they’ll all get to whine, complain, and continue to blame George Bush, Congressman Paul Ryan, Tea Party Patriots, Donald Trump, the Whistleblower-Newswire, and the rest of those mean-spirited Republicans for everything on Earth, while at the same time, not coming up with solutions for any of the problems (real or imaginary) they profess to perceive.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose this profound pronouncement from John Davis, editor of the “Earth First! Journal: “Human beings, as a species, have no more value than slugs.”
On the other hand, our good friend Bobby Leach likes the Kentucky Coal Miners Association’s new slogan for Earth Day: “Earth first, we’ll strip mine the rest of the planets later.”
Hurley the Historian says Earth Day was invented by Deranged DemocRAT US Senator Gaylord Nelson from Washington and was held on April 22, 1970 as something the unwashed draft dodgers in college could do with their time when they weren’t busy protesting the Vietnam War. 
According to The Grinning Planet (Saving the Planet One Joke at a Time), on Earth Day with Obama’s gasoline prices already more than $4-per-gallon, the typical member of Congress will praise high-mileage hybrids on the Senate floor, then buy a new SUV off the showroom floor, and charge all the gas on their Congressional credit cards. The typical backyard gardener will shake her head in disgust at the report about industrial waste and toxic chemicals; then nod her head in pride at the sight of her pesticide-sprayed flowers and fertilized lawns while the typical insect will get sleepy from a eating big meal of chemical-laced genetically- engineered corn and daydream of holding the top slot in the world insect government when they finally take over.- What’s the difference between a good recycler and a not-so-good-recycler? A good recycler not only recycles his newspapers, but also his phone books, magazines, and cardboard boxes, while a not-so-good-recycler considerately leaves his newspapers in the bathroom stall at work after he’s done for the next guy to read. Now that’s real re-cycling!
And with only “198” more days until the 2012 Elections, do you remember when That Lame-Duck Corrupt Evicted Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Bought-and-paid-For Tax-and-Spend Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch “Mean Jean” Schmidt got her picture taken standing next her brand new environmentally friendly Ethanol-hybrid Chevy Tahoe while wondering why the Ford transmission plant in her district was shutting down?
That year our “Bitch-in-a-Ditch” solved the energy crisis single-handed in Ohio’s Second Congressional District. Now look at the car she bought this year for Earth Day.
On the other hand, we have the late “George Carlin’s Solution to Save Gasoline”:
Obama wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million fewer people using our gas. The price of gas would come down. Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the Border. When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq. Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in the military. Give him a soldier’s pay while he’s there and tax him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved!
Now here’s the AMV Video using audio from The Daily Show’s Back in Black segment from Earth Day 2007 (featuring none other than Lewis Black!).
- Speaking of All Things Environmental, the Department of Homeland Security plans to arrest right-wing extremists for using up all the mud on Earth Day. Thank God, the tree hugging environmental wacko Al “Idiot-in-Chief” Gore never became President.
The entire Tri-state will be “green” tomorrow, except of course, Hamilton County, which turned “Blue” in 2008, just as The Blower predicted two years before that.- Will The Blower be covering tomorrow’s Liberal Lunacy? You bet! As the official voice of the Conservative Agenda and the publication of record for all the political scrambling, speculation, mud-slinging, and back-stabbing in Southwest Ohio, our readers know to expect nothing less.
- In Anderson Township, Whacky Jackie’s Illegitimate Son Kevin’s name is still mud, especially after Judge Nadel had issued a protective order to keep some of his embarrassing secrets “confidential” in Robert W. Baird and Co.’s $336,175 lawsuit against our Township Dis-Trustee.
And what Earth Day celebration would be complete without some good old fashioned GOP Mudslinging? We have seven candidates for election in only 31 more days to Goof Doofus’ seat in Congress (Thomas Massie, Judge Once Moore, Brian D. Oerther, Alecia Webb-Edgington, Tom Wurtz, Marcus Carey, and Walter C. Schumm). They’re all hoping for a little rain this weekend, so they don’t run out of mud.
Kentucky’s Fourth District GOP is supposed to be honoring Goof Doofus at tonight’s Lincoln Day Dinner, and we hope everybody won’t still be talking about the open letter to the Goofster that The Blower published on Wednesday, or the fact that the newly formed SuperPAC (Americans for Growth, Opportunity, and Prosperity) is supporting Massie. Ken CamBoo received a report that Judge Once Moore really got taken to the woodshed at last weekend’s Tea Party Tax Day Rally at Fountain Square. Once Moore had to recruit some of Steve Chabothead’s aides to carry around his signs, but only had enough money to pay three of them.- Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters’ 61-day Bluegrass Bar Association suspension will end next Tuesday, and that Cabal of NoKY Attorneys out to Destroy “Crazy Eric” says their mudslinging will pick up after that.
And Flashlight Theater head writer and producer Mischievous Mike Sadouskas says tonight at midnight they’ll feature “The Day the Earth Stood Still” for Earth Day on Insight Channel 22 for only the 437th time.- Will Earth Day 2012 actually accomplish anything? Surely, you jest. Since 1970, Earth Day has changed from counter-cultural protest to cute grade-school celebration.
- Other than giving TV weather guessers something else to hype, Earth Day is to solving our environmental problems as Kwanzaa is to Christmas— a totally made-up Liberal holiday to make some silly environ-mental people and the revolutionaries from Greenpeace feel better about themselves.
Instead, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane told Political Insiders at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda that we should reclaim Earth Day from socialist enviro-nuts and remind them that the Industrial Revolution has been the foundation for the strongest economy in the world!
Finally, this Earth Day, our good friends at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) remind us while each of us is thinking about nature and the environment, let’s all remember Obama’s message about our animal friends.
This is the Official Whistleblower Earth Day E-dition. Any other so-called Official Earth Day Day E-ditions you might see are surely fake!
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
Sometimes The Blower ridicules Looney Liberals to show that complaining about ecological problems without coming up with viable solutions is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t an Environmental Wacko.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially tree-huggers.
EARTH DAY HOTLINE
e-mail your noxious emissions today.
